𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨
﹥━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Earlier this year

The wind sweeps away our laughter that circulates through the doorless Jeep that Izzy and Lee rented for the weekend.
We told them since they're our guests they didn't have to rent a vehicle but they insisted. It was nice that they did because today and the ones to follow called for high seventies.

Something about the Jeep was careless - that's the atmosphere it created. The second I saw the red Wrangler, I knew I wanted to take it out and drop the top. We didn't have an itinerary, this was a sort of spontaneous outing, and that's not a complaint.

I look around and see all of my friend's teeth. Jasmine and Jabari lean into each other, still hysterical.
Lee and Izzy keep adding to the joke, making Morgan's sides hurt as she falls back into my lap and cries from laughing so hard.

The sky was the kind you draw - full of cumulus clouds, bright blue with the sun shining like it has every reason to. Weather like this, you can't complain. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't.

Moments like this, you realize you have it all. . .

Lee drags the wheels along a winding road, scaring the girls because he's doing 80.

"Slow down, Jesus!" Izzy scolds the father of her son.

"Who's Jesus?" Lee gives her a hard time. While Izzy slaps him for the remark, I give him a laugh.

Shaking my head, I pull my leg back inside the vehicle before losing a shoe or limb.

Morgan pulls me closer to her body and asks for a kiss with her eyes.

I stare at her lips before devouring them. They're always so pink and plump and glossy. Perfect.

She smiled against my lips and pulled away, giggling.

Like an innocent child, she bats her eyelashes and then excitedly sits up once Lee parks the car.

"What is this?" She exclaims, lunging over my body to jump out of the Jeep.

"Wait for me." I laugh, stumbling out after her.

"I dunno," Lee says, walking up on Morgan and I near the cliff. "Found it on TikTok, some old abandoned park."

"I'm just glad the sun's still out, or I'd be scared." Lucy says her thoughts out loud.

"This gives me Bohemian Grove vibes." Andy also shares his thoughts aloud.

I give a short, breathy laugh and keep trailing Morgan who's venturing further into the woods.

I see what he meant, though, there's a cabin, some type of dedicated fountain, and all around creepy vibes. The girls don't let it stop, them, though, daring to explore the rest of the land.

"Come on, chicken." Morgan laughs, grabbing me by the hand.

"I'm not chicken," I grumble, pushing her in the head and walking ahead of the group.

"NO! NO! AHHHHHH!" Lucy screams as Andy chases her with a worm he dug up, playing around.

Morgan suddenly appears by my side after I take a piss further in the trees.

She nudges me once I pull my grey sweats back up, and smiles coy.

"When do you think they're going to get together?" She asks me, eyeing the playful couple. Err, not-so-couple, I should say.

Andy, Nick Adams younger brother, surrenders as his crush, Lucy, pokes a hole in the cap of a water bottle and squirts it on him.

"He's super weird when he actually tries to ask her out," I reply quietly to Morgan as we watch the pair interact. "so I'd say that's the closest he'll get to her squirting on him."

Morgan scrunches her face and elbows me. "Eww." She laughs and walks away.

"Wait!" I call after her.

Morgan stops and turns on the heel of her dusty brown cowgirl boots.

"What?" She asks through a breathy tone.

"Nothing," I crack a smile and pause for a beat as I gaze at her face. "You're just so beautiful."

Her cheeks blush and I like that I still have that effect on her.

"Did you hear that?" Morgan breaks our kiss, suddenly fearful.

"I didn't hear anything," I talk in her ear, trying to get back to the kissing.

She creates space between our bodies and steps closer to the edge of the small dirt hill.

"It was probably an animal." I say to stop her from investigating. It's no use.

"I'm gonna check it out." She proposes, walking ahead.

I suck my teeth at such a stupid idea.

"I'm not following you!" I shout, talking to the back of her head.

This is how white people die in all the movies, I think in my head. And Morgan would definitely be killed because she's blonde with big tits.

Without looking back, she waves me off, still switching ahead.

I watch her go, mainly because I enjoy the view, but also because she's crazy if she thinks following random noises in the woods is a good idea.

"I can't fight off a bear, you know?!" I raise my voice but fear she already may not be able to hear me.

Smacking my lips, I give in and head in the direction I saw her going.

"AGHHHHHH!" A scream instantly alerts me. I know it's Morgan and my adrenaline suddenly spikes, sending me racing down the hill without hesitation.

"MORGAN!" I shout her name, concern lacing my voice. I don't know why I called out for her, but I did, maybe to scare what might've scared her away, or to let her know I was coming if she could hear me.

