𝙈𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙖𝙣
⊱ ─────────── ⊰

The music is blaring in my ears as I go for a run around the neighborhood.

Donny Miller and his wife ride by. They're just the happiest fucking couple ever, aren't they? Ugh.

A few months ago, I'd probably go "awww." Now, I can't help but to be skeptical if it's all a facade.
Their toothy smiles seem genuine, sure, but so did mine once upon a time.

I throw my hand up and wave back so they can stop staring and drive away already.

Catching my breath, I skip the song to a more energetic one, and start to jog further down Cobblestone Road.

✕

In need of a break, suddenly, I come to a stop near a stop sign and bend over, panting.

"Too hot for clothes today?" A mature voice talks over the top of the song playing in my ear.

I stand upright and see that it's Lydia. Of-fucking-course.

The only thing stopping me from running in the other direction is that she's got Piper on a leash.

"Hi, girl!" I exclaim, kneeling to pet the puppy I helped raise.

Piper rewards me with kisses and rapid tail wagging.

I smile ear-to-ear until Lydia clears her throat.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" I ask even though I know she did.

Lydia's red-painted lips loosen so that she can respond to me.

"Yes," she smacks her lips. "I said is it too hot for clothes?"

"Apparently not, you have a tracksuit on."

She scoffs. "At least this is modest."

"This is Lululemon, and it's eighty-five degrees." I let her know.

She gives me a quick glance up and down then pushes her sunglasses over her beady eyes.

"Oop." I mumble, looking down at the black Nulux zip-up track bodysuit I'm dawning.

"It was so nice running into you." I say through gritted teeth, pushing the AirPod back in my right ear.

"Before you go," she calls out just as I turn my back to her. "I have a favor to ask."

I roll my eyes, turning on the heels of my white Nike 'V2K run' sneakers to face the woman.

"What's that?" I huff, putting my hands on my hips.

"With construction about to start on my home, I need to put some things in storage; I have a large wardrobe that could stand some downsizing. Whatever you like, you can keep." She offers.

"Gee, I think I'll pass on the tracksuits. Thanks." I snarl, turning away again.

Pfft.

Who does this lady think she is? All she does is steal Chris's time and she took my dog! I don't like her, and I no longer have to pretend to.

Before I can press 'play' on my music, I hear Lydia break into a nasty coughing fit.

I almost didn't turn around but I'm glad I did because she falls to the ground.

Piper barks like the good girl she is, concerned for her new owner.

"Lydia, are you okay?!" I scream, running to help her up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." She says, swatting my hands away from her thin body.

I suck my teeth. "I was just trying to help."

"Well, I'm fine, can't you see?"

"What the hell is your problem?" I raise my voice and ask her.

"Right now it's your perky tits in my face, move." She pushes me out of the way.

"Wait," I shout after her. "you're bruised pretty bad..."

"I'll be fine."

"You don't look okay, just let me help you-"

"So that you can say you helped a little old lady today? No thank you."

"I didn't do anything to you. All I did was move here, and you were rude to me while embracing my fiancé. And now you spend more time with him than I do. Not to mention, you took my dog. Can't that be enough?" I flail my arms.

Lydia's lips tighten, exposing the wrinkles around her mouth.

It looks like it took a lot out of her but she gives in, anyway.

"Oh, alright," she grumbles, "take Piper's leash, and walk me home."

I enter a grand house, and gaze around.

You know, it's funny, I said before that Lydia's house felt empty even with her eclectic decor. Now, it's actually free of all furniture despite kitchen appliances, and it feels just the same. It's cold despite the August heat - uninviting. I wonder how she can sleep in here at night. It all just confirms my suspicions that this lady is a hag.

"You don't believe in air conditioning?" I give Lydia a hard time.

Her plucked eyebrow arches even higher than it already is.

"I believe in it as much as you believe in showing off all that skin." She whips back.

I pull my lips into a frown and bob my head, letting her take that one.

"If you got it, flaunt it. I'm sure you used to be quite the jezebel."

She gasps at my vocabulary, playfully hitting me with the dog leash.

I laugh, roaming what used to be her living room.

"Thirsty?" She asks me from the kitchen.

"No, thanks!" I shout so she can hear me in the other room.

A minute or so later, Lydia comes to me anyway with a glass of strawberry lemonade.

Her smile isn't genuine, she wasn't getting me a drink because she thought I really wanted it, no. Doing something for me made her feel better about herself. Though, she has loosened up since I walked her home, I'll admit. I guess now we're even.

Aheh.

I laugh, looking into the cold, pink drink.

"Three ice cubes..." my voice trails off, the ring on my left hand clacks against the glass.

"Just the way Chris likes it." Her toothy smile is self-satisfied. See, this wasn't about quenching my thirst.

I put the glass on top of the empty mantle but thank her for it, anyway.

Piper circles my ankles, never leaving my side while I roam the main floor of the home.

I bend down and rub her belly, wishing she was still mine.

"He's drawn up some really great plans, you know? I can't wait to see it come to life." Lydia brags between sips.

New drinking game: take a shot every time this witch brings up my ex.

