My comments will be in bold

name-Ashfire

Cool name

age-35 moons old

Young warrior

gender-tom

Yes a tom

looks- a long fured black with brown fur and amber eyes

Coo i don't see amber eyes a lot

none

That's cool

he was sweet and nice (before he eas kicked out) than hes evil,cural and mean and hateful 

Why? i'm guessing it's going to be in his backstory. Also you forgot the sexuality but i don't relly care

warrior (than)loner (now)

we don't see a lot of loner's

clan-none(he is all clans)

What's a all clan is he part of all clan's?

0mom honey star a long fured broenish yellow cat eoth green eyes

dad-night hawk a all black tom woth amber eyes

two sisters but died at brith

I don't see a lot of OC's with sidlings that died at birth. I also like how his parent's look

mate-farstorm

st

How does she look?

Ashkit was born one day  he had two younger sisters but they both died so he's parents give him all the love,as he got older he find out he's father was not around i'm confused, was his father a ghost? not hes mom hes mon left when when he was 2 moons old don't it say that his parents give him all the love  as he grew inro a warrior him nad far fell i. love i'm gassing you're taking abut farstorm but soon after they get into a fight with a shadow clan and when he's father hold hea leader it hea helf clan she kicked him out making him so mad , so he killed hes father than later he killed the deputy (wind clan) rhan he kicked the leader than hes mate felt not safe and he killed hes kits why? and the medicine cat and tried to kill the medicine cat apprentice but he filed as far brought him to badger star  rhan he saw hes eye had chage to red so banger star killed him

other 

ashfire is all clans

is mom is wind,star and kitty pet and rouge

hes dad is shadow,tumber,river and loner.

(That 's cool but how dose his mom had starcaln blood?).

I would say 6/10 I like his name and story but I do have some questions: what clan was he part of before getting exile? Why did he start killing his father 's science but what about the other cats he killed and why don't he kill his mother?.  But i like you're oc the allclan thing is unice.  

moomfeather   feel free to submit another oc.