"It's weird how much you have to hold back when you're secretly in love with someone. But then again, the whole point of love is getting close enough that you no longer have to hold back"

Chris Omar Vaughn

Three months ago

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

The sound of my phone vibrating on top of my wooden dresser woke me. Not that I was getting much sleep anyway, felt like something was missing.

There was a text from Morgan. It read:

Wanna do something crazy?

I sat up and blinked my eyes open only to see the time on the clock.

4:31am

"What the fuck?" I groaned, ripping the covers off of my body.

~

"—Here he comes!" I heard Morgan's voice squeak. She was entirely too enthusiastic at this time of day.

"You're lucky I like you." My voice was hardly there.

"You're lucky." She jabbed back instantly.

"What are you doing up, anyway?" I questioned, walking towards her with my hands in the pocket of my black hoodie.

She smacked her considerable lips and greeted me with a hug that actually pumped some life into me. I needed it. I had no plans for waking up before ten this Sunday, but this is what she does to me.

"It's just you two, right?" This broad man asked, holding up the gate.

The wind blew a breath across Morgan's face, long hair covering her vision for a moment before she combed the strands of blonde curls back under the oversized grey hoodie.

"Is that my hoodie?" I asked, eyes squinting on the details of the outerwear.

"Shh." She hissed, returning her attention back to the man in the yellow 'security' windbreaker.

"I could get in a lot of trouble for this." He fretted.

"Morgan, who is this?" I asked, sizing him up.

"This is Jim, we go way back." She said with confidence, both fists on her hips.

I looked at her and she admitted, "We met this morning."

Jim turned his back to us and we watched him unlock the fence to the carnival grounds.

"Thanks, Jim!" Morgan exclaimed.

She grabbed me by the wrist, pulling me past the vacant ticket booth.

"This is so cool," she gasped with wonder, "I feel so rebellious."

"You mind telling me why we're at a carnival at four in the morning, Ann?" I referred to her middle name.

Morgan stayed crouched down at eye level with the prize gold fish at one of the side carnival games.

"Does Malcolm know you're gone or is he about to send a search party?" I asked, so close behind her as I was dressed in all black that I looked like a shadow.

She slowly arose and turned on her heels to face me.

"Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm," she flailed her arms. "Is that all you ever talk about?"

"I-" I tried to speak but she interjected.

Morgan paced off but ranted loud enough for me to still hear as I was cemented in the same position.

She said, "Well if you love him so much, you live with him."

Just when I thought she had caught an attitude with me and I ruined this little excursion, she came to a sudden halt in front of the Ferris wheel and panned her head up to take it in.

I watched her stand there in awe for another few seconds before I walked up and nudged her.

"Let's get on it, then." I tested, ambling backwards as she dropped her sights on me nearing the ride.

When she didn't move, I pouted, mocking her.

"Oh. You're chicken?"

"Am not!" She didn't hesitate to defend herself.

I nodded stiffly. "You haven't moved yet."

"I don't like heights." Morgan blurted. Her fists clinched and released more than once I noticed, like they burned with anxiety.

"You're scared of heights?" I questioned dry, my face going straight. It just didn't seem like Morgan to have such a cliche phobia. I'd think she was fearless as confident as she is.

"Did I say scared? No. I said I don't like them." Morgan made clear. I trembled sarcastically like I was scared of her and she laughed.

I dropped off of the platform and met her on the patchy grass.

Her marble blue-green eyes were wide, not in their usual relaxed almond shape. I finally looked at her face one good time and could tell she had been crying. As badly as I wanted to know why and do something about it, I couldn't press the issue, scared to upset her even more. She clearly needed a distraction. Plus it made me feel good that she turned to me for a good time.

Morgan swallowed hard. She was scared. That's adorable.

I took her hand and squeezed it, earning a surprised stare but when she didn't pull away, I kind of smiled and led her towards the amusement ride.

Jim extinguished his cigarette with the sole of his black Nike boot and secured us in our seats.

He hit a button on the control panel and the ride awakened with a rusty squeak before taking off.

Once at the top, it seemed like we stopped. The ride was already slow as hell, I just hoped it wouldn't go backwards.

"I never liked Ferris wheels." I admitted, looking down. That's a long drop.

