"Missing you is like torture, and thinking of you is bliss."

Chris Omar Vaughn

"--And it's not like you'll never see me again." I talked on the phone as I stood on the balcony of my new apartment.

Port Ember had a lot to offer but it was an awkward transition from Penshaw, Colorado.
Never thought I'd be a New Yorker but here I am, and it's home for the next three months. At least. After an introductory luncheon with the department head/senior manager, Shawn Bowie, he called Reuben up and told him he may have a full time position for me. Now I'm just an architect, or designer I, but I couldn't wait to climb the ranks and eventually become a partner or senior principal.

I signed off on some papers after the professional tech guy installed my mounted Roku tv.

"Thanks, man." I said, pushing him outside.

With the slam of the door, I let out a sigh and thought I was going to enjoy some time alone finally towards the end of a long day spent playing tourist and interior designer. I use "interior designer" loosely, too, all I did was move the couch from one side of the living room area to the other, stock up the fridge, and make my bed for now.

"Still, it's a big move." JB continued to scold me about my decision to leave him.

I rubbed my forehead, feeling a headache coming on as I saw an incoming call from my mother.

Ignored.

"I'm proud of you, though." he added.

I sat on the couch and looked around the place that was so vastly different from my industrial loft back home. Well, I guess this is home now.

I thanked my best friend and told him that he better come visit.

He said, "Fo' sho. Alright, Ima let you go."

"Tell Jasmine I said hey, I know she's listening." I chuckled, rubbing my hand down my stomach.

"I'm not talking to you." she spat in the background.

Jabari said, "She says hi."

"I heard her." I swallowed, shaking my head. Hey, I guess that's girl code, I'll respect it.

After another minute of several goodbyes just in different phrases, I finally ended the call.

I actually did miss him already, and Jas, too. We didn't see each other everyday but at least we had the option to. I don't know if I'm sad or relieved that I won't hear his loud ass asking "it's 'cause I'm black, ain't it" every two seconds.

Last night was my first night sleeping in the townhouse and I slept like a baby after being so tired so I didn't realize how lonely this five thousand square foot slab of bricks would really be. And it is fucking depressing.

The thing is when you're alone you have a lot more time to think. Think about her. Think about what could've been.

I plopped down on the sumptuous cushions of the grey sofa and let out a breath of air.

The ceilings were high. And finished. Aheh.

The floors were expensive, the designer behind this modern space didn't slack on any aspect. There was more space than I knew what to do with and so much natural light.

My view on the first floor overlooked the street and sidewalk. It was weird living somewhere so busy; at any point in the day I could look outside and there would be traffic on foot, bikes, or in a vehicle - probably a taxi.

This place had a balcony, though, and a nice sized backyard, that's new for me. I thought about setting up a grill, maybe some tiki torches, my mom loves those.
A vision of some pixie lights stringed from the trees and an outdoor dining area came to mind. Morgan would love that, she gets excited anytime she sees lights hung up especially outside - says it reminds her of treehouses, her old bedroom, and Christmas.

I wondered what she'd think of New York. Although she's from Arizona, she's a Colorado girl at heart now and has taken to quaint towns. With her energy, though, she'd fit right in here, but I doubt the people are half as nice.

I can hear her now, "you need something on the walls; it's too loud here; you can't have all black decor; why is everyone littering; can we get a puppy?"

I laughed at the memory of her. I missed her voice, I didn't care if she was nagging me if she could just be here right now.

Truth is, it's honestly my first time being alone away from anyone I loved. I have no one.

Mom can't force me to family dinners. Dad's not here to pretend he needs my help building something. I'd never taste Sherry's muffins again. No JB for comedic relief. Worst of all-- do I even need to say it? No Morgan.

Because how the hell will I sleep without her buttery leg on me at night? Who's going to stay up and quote all of Cartman's best lines from South Park with me?

AND WHEN THE FUCK AM I GOING TO GET SOME PUSSY?

Sorry. No I'm not. I'm horny. It's been how long?

Goddamn.

Having carried myself to the bedroom on the third floor, I dropped onto the mattress and released a sigh of frustration. Sexual frustration.

Into the dresser I went and retrieved a bottle of lotion. I wasn't proud to resort to prehistoric times, but when in doubt, turn to Pornhub.

Normally I'd go to the gym to blow off steam but that had since become associated with anger in my mind as every time I went as of late, I hit it entirely too hard and found myself battling demons and ending with venting to JB. So, no gym. Plus, I hadn't even found one to call home here, yet, and I'm serious about where I choose to workout, you won't catch me at Planet Fitness. Pfft.

Screen orientation off. Brightness down. Volume at a sensible level since I could do that 'cause I'm home alone. Bluetooth off.

I looped the shirt behind my neck and sat against some pillow as I scrolled for an enticing video.

It had been so long since I watched porn, all the shit looked the same to me - boring. I hated all the acting, I wanted to get straight to it.

One title read, "Big tit blonde rides dildo until failure."

I blinked slow and unamused and clicked anyway.

As an ad played, I freed myself from my shorts and pumped some lotion into my right hand, phone rotated in my left.

The six minute and twelve second video began and showed the assumed "big tit blonde,"

She lied on the bed, legs spread for the world to see, and aimed her spit for her pussy. I made a face when saliva got everywhere but there. The strawberry blonde licked around her mouth and then finger, taking it inside of her. Okay.

I tried getting back into it, seeing her pleasure herself on the bed.

I shut my eyes, letting the sounds of her paced breath guide me as I stroked my dick.

It was going good, too, until I heard, "O.M.G. please cum before my dad comes back. Yeah, you like my teenage cunt, don't you? Wanna put your cock deep inside of me, bitch," followed by that weird anime eye roll fetish face and piercing screams once she slid down the realistic torso sex doll-toy dildo thing.

