"I had someone once who made every day mean something.
And now.... I am lost....
And nothing means anything anymore."

Chris Omar Vaughn

I picked through my closet for a jacket to wear to work. The most appealing one, simple and black - very me. I put it on and smelled a dark, sultry scent. Surely, it had to be hers. I couldn't remember the last time she wore it, but that scent was intoxicating still.

Seeing it was time to go, I walked in front of my full body mirror and made sure I looked decent enough.

"Keys, wallet, phone..." I checked for all three. Though, when I didn't hear my keys rattling, I patted myself down. I checked the pockets of my jacket and found an balled up napkin.

Thinking it was old, dirty, and used, I walked to the trash can in the kitchen and almost threw it away. Some blue markings made me change my mind.

"Aheh," I breathed out, unballing the two-month-old napkin.

That one October night, we had went out with JB, Jas, Lee, and his girl, Izzy to some restaurant out of town. I remembered we didn't eat actual food, just desserts and we had a lot of champagne, probably more than I'd had in my whole life before that night. Ah, we had fun.

I read the note I wrote aloud. "I love you..."

That shit hurt.

I should call her, I started to think.

Just as I fished my phone out of the pocket of my cargo pants, my "go to work NOW" alarm went off.

~~~

"Chris, my man. My main man!" Cleo badgered me the second I entered the building.

I gave in after a couple weeks and made up a handshake with the quirky receptionist.
It was just two hand slaps then a fist pound, nothing special but she was geeked over it.

I've found that Cleo has been a bright spot here in Port Ember, she/they makes the place suck a little less.
Okay, New York doesn't suck, it's just not home.

I've settled into a routine. Gym at five in the morning, workout for about an hour or two then make it home in time to shower and eat before work. After clocking out— actually, that's it. If I didn't need to go grocery shopping, or feel like hitting the gym again, I went straight home and either worked on a project, or entertained myself with whatever new thrilling documentary was trending on Netflix.

Cleo kept insisting I come out with her but for one, it's cold, and two, I did not want to hang out with co-workers outside of work.

"So you're coming to the Christmas party, right?" She badgered me.

I stopped at her desk and picked from her bowl of candy.

"Didn't I tell you I don't like Mike and Ike's?"

She snatched the bowl from my hands and huffed. "Well, other people do. Now, about that Christmas party; don't make me go alone."

"I don't do Christmas parties."

She dramatically plopped down in the chair and it spun in a circle.

"Why not?"

"Ugly sweaters, Eggnog, people sucking up to the boss for a raise? No thank you."

"But, there's also... I got nothing."

"Exactly." I tried walking away.

"Wait, wait! I have tea!" Cleo ran around the desk.

I looked down at her and laughed because it was my first time seeing her full body outside of the desk.

"Shut up. Listen, I heard your girl whispered to her father about you getting that raise."

"What?" I didn't believe that.

Cleo nodded her head. "Of course she's only doing it to hook up with you, but hey, a raise is a raise. Think you can convince her to get me one, too?"

"Cleo, I am not talking to that girl. She's crazy. Wasn't she just with-"

"HR Dave? Yes. He took her out to see a movie and she apparently sucked him off then left before the climax. Well, before the movie's climax if you know what I mean."

"That doesn't make any sense," I laughed at Cleo and headed towards the elevators.

"How much you wanna bet she'll be in the elevator before you get to your office?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "I highly doubt that-"

"Going up?" Sabrina suddenly appeared. Shit, she actually kind of scared me, not gonna lie.

"Uh, yeah." I cleared my throat.

She stepped in before me and I looked back at Cleo with wide eyes. Cleo just shrugged and gave me a thumbs up, I guess for good luck.

I'm not socially stupid but I never knew what to say to new people, starting conversations is always so weird, I didn't even like to talk to people I don't know.

"Coming to the office Christmas party? Of course you are. So, I'll see you under the mistletoe?" She was forward.

I laughed, couldn't help it.

"No, I'm not going to that."

"And why not? Don't tell me you have somewhere more important to be."

I wanted to cuss her out, like, Jesus Christ, what's it to her? Damn.

This is the longest elevator ride in history, I thought.

When I didn't reply, or even look her way, Sabrina spoke up. "Well that's too bad, I mentioned to daddy that you'd be there and he wanted to discuss a raise."

"He couldn't just talk to me about that during normal work hours?"

Sabrina walked around my body. "Nope. He likes to do it at the Christmas party, so he can see what you're like with your hair down. And you should let it down, by the way." Her voice was sultry as she pulled the rubber band from my hair.

"What the Hell are you-"

DING! The doors parted and let in Kevin Mullins, president.

"Hi, Daddy!" Sabrina chimed, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning, hon. Christopher." He talked.

"Uh, morning." I replied, stepping back so he could be front and center.

"I was just asking Chris here why he won't be attending our Christmas party."

Kevin turned to me and look offended. "Of course he is."

"That's what I said but he insisted."

I hung my head. "I just don't really wanna... party."

"Son, we'll have a great time. If you want that raise, I better see you there," he said, stepping out on the desired floor. "Keep up the good work."

He waited for his daughter in this extra small plaid skirt and linked arms with her.

"You look sexy with your hair down. See you at the party, Scrooge." She flirted, walking away.

He heard that, right? Like, he had to. His daughter's just casually prancing around his workplace in next to nothing, harassing his staff. Is that— is that normal?

"Hey, Chris," an annoying co-worker of mine, Danny, talked to me as I passed his desk. "ready for the Christmas party?"

I grumbled, not even stopping to entertain him. "Fuckin' Christmas party."