"You should do something about that bruise. Do you fall a lot?" I gracefully change the subject, pushing off of my knees to stand.

Lydia smacks her lips and waves me off. "I'm alright, aren't I?"

"You could be hurt-"

"You worry too much, do you know that? And you pry."

I roll my eyes. "Here I am thinking I was being a good neighbor."

"No one wants a nosey neighbor."

"Well, this nosey neighbor could just save your life one day."

"Ha!" She laughs in my face. "You've done enough, I don't want to have to owe you."

"You're impossible." I mumble under my breath.

"Come again?" She tests me.

I shake my head and walk towards the door.

"Thanks for the lemonade," I say, showing myself out.

✕

"—Welcome to mi casa." Ben's Spanish is very beginner but I laugh at his effort.

"Gracias." I return, demonstrating the pronunciation Chris's Colombian Grandma Lena helped me with.

I walk into an empty condo somewhere in downtown Nashville.

I'm already blown away by the location, but am speechless when Ben turns on the studio lights and I get a view of the skyline through his breathtaking floor to ceiling windows.

"Okay," I enthuse, "how did you get a place like this?"

"It's alright." He humbly suggests that it's anything less than exquisite.

"I'd die if I woke up to a view like this every morning."

Ben just laughs, walking over to me with a glass.

He hands it to me and I accept, letting him pour me a glass of champagne.

"What's the occasion?" I ask, smiling as I look into the glass.

Ben shrugs meekly. "You," he replies with a crooked smile.

My cheeks turn to a shade of pink. "No. To you, and this beautiful apartment."

"Morgan, I've been meaning to talk to you," says Ben, pulling me down beside him on the leather sofa.

I take a large gulp before listening to what he has to say. "I've been meaning to talk to you" sounds pretty serious. I prepare myself for anything from a confession of love to him possibly telling me he's just poisoned me and I'll die in a few minutes.

He keeps my hands locked in his on his lap and swallows hard.

I look into his eyes and then quickly glance away.

"We've had a great few of weeks together," he begins, talking nervously.

I nod with nothing to say, so he can go on.

"I really like you, and I hope you like me, too. I know things are complicated with your ex and all, but I'm prepared to take you out of that situation. Since you like this view so much, what if you do wake up to it everyday?"

Ben's hopefully grin turns down, his lips pulling into a devastated frown.

"Are you going to say something?" He asks me.

I shake my head no but not because I want to turn him down, just because I don't really know what to say.

"I knew it!" He angrily stands and kicks the leg of the coffee table.

"Fuck, I'm so stupid, what was I thinking?" He blames himself, pacing.

"No, Ben, it's not you. I hate to hit you with this cliche, but it's literally me. I just don't know what's going on at home, like you said, it's complicated."

"You still love him, don't you?"

"Of course I do," I admit, shamefully. "It's not easy. Look, I do like you, Ben, but I thought this was sort of casual."

"No one ever takes me seriously." He huffs, hanging his head.

"Ben," I sigh, following him to the window.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed myself, I'll let you leave now."

"Can you stop?" I laugh, trying to make him feel better.

"You didn't embarrass yourself," I tell him, "I appreciate you telling me. You're cute."

"I wasn't exactly going for cute." He chuckles, finally making eye contact with me again.

I run my fingers through his hair in a moment of admiration.

"You're handsome." I try the compliment again.

"You are beautiful." Ben deepens his voice.

My cheeks swell up as I smile wide, letting Ben wrap his arms around my torso.

"You think you could ever let me..." his voice trails off.

I watch his eyes fall to my chest, and he gulps hard.

He says, "It's hard to contain myself around you, you're so perfect."

I turn my head before his lips can brush mine, only letting him kiss my cheek.

"Let me show you a good time, Morgan." Ben's breath washes over my face.

My womanly needs trump my better judgement. I give in to the yearning between my legs and nod my head, letting Ben sweep me off of my feet.

He hungrily pushes my body into the window and keeps me in his arms.

I wrap my legs around his body for support and wait for his next move.

His lips crash into mine in an unexpected act.

Ben let's go of my body and I connect my feet again with the hardwood floors.

He presses his hand between my legs and shudders.

"You want me to?" He asks in my ear.

All I can think about is Chris. How I much rather have him doing this to me.

Yet, for some reason, I whisper a "yes" in response.

Ben's eyes enlarge with lust.

He drops to his knees and buries his head under my sundress.

I suddenly internally panic, realizing I haven't been maintaining my situation down there, if you know what I mean. It's been a short while since my last wax, I know she's a bit prickly by now. Oops. In my defense, I didn't expect any action.

Ben doesn't mind, though, immediately lifting my leg over his shoulder.

He kisses over my flesh and then slides his tongue against my clit.

My knees buckle from the sensitivity and I push Ben's head down.

He starts to devour me with his tongue and mouth, slowly, taking his time as if to savor the taste.

✕

3:03AM

I can't sleep. I'm tossing and turning in bed, feeling all types of guilt.

Ben keeps texting me, reminding me of the sins I've just committed. Why did I just let him eat me out? I don't even like him! I mean, in a funny way, but I could never take him serious.

