"An interesting life could always use a little seduction, confidence, ambition, and danger."

──────⊱⁜⊰─────

𝑴𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒂𝒏

I'm careful everywhere I go. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. Strangers, I can no longer smile at, they all might be in disguise.

This is no way to live and I know it, but Annette said she's got something that'll put me at ease finally.

It's only been a few days but she did say she is the best in the country at her job so I expected nothing less.

I leave Izzy and Jasmine at the salon and run into Jabari on my way.

"JB!" I squeal, giving him a squeeze.

"It's been so long, where have you been?" I interrogate him.

He just looks at me with worry, or fear.

"Little sis." He says, finally hugging me back. "I'm sorry..."

There's this look in his usual carefree eyes that scares me.

"What?" My voice shakes. "What's wrong?"

~

"Thank you." I say to the waiter without removing my eyes from Jabari who was MIA even for his best friend's birthday.

Jabari shakes his head, rubbing his hands over his waves.

I sit back with my arms folded and my legs and a face of stone. He's got a lot of explaining to do.

"Don't look at me like that, you just like Jasmine, y'all know how to make a Nigga squeal."

I lean in. "Jabari, where have you been? What happened?"

"I fucked up."

"What?"

"I cheated on Jas with some bitch at the strip club."

"What bitch? What strip club?"

"Dice Bar. I don't know her name. I ordered me, Chris, and Lee some shots. It was these Spanish bitches, they said they had X. Chris kept talking 'bout he wanted to go home to you but I was scared he was gonna tell you I was cheating on Jas..."

"What are you trying to say?"

"So I copped the X from the Spanish girls. We did ecstasy before so I thought it would be straight. But right after I put it in our shots, the bitches left. I ain't think nothing of it 'til it was too late. Lee said he was gonna pour his in Chris's because we wanted to get him fucked up. That's how Lee remembers everything, but Chris... I thought he was dead that morning. Now that I think of it, it could've been anything - the drugs. It was dark, I-I was distracted, just tryna party. I hated seeing him like that. Morgan, you don't know what I saw. I thought I killed my boy." He starts to cry in his arms at the table.

I can't believe a word he said.

"No... no, no, no. JB, tell me you're joking." I sob full of emotion but my face never falters.

He brings himself to finally look me in the eyes and I can see the sad, shameful truth behind them.

The facts are more heartbreaking than the theories I had circulating in my head for the past few days.

"Do you know what happened to him?" I sniffle so he can be the only one crying in this conversation.

"No. What? What happened to him?! Who did it, I'll fuckin' kill them, I swear, sis."

I shake my head and swallow hard to keep the tears down. "Sabrina. She—"

"She what? Did she hurt him?!" He shakes my arm when I don't spit it out immediately.

I turn my head and sniffle.

"No." Jabari gasps, using his imagination and I guess he's assumed correctly.

"Nah, sis, don't tell me that. She rap— fuck!" He bangs his fist on the table, causing a commotion in the restaurant.

I don't say it to make him feel bad, it's not his fault, Sabrina is shitty on her own, she would've found another way to get him in that sedative state.

Neither of us can say or spell out what happened to Chris - not even Chris.
I don't know if not acknowledging it is making things worse, or not.
I can't fathom the thought that she did something like that to him.

I'm brought back to when this happened to me. And what's worse is that I had a feeling Malcolm had done what he'd done, but it wasn't confirmed until I was pregnant and got a DNA test telling me that the baby was his. I would've never let him touch me, alive or conscious.
These people, they're sick.

I don't want every waking moment to be about Sabrina but this is what it comes to. She lives in my head, in my nightmares.

