𝙈𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙖𝙣
⊱ ─────────── ⊰

I'm not saying I needed the other night to happen, but I kind of did.

Having Chris crave me like that awakened something in me.

"I'm a bad bitch." I say out loud.

A few ladies within ear shot at the boutique just look at me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am.

I giggle, excusing myself, and continue looking for another set.

This is cute, I keep my thoughts in my head about the lingerie.

"Tell me again why we're lingerie shopping." Izzy says.

"First of all, why are you complaining so much, aren't you happy to see me?" I give her a hard time.

She follows me around the store. "I thought that when you told me to come visit, we'd actually spend time together."

"Are we not doing that right now?" I suck my teeth.

Izzy looks up at me and tilts her head. She didn't need to say anything, and she's right.

"Okay," I give in. "Just give me, like, ten more minutes."

"Ten and we're leaving, I'm hungry." She makes me laugh.

"I love you!" I squeal, clapping my hands together.

Izzy wanders around to find something for herself, but disappoints me when she picks up the most God-awful piece I've ever seen.

"Isabella." I don't say anything else other than her name.

"What? It's on sale."

I shake my head. "Pick something sexy out and don't worry about the price. Please." I beg.

"Lee doesn't like this stuff."

"Doesn't like it or doesn't appreciate it, there's a difference?"

She looks sad. "I guess it would help if I could lose this baby weight, we don't even fuck with the lights on anymore."

"There's nothing wrong with sex in the dark."

"It is when I know he's imagining other women."

"Oh my God, Izz', is he cheating?!" I jump to conclusions, trying to be there for her.

Izzy says no quickly. "But he doesn't tell me I'm pretty anymore. I keep a shirt on during sex now, I hate my body."

"Okay, for one, Lee's an idiot. Secondly, Izzy, you have great boobs now."

She laughs. "Yeah, but they're only for breastfeeding."

"Kai's not the only one who can suck on them." I joke, nudging my best friend.

"Okay, changing the subject," she says, sighing. "You and Chris are on good terms?"

"We, um, hooked up a few days ago night, actually. But I don't know, we haven't said anything about it since. It's not weird, though. Or maybe it is. Ugh, I know, it was super random but it was so hot. He, like, needed me and it made me feel kinda good, you know?"

"Ugh, I know, I remember your sex tape. Lee and I still watch that, ya know?"

"Izzy, ew." I cringe, walking away from her.

"Wanna play music?" I ask Izzy while I back out of a parking spot.

"My phone's dead, what's your password?" She asks me.

I tell her the digits so she can launch the Apple Music application.

"Okay, who's Ben and why is he sending you shirtless pics?" Izzy questions me.

"Izzy!" I scold her for being nosey.

"What?" She giggles, trying to zoom in on his abs.

I snatch my phone away, embarrassed, and wait for a car to go before I do.

"Wait, is Mullet Boy who you bought the lingerie for? So you and Chris aren't getting back together?"

I shake my head, feeling confused.

"I don't know, Izzy, but I'm not sleeping with Ben."

"Isn't this one of Tate's friends?"

I nod.

"And didn't you go on a date with Tate?" She asks another question.

"It wasn't a date, Izzy, what are you trying to say?"

She looks out the window. "Just that you're being messy."

"Messy? How? I'm just— Ben's nice, and Tate is with Jasmine."

"How is she anyway?"

"I wouldn't know." I reply, approaching a red light.

"Well, I hope she's okay."

"You haven't talked to her?" I grow concerned.

"Dude, no, she went bat shit on me for thinking I was taking your side."

I look at her through the corner of my eye. "Well, you kinda did."

Izzy laughs out loud. "I know, I'm such a bad friend!"

✕

"Next!" The barista shouts but I think they're talking to someone else.

"Morgan!" Izzy pushes me towards the register.

"I'm sorry." I apologize to the man named Robbie for taking so long, and place my order.

"You would've been ready if you weren't busy texting Mullet Boy." Izzy gets on me as I pay.

I roll my eyes hard and face her. "His name is Ben, and I was texting Chris, by the way."

Seconds later, I get a reply from Ben and I laugh.

"Now I'm texting Ben." I admit, stepping to the side.

"You're a bitch, but I support you." Izzy says, linking arms with mine.

A man behind Izzy is looking her up and down, I notice. He likes what he sees, and as he should. Izzy is one hot Latina, "Mom bod" or not.

She collects her change from Robbie, the barista, and hums the Victoria Monet song 'On My Mama' that's been stuck in her head.