I can't believe myself. I'm a terrible person, I drown in my thoughts.

Though I didn't want to say it out loud, I had hopes Chris and I would get back together. That's out of the window now, he'll freak when he finds out about Ben and I.

If Ben already liked me before, he's going to be obsessed now. I'm talking stage five clinger. Immediately after he ate me out, I lied and said I had to leave to feed the dogs. He kept asking if he could come with me, even offered to help me start moving my stuff out of the house and into his.

What the hell did I get myself into? Why me?

This isn't what I wanted at all. I know I led him on, but I really did think he would be able to do this casually.

It's all my fault.

I'm no better than Chris. The second he left me for New York, he went and hooked up with some girl (Sabrina) who ended up literally obsessed with him.

Luckily, Ben's not crazy. Naive, maybe, but not psycho.

At least it was good, I try telling myself.

I sigh and roll onto my side in bed, clutching the sheets to my chest as I lay here in deep thought.

Now I can't help but to think about when Chris found me repulsive after Malcolm went down on me, and that wasn't consensual. He couldn't touch me for a while, could hardly look at me. This time, I literally told Ben "yes" and let him. God, what is wrong with me?!

Frustrated, I yank the covers off of my body and sit up.

Not knowing what else to do, I turn to the one person who I usually talk to about these things: Jasmine.

Of course, like the hundreds other times I've tried lately, she doesn't pick up.

Instead of giving up, I leave another text which will stay on 'delivered' and not get a response.

Hey girl. Still thinking about you, hope you're okay. I hope we're okay. Just know I love you and you're not the only one going through something so please please text me back. Call me. Anything.

I exit out of my thread with Jasmine and see a few missed calls and texts from Chris:

I need you

I'm soddy

Can we talk

I skip the three lengthy voice messages he's sent because there's a sudden commotion downstairs.

Realizing it's probably only Chris, I sit back down and look through old pictures of us.

We were so happy, I reminisce.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Demanding knocks on my door make me jump out of my skin.

I gasp and run stealthily across the floor to lock the doors before Christopher barges right in.

Knowing myself, if I let him in, I'll end up calling this break off or fucking him. It's three in the morning, I miss him, and I'm horny, I can't make those decisions right now. It's best if I don't lay eyes on him. . .

"Morgan," he calls out my name. "Morgan, open up, I need you."

I stand on the other side of the closed door and chew my lip.

"Chris, what time is it?"

He avoids my question, and asks his own. "Why don't you love me anymore?"

I flail my arms. "Who said I don't love you?"

"You don't have to say it! I can feel it," he shouts.

I open the door so I can look at him. He's a mess, just like I suspected.

I shake my head, unable to say anything that'll make him feel better.

Chris's glossy green eyes lock on mine. In an intense moment, we stare at each other and say nothing. Neither of us has to.

Then, he burps. I look away and have to will myself not to take him back like this.

Chris says, "All I do is pray for you a-and love you and... support you. I want you back. I want you back, and you can't fucking stand me." He hangs his head.

My lips part, ready to tell him that he's all that's ever on my mind. That he makes my life worth living, and I'd die if I couldn't have him again.
Instead, I swallow and tell him, "You're drunk."

"Maybe I am," he slurs his words, "maybe I am."

With a sigh, I say, "I love you, Chris," while trying to shut the door so we both can get some rest.

Chris overpowers me and lunges inside the downstairs guest suite.

"Then come to bed!" He rings, hopeful, grabbing my hands.

"I can't," I utter quietly.

He looks devastated, showing me a look of concern like I've never seen before.

"What do I have to do, Ann?" He emphasizes every word and looks me dead in the eyes, squeezing my hands tightly.

I pull away. "Go to bed," I tell Chris, showing him the door.

"Fine," he sniffs, "move over then."

Chris walks further inside of the bedroom, or tries to - I stop him with my hand on his form chest.

I can't help but leave my hand there, it's hard and I can feel his heartbeat.

For what feels like a whole minute, I'm caught staring into his eyes again, they're so expressive and saying everything that he can't right now.

"Chris, I-" I object when he leans in to kiss me.

I just can't. Not after putting my lips on another man, it wouldn't feel right.

Chris clenches his jaw. His eyes darken under furrowed eyebrows, a look I have been trying to avoid.

"Who is he?" His husky voice makes me shudder.

I just shake my head, lying, pretending there's no one.

I'd be crazy to snitch on my fling with Ben to Chris while he's in this state. Even sober, I fear what Chris would do if finds out.

"WHO IS HE?!" Chris barks, slapping his hand against the wall just above my head.

Scared to not say anything again, I yell back, "Who is who?!"

He looks down at me and calmly says, "The man that took you away from me."

"I don't know what you're talking about, there's no one." My lower lip quivers.

"You can't even look me in the eyes." Chris notices.

Just as he mentions it, I try to make eye contact, but I feel horrible, and it's too late. He's not stupid, and I'm not a good liar

He nods his head, realizing what I was trying to hide.
"Don't let me find out who he is," Chris says. "I'll kill him"

He walks away and takes a drink from the tequila bottle. Before I shut the door, I hear him say, "You know I will."