"I'm rightly tired of the pain I hear and feel, boss. I'm tired of bein on the road, lonely as a robin in the rain. Not never havin no buddy to go on with or tell me where we's comin from or goin to or why. I'm tired of people bein ugly to each other. It feels like pieces of glass in my head. I'm tired of all the times I've wanted to help and couldn't. I'm tired of bein in the dark. Mostly it's the pain. There's too much. If I could end it, I would. But I can't."

Chris Omar Vaughn

Sit in the office. Scale this. Design that. Answer the phone.
No, I'm complaining but it's not all bad. I was just super tired.

Morgan and Quinn stayed all weekend; they didn't go home until late last night. Well, Quinn was returned to a much more sane Callie after lunch, but Morgan stayed at my place.

Yeah, it's not exactly how I saw my Saturday and Sunday going but it turned out fine. Quinn's a smart kid, she's going to be on tv one day, I can tell. Her aunt, on the other hand, gets me going.

Morgan was texting me, being a tease, like she had been all weekend. She also reminded me about meeting up at a bar later with Jasmine and JB.
I almost declined to go, but Morgan really wanted to socialize, of course. I've never met anyone that likes people so damn much, but that's what makes her special.

Reuben caught me yawning when he entered my office. I love the sound of that: my office. Ahh.

He was trailed by Jenny who was eyeing me down behind his back.

"How's it going, Chris?" My boss got my name right on the first try.

I sat up and blew air from my cheeks. "Uh, it's going."

He had a laugh. "Good, I'm glad. I'm thinking pizza and wings for lunch, you?"

I cracked up, scratching my head at the desk. "Uh, Morgan packed a lunch for me. It's, like, chicken salad or some shit she made."

Reuben and Jenny looked at each other.

"Yeah, Jenny, go ahead and tell Sergio's that'll be a lunch res for two," Mr.Fisher instructed, exiting the office.

I tapped my pencil on the wood, waiting for the receptionist to follow.

"Who's Morgan?" She inquired, clipboard to her chest.

I dropped my head for a second, trying to think of how to phrase the answer.

We're nothing, have no title, and shouldn't even have any sort of relationship, so what do I say?

"A friend," I made known.

Jenny popped her shoulder. "Hm," she sounded, making her way out.

I watched her walk away, switching her hips like she knew someone was looking. Well I was, but there's nothing there so I turned away.

My phone rang. Seeing it was Kailyn, I answered but only because it's rare that we talk on the phone, or much at all outside of family events.

"What's up?" I spoke first.

"Can you come get me?" she asked with a grunt.

"What, no, from where?"

"My ole' man just got put in mall jail, and he was my ride, be he taking all long," she explained.

This fucking girl.

"Where's your parents?"

I heard her smack her lips. "I'm not even supposed to be here, they think I'm at work at the library."

"Are you supposed to be?"

"I called out, and? They was tryna get me to work nine to one, nah."

"That's only five hours, Kailyn," I monotoned.

"Five hours too long, the fuck? Anyway, you gonna come get me or what? I can pay you."

I fisted my hair and made up my mind.

"I'll be there," I let her know before hanging up.

That said, I grabbed my keys and phone and started for the elevator.

"Woah, Sergio's isn't going anywhere, slow down." Reuben found me downstairs in the lobby.

I stopped in my tracks to face him.

"Oh, about that, I won't be able to make it. I gotta-"

"Hey, I understand. Happy wife, happy life. Let me know if your lunch is good, I love chicken salad; have her bring more in sometime," Reuben said, patting my arm before he walked down the hall.

"I- okay, yeah," I played along.

Jenny stood there, staring at me once again.

"A friend, hm?" She jeered, clicking away in her heels.

*

The mall was pretty dead even for lunch time. I texted Kailyn but she wasn't responding fast enough, and I had already walked half the mall.

"-Thanks, bittie," I heard the fifteen-year-old say to the fast food worker behind the register.

"There you are," I could finally breathe. "let's go."

"Why are you dressed like that?" she asked me, laughing.

I stopped to look down at what I had on: business casual attire.

"What? What's wrong with it? Nevermind," I shot back.