~~~

"Where's the big party?" Mom wanted to know as she finished decorating the tree she bought for me.

"Uh, at The Sinclair, I think. Yeah." I had never been but I heard it was nice.

"Fancy. Well can we at least come with you?" My mother asked me as I finished getting ready for this damn office party.

"No." I answered quickly.

"Honey, he's grown. We can find something to do while he's away, I'm sure he won't be out all night." Dad reasoned.

"Exactly," I groaned, looking at myself in the mirror. "I don't even wanna go."

"Well, why are you?" Mom questioned.

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Because I want a raise so I have to fuckin' impress Kevin and his dumb ass daughter, Sabrina."

"Christopher!" Mom growled a warning to watch how I talked about women.

"Sorry, but she's the worst."

"What does she do, son?" Asked Dad.

I checked my phone and saw JB had texted me a lot but I ignored it for a second to respond to my father.

"She likes me."

He and Mom laughed at me. I blinked.

"That doesn't sound like a crime." Dad countered.

"You don't know her. Well, neither do I, but that's the point: I don't want to get to know her. She makes me uncomfortable."

Dad couldn't help but continue to laugh. "I think it's good that you're moving on."

"Alright, let's not." I stopped him there before this conversation ended with him getting his feelings hurt.

"Um, me too." Mom tried being supportive but her eyes never lied, she didn't care about me moving on, but for the sake of being a "good" mother, she agreed with her husband this time.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Who's that, honey?" Mom wondered, standing from the couch.

"I'll get it." I walked to the door to open it.

"Wow!" Cleo exclaimed, barging right in.

"I knew you had money, obviously, but I didn't know you lived on Main Street. Wow. Are you looking for a roommate? How many bedrooms do you have? And who are these people?" She talked a mile a minute.

"Cleo!" I yelled at her. "Calm down. These are my parents."

"Hi." Mom waved with a wry smile.

"I'm Carter, this is my wife, Mary. You must be Sabrina?"

I burned my eyes into his body, wanting to choke him out for even mentioning her.

"Hell no, I'm not that bitch. I'm Cleo, nice to meet you. You have a lovely son, at least that's what I'd say if I was lying." Cleo annoyed everyone already.

