"It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp."

──────⊱⁜⊰─────

𝑴𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒂𝒏

I flush the toilet that I've emptied my breakfast and lunch into - the second time I've thrown up in three days.

As much as I think I'm pregnant, I don't get my hopes up. I'll know when I know. For now, I don't even think I'm pregnant, it's just all the stress and alcohol.

~

"—I remember the days you used to love me." I sang along to the Faith Evans song I had playing on the speaker.

Yara stiffly rocks along to the beat and I laugh at her.

"You know this song?"

She shakes her head no, saying, "But I like it."

We had side dish duty and dessert while Nick promised he'd cover the chicken.

The fruits and vegetables were all fresh from Mrs.Adams's garden. I had taken Mina and Robbie out there earlier to pick some while I insisted Yara take a load off and nap for a change.

Meanwhile, Mina and Robbie are fast asleep in their tent in the living room with Duke and Stevie— their guard dogs— outside of the tent, also sleeping.

"They're just too cute." I compliment Yara for the umpteenth time.

She hardly looks up from chopping the onion to thank me with a kind smile across her naturally dark tinted lips.

"They are. A handful, but cute." She makes me laugh.
"When will you have your own, if you don't mind me asking?"

I wipe my hands on the dish towel and pop my shoulders. "I guess when the time is right."

"You sound like Nick." She giggles.

I hang my head with a coy grin. "Speaking of, I just can't wrap my head around why he chose to come here of all places?"

"Well, his family is here, didn't I tell you that?"

"Yeah, but you said you don't really talk to his family. And I don't mean New York, I mean here."

She stops the motion of her hand on the knife and sighs.
"We like the land, it's a few hours to the city but Nick doesn't mind the commute."

"Yeah but don't you feel unsafe? I met those people at the gas station, someone should really do something about them."

She just hums and shakes her head. "There's people like that everywhere, Morgan."

"Doesn't mean you have to stick around for it!" I get passionate and square her shoulders.

She, at only five-foot-two, looks up at me with dark brown eyes.
"Would you just up and run because some people are mean and nasty? No. You make a home somewhere, no one can you run you out of it. If I ran every time I was faced with a challenge, well, I'd still be running. I left India and I left Tennessee. No more." Her words flow out of her so clear and strongly that I don't realize she is crying until she stops speaking and sniffles.

"Yara, I'm sorry. It's just that, I-" I stop talking just so that I can hug her and let her have her moment. This isn't about me.

I look up into a mirror as I rub her back and stare at my reflection.

Wait, I suddenly realize. This really isn't about me.

This whole time I've been projecting on Yara. Wondering why she doesn't just up and leave instead of dealing with those people. I've selfishly asked Chris the same thing.

I ran away from Arizona. I ran away from Penshaw. And now, Port Ember.

Yara'a right, there's evil people everywhere, when do I decide to make somewhere home and let nothing compromise that?

"I'll be back, I'm going to get some medicine from my room, crying gives me headaches." Yara spills, untying her apron as she exits the kitchen.

Anthony Hamilton's masterpiece of a song "Can't Let Go" starts to play and I hang my head, eyes closed as I resonate with the lyrics.

"Why must they try to tear down my house
When they know it's made from love?
And they could never stand in our way
We made a vow to love through it all, we are one
And no one has the right to tear my love down
No matter what the people say
I'm gonna love you anyway
You are my life, I can't let go
Even if we fuss or fight
Try 'til we get it right
You are my life, I can't let go
Even if we disagree
You can put it all on me
You are my life, I can't let go..."

His soulful voice and powerful lyrics combined with the sounds provided by the band leads me to pick up the bottle of wine and fill my second glass, emotional.

I tilt my head back and gulp the red wine down until it's gone.

Ironic how some songs play exactly when you need them, or that specific message.

"Alexa, you're listening to me, aren't you?" I curse Jeff Bezos for his spy technology.

"I'm sorry, I did not get that." Alexa speaks loudly, disturbing the dogs and kids slumber. Luckily, though, they just toss and turn a little but continue snoozing.

"Oh, shut up." I snarl, walking to the living room with the wine bottle and my glass.

I sit back and rub my eyes, keeping them closed while I tune back into the song.

"Squirt?" A small voice summons me.

I crack a nervous laugh and then cover my mouth with my hands, staring at Mina in disbelief. Where did she get that nickname from, that's what Quinn and I used to call each other?

She wipes her tired eyes and struggles to crawl in my lap so I help her up.

"Can't sleep?" I ask her in a low voice, raking the wild blonde hair from her olive-toned face.