Morgan snapped her neck. She looked at the side of my face as I peered at the skyline.

"Me either, really." She whispered. Her voice comforting as always.

I sat back and let myself enjoy the high altitude, showing Morgan she had nothing to worry about.

"You've never been on a plane before?" I wondered aloud.

She made a cute animated face and shook her head. "No. But I want to."

"Where would you go?" I asked, looking at the tangled curls in the back of her head. She rarely wore her hair in its natural state, unlike Callie who embraced her golden mane, but I liked it like that as she grew it out - a noticeable difference in length since she first moved here.

Morgan relaxed under my arm that was behind her neck and pushed her fear of heights aside for the rest of the conversation.

"South Korea, for sure. Africa, Amsterdam, Italy..." she listed.

South Korea was a new one. I never thought about going there until she went on to tell me all about how great she thinks it is since watching natives talk about their living situations; Morgan says they "got it right" and live much better there, that she'd like to live in a tiny apartment there some day for a few months to a year.

Then she went on to talk about how she thinks our bodies are physical vessels solely to house the energy that we're made of which is our souls and that she was a Buddhist for a couple of weeks when she was in middle school.

It was nice to hear her talk about life- her life. Quinn and Callie didn't come up once and I could tell she really had dreams that didn't involve them. It was clear they were important in her life, I just wish she'd live it for herself and not others, but that's just how big her heart is.

We did bumper cars, ski ball, and helped ourselves to some candy at an open stand.

Before long, the sun started to make its appearance.

Once I made sure there was a genuine smile on Morgan's bare face, we decided we could leave and let ole' Jim lock up before he got fired.

"That was fun." I talked through a yawn.

"I'm not ready to go yet!" Morgan insisted all in one breath. Her cheeks started to burn, embarrassed she said that so fast.

I smiled, finding her cute and she knew that, giving me a slight nudge.

"Tell me something," Morgan breathed out, bringing her knees to her chest that was well hidden under the large hoodie.

"Do you believe in fate?"

I thought about it for a second, my elbows locked to support my weight as I sat in the sand.

"I don't know if it works like that so I can't say that I do. I know — or at least I think— everything happens for a reason, but I don't know about all that God's will, pre-destined bullshit." I answered.

Morgan rested her cheek against her kneecap and hummed. "Yeah."

"I mean, everything in life is a coincidence, if you think about it; a series of coincidences stringing certain events together in time. Please stop me when I sound pretentious." She giggled.

I nodded. "No, I agree..."

She yawned small. "I always thought I'd be married by twenty-two, expecting my first child, not a care in the world other than where we should vacation next: the Caribbean or, like, the Poconos." Her laugh was breathy. I could tell she was fighting sleep. Is it bad that I didn't care because I wanted every second together to last?

I didn't respond because what could I say to that?

"Is it my karma that I found you when I can't be with you; the one person in my life outside of Quinn that genuinely makes me happy?"

My face turned up into grin that I couldn't help. Shit, I was probably even blushing.

Knowing I made her happy meant a lot. Of course we're attracted to each other, the chemistry is clearly there, but it meant something that we appreciated each other as people first and foremost. The feeling was mutual, to say the least. If we ended this — whatever we're doing now— then I'd like to actually remain friends at least.

"Chris," Morgan spoke up again before I could. "even if we don't end up together, I still want us to have a happily ever after."

My smile faded but not due to what she said, just the reality settling in that this is far from ideal and she deserves so much more.

"Okay," I said, clearing my throat. "promise me something."

"What?" she softened her voice.

Morgan and I met each other's gaze, blocking out the golden sun as it rose on the horizon.

"Promise me that you'll live happily ever after. No matter what." I proclaimed.

She looked at me, lips parted. "Chris, I-"

"No," I rasped. "promise."

Morgan blinked, her natural long eyelashes making it look longer than it really was.

She twisted her mouth and then cracked a smirk, her pinky in my face.

"I promise that as long as you are with me, I am happy." She signified proudly.

"That's not what I said, Morgan." I growled, pushing her pinky away.

She dramatically fell over my lap and sighed. I let her stay there for a second, though as I watched the colors blend in the sky creating a scene that looked like art.