"You need a muzzle," I referred to Cleo then turned to my father. "And so do you. We're leaving."

"Cleo, you'll make sure he'll get that raise, right?" Dad interfered, raising his glass. He wasn't even drinking, it was a virgin beverage - a mocktail or some shit Mom whipped up.

I didn't blink as I stared at him coldly.

What the fuck?

Mom sat under his body and just hummed as she patted her thighs and escaped this conversation.

Cleo gave my dad a wink and then elbowed me in the chest. "Oh, he'll definitely get that raise if Sabrina has anything to do with it."

"Get out. Get out right now." I rushed her outside.

"Bye honey, have fun! Be safe!" Mom yelled as the door closed.

"You ready for a sick night of coked out architects and the annual midget popping out of the fruit cake?" Cleo scared me as we walked along the sidewalk.

"You lost me."

She sucked her slightly crooked teeth. "Every year they get a giant fruit cake and midget comes out of the top and gives someone a lap dance. Last year it was HR Dave and they ended up doing it in the staff kitchen. Sick, right?"

"Cleo, what's up with Sabrina? Her dad? He doesn't care that she uses his fucking job to-"

"To prey on men? Yeah, it's like a brothel at this point. I don't know, I guess Kevin turns a blind eye."

"A blind eye?"

"Most people around here do."

"Meaning?"

Cleo stopped and looked around, paranoid.

She whispered, "Kevin's involved in a lot of shit. Like, outside of work. I haven't figured it out completely, yet, but I think he and Sabrina are in some, like, cult."

"Okay, for the second time tonight, you lost me." I walked away from Cleo.

She ran to catch up and stopped me. "No, really. There's this man they always meet up with, Edward something, he's super rich, super shady. Anyway, Sabrina and him were, like, a thing and then he stopped coming around. Ever since then she hasn't been the same - sleeping around, her neck and wrists are always covered with huge chokers and bangles. It's so weird."

We continued walking in the dark, nearing the next turn.

Curious, I asked, "What do you think happened to her?"

Cleo hunched both shoulders. "He probably broke her heart, left her for some other poor girl. I think Kevin was in on it, maybe he, like, sold her to this Edward guy in some shady business deal. Maybe, he drank her soul!"

I pushed Cleo away as she tried scaring me.

She just laughed. "I don't know, dude, they're stinking rich, elitists, they have a whole bunch of shit going on."

When we fall quiet and just let time pass, Cleo speaks up again, just whatever comes to mind.
"I miss Ash," she coos. "I should probably see how he's doing."

"Is Ash a friend, or a friend?" I played with Cleo.

She smiled bashfully. "Ash is a boy and I am not attracted to boys, so he was a friend, yes. We, um, used to be drug buddies. I know, don't judge me."

"Explains how you know so much about the coke scene at work." I kept it light and she laughed.

"Ya. Well, I got clean and he didn't so I left that life behind. He's just a kid, I hope he's okay, I haven't heard from him in forever." Her voice trailed off, emotions stirring up.

"I'm sorry, Cleo. I'm glad you got clean."

"Thank you, Chrissy." When she called me that I pushed her into a bush.

"I bet Ash is glad you're gone, one less person to annoy him!" I joked.

Cleo dropped her jaw and objected. "He loved me. And so do you."

"Eh." I sounded, patting my pockets for my phone as it suddenly rang.

The screen displayed:

Babygirl🤍

"Is that a friend or a friend?" Cleo mocked me, eyes glued to my phone screen.

I clenched my jaw.

She would call now, as I'm on my way to a fucking party, hoping to drink her out of my head.

As bad as I wanted to hear her voice, I couldn't. I declined the call and stuffed my hands back into the pockets of my jacket - the one that smelled like her.

Cleo must've read my face and picked up on the clues.

"That's the girl you were crying over when you came in that day for paperwork?"

"I was not crying."

Yes I was.

Cleo went "Mhm. Who is she?"

