"The best thing about rock bottom is the rock part. You discover the solid bit of you. The bit that can't be broken down further. The thing that you might sentimentally call a soul. At our lowest we find the solid ground of our foundation. And we can build ourselves anew."

Morgan Ann Bennett

"No, but you're, like, mad pretty!" Jasmine complimented me for the tenth time after a couple of drinks.

I kept it light with fruity coolers but I definitely had, like, two and a half myself.

Her facial features were soft like her kind eyes and full cheeks, she was beautiful with her wide hips and large ass that had me envious, and such a cool girl.
Her makeup was outstanding, I kept asking if she did it herself and she did. Her shoulder-length natural jaded hair was silk pressed and parted down the middle with her baby hair decorating her forehead. Ugh, she was an actual Bratz doll and I loved her already.

"No, that's all you!" I giggled back.

I didn't even realize we had been holding hands the entirety of the compliment battle but it felt nice and far from forced.

"Let's take a picture!" She suggested in a gasp.

"Okay, okay," I rushed excitedly, practicing some poses before she clicked.

"Eeeep!" We squealed together after a full on photoshoot.

"So cute," Jasmine boasted.

"Tag me so I can follow you and repost it!" I exclaimed, my chin on Jasmine's shoulder as I watched her add a cute song to the story.

"Oh lord, they found each other," Jabari groaned, approaching.

Chris eventually exited his side conversation with a distant family member to join the three of us by the bar. Jabari and Jasmine weren't dumb, they could feel the tension, and I'm sure Jabari had already been filled in anyway. They, stepped back and sealed their lips.

I gulped hard, unsure of where to look, too scared to make eye contact at first.

"Can we talk?" Chris asked me, his hand on my elbow. His hand always found it's way there, I'm not complaining but, it was cute; I think touch is his love language, although he'd never admit it.

"That's fine," I agreed at an almost embarrassingly quick rate.

I started walking and then abruptly halted, seeing the drink in his hand.

"Without the alcohol," I enforced.

Chris looked at me like he was going to put up a fight about it at first and then he sat the lowball glass on the Tommy-Lee pedestal coffee table that illuminated purple.

"Sure," Christopher groaned after hesitating. Once it was out of his hands, he gestured for me to lead the way.

I wasn't familiar with the venue but the place was large and most likely a convention center or community hall because there were several spacious rooms and long, dark halls.
Just for privacy, though, we went to his truck. I missed his truck. I named it Lenny for some reason. I don't know, just seemed like a Lenny.

Chris helped me into the passenger seat, which he didn't have to, but that was nice of him.

Then, he got in the driver's seat and blew air from his cheeks as he pushed his long hair back.

I didn't know where to begin, neither did he obviously.

"You wanted to talk, so talk," I asserted, keeping my arms crossed.

He groaned loudly, just wanting this over with. "I told you: I'm going to defend myself-"

I cut him off. "Okay, and I get that. It's not about that. You really think I'm upset you got in a fight? No. If someone fucks with you I expect you to do something, but it's- you're no different than Malcolm," I poured out.

"That's what you think of me?" He voiced deeply.

"That's what I saw," I croaked, looking around his face.

Chris disassociated for a second. I watched him sit back and rub the stubble on his chin, the other hand in a fist on his lap.

"Mary said you were scared..." he pulled, looking through the dark tints.

I swallowed and my eyelashes started to flicker.

"It's not about the fighting itself, it's the extent. Everyone filled me in on the David story. All I can think of is what Malcolm did to Kyle and how you did the same thing. I was scared, but not of you - only what you can do."

"I wouldn't hurt you," Chris proclaimed, gently pulling my hand to his lap where it felt warm and dainty in comparison.

In my mind I said, "I know you won't," but all I could do was shake my head and let him hold me.

"You hurt me, though," Chris admitted, pushing the back of his head into the headrest. The clenching of his jaw let me know that he was stressed about this.
It wasn't easy, I'm sure, for those words to come out of his mouth.

I almost gasped at his admittance, not knowing that he even cared enough. That, and it's so different having him be so vulnerable and talkative about his real feelings for once instead of his family, sex, or work.

"That night, I needed you," he talked lowly. "and you told me I needed to be alone. You left me."

