𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨
﹥━━━━━━━━━━﹤

I've always found it funny how people spend an hour sobbing over a loved one, throw them in the ground, and then just go eat and smile in each others faces. It's funny, really.

I don't know, I guess I expected to be more sad than I am. Oddly, I feel fine.

Morgan might say I'm not allowing myself to feel anything at all. She's probably right. . .

I've been keeping busy, sure. Don't get me wrong, I grieved, but after everything that's happened I guess I'm just getting used to death. Alright, that sounds more morbid than I meant it, but it's the truth.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Another guest comes up to me at the table to speak.

I hardly react. I wouldn't have if Morgan didn't pat me on the back and clear her throat.

The man just stood there, awkwardly, waiting for a response.

"Thank you." Morgan replies sweetly with a very soft smile.

There, he got a response, I think in my head.
What? I still don't like small talk.

Besides, I don't know what to say to that. 'Thank you' doesn't seem... right.

Morgan's better at this stuff than I am. Obviously. And not just because she lost Callie and Quinn, she's just a better human in general.

"I'm sorry for your loss," says another funeral attendee.

I just force a stiff close-lipped smile and wait for them to walk off.

That's been happening all day, people giving me their condolences. I guess because Lydia and I got so close? She didn't have any family, really, I was the closest thing she had to a son or nephew or even a friend for that matter. Anyway, it was Morgan's idea to list me on the obituary. JB and Andy are also on there as pallbearers after me.
Also, people probably wouldn't be coming up to me as much if I wasn't the only one wearing all black. I'm sticking out like a herpes sore.
Lydia didn't want anyone to wear black to her wedding but she told me in the hospital that I was the exception - it's my color.

"You need to eat," Morgan tells me.

I just look at her through the side of my eye because that's ironic coming from her, she never eats. Like, she does, but not when she's stressed, and never a lot. She kind of picks at food like a bird unless it's one of her favorite snacks.

I look at her plate and she snatches a carrot off it, sarcastically biting into it while staring at me. It's like she reads my mind.

I'm glad my fiancé came, she almost didn't. Funerals aren't her "thing." Am I a bitch for saying I need her support here? I could've handled this alone but Morgan's comforting shoulder rubs during the service made things easier.

It's funny, all I can think about is going home and watching the Transformers movies - all of them. Optimus Prime is my favorite transformer.

Morgan picks at my suit, busying herself as she hums. The noise disrupts my thoughts. I don't recall her humming before, but now that I think of it, she does it when anxious or nervous, I think.

"Oh," she remembers suddenly, "your mom called. Make sure you call her back."

"After the funeral." I reply quickly, nodding but I don't even believe that.

"Now," Morgan insists, handing over my phone that I left in her purse.

Annoyed, my lips smack, but not at my mother just because I didn't want to talk and have to tell her that I'm attending another funeral and that I just had to save my own ass, and Morgan's yet again.

Here's how that would go:
"Hey, Mom, how are you? Good. Oh, what am I up to? Well, I was friends with Tate, remember him? Turns out he worked with Malcolm and Beck the whole time and was also obsessed with Morgan who they tried to literally fucking sell after they whooped my ass but this old lady I was working with knew them and got us into their goddamn underground sex dungeon; we had a car chase then there was a shootout— oh, did I mention Jasmine was banging this guy and ended up killing him? Yeah, so now she's in jail and the old lady is dead. Don't worry, though, it was cancer, not the sex stuff. Now me and Morgan are back in therapy multiple times a week, trying to figure out HOW THE FUCK we're ever going to recover from all of this shit. But ya know, it's only, like, the third time this shit has happened so, live, laugh, love, I guess. See you at Christmas."

The phone kept ringing so I stepped away from the table to take the call outside of the repass venue - Lydia's now for sale home.

Inhaling deeply, I prepare myself to hear my mother's voice. I know she'll yell at me because she's my mom who I haven't spoken to in months.

"Hello?" I speak first.

Moments pass before I hear my mother take a deep breath.

"Mom?" I make sure she's there.

"I'm here," she says shakily.

"It's good to hear your voice-"

She cuts me off impatiently to say, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Mom, I'm—"

"Don't you dare lie to me, Christopher Omar." Her tone darkens.

I gulp, stuffing a hand in my pocket. "I'm fine. I'm just fine. Everything is fine. Aheh. Why don't you believe me?"

I clear my throat, walking around the garden to escape people passing by, telling me they're sorry.

"Morgan already told me everything." My mother tells me.

Of course she did, I think in my head as I toss it back and internally scream.

"Chris," she sighs heavily, "how do you keep ending up in these situations?"

Good question.

I pause for a beat and scratch my head.

My gaze is empty as I focus on nothingness far ahead of me. "I genuinely don't have an answer for that." I deadpan.

"Tell me you're not going to jail, o-or that you didn't kill anyone."