"You talk too much, let's enjoy the rest of the walk in silence, okay?"

She skipped a few feet ahead of me and pointed up at the marquee.

"We're here!"

~~~

Santa Claus doesn't even like Christmas this damn much, I thought in my head as I looked around the ballroom.

I mean, they really overdid it with the decorations, going as far as to have industrial fans blow fake snow around the room.

I wanted to say it was refreshing seeing professional cut loose outside of work but there was something very unsettling about the way they turned into completely different people after hours. Shit, I like to have a good time and drink and smoke but I know my limits.
I didn't recognize half these people. And was it Christmas or Halloween, 'cause I couldn't tell? Some women were dressed as elves, slutty reindeer, and I saw a dozen Mrs.Claus costumes.

I shook my head as I excused myself from sports talk with Danny and his friends.

I found Cleo by the spiked punch and scolded her for leaving me alone with them.

She was too busy macking on the new intern, though.

"—So, my place or yours?" Cleo talked in this "sexy" voice.

I watched her walk away with the dirty blonde.

"A-hem!" I cleared my throat.

"Go find Sabrina or something!" She whisper-yelled at me.

"You told me to stay away from her!"

"You want a raise, don't you?!"

I rolled my eyes as she left me anyway, leaving me alone at this whack, corny ass party.

My phone rang again and I saw that Morgan was calling me.

Don't answer it. Don't answer it.

"Hello?" I answered it. Shit.

"Chris!" She sounded surprised.

I walked out to the lobby to get somewhere more quiet.

"H-how are you?"

"Why are you whispering?" I ask.

She replies, "Why are you yelling?" Touché.

I chuckled, scratching the back of my neck. "Uh, w-what's up?" Damn it, she had me stuttering.

"You, clearly."

I got inside the elevator and went all the way up to the rooftop for some fresh air.

Morgan went on to talk about, well, nothing really, just small talk but I liked hearing her voice.

I sat down on a pool chair and stared up at the stars, wondering if she was watching them, too. It was cool knowing we were under the same sky and possibly catching the same constellations.

"—If you talk to Jas can you tell her I miss her?"

"Why can't you?"

"Um," she said and I knew a lie would follow. "I lost all my contacts."

"You still have mine?"

"Well, I know your number by heart."

I wiped my smile away fast. "Yeah, I'll tell her."

"Are you okay, though? What's New York like?"

"I've been better. New York is... New York. Everything's faster-paced here, for sure."

Morgan giggled. "Still no puppy, right?"

"No," I chuckled. "No puppy."

"Good. Hey, tell Mary I'm sorry, I probably scared her the other day."

"What happened?" I sat up, worried.

"Nothing. Just, tell her I'm sorry. Carter, too, for whatever he's mad at me for."

"Morgan, just tell me. Are you good?"

"I'm here, Chris. I'm alive."

"Where are you? I heard you're moving back to Arizona?"

"How'd you hear that— nevermind. Um, well, I'm not."

"Good."

"That's good?"

"I mean— shit, I don't know what I mean. This is weird."

"Yeah, a little."

"There you are, sexy." Sabrina appeared, speaking loud enough for Morgan to hear her, I'm sure.

"Chris, who is that?" Morgan asked immediately.

Goddamn. I hate Sabrina.

"No one." I assured Morgan.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, they weren't talking to me."

"Oh, okay... Well, I wanted to talk about something-"

Sabrina snaked her body around me in the chair and fixed herself on my lap.

My jaw hit the floor. Who the hell did this girl think she was?

"Bitch-"

"Chris, did you just call me a bitch?!" Morgan snapped.

"No, no, no, no. I gotta go, okay?"

She sucked her teeth. "Fine. Call me back later, it's important."

I hung up and forced Sabrina off of my body.

"Are you brain dead? The fuck's the matter with you?!"

She cackled, removing her coverup only to reveal a red one piece swimsuit.

"I like 'em feisty."

"I'm about to lose my job."

"Relax, let's get in the pool."

"I think you're confused. Or I'm confused. Have a good night."

"So you don't want that raise?" She tested me, stopping me from nearing the door.

I clenched my jaw and fists. "Not if I have to get it like this, you're crazy."

"I am, but I heard guys like crazy girls."

"Not me. Thanks."

I shook my head and stomped away, completely baffled.

When I dialed Morgan's number, she didn't pick up. I tried again, no answer.

"Fuck!" I roared in the elevator, startling to little girl behind me.

I got let out on the third floor and found the room where Cleo's location said she would be.

I banged my fist on the door three times before it opened.

Cleo was half-dressed and had red lipstick smeared across her face.

I closed my eyes while she found a shirt to put on.

"Okay, Dad, I'm dressed now. Sheesh." She nagged, speed-walking out of the suite.

I followed her back to the elevator and waited for an explanation or something.

Cleo just smiled big and said, "You want some waffles?"