I tensed up, upset I made him feel that way. My eyes started to drip. This wasn't a good feeling at all, and I wanted it to end.

"Don't- don't cry," he jawed, reaching to grab my arm in a manner that would've instantly put me at ease if I let him.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you. That night, you needed someone, and I wish it could've been me. I judged you when I shouldn't have. I'm sorry," I spilled.

He nodded slow and gave a dry, "Thanks."

His tone was sincere and his green eyes were trying to lock with mine but I wouldn't allow it, nervously looking around the interior of the truck.

Chris wet his lips in a fast, tempered motion like he was impatient and this was hard to say, and then shifted his weight in the seat to face me finally.

"Just," he swallowed, taking me by the hand. "tell me you'll be there next time."

Head nodding, I grinned brightly as he kissed the back of my hand. I made a mental note of that, hasn't happed to me before, I thought it only happened in the movies.

"I'll do you one better: I promise," I giggled, my forehead against his. We were so close we were practically kissing, and we easily could've been, but the fact that we didn't made the moment all the more impassioned.
Maybe this isn't just about sex, I thought in my head. And I'm more than okay with that.

"I... I really like you, Chris," I pushed out all in one breath. "and I'm sorry if that just complicated things even more."

Chris popped his door open and then got out of the car, letting it slam behind him.

This motherfucker-

No way did he just scold me for leaving him, just to do the same to me?

Oh, I was appalled.

My jaw was literally on the mat on the floor of the Durango, I couldn't believe this.

Then, the passenger door was pulled open and I saw the darkness of the night again.

Chris stood there, one arm over the door, the other extended to me.

"You gonna come dance with me, or no?" He mocked the way I talked and shook his hand in my face to rush me.

I started to crack up, silently taking back the way I had just cursed him out in my head literally a few seconds ago.

Once out of the car, I adapted to his height again after sitting for a while and not having seen him in days.

You know how when you get on a rollercoaster, you're super anxious waiting in line and then the rails and ride click; slowly it takes you up at an angle and your stomach is in knots, nervous until finally, you're at the top and it's almost a sense of relief? You smile and feel weightless for a moment. On top of the world. Then BOOM! You're shooting downward, spiraling and you just let go.
That's how I feel with Chris. All the time. It's a risk, there always is. Scared, nervous. The only thing keeping me - us- going is the fact that we know we can get off at any time. It's just a ride - just fun. There are moments I feel absolutely weightless where I just surrender and escape myself. Other times I feel afraid, but then he smiles or carefully places his hands on my body and there's that relief- even if only for one night or a moment. And for however long that lasts, nothing else matters. Just enjoy the ride while you're on it.

Is it crazy that after just almost four months now, I gravely miss his touch if I have the misfortune of going without it for only some days? We shouldn't be like this, and we know it with every fiber of our being, but when something feels this good, how can you deny it?

I cemented in place, standing on the sidewalk while Chris was walking along the asphalt of the parking lot, and he was still taller than me.

My lips pressed together tight and turned into an exaggerated simper.

"Kiss me," I squeaked, being coy with my hands behind my back.

Chris stopped shuffling his feet and grabbed me by my shoulders, pulling me in.

There was a skip in my heartbeat and my body felt on fire, this isn't the first time I experienced that upon his touch, and I hoped it wasn't the last.

I willed myself to not get carried away as his warm lips were wet against mine and hungry. The burning taste of vodka lingered on him and I didn't mind. There's that 'boom.'

Giggling, I pushed my palm in Chris's chest to create some space between our bodies.

"Let's dance!" I bubbled, leading the way with a skip.

*

All the kids and seniors had left the reception and the hall was now full of Mary and Vaughn's older family and friends, dancing and drinking.

I don't know how much Chris and I missed but it must've been a whole drinking game because everyone was drunk, with the exception of Carter. Although, he didn't need any stimulants to enjoy himself.

"Go Mary! Go, go, go!" The crowd cheered the bride on as she busted out some moves to the DJ's remix.

Jabari's cousin was the DJ and he did a hell of a job with his playlist, making it seem like we were at a club; I forgot we were at a family event, it just seemed like a party.

