"The saddest part of life is when someone who gives you the best memories becomes one."

Morgan Ann Bennett

It's been a week and a few days. I had already gotten the results back.

Chris had gone to work after an argument we had early this morning. He was hell bent on going to New York but I just didn't want to uproot my life here. Sure, it's not ideal, but it's finally home for me. We have everything we need, this is where his roots are. Besides, in the future, Penshaw will be a great place to raise the kids - not some loud, dirty city. And anyway, I doubt he'd be ready to move once I tell him the news. . .

I tried to tell him. I did, I swear, but he wouldn't listen. The argument was really just him telling me I've been "acting like a fucking cunt ever since the accident." He immediately apologized but I know he meant it. One thing about Chris is he always says how he feels and when he's mad, there's no filter.

And he's right, I wasn't myself. I lost Quinn and Callie, other than my parents, they're all I had. I never knew much of my other family members or kept in contact with them, it wasn't that many anyway.

Mom and Dad kept calling and every time we talked, it was the same conversation, them asking me to move back to Arizona - start our family there. No.

It was probably ten in the morning when I was knocking at Mary's door again.

She opened it and looked at me like she wasn't happy to see me. That's a first, I didn't like it.

I dropped my head with shame.

She already knew the reality of my unexpected visit.

A sigh past her lips. "I'll drive. Let me get my coat."

I trailed her inside the home and shut the door behind us.

"Morgan," Carter called my name from the kitchen where he was standing.

I hesitated to face him.

"You okay?"

Gulp.

"I will be..." I replied.

~~~

I let go of Mary's hand, the hand that was my safety blanket while we waited in the lobby.

My name was called. They had all of my paperwork and the money.

It was time.

I followed someone to the operating room and stripped from my loungewear.

Finally the doctor came in. She tried hard to be as comforting as possible, a nice warm smile did put me at ease some.

I stopped squeezing the neck of the teddy bear to answer some questions.

After they numbed me, I didn't think twice about what they had to do.

~~~

"Here we are: home. You need to rest," Mary said, parking her SUV. "I'll take care of you while Chris is at work."

"I don't know what I'm going to tell him." I mumbled, head against the glass as it had been the whole way home.

She rubbed my leg. "Don't worry about that. Let me help you out."

I blinked and eased off of the passenger seat with Mary's guidance. Even though I didn't need it, she insisted.

As we walked up the driveway, the both of us noticed a black Dodge Durgango R/T.

Of course.

I braced myself.

Mary picked up the pace. She said, "Don't worry about it," again and helped me up the few exterior steps.

All of a sudden, the door swung wide open and out came Chris followed by his father.

I tried to keep this as casual as possible in front of Carter who was also oblivious.

"What are you doing home?" I wondered.

Chris popped a shoulder. "I don't like how I left after this morning, I wanted to apologize."

I instantly felt the tears coming on.

I have to tell him, I thought in my head. Now.

"Uh, son," Mary spoke up, holding the door open as she beckoned for me. "Morgan i-isn't feeling too good, let's let her rest."

"What's wrong, is it the baby?" He asked, eyes wide with worry.

Pfft. Yeah, the baby.

My lips quivered and I felt my head spinning and heart pulsing.

I pulled him down the stairs to get away from a concerned Carter. I could already see the look in his eyes, if I mess up here, he'd pounce with no hesitation.

"Chris," I drawled.

A sudden shiver chilled through my body.

"I tried to tell you that I wasn't going through with— that I wasn't ready for— I'm not pregnant anymore."

The look in his eyes alone could've split the ground in half, letting all Hell loose. I was terrified in that moment.

He ripped his eyes off of me and alluded to his mother. "You knew?"

She pulled the purse over her shoulder and admitted, "I took her."

Carter, leaning on the railing, dropped his head. I know none of his thoughts about me were positive.

Chris stood feet away from me, he was directly in between the house and myself.

He nodded stiffly, tongue in cheek.

"You've done a lot of shit, Morgan, but this?"
He scoffed and walked away with balled fists.

"I told you, I didn't want to bring a baby into this world with how I am right now, our situation!" I screamed, following him to his truck.

He turned so quickly in my face that it scared me and I took a cautious step back.

"And I told you I would handle it! I wanted this and you— you deprived me of it." He huffed, not even able to look me in the eyes.

"Deprived you? What about me?! I wasn't ready to have a baby, you know this was an option. You're so selfish just because you're ready to start a family and your life is so fucking perfect. I just lost Quinn, I didn't think I'd love another baby as much.. as much as I loved her." I started to cry and hated it. The tears were salty and burned as they slid down my red cheeks.