I've tried so hard to find solutions, trying to distract myself from dealing with the truth, but Chris needs to heal. I don't want him making the same mistakes I did.

~~~

I leave Doctor Hassan with some insight. She prefaced our meetings by saying I can tell her any and everything, claiming nothing will shake her, but she hadn't heard of this shit. She had large eyes and clutched her imaginary pearls by the time I finished talking.

I apologized and she asked why. I said because I should've either taken it to the grave or just prayed about it because the way she reacted, she'll need therapy herself. I hate trauma dumping on anyone - even professionals.

But now she knows everything about mine and Chris's relationship from the start back in Penshaw to my abortion, near marriage with Malcolm, all of the fighting and death, what happened on the farm, and now this Sabrina-SA-drug thing.

I really am sorry that people just dump all of their shit onto therapists. If I was Rita Hassan, I'd go home and enjoy two glasses of wine alone, listening to some smooth jazz in the bubble bath.

It feels good to have opened up to her, though.

On the bright side, she sees me in a completely different light now, says that's a good thing.
She said she understands Chris a lot better, too, and our relationship.
The funniest thing is, I showed her the leaked tape and she fanned herself, saying, "I get it. I-I can see it."
She was so flustered. She even apologized to me for being unprofessional but I don't care about that.

Anyway, she did make me feel a lot better by saying she didn't judge us or think we're horrible people. She said we're in love and she can hear the growth.

That's not why I went to her, though. I asked about Chris's trauma and healing, what that would be like? How can I support him through this?

He hasn't been any different. In fact, it seems like he's more concerned with consoling me. I don't mean to freak out about this more than he is, but it's worth freaking over. I don't want him to think I'm taking it lightly. Actually, I don't know how to take it at all.

She said everyone deals with things differently and it's a lot to unpack. All I can do is be there for him.

~~~

Mary and Carter as well as my parents, and AJ are coming to town so I'm cleaning the house. Although, nothing was out of place anyway. How could it be? I've found myself nitpicking and compulsively rearranging the furniture all day. Anything to keep myself busy.

Chris doesn't know about the birthday party I've planned for him. I keep putting it off with all of this Sabrina nonsense but I trust Annette is doing her job. It's been a couple of days with no sign of Sabrina so I figure now is a good time to finally celebrate Chris before the month of September ends.

I rinse the plate I've just washed and place it on the clean side of the sink.

Duke and Stevie's sudden barking let me know that their father has just come home.
It isn't long until he finds me upstairs in the kitchen.

"Hey, baby," his voice rings deep.

"Hey." I squeak, rinsing the dishes.

I feel pressure against my backside and tense up.

Chris's lips press into my shoulder and neck but I avoid any feelings of lust.

"How was work?" I ask to start a conversation.

"Why'd you even ask?" He grumbles, taking the dish towel from me to start drying dishes.

I let out a yawn. "Did you hear anything from Annette today?"

"No, not today. You?"

I pop my shoulders and continue scrubbing plates. "Earlier. She said Sabrina visited the prison."

"Probably to see Shawn."

"Who?"

"Her and Cleo's father. Speaking of, have you heard from her?"

"Why would I?" I scoff, dropping some silverware into the other side of the sink.

Through with the dishes, I let out a breath of accomplishment and wipe down the counter and sink.

Chris sits at the table, stabbing into his baked macaroni that Jasmine sent over. Ugh, her recipe is the best, probably due to all of the sugar, but Chris can't get enough of it.

My eyes find his sneakers, tie, and briefcase lazily spread across the kitchen floor and I huff before picking them up.

"Sorry," he chuckled with a mouthful. "I was gonna get it, swear!"

I just stare at him as I descend the staircase and shake my head.

~

After a shower, I turn down the bed and sit on the edge while moisturizing my body, listening to Mary on speaker phone.

"—Anyway," she speaks up since I've gone mute. "I just wanted to say that Carter and I are so tired, we're just going to stay at the airport hotel tonight."

Before I can say anything, Chris walks in from the shower in a pair of briefs only, and he throws his clothes into the hamper across the room, celebrating when he perfectly shoots them in.

"Okay, Mom," I speak. "Text me in the morning. Good night."

"I'll see you tomorrow, sweetie. Tell my son I love him, and you too. G'Night." She coos sweetly before I end the call.

Chris just puts his phone on the charger and then gets close to my body.

I relax under the covers and turn the lights off with a remote so we can retire for the night.

Chris kisses my shoulder. Next my cheek. Then, my neck.

He starts to caress me sensually and I nudge him.

"Babe-" I whimper, starting to cave.

"S-stop, Chris." I croak, trying to push him from on top of my body.

"It's been so long." He rasps, cupping between my legs.

I grab his wrist forcefully. "Seriously, stop. I'm tired."

"You're tired?" He asks, rolling off of my body. "Really?"

I sit up in bed and cue the lights back on.

"Yes." I mumble, folding my arms over my chest.