She vibrated her lips and then sat up, looking out over the gently crashing body of water on the shore.

"What time is it?" asked Morgan since she left her phone behind, paranoid Malcolm would track it.

Pulling my fixed eyes from Morgan glowing in the morning light, I reached in my pocket for my phone and let her know that it was almost seven AM. Damn.

She stood and dusted the grains of sand from the back of her bare legs, nothing on them but a pair of soft white shorts you couldn't see under the hoodie.

Her hand dropping in front of my face stopped me from fantasizing about her creamy skin rubbing against mine. I watched her legs go all the way up and I started to smile, laughing inside for mentally kicking myself to practice self-control.

But that's how I knew I really liked this girl, the fact that I didn't need to have sex with her all the time. I could actually stand to hear her talk about nothing and found myself listening. I even gave feedback when she gossiped.

For whatever reason, Morgan was quiet as we journeyed to my truck up the hill.

I unlocked the doors and stopped myself from hopping right in, seeing Morgan on the edge, giving herself a hug.

She inhaled deeply and let her hair blow with the gust of wind.

I stopped staring and stepped down from my Durango with an airy chuckle.

Click! My camera captured her in that moment.

A gasp slipped from her mouth.

I smiled, my eyes low from being so tired and fighting it.

"Beautiful." I remarked, easing her nerves.

She dropped her hands onto the wooden fence that outlined the perimeter of the beach.

I took in her candid beauty and felt my cheeks burn. Every time I'm with Morgan I turn into a pre-teen, sweaty palms, beating heart, unable to speak.

Her aura was just inviting, something told me we needed to bring our bodies together and I listened, wrapping her thin frame in my arms.

"That feels right." She cooed, holding me back.

It made me feel good that she always returned my gestures with kind strokes or gentle embraces even though I was so dominant and always assumed the lead. Like, the care was mutual and I could feel something as well even when I'm being a security blanket.

"You still didn't make that promise..." I reminded Morgan.

She sighed and turned to look up at me. "I can't, Chris. You make me happy. Not all the bullshit Malcolm bought for me or any of that. I found something — someone— that brings me joy, makes me excited to get up in the morning: us. And I'm not ready to have that taken away."

I hung my head hearing every word she said. Her emotions were valid, that's for sure. With Malcolm still in the picture, there will always be a threat to our relationship.

Time was going by and I wasn't going to feel like this was a night — morning— well spent until I heard her promise she'll start to live for her. Whether I'm around or not.

"I wanna stay here forever. With you." She exhaled, rotating in place so her back was against my chest again.

"I don't want this to be a memory I'll forget in a couple of years - just one of the many nights we've spent together. How do you capture moments like this?"

With an answer to her question, I got my phone out and snapped a picture of us, Morgan squirming in my arms as she insisted the camera was too close, the angle was off, and she looked "a mess." Never.

"There," I kissed her head. "you can keep it forever."

"Will you?" She asked quietly, kissing the back of my hand.

I nestled my nose in her neck and smiled against her flesh. "Will I what?"

She cleared her throat. "I promise I'll follow my hopes and dreams. Do you promise that even after this, you'll still care about me - you'll be there for me? I mean it, even if we're on opposite ends of the Earth, I want to feel like if I need you, you'll be there."

I squeezed her and smiled as she did too.

Our lips met and were warm. She tasted sweet, like usual, and grinned against my lips.