SLAM!

The truck door shut once we were both inside it.

"Whew, I'm about to tear this chicken up!" My little cousin exclaimed.

She put her bare feet on the dashboard and I immediately pushed them off. That's dirty.

"What?" She asked with the roll of her porcelain neck.

I waited to pull off for some answers.

"What happened, how did he end up in jail?" I wanted to know, my jaw tight.

Kailyn rolled her brown eyes and pushed the "boxer braids" behind her exposed shoulders.

"He was stealing, for real, and got caught like a jackass."

My head racked, I could hardly tolerate her forced accent.

"What the fuck was he stealing, and why?"

She popped her lips, shrugging. "Just some shit."

"And who the fuck is he?"

"My ole' man?" asked Kailyn, biting down on her pink fake nails that had to be a good three or four inches long.

I just blinked at her.

"His name is Kenny, he cool. Oh, yeah, here," she offered, digging in her red backpack.

"What's this?" I asked at the sight of a wad of cash.

She blew smoke from her vape pen and started to cough. "Cash for keeping quiet. Now, take me home, I'm hungry, for real."

I took a deep breath before asking where the hell she got so much money from, it damn sure wasn't the library.

"I cashed my check," she made up.

"Bullshit."

Kailyn rolled her eyes again, this time shaking her head. "Mccht. My ole' man gave it to me. Just take it, damn."

"Yeah, what else did he give you? And stop calling him that."

"He is old, though. He, like, twenty, but he gives me whatever I need, for real."

If she says "for real" one more time, I swore in my head.

As she dug in her bag, my eyes fell on something inside.

I quickly snatched it.

"Where'd you get this from?!" I questioned.

She reached for it but couldn't get the baggie.

"My ole' man, now give it back!"

"You've gotta be kidding me. Kailyn, you don't know anything about weed."

"I know it gets me high. I know you smoke it with your uncle. And I might just give him a call and tell him about you and Morgan if you don't give it back," she threatened.

I kept eye contact for another second before she grabbed the bag and stuffed it back inside of her backpack.

"That's what I thought. On second hand, I will wait for him to get out. If Julia and Kurt ask, you haven't seen me - and I haven't seen you and Morgan," Kailyn asserted, climbing out of my truck.

She ran across the parking lot before I could stop her.

"Kailyn- fuck!" I roared. It was too late, she was gone and I wasn't about to chase after the rebellious teen.

A half an hour later, I arrived to my parents house where Kailyn, Jack, and their parents were staying for a few more weeks.

Every car was in the driveway so I knew everyone was home. I shut the door to the Durango and trudged up the lane, pressing the balls of my fingers to my temples.

"Knock knock," I talked, letting myself in the full home.

"Chris!" My mother exclaimed. I loved how happy she always was to see me, like it had been so long.

Everyone's voices kind of blended as the family all greeted me.

I waved, walking through the living room to join them all in the kitchen.

"Smells good in here," I noted. Compliments to Julia, who's actually a chef.

"For once," my dad joked, nudging me.

I laughed, body slanted against the wall, and earned cold, but playful, stares from my mother.

Dad kissed her cheek. "I'm just kidding, honey," he sucked up.

"Mhm," she sounded, whipping his back with a dish towel.

"Staying for dinner?" asked Kurt.

"Nah, I can't," I let him know.

"Big plans?" He wondered.

My mother scrunched her face. "On a Monday?"

"Nosy!" I scolded them all, cracking up.

That's when Kailyn walked in. Everyone snapped their necks to see her at the front door.

"Where have you been, young lady?" Julia raised her voice.

Kailyn's eyes shot to me and she stormed in my direction with rage.

"You told them I skipped work?!" she screamed with the stomp of her right foot.

I said nothing, just awkwardly scratched my eyebrow.

"No, actually," her brother spoke up. "you just did."

Kailyn's pale face turned red. She shrunk and tried backing out of the room.

"Get back here," Kurt enforced.

"So I called out, it's just one time? Besides, I don't need the money, I have my own," the teen explained.

Julia and Kurt scowled.

"Kailyn, the point is: your parents are worried about you. You're only fifteen, they need to know that you are where you told them you'd be," my mother reasoned.