"Okay, I know you think I'm a bad person for flirting with Mullet Boy, but Glasses is checking you out." I whisper to Izzy.

She turns and sees the fit, black man with Malcom X frames, waving cool.

"Oh my God, he's beautiful." She basically drools over the man sporting a Howard University alumni tee.

"And smart, and interested." I list, urging her to talk to him.

"I know you just ordered a coffee, but can I get you something to eat?" He asks her.

My eyes go wide at how nice he is, and that liquid gold voice.

"Does it look like I need anything else to eat?" She makes fun of herself.

He chuckles. "You have a nice frame, what are you trying to say?"

"Look, I just had a baby, okay-"

"Why are you assuming I want anything from you other than to tell you you're beautiful?"

Izzy is left speechless. She stares up at the tall man and her lip quivers.

Dramatically, she says, "When and where do you want to get married?"

"Give me your number and we can discuss the details."

"Izzy, short for Isabella." She says, shaking his hand.

"Darius." He introduces himself.

"Morgan." I interject, seeing they've been shaking hands entirely too long.

"Hi, Morgan." Darius greets me kindly.

I wave back and then excuse myself to grab mine and Izzy's coffee's.

While they exchange numbers and flirt some more, I can't help but to smile.

"Bye." Izzy says, waving as Darius leaves with his bottle of water and croissant.

"Have a nice day, ladies." He wishes us, walking out.

"You too!" We shout in sync as the door closes.

"Okay, wow." Izzy gasps.

I nod my head. "I'm not saying leave your baby daddy, but Darius is fine and he appreciates your body."

"Wait, I see what you're doing, Morgan."

"What's that?" I hum.

"I'm not going to cheat on Lee."

"And I'm not going to dye my hair pink. Your point?" I ask, walking out of the cafe.

"We were just talking."

"And you got his number because?"

"It won't hurt to have a good looking man text me nice compliments every now and then."

"Mhm." I mumble, sipping my iced coffee.

"You're such a bitch." Izzy tells me again, elbowing me.

"Yeah, yeah." I roll my eyes, taking her hand to walk back to my car.

I stop at the door and sigh. "You know, it's just nice to feel wanted. I know Chris wants me, but I mean by someone else. All these years I've watched girls lust after Chris and it sucks."

"There have been guys that wanted you, too. Malcolm? That Beck guy?"

"But they were both insane. I mean, I just want someone normal to think I'm beautiful, and maybe even do something about it."

"You want to be chased?"

"I want to be appreciated."

"Ben appreciates you?" She wonders.

I drop my shoulders. "So far he does."

"How far exactly do you want this to go?"

"I don't want Chris finding out, but it's just for fun. Like you said, he's just making me feel good, it's nice to get those compliments every once in a while from someone other than Chris."

"You don't want to get back with him this time?" She sounds sad.

"It's not that, it's just that, maybe I need to get over him and see other people for a change. I'm too dependent on him, Izzy. It was easy for him to fuck Sabrina, why can't I try it?"

"Honestly, I support it. I'm just going to tell you, I don't think you're made like that, Morgan. You said it yourself, Chris is your whole world, you think that that you're just going to throw that away for a quickie with a guy with a mullet?"

✕

"Sorry, we're late," I apologize to Ben.

"No worries," he says, pulling a chair out for me. "You look beautiful as always."

I blush, taking a seat.

"Oh, this is Izzy. Izzy, Ben."

"Ah, Mullet Boy." She embarrasses me.

Ben, with his sense of humor, laughs. "You don't like it?"

"It might grow on me. You do have beautiful hair." Izzy says.

Ben smiles small. "Thanks, you too. What's, uh, Izzy shirt for?"

"Isabella."

"That's cute."

"Cute? Oh... thanks. What's Ben short for?"

"Bennifer." He jokes, I know he's trolling her.

Izzy holds back her laughter before Ben tells her his full name is Benjamin, of course.

"You're a jokester." Izzy credits him, looking over the menu.

"Why'd you pick Mexican?" I ask Ben.

He shrugs. "We already did Asian."

He brings a smile to my face but I try wiping it away before either of them call me out on it.

"Ben, you're not crazy, are you?" Izzy blurts.

"I'm sorry?" He cracks a laugh.

"Izzy!" I grit my teeth at her.

"Like, you don't secretly beat or kill people?"

"Uh, no." He answers.

"Of course you'd say that," she says. "Do you do drugs?"

"Only the good ones." He laughs, making me high-five him.

"I mean, shrooms. That's about it, weed gives me panic attacks, and my father would kill me if I tried anything else."

"How is your father, mentally stable?"