The population of young adults were focused near the DJ booth at the foot of the room, away from the bad dancing of all the parents.

Meanwhile, the guys sat at the table, talking and drinking some more. I believe Chris was on his fourth, but I stopped counting. He was clearly drunk, could tell by the way he was dancing and actually enjoying socializing for once. His shirt had long since come undone and he kept shouting how it was "so hot in here."

Jasmine and I left the girl's dance circle and sought out our dates.

She sat beside Jabari and asked what he was doing, why they weren't dancing with us.

"We saw y'all out there," he returned, mostly eyeing me.

I played stupid, as if I wasn't out there trying to twerk on Julia and all the girls. I couldn't help it, I can't dance that great, just bend and snap, flip my hair, and look cute while shaking ass, is all. Throughout the night I danced on Chris, basically just curling my hips and pressing against him along to the music, he didn't seem to mind at all, but Mary said we were practically "dry fucking." That's fine with me.

Finding a seat on Chris's lap, he pushed the hair behind my back and dropped his knuckles down my spine.

"You ready to get out of here?" His voice deepened in my ear. That's the fourth time he asked tonight.
Before I could answer, his lips wet my shoulder and I smiled down at him.

Tipsy, I scrunched my nose, my palms pressing on my kneecaps, and wiggled against the fabric of his pants. Just happy to be here.

It is hot in here, I thought in my head. Or did I say that out loud?

"-Morgan was throwing it back!" Jasmine hyped.

"I was like 'ayeee,'" she went on.

"I see you," Jabari added, smirking my way.

Chris chimed in, saying he wanted me to keep dancing on him like that and we'd leave a lot earlier.

"Stop," I groaned, embarrassed. My face burned red.

When Chris just took a drink, Jabari got on him. "And you shut up, too?" He started making whip sounds.

"As he should," Jasmine commented. I smiled, proud.

"Shit," Jabari talked in his comical tone. "he whipped, for real."

"No," I said, snaking around Chris's body. I kissed the corner of his lips and ran my hands down his pecks to his navel. "he listens, and that's why he gets whatever he wants."

Chris wet his lips, eyeing me from the corners of his, and held my hands at his chest.

"Anything?" He repeated suggestively.

"A-huh," I sensually repeated in his ear.

Chris finished his drink and flipped the glass on it's rim atop the table. He repeated those whip noises to Jabari and then followed me back to the dance floor.

1:34am

"-Alright, y'all, thank you again for rockin' with me; I'm DJ Skies. Shoutout to The Vaughn's. We had a good night! Ima leave y'all with one more song," he announced on the mic.

Mary and Carter stayed on the floor, dancing in each other's faces like no one else in the world existed. I smiled at them from across the room as Chris pulled me along by my hand from table to table to say his goodbyes to his family and friends.

I kept myself out of his conversations with the people I barely knew. Chris stood in front of me, not letting go of my hand.

As he caught someone up on his life lately, Chris's thumb circled in my palm. When my hand got sweaty and I tried to let go, just for a moment, he slightly looked over his shoulder at me and then tightened his grip. I quietly laughed and subtly yanked his arm so we could leave already because clearly he was ready to.

Like, seven "good nights" and "see you laters" later, Chris and I were outside in the parking lot with the company of Jabari and Jasmine.

The guys were finishing smoking while Jasmine and I took more selfies and exchanged numbers, swearing we'd hang out soon. I hoped so, too, I needed a girl friend. Kailyn's cool but she's a teen and I can't talk to her about grown up girl problems, especially ones that deal with her cousin.

"-Starving," Chris talked, blowing smoke above my head.

"It's about that time for real," JB agreed, rubbing a hand down his stomach.

"I could so go for some Eggos," I complained out loud.

"Let's go make some Eggos," Chris nearly exclaimed. Someone's hungry.

"Yeah, I need to hit the bed. I done sweated my edges out," Jasmine complained, making me laugh.
She nudged Jabari. "Did you call the Uber?"

"Aw you guys don't need to Uber, I can drive you home!" I offered, digging for the key from my bag.

"You drove?" Chris asked, eyebrow popped at the sight of the white BMW.

"Mhm!" I nodded, proud.

"Here," Chris choked, tossing his keys at his teammate.