Kailyn scoffed. With her jaw loose, you could see her blue braces.
"Um, this doesn't concern you," she snapped.

I stepped in. "Kailyn, relax-"

"Oh, I know you're not about to lecture me. Hypocrite," she grumbled, crossing her boney arms over her old, dingy black jacket.

"Chris smokes weed all the time!" Kailyn cried to the majority.

My eyes lowered with my increasing boredom the longer this went on.

"We just want to know where you're getting it from?" Dad sighed in his most fatherly form.

All eyes were on Jack's little sister as she stood in the center of the kitchen, trying to weasel her way out of this one.

"Your friend? Do you have a dealer? A medical card? Are you selling, too?" Julia asked all the questions.

"I, uh, I gave her some. I thought if she's going to smoke, she should do it with someone she can trust. I'm sorry," I led, my head hanging.

Kailyn gasped and then began playing along. "Yeah. Exactly, see."

Julia flailed her arms while her husband facepalmed.

"Chris, she's fifteen. I'm disappointed," my mother nagged.

"I know," I cleared my throat.

They let Kailyn run off to her temporary room and I followed after acting like I was leaving the house.

"Go away!" Kailyn screamed.

"It's just me," I exhaled, shutting myself inside.

She sat up on the bed, wide-eyed. "Why'd you do that, I wasn't really going to tell Malcolm?"

"I knew you weren't, and even if you did, I wouldn't care. I did it so your dumb ass won't be grounded for the rest of the time you're here," I answered, sitting on the edge of the bed.

She breathed deeply and then looked at the side of my face as I faced forward.

"Still, that was pretty cool of you," she admitted.

I frowned. "Don't let it happen again. Go to work, and stop with this act before you end up on Dr.Phil," I remonstrated, standing up.

She laughed but I was serious.

"Thanks," my cousin gushed. "And Chris?"

I stopped at the door, waiting for her to spit it out.

"Your secret is safe with me. I like Morgan; I wanna be like her. And, I guess you deserve to be happy," she revealed with an eye roll.

I didn't like the mushy sitcom moment, either, but I appreciated her for that.

"Oh, one more thing?" She squeaked.

I groaned, my head tossed back in annoyance.

"What?"

Kailyn gritted her teeth and asked, "Since you already told them you did, and I'm going to be in trouble either way, could you really get me some weed?"

I unstuck my eyes and stance and walked out with the flail of my arms.
"What the fuck," I groaned as I opened the door.

"Please, big cousin who I love and adore and would never rat on?" I heard her push out all in one take.

SLAM!

***

Later that night, the stars were out and the moon was high. In fact, it didn't look real - the full moon. It was bright, so bright.

"Yo, put ya window up," Jabari asked of me.

He was in the front seat, with Jasmine to his right, rolling a second blunt.

I sat back once the window was up and looked at Morgan who was sitting quietly for a change.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

She quickly adjusted her whole demeanor.

"Nothing," Morgan claimed, forcing a small smile. "just ready to get inside."

She'd been silently complaining about wanting to get in the bar already for, like, ten straight minutes but JB said he needed to get high first. My sentiments exactly.

"-Is that Trey?" Jabari alerted, staring out of the tinted windows belonging to his 2019 olive green Hellcat.

Jasmine sat up to see in a hurry. I guess it wasn't whoever this Trey guy is so she eased back with disappointment, smacking her large lips.

"My brother just got out of prison, why would he be at a bar in Denver?" she questioned, talking with her hands and spilling some ground up weed as she did so.

"Chill, you dropping it!" JB yelled at her.

"Why was your brother in prison?" Morgan spoke up. Interested, she scooted up at the edge of her seat to be closer to Jasmine to see better and hear the story.

Jasmine's top lip pulled up and she popped a shoulder. "I don't know, dumb shit. They tried to say he killed somebody, but he didn't."

"How long was he locked up?" Morgan wanted to know.

"Six years," Jasmine let us know.

Seeing the way her eyes got fixed on the emptiness behind Morgan's head, I didn't think this is something Jasmine was proud to talk about.