"Quinn died so you go and kill another baby, what's the logic in that?" He roared with the flail of his arms.

Mary gasped. "Chris!"

Carter put his hand up at her in a way that said "shh, let him get it out."

I was absolutely devastated, but I laughed. I knew he felt like that but didn't want to admit it. Yet he's so "feminist." Give me a fucking break.

I sniffled, trying not to cry anymore, and looked up at the sky with her hand under her nose.

"You know what, it's not even about that, what was your plan, Chris, huh? Go beat up Malcolm? Okay. And when he comes for you, or me, then what? I rather have him just kill me than do something while there's a child inside of me. Could you live with that, if it was the both of us?" I stared up into his eyes, watching them darken.

When he didn't answer, I said, "Didn't think so."

"I can't live with this decision," he grumbled, pacing.

I jerked my neck back and blinked rapidly. "What are you saying?"

"That if I stay I'll resent you. I'm done, we're done," he cleared, walking around the truck.

I followed him, yelling. "Okay, Chris, sure. A breakup? Yeah, right, I'll see you in a week, if you can last that long."

He just got in the truck and pulled off, rocks flying every which way.

He'll be back, I thought.

Mary rushed down the steps.

"Morgan, let's go inside," she suggested, putting her arms around me.

Carter shook his head at his wife.

"Not now, Carter," Mary gritted, walking up the stairs with me. "she needs someone."

I watched his expression turn stale on me.

"So does our son," Carter barked, stomping off of the porch.

He unlocked the doors to his truck and climbed into the driver's seat.

"Let him go," I hollered after Carter, struggling to get out of Mary's hold. "he'll just come crawling back. He always does."

~~~

I woke up in Callie's old bed at the B&B and made it.

It was a bit later than I usually liked to wake up but I had nothing to do, nothing to look forward to.

Chris and I had that fight so I wanted to give him his space. By now, I know how these things go. After a heated moment, we just need to be away from each other. You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

After a shower and getting casually dressed for the day, I walked around Red Sage, offering the guests a helping hand if they needed anything.

Once Mister and Misses Porter were taken care of, I found Mary in the private kitchen with a mug of tea in her hands at the table.

"Good morning," I said to her.

She looked at the time on the oven. "It's two in the afternoon, Morgan, she said, pushing out a wooden chair for me.

I laughed small. "Oh, I guess it is."

"Did you eat?" she asked me, sounding like her son.

"Yeah, with Wilma - pancakes."

She nodded, proud.

Mary didn't look like her usual self. I mean, she did, but something was off. I could see how stressed she was.

"Have you talked to Chris?" I wondered, tapping my palms on my kneecaps.

Mary shook her head this time. "You?"

"No. I'm going to let him have his space, you know how he is. I'll give it another day or so, kiss and make up, you know?"

She finally released the steaming mug and sighed. "It's the first time he's ever been mad at me, hasn't said a word. He's talking to his father, though, that's new. I don't like the tables turned. He's never gone this long without talking to me," she vented.

It was clear the bond she had with her only child. I was upset that the reason he was so angry with her is because of me.

I smiled optimistically. Since she's hurting, one of us had to be strong and comfort the other.

"Watch, he'll come around on the apology train probably even by tonight. Don't sweat it," I told her, rubbing her back.

Mary's lips pulled up into a smile. She still looked kind of nervous but gave me a squeeze anyway.

Once Carter walked in and stared at us silently, I knew that was my cue to leave so I did. Neither of said a word, though I wanted to.

"Let me know if you hear from him first," Mary said as I neared the exit.

I nodded my head. "Sure."

Standing just outside of the door, I listened to the married couple begin to argue about, well, me. It didn't make me feel good that I caused so much grief. What was once a happy couple who communicated about every little thing was now a bickering, untrustworthy shell of a relationship on the rocks at my expense.

~~~

For another night, I couldn't sleep. The sun was up before I got any shut eye.

At around eight AM, I rolled out of bed and checked my phone.

When Chris's name didn't appear for the fifth day in a row, I slid down the bed in pain and wondered how we got to this point.

I suppose we've taken breaks longer than this before, but this one seemed different. It was killing me, the distance, the not knowing.

When I called him three times, he didn't answer. So, I called Mary, asking — begging— her to just call him and see if he'll answer this time.

She called me, saying he wouldn't answer. His phone wasn't off or dead, he just declined the calls.