Jabari (JB) looked hyped to drive Lenny- Chris's Dodge Durango.

"You sure?" He asked, all too excited.

Chris nodded, ashing the joint before handing it back to Jabari.

"Yeah," he said quick, pushing me towards the car I arrived in. He took the keys and then opened the door for me.

As he walked around the car, I heard him yell to Jabari, "You parked at my place, right? Just go there, I'll meet you."

"Good night!" my little voice raised so that they could hear me but I don't think they did.

Once they pulled off, Chris settled behind the steering wheel.

I looked at him. "Why did you do that?"

"I want to fuck you in Malcolm's car," his husky voice chilled through me.

"Oh my god!" I squealed as Chris grabbed me by the throat and kissed me once.

I bit his lip and he growled, squeezing my thigh.

I moaned, sinking into the feeling of his teeth nipping my neck.

Chris's large hands traveled up my leg and found themselves up my dress.

When I raised my ass from the seat, he accepted the invitation and peeled the black mesh high cut thong from my waist.
Though, the sound of my phone ringing stopped him from removing them completely.

It was Callie. I wondered why she was calling so late, but I answered. I wouldn't have stopped for anyone else, though.

"H-hello?" I panted, trying to collect myself after the heated bit.

"I'm going to do it," she said, voice shaky. "I'm going to jump."

I sat up fast in the seat. "Callie, what are you talking about?"

"What's wrong?" Chris questioned, sensing the urgency.

"I can't do this anymore," she cried over the phone.

"Callie, don't do anything crazy. Where are you, I'm on the way?"

She began sobbing.

"Callie? Callie! Tell me where you are."

"Bye," she faltered.

"Callie, do not hang up. Don't-"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

***

Chris drove fast and silently to the destination we were both familiar with: Red Sage. I appreciated that he took this seriously enough to not waste time or ask me a million questions.

Callie was at the b&b, on the roof, about to jump.

I jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut before it was even parked.

"Callie, get down from there! And I don't mean jump," I shouted, heels digging in the freshly cut lawn.

"NO!" She screamed down at me.

I facepalmed, pacing.

"How did she- I'll get a ladder," Chris offered.

My neck hurt from staring up at her for the following minute.

"I hate my life! I hate it, it sucks! It wasn't supposed to be like this!" She ranted, walking along the tiles.

"Callie," I huffed. "It's two in the morning. And where is Quinn?"

"Quinn, Quinn, Quinn! Does anyone care about me anymore, it seems like no one has since I had her?"

I sighed.

"Should I call an ambulance?" Chris asked me, grabbing my arm.

My head shook. "She'll come down, just give me a second."

So he then assisted me in setting up the ladder and climbing it, but I went up alone.

"Go away!" She hissed upon seeing me on top of the building, as well.

I flailed my arms, trying to navigate in the dark.

"What, third times a charm?"

She scoffed. "I should do it."

"No," I exhaled. "You shouldn't."

My balance was off as I tried making my way to my erratic older sister.

This isn't the first of Callie's episodes. Obviously. We'd been here before, it was scary to me how familiar I am with this exact scenario. Something pisses her off after she'd let things build up for however long, then threaten to off herself. Sometimes she would be close, scary close, blade to wrist close. Other times, she would start writing a suicide note only to soak it with her tears and cry in my arms with an apology about how she'd like to change, but "can't."

I've considered therapy, group homes, an extended vacation (for her.) She hasn't.

"I just want it to stop," she wept.

I finally found her body and pulled her close.

"Look at me," I insisted. "You are in charge of your mental health. If you want it to stop, take control. You have a little girl to look after, and you have me. We care about you. Callie, damn it, I'm tired of seeing you like this."

"I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I am. I'm sorry. I don't want to do it but I don't know what else to do?"

"Listen to me, this isn't an option. Ever. Okay? Come on, let's get down from here. Let this be the last time, alright?"

Her droopy eyes were low and dull. She blinked slowly and stared off at nothing. There was nothing behind those eyes.

Caleen only nodded before going down the ladder first and I followed.