My eyes flung wide open and I exited the browser.

"What the fuck?" I exhaled, completely thrown.

Welp, my dick was hard, I had to finish. Literally.

Although that shit was a major turn-off.

I tried to find another video, something stimulating that wouldn't make me cringe and want to discriminate against sex workers, but again, the shit was all the same.

Besides, every girl I saw was nothing compared to mine. Morgan.

I swallowed a brought an arm under my pillow, the other hand beating my dick with the image of her clear in mind.

I envisioned every centimeter of her velvety, well-endowed figure, remembering how perfectly our bodies melted into one another, missing how wet she was for me.

My eyes fell shut again without me telling them to and a satisfied breath passed my parted lips.

"You fuck me so good, Chris..." I could hear her amorous voice almost in my ear like she was right there, weak at the way she always lingered on my name.
I shuddered and released, cum warm as it flooded down my hand and thighs.

Well shit, I hope I last longer than that in bed with her, I thought in my head.

After that, I took a long shower and walked out of the steamy bathroom, towel drying my conditioned hair.

While letting my body air-dry, I snatched my phone from the vanity and checked for any missed notifications.

Babygirl🤍 (2)

4:21pm please talk to me.. and you cant tell me you want space, you have enough space, you're 2000 miles away

now i cant stop thinking about you

I locked my phone screen. The feeling was mutual but I wasn't going to let her know that.

~~~

The next day I walked into work ready for whatever they would throw at me.
I know Reuben said I'd be hands on but I felt like a glorified intern, fetching papers, coffee runs, and note-taking for Shawn Bowie at meetings.

"Chris, my main man!" Cleo exclaimed once I neared her desk.

Seeing I was early, I stopped to entertain the receptionist.

"I don't know you." I laughed at her, ignoring her offer for a handshake.

"Not yet but you will, and then we'll have a super awesome handshake." She looked sure of it.

I nodded, unsure. "What's your deal, Cleo, if that's even your real name?"

"It is, and it's not short for anything so don't ask. But, I'm thirty and flirty, your local lipstick lesbian, my pronouns are she/they, and if I were an animal, I'd be a red panda."

"Wow," I puckered my lips, thinking up something to say. "that was a lot. A red panda?"

She looked at me with her head of dark hair tiled all the way right, then left.

"I tell you I'm a lipstick lesbian and go by 'they' pronouns and you're stuck on the red panda part?"

I shrugged. "I mean, why a red panda?"

She lifted the puffy sleeve of her burgundy blouse to show me the tattoo of a red panda on her forearm.

"They're cute, I like them." Cleo claimed, taking her seat behind the grand desk.

"So anyway," her comedic-toned voice boomed, "did you run into the man-eater, yet?"

"Who?" I scratched my chin stubble.

Cleo rolled her neck with an attitude, mad I didn't know who she meant.

"Super bitch? Kardashian reject?" She listed many nicknames for this stranger.

Then it hit me. "Ohhh. Serena?"

"Close enough - Sabrina."

"Hm." I nodded, taking a handful of skittles from Cleo's share-sized bag.

"So you did, or didn't?"

"Not yet, but I'm sure you'll know when I do."

She smiled proudly. "Well, I am the eyes and ears of this place."

"Then tell me what Bowie has planned for me."

Cleo tapped her short, red-painted nails on the desk.

"He likes you." She let me know.

I pushed off the furniture and creased a smile on my lips.

"Alright, don't get too excited, Chrissy." I looked at her funny for calling me that, a named I hadn't heard since Quinn...

"What?" Asked Cleo, touching her face like she thought she had something there that's why I stared at her.

"Uh, someone used to call me that. Don't."

"Sorry." Her tone was softened.

"Me too..." I croaked, zoning out.

The sound of the phone ringing snapped me back.

"—Okay. Okay. Christ. I'll send a warning out, thanks for the heads up. Bye." I listened to Cleo rush off the call.

I raised a curios eyebrow, wondering what warning she had to send out.

Is someone getting fired? Is it me?

Cleo slammed the phone on the hook and pierced into my eyes.

"She's coming." Cleo gawked, putting her palms flat on the surface. Her body language said she was serious but she already gave me the impression that I shouldn't take her seriously so I didn't.

"Who, the nurses to take you back to the institution?" I joked, making myself chuckle a little as I fished for more Skittles.

"No, they'll never find me," Cleo said, making me rethink everything. "it's her."

"Something's wrong with you. I'm going to work." I left Cleo and her drama so I could make my way to my workspace.

"Don't say I didn't warn you about the B.F.H.!" I heard her yell as the elevator doors shut me inside.

I rode the shaft to the fifth floor where it suddenly halted. With a 'DING' the doors parted and let someone through them.

"Going all the way up?" I asked the woman, seeing she didn't select a floor.

She let out a soft "a-huh."

When the ride resumed, I didn't speak, mostly because I hate small talk.

Only, the burning smell of a strong floral scent filled the space and made me look the woman up and down.

"My eyes are up here." She remarked, catching me.

I met her gaze, realizing she looked familiar.

"Oh? You must be the new guy?"

"You are?"

"Sabrina."

I paused for a second and remembered all that Cleo said about the bosses only child.

"What does B.F.H. mean?" I wondered.

She finished running her pierced tongue over her teeth and said, "Bitch from hell. Why?"

"No reason." I sealed my lips.

After seemingly the longest elevator ride in history, we were let out on one of the highest floors.

"Hey." she called after me and I stopped walking away so I could see what she wanted.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah?"

Sabrina smirked, twirling the ends of her long black krimped hair. "See you around?"