"Okay, this isn't like him. I tried giving him his space, Carter said he talked to him last night, but enough is enough. Where is my son?" She panicked over the phone.

"I'm sure he's at work, I'm going to go," I said, rushing to find something to slip on.

"I'm coming with you!" She emphasized, ending the call.

I was granted to go up to Chris's office after having to nearly cuss out the receptionist. She was a bitch and a half, but I didn't have time for her.

Finally, we reached Chris's office but someone else was sitting in his chair.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked the small man in the chair.

"Um, Carl?" He wheezed, pushing up his large frames.

That's when Reuben walked in. He stood behind Mary and I, brown eyes glued to his iPad.

"Ah, Morgan, what are you doing here?" His deep voice made conversation.

I looked up at the large man. "Is Chris here? Can I talk to him?"

"Chris?" He said it like he didn't know who I was talking about.

"Yes," Mary cut in. "my son? Your employee?"

"No, I know who you mean," Reuben replied, "but I thought you'd know by now. Today was his last day."

"WHAT?!" Mary and I chorused our reaction.

Reuben put his hands out to calm us down.

"Where is he going?!" Mary fretted, pacing.

I stared out of the window. A sudden thought hit me.

"New York..." I said it aloud.

~~~

In the car, Mary had called Carter, asking him if he knew anything about this to which he admitted he didn't.

"I mean, he told us all about New York, remember?" Carter added.

"I didn't think he'd actually go anymore," Mary cried, speeding to The Lofts at Rockville Court.

She told Carter to just meet us so we could find him and stop him.

The two of us flew out of her SUV and took the elevator to apartment 527.

She started knocking but I had the spare key hidden, taped behind a piece or artwork hanging on the walls across from the elevator.

I couldn't open the door fast enough. We stumbled inside and were shocked at what we saw: nothing.
Everything was packed, the loft was emptied.

"When I find him, I'm going to kill him then bring him back to life so I can kill him again," Mary scolded, tapping her foot as she waited for her husband to answer the phone.

"Come on!" I ordered, running out of the vacant apartment. We didn't have any time to waste if he really was on his way to New York.

In the lobby, I spotted Marvin - Front Desk Guy. He was always a bright spot in our day when we ran into him. Marvin was always so funny and informative, always telling me how beautiful I was, saying Chris better not forget him when he becomes a famous architect. We love Marvin.

My legs moved faster than my thoughts, words, or the rest of my body.

Mary, Carter, and I all trapped Marvin behind his desk, out of breath. He stared back at the three of us like we were crazy, and asked how he could help us.

"Chris," I panted, my chest pressed against the desk. "where is he? Have you seen him today?"

"Oh, I thought you knew?" He started to say.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Mary asked angrily. I flailed my arms, agreeing. "Obviously if we knew we wouldn't be here, asking you."

Her attitude was justified, it was super early in the morning and she had no idea where her first born was.

"He's been packed for days; finally got the last of his stuff out earlier. That was, like, five in the morning," Marvin let us know.

My heart sank and I pushed off of the counter, feeling everything spinning.

"Marvin, did he have anything with him that can tell us where's he's going?" Asked Mary. Carter nodded, leaning in to hear the next response.

Marvin had to think about it for a second. "He had some suitcases. Now that I think about it, he's going to New York, yeah. If you hurry, you might can catch him."

Carter locked his fingers over his head. "He's really gonna do it?"

"New York?" Mary sulked.

They held each other, looking defeated.

"You're just going to stand there? Let's go!" I yelled, leading the way out of the lobby.

~~~

I'd say this was like a movie and I'm the main character but this is the part where everyone in the audience would be rolling their eyes and complaining about how cliche this scene is. And trust me, if I wasn't in this situation, I'd be chanting "boo" along with those people.

"Go, go, go," Carter rushed us. "I'll park."

Mary and I hopped out of Carter's pickup truck to run inside of the airport in search of this damn headache of a man. Kidding (not really).

My messy bun flopped on the top of my head as I squeezed through groups of people and bypassed security.
The sound of my brown Classic Mini II Ugg boots became a nuisance, too, clunking along the floor.

Oh, God, I don't remember the last time I ran like this.

I feared I looked stupid for running through the airport at eight in the morning half-dressed, but also didn't care because I just needed to find Chris and hold him more than anything. I missed him so much and just wanted things to go back to normal.

"Is that him?" Mary gasped.

It was. Standing at six-two in all black with a hat on, backpack, and engulfed in whatever thoughts were racking that brain of his.