She shakes her head no and curls up to me, puckering her swollen lips.

I look down at her and can't help but fall more in love. What a sweet, beautiful child.

She reminds me of Quinn, how friendly and delicate she is.
I think that's why I want a girl. At first I kind of wanted a boy, a little Chris. Growing up, I always thought I'd want a boy first that way he can be the oldest and protect his little sister. I've never wanted more than three kids. Three is the perfect number. Although, I'd be fine with just one boy and a girl - like Mina and Robbie. They're perfect.

I start to laugh, just full of emotion, but mostly happiness. I'm grieving but in another way now - in a way that I can remember Quinn without breaking down.

Mina giggles with me and attacks me with a big hug that I return, picking our bodies off of the couch so that I can twirl her all around the living room.

RUFF! RUFF! RUFF!

Duke and Stevie's barking stops me from spinning.

I stumble, trying to stop, and see Nick enter the room, arms folded across his hairy chest.

This is my third day of knowing him, but I haven't gotten used to him yet the way I have with the kids and Yara. He works a lot but loves his family with his whole heart. When he takes off his blue collar, it's traded for a trucker hat, some boots, and denim jeans.
He has a thick horseshoe mustache to go with his blonde haircut, completing the farmer look.

"Come with me," he says, heading back outside.

I stroll after him, in awe at the barn out back that is used for entertaining now.

"We don't get a lot of company, but when we do..." Nick speaks in his burly voice. Everything about him is so rugged, makes me think that's how most people are who come from Tennessee.

There's Nashville antiques and souvenirs everywhere from a flag to a map, throw blankets over the couch, and a collection of Tennessee whiskey.

"You're really proud of where you come from." I comment, looking around the place some more.

"Of course I am. Aren't you?"

I shake my head. "Arizona was too hot. Colorado's too cold. Port Ember is... different."

"Well, Tennessee is just right. Want a drink?"

"No, thanks. Nick, I'm sorry, but why are we in here?"

"I just wanted to get to know you better. You've taken a liking to my kids, especially Mina."

I blush. "Sorry, I just adore her. Both of them are so sweet and cute."

"Nothing to be sorry about."

"If you don't mind me asking, why do you stay here?"

"How do you mean?" He asks from behind the bar.

I roll my eyes. "You work two hours away in the city and she's here, living in fear while raising your kids, having to worry about those racists down the road."

Nick just laughs, combing his mustache with his dirty fingernails.

"What's funny?" I ask him, kind of getting annoyed.

"I'm not worried about them, neither is she."

"I know you love your wife and your job and this house, but why even be around that? If you love Tennessee so much, why not go back?"

Nick puts his can on the bar and looks between my eyes.
"You said you know I love my wife, what does that mean?"

I gulp. "I don't know, Chris wouldn't put me in danger like that."

"You think we're in danger?"

"I think there are dangerous people nearby, yes."

He chuckles. "I'm not worried about them at all."

His hands work on the code to a safe until it opens and he reveals all of his weapons from an assortment of guns, bombs, and knives.

My jaw drops. I don't know what to think of all of this, him being some type of gun slanging cowboy.

"Relax, it's just protection. They can keep on with their graffiti, but that's all it's ever been: scare tactics. This is what will happen if they try anything else."

"You'd rather do that than just leave?" I can't seem to understand.

"You must've never owned a house?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm planting my roots here with my family, I'm not letting anyone take that away from me. You'll understand when you have a family of your own."

I drop my arms from my chest and adjust my tone. "Well, hopefully you'll never have to use them," I say, alluding to the weapons.

Nick swallows another gulp of beer and then laughs through his nose. "You mean again?"

My eyes go wide at his admittance.

"You-" I can't spit anything out to ask him about what he meant.

Nick's face falls, it alters to an unrecognizable expression. His eyes go dark as he stares plainly ahead at nothing.

"I had to do it in order to protect the people I love. If you're going to look at me like that, like you're judging me, then you can get out of my house and head back to the city."

"No, no, no," I object quickly, relaxing my facial expression. "Actually, I'm curious. What exactly did you do?"

Nick's crooked smile kind of scares me. "Use your imagination. What would you do to protect Chris? To make sure a motherfucker never even thinks about hurting him again? Exactly."

"How do you deal with what you did?"

He hesitates to answer but eventually does. "For a while, I didn't. Then I asked for forgiveness from whatever higher power is up there. Finally, I just realized what I did doesn't make me a bad person because I did it for love, and I'll do it again."

"Does Yara know?"

Nick smiles and I ask him why.

He pauses and then says, "She was right there with me."