While I probably broke some sort of sprinting world record, as fast as I was running to get to Morgan, it was all in vain. There was no big scare, only my fiancé amusing herself.

My heart rate begins to return to a normal, stable rate once I see that she's only flying through the air on an old tire swing.

Once I'm calm, I take the time to admire Morgan in this moment. The sun is shielded behind the canopy of the trees, so Morgan creates her own light around her with that smile and all of her good energy. Her playful nature permits a sense of ease with me, because hers is, I can let my guard down.

"Look, it's a tire swing!" Her voice is bubbly.

There's a gleam in her eyes, they're absolutely dazzling everyday but there is something especially dazzling about them when she exclaims, "Push me, Chris!"

My head shakes, but not in protest. Instead, because I can't believe that this woman is so radiant.

I find myself calling Morgan cute a lot of the time, not because I lack the vocabulary to describe her otherworldly good looks, but because the way she just exists is cute. She embodies this almost childlike nature that's hard to not admire. I think that's because of the way she romanticizes her life and everything in it, you know? Like, there's nothing particularly special about these woods, or the tire swing, but she snaps a picture with her phone and the raw beauty of it— or at least the way she's proud of it— convinces you it's actually worth something.

She has a tendency of doing that with people, too - adding value to them. Take the way I was a man before I met her, yet she upgraded me, you could say - made me a much better version of myself. She's King Midas, the way she turns everything to gold. Or, if you let her have it her way: pink.

✕

"I kind of want it to stay like this forever." Izzy says, her voice just loud enough to drown out the sounds of coyotes and crickets.

I don't get annoyed by the bugs or the howling wind because it's actually quite calming. Plus, as Morgan reminded me, this isn't our land.

The weather dropped severely and I didn't hesitate to offer Morgan my hoodie. Luckily, though, Izzy came prepared with a few blankets. That, and bear spray. 

I'm reminded that we actually live in Tennessee when I look up at the sky and can actually see stars. Or, the fact that I hear owls and flowing streams nearby more than horns honking. I even prolong my next inhalation of air just because I can, and it's fresh out here.

Everyone's laughter at Lucy, who's scared of the fire cracking, brings me back to the conversation.

"—I just have this fear that everything one day won't be the same as it is now. Right at this very moment." Izzy listens to herself talk.

Her marshmallow goes up in flames and she lets it burn to a black crisp as she prefers for her s'mores. Morgan's the complete opposite, she barely roasts hers, not liking the burnt taste. I've tried convincing her it's the best part but she insists a light char on one edge of the marshmallow is far superior.

I don't really think about it, I don't really eat the s'mores because I'm not a fan of graham crackers, so I mostly find myself roasting the marshmallows for my fiancé.

After blowing the fire off of the marshmallow, I squish it over two Hersey's chocolate squares, and in between the cinnamon graham crackers.

Licking my fingers, I hand the campfire delicacy to Morgan on my left and she thanks me with a quick smile that fades as she reverts her attention back to a vulnerable Isabella.

Morgan situates herself close to my body and I make myself comfortable with my arm around her.

Andy, on the other side of Morgan, tries offering her a beer but she says no and hands it to me.
I smile, knowing she turned it down because we've been trying for a baby.

"The party's over," Lee's pessimism gets the better of him. He crushes his second empty can of Natural Light on his knee then tosses it into the fire.

"Seriously," he scoffs, "this is our idea of fun now?"

"It's not too bad, I had a good day today." Lucy bubbles, sending a smile to Andy who's sitting across from her.

I notice Andy basically blush but don't call him out for it.

"So did I," Morgan speaks up.

She sends a cold look to Lee and says, "Lee's only saying that because he has a baby, and can't party like he used to anymore."

Lee flips her off for her remark but takes another drink instead of clapping back.

"We're old now." Izzy laughs quietly. I agree.

"Fuck that," Lee roars, standing. "We should be in Ibiza doing lines off of each other's asses right now."

"Alright, Lee, calm down." I say before he gets too worked up.

"Put me down for Ibiza." Andy raises his Natty and drinks to that.

"We used to fuck shit up, now we make s'mores. Seriously, Morgan... Chris... don't you miss it?" Lee flails his arms.

I know what he means: the drugs, sleepless nights, the booze and brawls. So to answer his question, no, I don't miss it.

Morgan twists her mouth, deciding to not answer.

Subject to Lee's desperate gaze for a response, I shake my head.

I wet my lips and hunch my shoulders. "I don't know, Lee, I think it was just a phase."

"It was a large part of lives."