His back was to me but I ran up and hugged him anyway.

"What the?" He mumbled before seeing his mother and I in his shadow.

He turned and looked down, grabbing me by the shoulders. "Morgan?"

It was unreal almost, looking him in the eyes again for the first time after a week.

I never ever wanted to make him mad at me ever again in life.

I didn't care how he talked to me before, or what happened, I only wanted us to move forward and be together unconditionally.

"I'm so sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you, let's put this past us, you're not going anywhere. Come on." I pled, wiping my tears away.

I stopped in place and saw Carter approaching, an emotionless look on his face.

"Why don't I hear wheels or footsteps behind me?" I croaked.

I turned on my heels and saw that Chris hadn't moved a muscle.

Mary began to cry, seeing she wasn't getting her son back.

"Chris," I spoke shakily, walking back to him. "d-don't do this. I fucked up, seriously this time and I'm so sorry. There's no taking it back but I promise I will spend however long it takes making it up to you. Just... just come with me. Okay? We can put this past us like everything else, right?"

He shook his head, face blank. "Not this time."

My lips parted and I blinked, trying to figure if I heard that right or not.

"But, I love you..." My voice cracked.

His blinks were drawn out. I watched him release his bags and saw the color returning to his palms.

"And I love you," he returned, voice low.

I needed to hear that.

I flashed a smile at him with new found energy. "Then come on!" I exclaimed, grabbing his things to take with me.

But he stood there. Still.

Chris's jaw clenched. He said, "Not this time, Morgan. I'm sorry. I love you but..." his voice trailed off, stopping himself before saying anything else.

All four of us looked up at the sound of his flight behind called.

"Chris," I paused to swallow and make myself clear.

"I'm telling you right now at nine in the morning in a pair of boxers that I love you and I want to be with you and I'm sorry. I'll scream it from the rooftops. What, what do you want me to do? You wanna have a baby? Okay. Okay, yes, let's. I heard you can get pregnant easily after an abortion so fine, I don't care, if it'll make you happy-"

"Morgan, stop. I have to go" he said but looks pained to do so.

"Aww," bystanders sounded.

He released my hand from his and I started literally weeping as I stood there with my hands by my sides. Chris usually said I'm adorable when I cry, but he probably didn't think this was so cute.

"I love you," I sobbed, inching closer to him as he tried to ascend the line. "I really need you right now. You're all I have left."

I spoke to the floor, unable to pick my head up. All my tears dropped around my feet like rain to the pavement.

I sniffled and he kissed me on the head. "I have to go," is all he said.

"Then I'm coming with you!" insisted.

So I charged towards an employee, wondering if I could get a ticket to New York as well.

Chris pulled me away before the attendant could give me an answer.

"You're not coming, you can't." He growled, holding my elbow firmly.

"Then I'll meet you there," I huffed, pulling myself together.

Why not, I thought. I can make it in New York. I know I said Penshaw, Colorado is my home but a relationship is about compromise and I'll go to the moon for Christopher if he asked me to.

Another reminder to board the plane made Chris go over and hug his parents goodbye. I shuddered.

Mary looked away as he apologized to her, saying he needs to do this for him. He asked her to forgive him but said it's fine if she doesn't.
Carter, on the other hand, I watched him shake his son's hand and smile with pride.

There were only two people in front of Chris and I stepped in his way, not caring about the others behind him.

"Oh, go around!" Mary spat at the impatient few behind Chris.

I threw myself at his body and gave a tight squeeze, one that I knew he needed.

"Chris..." I exhaled, looking up at him once I stepped back.

"Chris, if you love me then do not get on that plane. If you do—" I paused to swallow. My eyes darted around as I had to think up what I wanted to say next. All I could do was speak from the heart as my brain had shut off.

"I will hate you, if you leave me right now I will hate you with everything in me and I will never forgive you for as long as I live. No. I swear on Callie and Quinn's graves that I will hate you."

He nodded, staring over my head, and pulled his lips into his mouth.

No words followed that sentiment, no hug or a kiss on my head or cheek to tell me it's okay.

He... just... left. And didn't even look back.

"I'm sorry," Carter said to me, bringing me into his arms.

"He left me... Why would he do that to me?" I poured out my heart.

"I know, I know," Carter comforted me, stroking my hair.

Mary cried with me, leaning into the hug as well.

I shook in their embrace and felt my knees give out.

"I love him," I kept repeating as they escorted me out.

"Why would he leave me?"