"Mom, I— I don't want to talk about it."

"You know what, I'm coming to Nashville. Me and your father are getting on a plane right now and moving as close to you as possible-"

"That's the last thing I want. Please... don't do anything. Mom, it's fine."

"You said that last year, and the year before that..."

I lean against my Tesla and vibrate my lips.

"I worry about you so much. Chris, t's time to start a family, settle down. If you have a problem with someone, you call the cops right away and let them handle it. I'm tired of you always ending up in some mess-"

"YOU DON'T THINK I'M TIRED OF IT?" I raise my voice, frustrated.

I'm not mad at my mother, just irritated but not because of anything she said. It's the truth: this has happened before. And then again.

"I want this to be over more than anything. Once I'm sure that it is all over, I'm going to marry Morgan. You'll get the first invitation."

"Just promise me you're taking care of yourself first. I know Morgan is your world, but you need to look after yourself, too. I love her like a daughter, but you're my son— and I swear, if you two end up in another situation like this, I will disown her."

I clench my jaw, hearing this.

"Like I said," she continues her rant. "I love her, but if she's the reason all of this is happening, then-"

"I have to go." I speak up.

This is exactly why I didn't want to talk to her.

"I'm just worried is all. You understand, right?"

"Yeah," I reply fast, uninterested.

"Just promise me this is the last time y-you'll go through something like this." She says with nervous laughter.

I look inside and spot Morgan bouncing someone's baby on her lap. Her whole face lights up, it's remarkable. She's a natural with kids - like she was born to be a mother. The mother of my kids, that is.
I hate that I haven't been able to give her that life, yet, but I plan to.

"Chris..." My mother calls my name after a prolonged silence.

"Chris?" She repeats, this time louder. "Promise me this is the last time!"

I rip my eyes away from the angelic image of Morgan to respond to my mother.

Standing on top of the Japanese bridge in Lydia's garden, I look out at everything in front of me. Lydia might not be here to see it, but I took a small idea she had and brought it to life.
She died and all of that shit from the past went with her. Debts are paid, all I's are dotted, T's are crossed, and there's no loose ends. And since that's out of the way, it can make room for new things - new life.
I've been distracted these past few months, thinking I wanted a kid, when really, I wanted an adrenaline rush. It's time to give the fast life up and try for the American dream I always talked about: the job, the wife, the family. Hopefully even early retirement, too, at this rate, I'll need it.

Before, I considered moving again. A fresh start is what we need, right? No. I refuse to move again and uproot Morgan's life. We moved here because she knew things would be different, and I told her they would be.

"Oh, it is," I tell my mother with new found confidence.

"If I don't hear from you again, I'm going to assume it's because you're in trouble, and you better believe that me and your father will be there."

"That's everybody," Andy says, shutting the door after the last guest left.

"Thank God." I scowl, edging a yawn.

J and Andy fall onto the couch across from the loveseat where Morgan and I sit.

I loosen my necktie after a long day.

'Tired' is an understatement. I'm glad it's over.

Morgan rests on the arm of the seat and yawns.

I rub her thigh for support.

"Chris, do you know what you're going to do with this place?" Lucy asks me.

I lift my heavy eyelids to look at her and answer the question.
"Uh, it's for sale if any of you want it."

The room is silent, I wait for laughter as that was a joke.

"Actually..." Andy raises his hand timidly.

I raise an eyebrow.

He looks at Jabari who smirks back at him.

"What? What's going on?" I ask, not getting it.

"Lydia left it to us." Andy tells me.

"How did that happen?" I'm confused.

"Well, she left you all her money, so we had to get something." He explains.

"What?" Jabari laughs. "We saved her life, too."

My face falls for a second. Jabari notices.

"I guess I should've asked if it was cool before moving into your hood and all? You probably don't want me all in your space again." Jabari guesses, scratching his neck.

"No, I'm glad you're staying close; get to keep an eye on you." I chuckle.

Jabari grins widely. "I been here since the beginning, you can't get rid of me."

Our eyes shoot to Andy.

"Had enough of us, yet?" I ask him.

He smiles like only Andy does, goofy. "Nope, not yet."

Faith returns from using the bathroom. "What are we talking about?" She asks as she sits on JB's lap.

Morgan nudges me cutely, amused by their PDA.
It's cute, I'll admit, I'm happy to see them together. Jabari's been happy in general these past few months, but especially with Faith. She's much better than Jasmine, and I'm not just saying that because I don't like the bi— I mean woman.

"Oh, we were just telling the boys here how they're done with their little adventures for a while." Lucy hums.

"Isn't that right, boys?" She remarks, slapping Andy's head.

"Yes!" Andy chirps.

"Absolutely." Jabari answers.

"You don't have to tell me twice." I clear my throat, glass of Whiskey to my lips.

"Adventures? What adventures?" Asks Faith, looking all around for someone to fill her in.