"That's enough." I gulp hard, slamming the menu down.

"Can I ask why you're asking me this?" Ben wonders.

Izzy pops her shoulders. "No you can't."

"Where is that waitress?" I huff, trying to change the topic of conversation.

"Hey, hey, what's up everybody?" Darius appears out of no where.

I look at Izzy, judgmentally. She didn't tell me she invited him.

He takes a seat next to Izzy in the booth and daps up Ben.

"You two know each other?" Asks Izzy.

"Just from around." Darius answers. Ben agrees with a head nod.

Hmm.

"Darius, are you mentally stable?" Ben turns the tables on Izzy.

I choke on my water and try to compose myself.

This is not how I expected this to go. . .

Izzy hides her red face with the laminated menu.

"I think so." Darius resounds, making us laugh.

"That's enough. Who's hungry?" Izzy pops up to try and salvage things.

"And your father, he okay?" Ben continues the taunting.

"WAITER!" Izzy yells.

✕

I leave Ben's G-Wagon to help Izzy to my Lexus.

It's been a long night and my girl is drunk, thanks to her and Darius going shot-for-shot with the bottle of Casamigos.

Ben doesn't drink much, we only sipped a few fruity beverages, and lived through our friends.

We got Izzy in the car safely and shut her inside.

"Thank you." I blow air out of my cheeks.

Ben smirks. "Anytime, Princess."

I don't know what else to say so I just kind of awkwardly hug Ben.

"Wow, a hug? Score!" He fist pumps in the air.

I roll my eyes at him for being corny.

Just as I'm about to speak, he gets a call. It's from Tate, who's been blowing him up all night.

"Maybe you should get that."

"I didn't realize it was almost midnight I have somewhere to be."

"Don't apologize, it's not like I was gonna take you back to my place." I mumble, looking down at our shoes.

"Damn, I really was ." Ben makes me laugh like an idiot.

I hide my swollen cheeks with my hands and avoid eye contact, as he gets off on it.

"I had a great night, Morgan."

"Me too." I admit in a soft voice.

A moment of silence dawns but it's not awkward.

I feel like Ben is going to kiss me and I'm upset with myself for not pulling away. Maybe I want it to happen. Maybe I should just let it. . .

Incoming call: Chris 🤍

"I definitely don't want him to beat my ass, you should answer that." Ben creates space between our bodies.

"Don't worry, he won't. If he does try, though, just curl into a ball."

Ben laughs. "Noted."

"Good night." I tell him, getting into my car.

"Night." I hear him say through my cracked window.

✕

After getting Izzy into the guest room, I put my hair up and walk down the hall.

"Oh, hey." Chris startles me, leaving his study.

"Hey, w-what are you doing up?" I wonder.

"It's a Saturday." He chuckles, walking in front of me to stop and stare down at my body.

"You look pretty, where you been?"

"Uh, thanks. Just, out with Izzy, and some friends." I don't tell a lie necessarily.

Chris just nods. "Well, you look pretty."

"Thank you. Um, can we talk?"

"I've been dying to, actually." He says, walking me to the couch in the living room.

I take a seat next to Chris and put my hand on his thigh.

Chris smirks, putting his hand high up on my thigh as well.

I pull back, not wanting to give him the wrong idea. Or maybe it's the right idea.

I smile softly and wet my lips. Chris reacts to this by doing the same thing.

"I-I forget what I was going to say." I admit.

"You don't have to say anything." Chris whispers, kissing my neck.

"Oh my God." I immediately whimper.

I feel aroused already, he hit the exact right spot the renders me weak every time.

I jump up from the couch and collect myself.

"I'm really tired." I blurt. Okay now that's a lie.

"Okay?" He laughs, standing. "Are you going to bed alone?"

I nod my head. "Is that okay?"

"You're asking for permission?"

"I'm asking how you feel about it?"

He flails his arms. "Do what you want, that's what you've been doing, right?"

I smack my lips. "What does that mean?"

"It means you only care about yourself."

"What?!"

"This whole time I've been waiting for you to come around and stop this bullshit."

"What bullshit?"

"This!" He raises his voice. "The idea of us not being together. It's killing me."

"It's killing you, but it's helping heal me. You're selfish if you won't respect my space, Chris."

"You want space but you also want me to fuck you."

"I— I don't know what I want!" I cry out.

"Clearly." He barks, pacing.

"I'm sorry." I let out.

"For what?"

"For letting you think I can't live without you." I walk off.

"Morgan..." Chris calls after me but I carry myself up the stairs and shut myself inside the bedroom.