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Name: Obisdianspiral
Er- interesting name I guess. The only way this is possible is if they live in an area that has obsidian or she was named after a Kittypet/loner

Past Names: Obsidiankit, Obsidianpaw, Ash
Ash?

Name reason: Obsidian- Her pelt reminded her parents of Obsidian Spiral- Her life always seemed to go in spirals, but she ended right back on track... At least, that's what her leader thought.
The spiral part is cool
Obsidian doesn't make sense because they don't know what that is

Appearance: Melanistic black she-cat with glossy medium length fur
Melanistic- an increased amount of black or nearly black pigmentation (as of skin, feathers, or hair) of an individual or kind of organism

Okay, based on the definition that was entirely pointless because she's already described as black 🙄 Also her description is very boring and needs a lot more detail. I didn't even get her eye color

Personality: Introvert, mistrusting, closed-off, untrustworthy, fierce, prefers claws over words. Strategic and logical, but often doesn't share her ideas with other cats. Good at thinking on her feet.
I think I get her but I'd also like more of an explanation

Sexuality: Aro Ace :>
Alr

Clan: Place of No Stars, formerly of SkyClan
Okay so they're in SkyClan therefore have no idea what Obsidian is

Rank: Warrior

Mother: Xenopsfall - Brown tabby she-cat with lighter ticks along her back, long fur (deceased, resides in StarClan)
Needs eye color, detail, and a name change because that's a tropical bird and they live in SkyClan

Father: Kiwicry- Dark grey tom with blue eyes (deceased, resides in StarClan)
Detail, name change

Sister: Starlingbounce - Cream she-cat with long fur (Resides in SkyClan)
Brother: Cardinalscreech - Grey tom with amber eyes (Resides in SkyClan)
Why Cardinal if he's a gray cat? Seems counterintuitive. Same with Starling since that's a black bird and the sister is a cream cat

No crush, mate, or kits
👍

Mentor: Brookfang - Dark brown tabby tom with long fur and stocky build, soft blue eyes.
Ehh more detail but at least I have a basic idea of him

No apprentice
Okay

She doesn't have anyone she really considers a friend, but her time as a rogue led her to be acquaintances with -
Bark - A black tortoiseshell she-cat, rogue
Ginnia - Ginger she-cat, rogue, former ShadowClan cat (Deceased, resides in The Place of No Stars)
Remus - Reddish-brown tom, rogue, former ShadowClan cat (Deceased, Resides in the Place of No Stars)
Heyyy two Harry Potter related names (Ginnia-Ginny and the other obviously being Remus)

Ice - Pure white tom, but you wouldn't be able to tell because he hardly ever cleans his pelt (Deceased, Residence unknown
Just for all of them they're descriptions feel really uninspired, like every single background loner/Kittypet in the main series. If you add more description and maybe a personality trait or two they'll be a lot less flat (hopefully in the backstory they're more explained).

Edit: ALSO I'm so dumb, Obisidianspiral's eye color is a light olive green, Xenopsfall has dark green emerald eyes, Starlingbounce has light blue eyes, Bark has green eyes, Ginnia has green eyes, Remus has brown eyes, Ice has bright blue eyes
Ahh, there's the eye colors

Backstory:
Obsidiankit was born to Kiwicry and Xenopsfall, along with her siblings Cardinalkit and Starlingkit. She was the youngest of the litter, Starlingkit being the oldest. Her siblings always shunned her for having a name that didn't relate to birds, and though it seemed like a silly thing, it really set her off, because all she wanted was a friend and to relate to her siblings.
LMAO TF. Are they for real? That's just- so stupid 🤣🤦‍♀️

I'm wondering why the parents never say anything like "stop bullying our child because we named her" or idk did ANYTHING

Instead of playing mossball like a normal kit, she would sit in the back of the nursery, thinking of ways to get revenge, although most of them were implausible.
Okay, so she's a sociopath now because of her mildly abusive childhood. Makes sense

She was thinking things such as teaming up with a hawk and ordering it to carry Cardinalkit and Starlingkit away, which would also make Kiwicry and Xenopsfall die of grief.
Lol I'm right there with you 'Sidy

She was always trying to get her parents' attention, but they seemed focused on the other two kits, who were learning how to do apprentice skills before they were given a mentor.
...right. We're their parents teaching them and ignoring Obsidiankit or...?

The only time Xenopsfall talked to her was getting scolded. When the day of her apprentice ceremony came, she bolted underneath Highroot where Echostar gave her ceremonies. The rest of the clan took it as common excitement. She was given her name Obsidianpaw and her mentor Brookfang. They immediately did a tour of the territory and then went right into battle training.
Okay Brooky, you do you

Obsidianpaw evidently excelled. She was always begging for more battle training, but what Brookfang and the rest of the clan were oblivious to is that she was actually planning an act of more plausible revenge. She would ask for the most difficult moves Brookfang knew, as well as the most vicious moves. Brookfang started to catch on, so Obsidianpaw played it cool and acted like she was just really into fighting, like a lot of other apprentices her age.
Smart because that is really believable

The rest of her apprentice-hood was normal, and at the age of 15 moons, she was given her warrior name alongside her siblings. They were named Obsidianspiral, Cardinalscreech, and Starlingbounce. Xenopsfall immediately ran up to Cardinalscreech and Starlingbounce, but Kiwicry walked up to Obsidianspiral, telling her he was proud and that she was more worthy than he had estimated.
Again what the fuck. This wasn't mentioned earlier in the backstory, why would he think she was less worthy than his other kits?