She's clueless on purpose. Jabari, Andy, Morgan, Lydia, and I swore we wouldn't bring up what happened that night or the nights leading up to it. We didn't have to or want to. It's best if Faith doesn't know, anyway. What she doesn't know, can't and won't hurt her. It's behind us now, that's what matters. Plus she's new, we don't know if she's loyal and can't risk it. That, and Jabari clearly has bad taste in women, we just don't want to find out later that she's a rat. Even if not, we don't want to burden her with knowing.

"Nothing," Andy, JB, and I all grumble at the same time.

Understandably doubtful, Faith rolls her neck at Lucy and Morgan for an explanation.

Lucy just twirls her hair and whistles, avoiding eye contact with Faith while Morgan sips her tea.

✕

"—What about if I was a zombie, would you still love me?" Asks Morgan over the waterfall sounds we have playing on the tv from a black screen on YouTube.
We agreed no more nonsense or violent shows/movies before bed. Rather, we'll have down town to talk about our day, our feelings, the weather, whatever. It's been working. Morgan never runs out of things to talk about, she can yap for hours and I'm just happy to listen.

"Yes, Morgan," I say through a yawn.

"Hmm," she sounds. "what if I was an ant?"

"Yes, I'd still love you if you were an ant. Or an alien, if you turned purple, if you had forty-two toes, yes."

She laughs at my annoyance. "I was just asking."

"You don't have to ask, you know I love you. Too much."

"No such thing," she replies cutely, booping my nose.

Silence falls between us and I let it, but Morgan doesn't for long.

2:34 am

"I only asked because you haven't said it in a while," she tells me.

I sit up, feeling bad because she's right, I haven't.

"I have," I exhale, "just not out loud."

I swallow and then lie back down so she can resume cuddling me.

"Will you marry me?" I ask all of a sudden.

"We're literally engaged, Chris?" She laughs quietly.

"I mean soon?" I reiterate.

"Oh," she returns before pausing for a beat.

"Are you speechless?" I rush her for an answer.

Morgan flutters her eyelashes against mine, tickling me.

"A 'no' would've been better than that," I joke, locking our fingers.

"You've been putting work before anything else lately, and I know this death has been hard. I just— I just want to be a priority again."

I look at her, almost offended that she could think she ever wasn't my top priority.

"You're everything to me?"

She smiles but only briefly.

"I mean, if this shit happens again-"

"It won't."

"If it does-"

I cut her off again to emphasize, "It won't."

She lets herself smile fully now and then kisses me once on the lips softly.

I pull her body on top of mine and hold her there.

"So, you'll marry me? Please say yes, I'll quit my job right now," I playfully beg, "we can go wherever you want, you name it. Just say yes."

"Yes," she whispers, sexy, "of course."

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Morgan gasps out of fright.

She rolls off of my body quickly and I hop out of the bed.

Immediately, I reach for the gun in the stand beside our bed. It's loaded.

I whisper at Morgan, telling her to hide before I go downstairs.

Meeting me in the hallway, Jabari and AJ both have their guns drawn.

"What was that?" Asks AJ.

"You heard it, too?" Jabari wonders aloud.

I signal them to quietly follow me downstairs.

Good thing they stayed with Morgan and I tonight just because we all started drinking and crashed here.

Once in the foyer, Andy and JB crouch down, finding a good cover while I go ahead to the window.

Morgan suddenly appears behind me.

I roll my eyes because she never listens. I try to save this woman and she just decides to follow me. Gotta love her bravery and ride-or-die attitude, though.

"I know this guy," she tells me lowly.

"You know him?" I growl.

Knock! Knock!

She nods. "We met at the grocery store. He was at the funeral, too."

"Who is he?" I ask impatiently.

She shrugs, wearing a frown.

Andy and Jabari come up behind us.

"Want us to get rid of this guy?" Andy suggests.

"Why don't we see what he wants?" Morgan offers.

The boys and I all exchange looks. Bad idea.

I allow it, letting Morgan answer the door while the three of us wait on the side out of sight.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Morgan answers the door finally.

"Hey," she greets the guy with grace.

"Hey," he breaths out heavily. "I know it's late but I just wanted to say 'hi.' I was in the neighborhood, and-"

"At two in the morning?" She makes him laugh awkwardly.

"Uh, yeah, I was... jogging."

"Didn't I see you at the funeral?"

"Funeral? What funeral?" He asks shakily.

Jabari cuts his eyes at me.

"Lydia Augustin?" She reminds him.

Suddenly, he "recalls."

"Oh, yeah! Right, I was there."

"How'd you know her?" Morgan questions him, crossing her arms.

"Well, I didn't directly. I was friends with her son; we used to work with Tate-"

"Oh hell no!" Morgan huffs, throwing her hands up as she simultaneously moves out of the way for Jabari, Andy, and I to step in.

Click. Click. I cock the gun, followed by Andy and J.