"I promise," I paused to wet my lips and take a breath. "that I'll come running if you ever need me. And that I'll never stop caring about you."

~~~ Present Day ~~~

I hovered my thumb over the 'delete' option on the screen of my phone.
As bad as I wanted to, I couldn't. I'd never forget that morning on the beach. I'd never forget her.
That picture said "I love you" before either of us ever did.

I'm mad at myself for not being more mad at her. Mostly I'm just disappointed. I was so close to getting my happy ever after and it's like she ripped that away from me. I wish I could've held onto that feeling a little longer - feeling excited, ready to be a father, and eventually a husband to her.

"Thanks," I sniffled, talking to the taxi driver once he parked outside of the skyscraper.
It was an intimidating building holding at least ten floors with lots of windows and people coming in and out of the revolving door.

This is it, I said to myself in my head. This is what I left my life for. . .

Dad had texted me that he started the drive here — to New York— in my truck. I was going to go with an alternative delivery method and not bother my family or JB but Dad insisted; said he could use a nice mind-clearing road trip.

Before even settling into my townhouse, I showed myself around Port Ember, familiarizing myself with the up and coming city.

First, though, I needed to do what I came here for to begin with: work.

Reuben told me to go and pick up some paperwork from my temporary new boss.

I walked up to the front desk and noticed a girl with dark hair, probably black hair, blowing a bubble with her chewing gum.

"Excuse me." I used my manners.

She popped the bubble and chomped on the gum.

"Why, you fart?" She joked. I guess. It wasn't funny.

I scratched the space between my eyebrows with my short thumb nail, eyes rolling in annoyance already.

Just what I needed after a flight and terrible pop music filled Lyft ride - a snarky receptionist.

"You new?" She asked, eyeing me up and down.

Offended, I did the same to her but she just laughed with a snort.

"Is it obvious?" I replied, tired.

"Well you don't exactly look like a raging coke head. Yet."

Yet?

I stared at her blankly. "Yeah, I'm here to get some paperwork done..."

She ripped her brown eyes from my body and handed over a file after a short search for it. "You single?"

"Dude," I groaned, frustrated. "I just got out of a relationship that I don't even want to be out of but I am and it's shitty and I'm just. Trying. To. Get. Settled." I banged my fist with every syllable of the last few words I spoke.

She raised her eyebrow slit and said, "I'm gay but thanks for the life story... Chris."

"Anything else, Cleo?" I smartly emphasized the name I read on her name plate.

She huffed but started to warm up with a smirk, typing away at the keyboard.

I grew bored once she stopped entertaining me and rearranged the pens and business cards on her desk.

"Can you not?" Cleo snapped.

I threw my hands up in innocence.

"So," I drawled. "why'd you ask if I was single?"

She looked around as if someone had ears and eyes everywhere.

"Beware the bosses daughter." Said Cleo. Cryptic. I don't like it.

"Who?" I barked, face curled because that little riddle had me fucked up already.

Cleo removed her ear piece and signaled me to lean forward so she could whisper. I did, but with caution.

"Her name is Sabrina, and she's a man-eater. Spoiled heiress, super slut, you know the type. She's a dumb blonde except she's not blonde. And yes, they're fake. I think the only thing she hasn't gotten work done on is her knees and elbows. Anyway, it's only a matter of time before she starts plotting on you. She can smell fresh meat."

I wasn't giving into that shit. The last thing I was worried about was another woman at this point. Those rumors about men being able to move on quick are lies, this shit hurt and it was gonna take a lot more than some stuck-up nepo baby to get me out of this one.

"How 'bout those papers, Cleo?" I rushed, knuckles knocking on the furniture.

She popped her shoulders with a smug look.

After stapling my packet, she handed it over.

I snatched it. "Thanks."

"Mhm. Good luck," she murmured. "you're gonna need it."

Whatever that meant.

With that, I walked away from her weird ass and wandered through the lobby, making mental notes of what was where and a reminder to keep conversation with crazy front desk girls to a minimum.

As I exited through the automatic revolving door, a cold, studious face entered and danced opposite of me. I stared back at the brunette, getting lost in the spinning motion and concentration of her eyes.

She chewed her lip and waved her finger, showing the sharp red manicure.

Sabrina?

I shook my head, telling myself I wasn't interested. In the second I saw her, I had everything I needed to know: a try-hard airhead who cared more about her hair extensions, fake eyelashes, and unreasonably long nails than anything. Her lips were blown up with too much juvederm just like the rest of her body - inflated. A Kardashian wannabe. She was a good looking girl, I can't lie, but Sabrina looked like a bad time in the worst way.

Also, I am not going to like that revolving door. Shit's annoying.

I headed down the sidewalk, eye-spying hipster coffee shops, plant stands, art pop-ups, and several street performers. Yo, there was even a vegan food truck. I don't know, I never saw shit like that back home.

As I waited for a cab, I checked my phone for any missed notifications.

Babygirl🤍 (4)

1:43am    Chris I'm so sorry

3:52am Please come back I love you...

11:11am I'm literally begging you

2:34pm You promised.