Once at the grass, I insisted she get some rest. I took her phone and alerted whoever was inside of the b&b listening at the spectacle what was going on. They understood. Mister and Misses Porter even let me know that she had been saying some things alluding to doing this earlier in the week. I questioned why they didn't let me know sooner but dropped the fact. It's over now, and I had faith she would be back to her normal self after some rest and self-care.

With Callie in bed, candles lit and soft music on, I double checked that I had all of Quinn's things, or at least whatever she needed for a night or two.

Chris carried my sleeping niece as I tucked Callie in.

Callie smiled small. "I'm sorry," she kept apologizing.

My face remained of stone, but I kissed her fevered head. "Get some sleep. I'll check on you in the morning. Please, call me if you need anything, but try and relax. Promise?"

"Promise," she said with a hard swallow.

I pushed off my knees and stared down at her for a moment longer.

That's my sister. God, that is my sister. Please let that be the last time I have to deal with this: the trauma of hearing her at rock bottom, on the verge of doing something so heinous.

Chris remained the driver, now sobered up, while I sat in the backseat with Quinn. She was still asleep, and I watched her drift off so peaceful. So beautifully.

"She going to be okay?" asked Chris.

I turned my forehead into the window and sighed deeply.
"I hope so," I fretted. "I hope so..."

***

My nerves were bad, I couldn't sleep. All that mattered was, Quinn did.
She slept the whole car ride but got ornery. Chris found chocolate chip muffins to feed her but that kept her up for another hour and a half. So, we watched Moana until her eyes closed finally.

She kept saying "Chrissy, Chrissy, you be Maui and I'll be Moana!" I could see how Chris I hated the nickname but he let her keep saying it because, well, she's adorable. Meanwhile, I was dubbed Hei Hei.
Quinn used his body as her own personal jungle gym, scream-singing as she bounced on his shoulders.
All I could wonder was how could someone not want her?

Anyway, it was nice of Chris to lend us his bed for the night. I could've easily went to Malcolm's but I didn't want her messing anything up, and I didn't want to be there any more than I had to be.

My hair was in a ponytail, probably looked like a mess after my shower.
I walked down the hall in one of Chris's old white tees, nothing more, wondering where he was.

The time was late, err early rather, almost seven-thirty in the morning now.

I wondered if Callie was alright, worry clouded my thoughts, I just hoped she was sound asleep.

"What are you doing up?" Chris asked me upon entering the loft.

When the door clicked behind him, I shrugged, pushing off of the wall.
"Trying not to get used to sleeping in your bed," I let out, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Why, what's wrong with it?"

"The fact that I have to get out of it," I giggled small. "So comfortable!"

Chris gave a short chuckle while he walked from the door to the kitchen.
I made up the blankets on his couch. I knew it wasn't the most comfortable couch to sleep on, but he managed, and I appreciated it him for it.

"Just coming back from the gym," he offered.

I nodded, seeing his attire.

Chris began putting away groceries from the shopping bags and I lent a hand.

"I'm sorry," I talked, handing him a box of cereal.

His eyes briefly looked down at me before he took the box and placed it where it belonged.

"I know this isn't how you wanted to spend your weekend," I finished, putting my back to the countertop, arms folded.

"Shut up," Chris drawled, pushing a box of Eggos in my chest.

I smiled, ecstatic that he remembered our drunk talk from last night.

My upper lip curled up, I could see my cheeks, I was grinning so hard.

"Is Quinn up, yet?" Asked Chris, pulling me into his body.

"No, she sleeps late," I let him know. And she did, nothing wakes her up. That's okay, though, I wanted her to rest because I had a full day planned for us.

"Good. You make these while I go shower and then we can finish playing house, yeah?" His husky morning voice turned me on.

I smiled against his lips and then pecked them once.

"One more," I whimpered, my foot popping.

Chris kissed me and then slowly pulled away. He released my hand with a hesitation as he got further away from the kitchen.

I pouted once he turned the corner and was out of sight.

With a sigh, I ripped open the yellow box and threw four in the toaster oven.

Humming through sealed lips, I pranced about the kitchen in search of fruit to spruce up the frozen waffles.

"Morgy!" I heard the crack of Quinn's small voice.

My head tossed back and I groaned.
So much for Mommy and Daddy, I thought in my head. Better make that five waffles.