Feeling this was the perfect time to strike, she invited him out on a moonhigh walk to make amends. That night, she killed Kiwicry, and left his bleeding body out in an open patch of land for the vultures.
Haha. Wait, they don't have vultures in SkyClan territory or anywhere around the lake-

A few moons later, after the clan ruled Kiwicry has been attacked by some night creature, Xenopsfall still had not recovered.
I wonder how she hid her scent on his body and the blood on her claws. It's also a bit convenient that no one saw her walk out with him.

Taking advantage of her emotional state, she invited her out on a night walk to clear her mind and make amends with the way she had been treated.
That sentence feels copy and pasted from the last killing 😂

Once they were along the ShadowClan border, Obsidianspiral shoved Xenopsfall into the stream, drowning her, listing off all the different bird names she could have been given.
Damn she really knows how to get vengeance. Also the bird name part is so petty XD

After she was sure Xenopsfall was dead, she let go of the body and let it get taken away by the stream. Right before she was about to return to camp, two ShadowClan warriors emerged from the pines. She was about to attack them as well, but she was told they were running away, and they asked if she would like to join.
"Woahhhh, did you see her drown that cat?"
"Seems legit, let's invite her to run away with us"

She accepted, longing to get away from that StarClan forsaken clan the rest of them called home. They introduced themselves as Leafdawn and Badgercreek, but said they were going by Ginnia and Remus now.
How the frick did they come up with those names. Did they watch Harry Potter through a Two-legs window??

Not wanting to give away her real identity, she came up with a secret identity on the spot, Ash.
Noice.

They ran off and met two more rogues along the way, Ice and Bark. They teamed up and stayed at the edge of clan territory. Obsidianspiral struggled to find trust in these rogues.
I mean yeah can't blame her.

She hardly ever slept, pretending to be on lookout every night. Eventually, this led to her being very sleep deprived, so when another rogue group attacked them, she was easily picked off and killed.
Oof

Currently, she resides in the Place of No Stars, where she, Ginnia, and Remus are trying to find a way to break into StarClan.
Oookay hope they're enjoying themselves ig.

Review:

Appearance & Names:
Alright, so for all the characters with weird prefixes, I think it's interesting, but it doesn't really make sense because all of those things they wouldn't know about (Obsidian) or are animals from different continents (Xenops and Kiwi). In my opinion you could change all of those to be something more normal because their names don't really have an impact on the story besides being Obsidian being bullied for having a not bird related name. Or if you were really attached to the names for some reason move them out of SkyClan and somewhere else that would make sense for them to have those names (which you would have to take some liberties with as not all of those names can be found on the same continent/area and then you'll probably need to change the European bird names, so really it's not worth the trouble). Specifically for Obsidian I understand you are likely very attached to her name and can't think of her as anything else, so I would have her be named after a Kittypet or rouge that her parents new or something.

The names for the Rogues and their appearances are all really basic in my opinion, they have like no depth or character.  A lot of this has to do with the simplicity of the descriptions and very on the nose names. For my non clan characters I like to use them as a chance to introduce more variety in the names especially with human names and things/objects/animals. Some names I have used for my loners/rogues are (please don't steal) Kaiya, Luna, Liam, Honey, Ripple, etc.

Personality:
The personality was fine to me and it matched with the backstory, but it also didn't particularly stand out to me. I don't really have much to say about it because it was kind of like the personality of every other turned-evil-from-traumatic-past Oc. I think the only way to improve it is with improving the backstory, which will get to now.

Backstory:
Okay, so... The backstory. Well, ehhhh- it was okay to me. My biggest problem with the backstory is just that her parents neglecting her and her siblings disliking her doesn't make sense at all. Like, I know sometimes parents have kids and just don't care about them, but in a clan setting and with their obvious affection toward their other kits it makes it more confusing why Obsidian isn't included. Again, they CHOSE not to give her a bird related name, but then let her siblings bully her about it. It's kind of hinted that they care more about their kits making them look good when Kiwicry said something about Obsidian being "more worthy than I thought you would" but it still doesn't explain why they disliked her from the beginning. Idk maybe it was for her quiet personality, but if that's the case it needs to be made more clear. I'd also like for Obsidian to have at least one close friend, maybe another apprentice of a similar age that's a good influence on her. I think she needs more depth overall, maybe her friend helps her get over her families neglect, but something happens to bring back her resentment and she starts being visited by the Dark Forest, which leads her to kill her family and run away when confronted by her friend. THEN, she would meet some rogues and eventually die in whatever way you want.

Anyways, that's just my take on Obsidianspiral, thank you for entering and sorry for the long wait! Hope you enjoyed the review :D.