~~~

"WHAT?! SHE WAS TRYING TO SEDUCE YOU?!" Cleo sucked in air.

It was well passed midnight and I wanted to be comfortable at home instead of going out somewhere else. Plus, Cleo won me over with the waffles. We stopped into a twenty-four/seven store and picked up some Eggos on the way back.

Since my parents were inside asleep, Cleo and I hung out on the balcony.

"It's almost like I warned you about her." Her sarcasm wasn't lost on me.

"Yeah, but you did leave me."

"Hey, I want you to get that raise. Did you?"

"Fuck no. I don't want anything from Sabrina."

"Why, did she stink? Please tell me she was fishy."

I laughed with a mouthful of waffles. "No, I don't know."

"Wait, you didn't fuck?"

"No, Cleo, what the hell?"

She shrugged. "You're a male, with a functioning penis, right? And you turned her down?"

She looked like she was trying to make sense of this and I threatened to tip her chair back as she balanced on the back two legs.

Cleo added, "It's just unheard of. 'Babygirl' must've really did a number on you."

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Why not? Girl talk."

"Shut the fuck up, Cleo." I roared, standing up to throw my plate away.

"Rawr." She hissed. "Touchy, touchy."

I exhaled and looked up at the stars again tonight.

"She probably thinks I was with another girl."

"Well, weren't you technically?"

I glared at Cleo who was not helping whatsoever.

She sunk in the chair and whispered, "Sorry."

I picked at the skin on my hands and hung my head.

"I miss her."

"I miss Ash."

We passed a bottle of 1800, taking turns downing shots.

"I hope you two get another chance." Cleo's kind words made me smile.

"You should call Ash."

Cleo grinned. "Yeah, I will. You should call 'Babygirl'."

"Can you stop calling her that, her name is Morgan?" I laughed, letting Cleo past so she could make the call down the stairs that led to the backyard.

For the third time tonight, I tried Morgan's phone. No answer.

I didn't leave a message because I thought that would be desperate but she is the one who said we needed to talk about something important, although that scared me coming from her.

Cleo walked in front of my face and leaned against the black railing. "He didn't answer."

I saw how upset she was but she tried to smile anyway.

"Neither did Morgan. I'll try again in the morning, let her calm down."

Cleo nodded and sat back in her seat, curling up with the throw blanket I offered her.

"Chris?" She cooed, eyes closed.

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell me more about you and Morgan?"

"Aheh," I laughed. "well, what do you wanna know?"

"I like the way your eyes twinkle when she comes up. So, tell me everything."

I breathed in and out, wondering what to say first.

"Shit, where do I start?"

"How about from the beginning?"

"You got all night?"

"Well, Christmas Eve is tomorrow — technically today— and I have some gifts I wanna open, so, just a few more hours. Speaking of which, what did you get me?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Will you get me something?"

I shook my head, frowning. "A handshake?"

"Fine, that'll do. Now," she exclaimed, "tell me about Babygirl!"