"The line's getting longer, maybe we should-" I tried to say.

"That's a long time if he didn't do it," Morgan stated, chin on Jasmine's seat.

"For real," JB agreed between licks.

"It's a long time, period," said Jasmine.

"How's be dealing with being out?" Morgan inquired.

Jasmine inhaled before answering, "He's dealing. His gang held him down so he didn't miss much, he has a place to stay and some money to his name. Just hope he stays out, is all."

"Me too," Morgan smiled.

Jasmine's face lit up. "Thanks for listening and not being scared off, or feeding into all the rumors. He's a good guy, I promise, practically raised me."

While she was still on the edge of the backseat, Morgan stretched her neck to the front and noticed something in a metal case on the center console.

"Hey, what's that?" she wondered aloud.

"Shrooms," Jabari let her know with some sort of excitement in his tone. "You want some?"

"Take a bite, just a little bit. Ever heard of microdosing, it's fun when you go out," Jasmine included, waving the stimulant in Morgan's curious face.

"Here, take it with this," Jabari insisted, giving Morgan one single nacho cheese Dorito.

Jasmine and Morgan looked at him blankly.

"A Dorito? Be for real right now," Jasmine nagged.

Jabari shrugged back at her. "It's all I had, she'll be fine. It don't taste like nothing."

Morgan tried the combo with ease and then looked around the car.

"Chris?" Jabari's voice was pitchy. He snaked his eyebrows and grinned at me, displaying two pills in his hand.

"Alright, now you popping pills? Unh unh, I'm out," Jasmine seethed, locking her elbows.

"It's just ecstasy. We can all talk half," he convinced.

Morgan lowly said, "What the hell," and broke the small white pill in two.

She offered me one and then waited for JB and Jasmine to do the same.

Each of us had shifty eyes as no one trusted the next to actually swallow the drugs.

"There. Ahh," Morgan sounded, sticking her tongue out.

"I did it," I chuckled, eyeing JB down.

He opened his mouth wide and showed that he could stomach his.

Jasmine's face was tore up like a baby who just tasted a lemon for the first time. We all laughed at her, clowning her for being pussy.

"Just do it so we can go," Morgan rushed her new friend.

Jasmine then gulped hard and snatched the water from JB's cup holder to chase it.

"There!" She shouted. "You druggies, peer-pressuring me."

We laughed as a whole at her still curled facial expression.

"So, can we go now?" She rushed, fingers glued to the handle.

The four of us stood in line, people watching and waiting.

"I hate waiting in lines," I complained to anyone within listening range.

Morgan wasn't being herself, maybe neither was I, could be 'cause we were high. Well, she didn't smoke, but it had been ten minutes so her shrooms would be kicking in about now.

Finally we were a few paces away from the bouncer who was checking ID's and collecting everyone's five dollars to enter.

The girls went before Jabari and I and walked right in, having shown no ID or any cash.

"Pfft," Jabari made sound, coughing up ten singles for the bouncer who briefly patted him down.

I was next, giving the mute man a ten dollar bill. He didn't seem to be carding anyone else but he did pat my pockets, too. I hated that.

His grunt and head-nod let us know to move along and we did.

"Why he touch me like that, and not you? He was all on my nuts," Jabari made me laugh.

"I don't know, man," I cracked up as we found our way inside.

I hadn't been to this bar since college, it was worth the hour drive.

"Bunch of college kids," Jabari yelled in my ear.

I nodded, picking up on that as well.

One red head walked by us and looked back at Jabari. Or me, we couldn't tell.

"She lucky I'm here with Jasmine," he joked, slapping my hand. Except he wasn't joking, if Jasmine wasn't here he'd be all over the redhead.

Scoping the place out, we sauntered through in search of meatball one and two. That's what Jabari and I started calling them since the reception because when they're drunk together they act like Snookie and Deena.

"Cher and Dionne," I joked once we laid eyes on the pair at the bar.

"We prefer Britney and Camille, thank you," Jasmine sassed with the Bring It On sequel reference.

Morgan's quoted that movie so much at the most random times, she even made me watch it one night at Malcolm's when I had a girl over. Man, that seems so long ago.

