"Don't make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain't."

Cleo Renee Bowie

Yawn. Wait... is this— is this my own chapter?! Holy shit, hi Mom! Aw wait, I don't have a mom. And I definitely don't claim my father, or his stink ass daughter.

Can I talk about that? Ok, I will. So, it all started when— oh. No backstory?

Well, shit. I guess I can wrap this story up like the present Chris never got for me. Cough cough.

You're probably wondering where Chris and Morgan are. Let's go see, shall we?

I have a few more days here in Colorado and I'm soaking it up, besties.

Hold on, let me grab my camera.

"Babe, where are you going?" Asked AJ.

I pried his hands off of my naked body.

"Dude, chill, I don't do pet names." I scolded him as I looked for my underwear in the guest room.

He rolled over after finishing another can of beer and passed out. Men.

Once I put on a pair of my cowgirl boots and a pair of purple polka dot panties and AJ's button-up, I walked out of the guest room.

2:32AM

"What's this?" I asked myself in the camera.

I felt something in the pocket of AJ's shirt and pulled it out to get a look.

Cue the angel's singing the "hallelujah" song.

It was a small bag of his weed. Truly magical stuff.

What? I'm a recovering crackhead, smoking a little weed won't hurt.

I tucked it back into the pocket for later use. Heheh.

"What was I doing again?" I stopped to think.

With the snap of my sticky fingers I remembered: looking for Chris and Babygirl. Oh yeah.

Izzy and Lee told me after the reception that they were totally down for a threesome, I don't see why Chris is so opposed to it? I wouldn't fuck him, only Morgan.

I'm gonna make the offer again.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Just kidding, I don't knock.

"Oh my God!" I heard Morgan scream.

These little nymphos! Caught red-headed.

I barged in, ready to catch their lovemaking in 4K.

Except... they were playing UNO???

"What the?" I asked, baffled.

Morgan was bare faced — ugh, I hate her good genes— and wrapped in a blanket like ET. You know, I never liked that movie.

Chris had a face mask on and old episodes of Total Drama Island played on the muted tv.

"Oh, hey, Cleo." Morgan squeaked. "Gummy bear?"

"Cleo, what did I tell you about entering my room?" Chris nagged. "And why cowboy boots?"

I looked down at my choice of footwear but didn't get distracted.

I zoomed in on Chris's hair in a ponytail and Morgan's low red eyes. She laughed at nothing and flipped through her cards in slow motion.

"Why are you two not fucking right now? I wanted to go viral on twitter." I complained.

Morgan fell over laughing and Chris got hysterical, too.

I looked in the camera and said, "Okay, I want whatever weed they smoked. They're baked."

Morgan got up from the floor and couldn't find her blanket. She had to look for it in this fuzzy blue onesie she had on.

Yep, I'm still a little gay and she's even hot in a onesie.

My eyes shifted to Chris's who slowly blinked. "I could really go for some Eggos right now."

"Guys! My blanket literally evaporated. I cannot find it anywhere, I'm gonna cry." Morgan dramatically announced, grabbing her hair.

"Morgan," Chris said, "it's literally right there." He pointed to the blanket still on the bed.

"Muffin cake!" I heard AJ yell from the other room. Goddamn pet names.

Oop. I'm the one caught in 4K.

"Who's that?" Asked Chris, his horns raising.

"Huh?" I played dumb.

"You heard me." He grumbled.

"Nobody, silly. You're high. Good night!" I ran out of the room and found AJ swinging the handcuffs from round one around.

"Oh?" I purred, peeling off the button up.

He smirked. "Keep the boots on."

"Yee-haw!" I cheered, running to the bed with the camera still in my hands. "I can't wait to suck that candy cane!"

~~~

So maybe I'm not Uber gay. Fine, whatever, no big deal.

Needless to say, I'm not the only single one around here. Jasmine and Jabari, Lee and Izzy, Morgan and Chris.

We all went to The Q the next day for a celebratory brunch, no one else was allowed in, period.

I walked around in my fringe and recorded everyone.

Morgan, on Chris's lap, puckered her lips in the camera while Chris pushed the lens away.

"What are you filming for?" He asked me, arms folded.

"Going to make a documentary about you two nymphomaniacs, actually." I just busted his balls.

"You fucked AJ last night?" Chris flipped the script.

Morgan, laughing, choked on her tea and everyone's curious eyes shot to me.

"Oh my God," I gulped, powering off the camera.

He's quite the stinker, isn't he? Ah, hate his guts. Kidding, I love that guy, and Babygirl, too.

Anywho, they're telling me I'm taking too long this is, like, eight hundred words and I was only supposed to say "The end."

If you want to know what happened to Chris and Morgan and everyone, go read the sequel, duh.

Byeeeeeeeeee

Hey, did you like the beginning quote? They let me pick it.

~~~ The End ~~~