He looks confused, annoyed, and rejected.

"What? Don't look at me like that. I've had a long day, and I need a wax-"

"'Cause that's been your excuse for a couple weeks now, Morgan." He nearly raises his voice, getting out of bed.

I drop my jaw but he's right.

Sex just isn't something I want to do right now. I can't figure out why, I'm trying to convince myself it's not because she's touched him. If that is why, then I'm no different than Chris when he found out that Malcolm had his way with me.

I seal my lips with a feeling of guilt. Chris isn't stupid, I can see that he knows exactly why I haven't been in the mood, and the look he's giving me makes me feel like shit.

"Karma." He exhales.

I shake my head in denial. "Chris, I'm sorry. It's not you, I-"

"I get it." He says all too calmly.

"It's not that, seriously. Please come back to bed, baby, I'm sorry."

Chris grabs his phone and two pillows, all while glaring at me as if trying to turn me to stone.

"Where are you going? Stop. We can have sex, Chris, I-"

"It's not about sex, Morgan!" He roars just before walking out.

"What's it about then?" I flail my arms in bed.

"The same shit you were crying about when Malcolm—" his name and those memories are still too hard for him. Chris stops and puts his knuckles to his closed lips for a beat.

"Good night." Is all he says before slamming the door shut.

~~~ The next day ~~~

I wake up feeling bad about last night. It's not often that Chris or I turn down sex.

The only way I know how to make it up to him is to seduce him. He can't resist me.

He's fresh out of the shower, trying to find something to wear for work in his walk-in closet on the opposite side of our bedroom.

My eyes are lasered on his body that's still dripping. His hair is in a ponytail at the base of his neck. I've been loving him with this longer hair, it's wavy and flows perfectly. I hope he never cuts it.

Everything from his stance to clearing his throat to that deep line in his toned back are making me sweat.

I've waited too long, staring, he's in a polo, Hermès sneakers, and pair of straight-legged solid trousers now. Goddamn him for looking so good.

My lip is between my teeth and I'm unknowingly, at first, squeezing my thighs together to conceal the arousal trickling down them, but he sprays on that signature musky scent of his that's had me hooked since day one.
If perfection were a man.

I just got dressed for the day myself, but I don't mind getting dirty. I keep on my ivory corset dress and chunky lace-up heels to strut over to Chris, taking him by surprise before he hits the door.

"I have to go," he says with that deep, vocal-fry that makes me shiver.

"Have a good day, baby." Says Chris, lifting my chin to kiss my lips but only once.

I find myself pouting and unwilling to let go of his large hand.

"Do you have to go?" I whine, backpedaling into the bedroom.

Chris smirks. "Yeah, I think so."

I shake my head, the back of my legs against the platform bed that Chris constructed specially for us.

"You're going to leave me like this?" I whisper in his ear as I guide his hand between my legs.

We both shudder at the feeling, his fingers slipping against the wetness he's brought on.

I bring his finger to my lips and suck it while looking into Chris's flickering green eyes.

I chew on my smile as I surrender Chris weak, my hands stroking his cock now.

"Baby, I have to go-" his wanting to leave drives me to force him onto the bed.

I drop between his knees and my eyes widen with lustrous joy, the way his was proudly in my face. It's been so long, I could cry.

My mouth watered slightly as I took in the mix of masculinity and soap scent of his balls.

I'm far too desperate for his cock to continue teasing so I suck the tip sharply into my mouth and bat my eyelashes upon hearing Chris gasp.

I have to push his cock out of my mouth with my tongue once I sit up and relax my jaw.
After a breath, I flip my hair to one side and drag my tongue from the base to the tip and kiss it gently before slapping it on my tongue three quick times.

Okay, maybe that's still a bit teasing, but his body is jerking as a reaction and his eyes are rolling back.

I move closer so I can take him at the back of my throat with no hands and gag on him. Chris instinctively grabs a fistful of my hair and slides further into my mouth, which automatically reminds me to keep breathing through my nose.

"Fuck." He curses, making me even more aroused.

I relish in his encouragement and pleasure and look up at him through watery eyes, opening my mouth wider.

His elbows buckle and I push my hand in his chest to get him to lie back.

When he does, I pull away, feeling him about to finish but I want him to do that inside of me.
I kiss around his navel and get on top of his body, locking our fingers above his head.

I pull my panties to the side and grind over his cock, losing myself in the motion.

I could do this forever, it feels so good against his thick vein, and the tip pressing right on my clit.

I press my lips against his and do so a few more times before Chris holds my face and keeps them locked, introducing his tongue against mine.

"Shit." Chris curses, body tensing up.

It isn't until he opens his eyes again that I realize he came.

I roll off of his body and lie there as he goes to clean himself off.

Once he's back, I crawl to the edge of the bed and bite my lower lip at him.

Chris tucks his shirt in and I pout, actually this time.

"I have to go." He says, swallowing hard.

"What?" I murmur, grabbing his arms.

Chris kisses my forehead and then my cheek, neck, and shoulder.

His alarm goes off but I don't let him go so easily.

"I love you. I'll see you later." Chris says, trying to create space between our bodies.

"But-" I sink on the bed and fold my arms over my chest.

"Gotta go," he says, looking at the time on his watch. "Love you!"

I fall back onto the bed and kick my feet in a mini temper tantrum once I hear him go down each staircase and the door slams shut.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me."