Morgan kept her back to us until I replaced her on the stool.

"Are you drinking? Drink," she emphasized, pushing a shot glass to my mouth.

I laughed. "Why are you trying to get fucked up?"

Her face fell before she took both shots, hers and mine.

"Damn, Morgan," Jasmine drawled out.

Morgan just stared blankly at me. "Come on, do a shot with me," she whined, tugging my arm.

I hated shots. I haven't done a shot also since college. It was never a good time, but it had been so long since I'd actually gotten drunk and let loose, so I figured why not? Except, I had already smoked, done X, and drank 1942 before leaving Jabari's apartment. Someone had to drive us home.

Jasmine and Jabari were dancing like they were the only two in the world, while Morgan told the bartender to keep her tab open.

"Let's go to our table," she shouted, taking the bottle from the bartender.

My eyes widened at the bottle of 1800.

"Ooo, yes, you got it! I'll Cashapp you," Jasmine said to Morgan.

"Don't worry about it," Morgan said, pushing through the crowd of people trying to place orders at the bar.

I followed her to an empty booth that a waitress had just cleaned off.

It was dark and free of people, at least for the moment. This booth was elevated and sat in a corner of the bar, giving full view of the dance floor and stage where the live band finished getting set up.

I watched Morgan thank the same waitress for bringing over four tulip shaped glasses (copitas.)
She then poured them full and started sipping hers.

"I hate tequila," she winced, pushing her glass away for the time being.

I laughed. "Then why are you drinking it?"

"Want to get drunk," she answered plainly.

I swallowed, taken aback, seeing her jitter in her seat.

All night I noticed that her energy was off but I had no idea why. Since we met each other at Jabari's for the pregame, she hadn't been the usual bright-smiled, bubbly Morgan.

I tapped my knuckles on the table, waiting for her to meet my eyes.

"Alright," I grunted, sitting up in the booth. "you gonna tell me what's wrong or do I have to beg?"

She slid my drink closer to me at the edge of the table and said, "Just drink."

Clearly she's of age and has enjoyed a drink or two before, I.e. the reception, but it's like she was trying to get fucked up and black out. Why?

"What's wrong?" I asked more sincerely, my hand at the small of her back.

Her eyes rolled back and she pushed my hand off of her body.

"Other than the fact that I had to sneak here and lie about where I am?" she admitted, elbows on the table as she held them and darted her eyes everywhere except to face me.

Oh. I forgot that Malcolm had come back from his latest "business trip."

"What'd he say?" I needed to know, inching closer to better hear her over the loud music.

"It's not what he said, Chris," she breathed out violently.

"What he do?"

She shook her head.

I asked again. "Morgan, what did he do to you? Did he touch you?"

When she didn't answer again, I felt my leg start to involuntarily shake under the table.

"He touched you?" I questioned, my eyebrows puckered, displaying the rage I began to fill with.

Morgan rubbed the back of her neck and then looked at me through her eyelashes.

"No." she said almost mechanically.

I didn't believe her. I angrily sucked my lips into my mouth and puffed my chest for some deep breathing to control myself.

"Morgan," I asked, leaning into her, "has he touched you? In any way?"

"No!" She screamed.

Jabari and Jasmine approached with more shots but I waved them away.

"No," Morgan said again, more calmly this time.

She pushed the hair behind her ear and then put her hand on my knee.

"I'm sorry. I don't wanna talk about it. Can we just have a fucking good time before I go back to him and you don't come around for another week?"

Honestly, I wasn't sure what to think or say. I didn't believe her about him not touching her, then again why not? I doubt she'd let him get intimate, she's held out this long. And, if he was abusing her, she has sense enough to tell someone, especially me. Or at least I hope. . .

No, no, fuck. I refuse to even think that's possible, him putting his hands on her. And no way would they have sex. No.

I relaxed my tense posture and jaw, and put my hand on top of hers, giving in.

This sweet innocent smile spread across her honeyed lips that made me wet mine.

"Come here," I gestured for a kiss.

She giggled, leaning in and pressed her lips to mine and pecked them three times.

"Now, drink!" She squealed, pouring out more of the tequila.