"It was a large part of your life. It's in the past. You have a kid, try putting more energy into parenting." I grumble, keeping my ankle crossed over my knee.

Izzy shrugs, looking down meekly at the woodland floor.

"It all seems like forever ago. I do kind of miss it - the excitement." She sounds just like her boyfriend.

"Come on, tell me you don't miss the Hood Avengers. Remember? First Malcolm, then that bitch Sabrina—" Lee tries wrestling with me but I firmly push him back with my forearm.

"Who?" Asks Andy.

Morgan shudders at the memory of last year's unfortunate events in Port Ember, New York.

"None of that was exciting, I was fighting for my — our— lives. If you need an adrenaline rush so bad, why don't you go skydiving?" I grumble, getting worked up myself.

Morgan puts her hand on my lap but remains quiet, this gesture is enough to calm me down.

"Lee, I think what Chris is trying to say is our lives are a different kind of exciting now. Like, Kai's first steps or when he says his first words, you have that to look forward to."

Lee just kicks up sticks and snarls.

"I'm sorry that the birth of our son is an inconvenience for you but he slowed my lifestyle down, too. Dick." Izzy chides, storming off near the Jeep.

"Uh-ohhhh." Andy dramatizes the moment with his unnecessary sound effects. He made Lucy laugh, though, so that's a small win for him.

For a couple of minutes, the four of us listen to the interracial couple argue about how having a child has changed who they are as individuals and as a couple. While I understand what they mean, I think it was good for them, necessary even. Before, Izzy and Lee would go on road trips for weeks at a time and come back with stories about wild orgies they partook in in Europe, or how they did drugs with the mayor of some small town, or their near-death experiences with venomous animals in Australia.

"You don't want to check on them, it's getting pretty nasty?" My co-worker, Andy, asks me.

I pop my shoulder. "Why would I, they're grown?"

He chuckles, agreeing with a nod.

"So you all have been through a lot together, I take it?" Lucy makes conversation.

Morgan and I look at each other then back at Lucy.

"You could say that." Morgan replies with a sweet closed-lip smile.

"Yeah, what did he mean by the whole Hood Avengers thing, can I join?" Asks Andy.

"No." I shut him down all too quickly.

Discouraged, Andy shrinks in his folding chair, swirling his beer around.

Silence falls as Izzy and Lee return to the group. You could cut the tension with the knife, their stress was bleeding into the atmosphere and suffocating myself, Morgan, Andy, and Lucy.

Lee, suddenly mute, clasps his hands together.

Izzy clears her throat. "Maybe we should call it a night?"

✕

I can't thank Lucy enough for having a near perfectly crafted playlist to take us home to. If it were up to Izzy, we would've driven home to Bad Bunny the whole way. And if it were Lee on the Bluetooth, well, we would've actually rode in silence. He's drunk anyway and passing out in the passenger seat.

Morgan sits between my legs so Andy and Lucy can have enough room in the second row with us since we put the top back on.

Morgan hasn't really said anything on the drive home, just held my hands and sang some songs to me.

Andy and Lucy, though, have been giggling the whole time or arguing about Lucy's lack of Frank Ocean songs on her playlists.
The twenty-one and twenty-two-year-olds remind me of high schoolers: playful flirting while being innocently nervous.
Andy's doing his best to make her laugh, and while he's corny, she must really like him because she laughs at everything he says and can't keep her hands off of him. Poor Andy can never pull the trigger and just ask her out, though.

"Turn here." I remind Izzy the way to mine and Morgan's house from the entrance of the development.

"Listen to this, listen to this! Turn it up." Andy exclaims.

"—Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a crazy world to see. We're all chasin' after all the same... Chasing after our ends." He obnoxiously recites the lyrics to 'Moon River.'

"Take this right." Morgan's too into one of her favorite Frank Ocean songs to direct Izzy so I do.

Eventually, we arrive at Cobblestone Road, then finally, our house.

All doors slam as everyone hops out of the Jeep after a two hour car ride.

Izzy and Lee take their time going to the front door as Morgan hugs Lucy and wishes her and Andy a good night.

I pat myself down for my keys when Andy slaps my back.

"Hey, man, can we talk?" He says to me in a low voice.

"Uh, sure." I answer, looking at him blankly.

He looks over at Morgan and Lucy, then alludes to needing to talk more privately.

I find a blunt I had in my pocket from earlier that I didn't smoke because it was a rental, and light it.

"You gonna ask me about Lucy?" I assume, holding back my cough.

Andy flutters his eyes, nervously. "H-how'd you know?"

"I'm not dumb or blind. Why haven't you asked her out?"