~~~The following night ~~~

Chris comes home to me in the bubble bath. I wasn't expecting him so late, but now is as good a time as any. Mary and Carter went out with my parents, and AJ is keeping The Flamer's busy.

I smile at my man standing in the doorway, all sexy, removing his belt, shoes, and wrist watch.

"How was your day?" I bubble, putting my chin on the edge of the tub to show my interest, eyelashes batting.

"It was good." He rasps, stepping further inside.

"Good. I missed you all day."

"I missed you." He says, bending over to kiss my head.

He walks casually around the tub with his hands in his pocket and then sits in the window sill, reading the label on the wine I've been drinking.

I hum to the music playing in the background and relax my body back underwater.

Chris's eyes lazily watch me as I pour some water over my soapy breasts.

He clears his throat and adjusts how he's sitting.

"You know, I had to go out and buy a rose today." I spill, blowing bubbles at Chris.

He chuckles, unbuttoning his shirt.

"A rose?" He doesn't know what I mean. Or he's just playing slow.

I nod my head and reveal it from the water.

"Oh."

I nod again and finally meet his eyes, I can see them darkening.

"It didn't work. Well, it did, but I couldn't finish. And I tried... six times since yesterday. You gave me blue balls. And it hurt." I joke, moving back so Chris can fit in too once he's undressed.

"I'm sorry," he chuckles. "This it? Let me see..."

Chris pulls me between his legs and puts the toy between my legs.

He's doing exactly what I did with it all those times, yet this feels a million times better somehow.

I toss my head back on Chris's shoulder and seal my lips before moaning.

Chris kisses my neck and pinches one of my nipples between his fingers.

My toes start to curl, feeling full.

I reach back and grab Chris's hair.

Our eyes meet and then mine fall to his lips so I kiss them deeply.

Chris's fingers replace the toy and I hardly notice but this feels better - it feels so right.

I turn to Chris and shake my head when he tries pulling me onto his lap.

"Oh, um, I have to go." I tease, stepping out of the bathtub.

I wrap a towel around my body and let my hair down, but Chris stops me.

He backs my body into the wall and snatches off my towel, dropping it at our feet.

His hand around my throat makes it hard for me to swallow.
My mouth's gone dry as I stare at him stare at me like it's his first time seeing my naked body.

Chris kisses down my flesh and drops his knees onto the towel, lifting my leg over his shoulder.

"Good boy." I giggle, only teasing, grabbing his hair.

He first gives me one long lick that makes me roll my eyes back.

I feel him smile against my thighs and then bite them which makes me cry out.

My thighs start to shake and knees go weak as Chris's mouth closes over my pussy and his tongue begins to ravish me.

He effortlessly lifts my weight and I wrap both legs around his neck, but his growl tells me to relax so I try to but, fuck, it's so hard. So hard.

My hips thrust forward in his face and he remains buried there, tongue dancing around my opening.

He lets his eyes stare up at my breasts and sucks on my clit. I think I'm going to die, unable to take anymore. My body convulses and Chris holds me there until I come down and can be placed back onto my feet, not that I can still feel my knees.

I grab my towel and hand one to Chris as well.

"Good night." I fake a yawn, walking out of the bathroom.