He laughs, kicking a rock in my driveway. "I don't know how."

"The first day we met you asked me if I wanted to do shrooms with you on our lunch break." I remind him how outspoken he normally is.

"This is different, I really like her. How'd you ask Morgan to be your girlfriend?"

I blow smoke away from his face and bulge my eyes, scratching my head in thought. "I didn't really have to, but, when I did: I just said it."

"What if she said no?"

"You're asking the wrong person, she wouldn't have."

"Man," he pauses for a beat, staring at me. "You're so confident, how'd you know she was the one?"

I blink slowly, taking another hit before passing my blunt to Nick's little brother.

"We knew how we felt about each other so it was easy."

Andy's eyes flicker but I don't know if there's a single thought behind them.

"How did you know how she felt?"

"Look, man, fuck," I grumble, getting annoyed but only because he's taking forever with my blunt. "She likes you, okay? You're the dummy who's dropping the ball here. She's been touching you and laughing at your stupid ass jokes all day."

"But how do I know she doesn't see me as just a friend?"

I pinch the bridge of my nose and count to three before telling him to shut up.

"What did I just say?" I scold him.

"I like her a lot, man." He says, staring at her from afar.

"I can see that." I laugh, taking the blunt back.

"Listen to me," I tell him, "go spend the rest of the night together. Ask her if she had a good time today, when she says yes, tell her you don't want it to end, then take her somewhere."

"Like where?"

I curl my face. "I don't fuckin' know, it's late. Uh, go for a walk downtown, don't go in anywhere but if you do - stop and get some ice cream or some dessert, and share it. Just talk to her. And Andy?"

"Yeah?"

I square his shoulders to emphasize my next point. "Listen to her."

He nods his head, full of new information, and then grins confidently.

I pat his back and try walking away but he calls me back.

"What, Andy?" I hesitate, tossing my head back.

"I can't feel her out, you think she'll want to hook up tonight?"

"Just do what I said, bro." I sigh.

"Thanks, brother. Hey, I know I said Morgan's the girl of my dreams, but keep that between us okay?"

I furrow my eyebrows, wondering when he ever said that to me. He didn't.

"Get out of here before I beat your ass." I push him towards Lucy and watch him engage in conversation. Before long, they're in his truck and pull off, waving at me.

Ready to call it a day, I dispose of the roach (end of my blunt) and walk inside.

No sign of Lee or Izzy, I figure they've retired to the guest room. Good. They need a good night's sleep.

Seeing the back yard lit up, I step through the sliding glass door and find Morgan on the patio, watching Duke and Stevie roam around after a long day of being locked inside without us.

Morgan hugs herself for warmth in my hoodie and doesn't turn to acknowledge my presence when I step into the patio.

"Done playing Cupid?" She asks me.

I look at her face and see a sweet smile form.

"Aha," I laugh. "I think I am, Andy should be good."

"Lucy asked me for some advice, too."

"What'd you say?" I wonder, watching Stevie and Duke playfully fight.

Morgan shrugs. "She asked me how I knew that I liked you. I said I just did."

"Then, she asked me how I knew I loved you, and why. I said... you make me feel alive. I knew when I went to bed, excited to see you the next day, and woke up in a good mood just at the thought of spending time with you even if it was just for an hour, a minute, or the whole day. That excitement Lee and Izzy were talking about that - I feel it everyday with you. I can genuinely say there's never a dull moment. You make every second worth living because I don't know what the next one will bring, and I'm okay with that because happy, mad, or sad, you make me feel something."

There's a warm feeling in my chest. My heart, I feel it palpitating. 

My eyes want to leak with tears of pure love and happiness at one of the most romantic things I've ever heard. The fact that someone other than my mother can love me this much is so disgustingly moving, and that's something I'd never thought I'd say.

"Okay, Cupid." I keep things light, making Ann laugh.

She nudges me and then calls the dogs over, ready to head inside.

Morgan rubs my stomach and walks alongside me.

Before going inside, I look up at the stars and the full moon.

Thank you, I internalize to whoever is up there. I prayed for this woman and moments just like this - to know someone feels about me the exact same way I do about them as she just described. She's made me a believer in love. True love.

I throw my arm over Morgan's shoulder, walking up the stairs, and she locks our fingers.

I kiss her head and "Moon River" starts to play in mine as it's gotten stuck.

"—Two drifters off to see the world
It's such a crazy world you'll see (what I see, who I become.)
(What I see, who I become)
We're all chasin' after our ends
Chasin' after our ends
Life's just around the bend, my friend
Moon river and me."

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