TW: drug overdose

***

"Very often when people speak of justice, they are not referring to some abstract concept of law, or an ethereal vision of divine justice, but rather the more earthly idea of responding to a temporal wrong. They simply want to make sure that he who has caused suffering ends up suffering himself. The only way for the wrongdoer to know the pain that he has caused is by experiencing his own pain."

Chris Omar Vaughn

I'll let you in on a secret men don't want you to know: when we really like a girl, see something with her, and respect you, we won't want to have sex. At least not right away, like, it's not right on our minds. Some people argue this is "so backwards," I know. Others, think it's cute, respectful.
If you're Morgan, you think it's stupid, offensive.

I wanted to wait, hold off on sex, just for a while. She's different, this is different. After that last argument, I realized she means something to me. Fuck, I like her, I said it.

While there's no denying the fucking chemistry we have and how insanely physically attracted to her I am, I wanted to try and bond. Sex isn't everything. Don't get me wrong, sex is a lot, fucking love it with her especially.

Alright, shit, maybe I'm lying a little bit. Okay, not lie, but I'm trying to convince myself that's the truth.

Really, I just couldn't get over the fact that Malcolm—

Ugh, I can't even bring myself to say or admit it.

That shit really makes me sick and I hate that I feel that way about it, but I hate the fact that he touched her even more.

No matter if she liked it, did anything back, or not, it still happened. She said she was mine and he—

I'm going to be sick.

At the very least, we're not blood related. That makes me feel, like, two percent better.

I know a hundred and ten perfect Morgan doesn't want him, but she sat there and let it happen. Literally.

It was driving me crazy.

Vacation was going great, St.Lucia was beautiful, I loved every second of our time together.

Well, up until the tub. I tried. I fucking tried. I wanted Morgan so bad— still do— but when I tried to go down on her, all I could think about was that his lips were there, too.

She got tested, she doesn't have anything and she's sworn she's taken all kinds of internal cleanses and several deep, long scrubs in the bath with anything from soap to damn near bleach. I believe that. I do.

It's not her I'm pissed at... anymore. And I tried to tell her that but by then she was convinced I was too disgusted by her to ever touch her again.

When we woke up the final morning of the trip, she didn't say anything, hardly talked. During breakfast she was quiet, only spoke when I spoke first. On the hike, she only chatted with random tourists and the guide.
At the beach, she only asked me to run sunscreen on her back. When my hands fell to her lower back, she stopped them and said, "I can get that. Thanks."
The ride to the airport, we didn't hold hands, she didn't let me put my hand on her thigh, and when she fell asleep on the plane, she didn't use my shoulder or lap as a pillow.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked her as we unloaded her things from my truck to give to Teddy at his.

She just looked at me. I'd never seen her make such a straight face before.

"Nothing," she said, slamming the passenger door to Precious, my car. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"You know that's not going to work. Tell me," I insisted, grabbing her by the arm.

"Hey!" Teddy yelled, rushing Morgan because they had to go before Malcolm got back home from wherever he went away this time with his other woman.

I put my finger up at Teddy, making him wait.

Morgan sighed, frustrated, and stared at me coldly through her eyelashes.

I was taken aback at her harsh glare, wondering what I did to earn it.

"What?" I emphasized, dropping my hands from her body.

"I said I don't want to talk about it, Chris! Jesus, we don't have to talk about everything, damn," she exhaled all in one breath.

Before I could say anything else, she continued.

Morgan paced. "I don't want it to be a big deal, okay? You're just going to say I'm sensitive, or dramatic, a-and that you just need time, I already know. Alright, I got it. But it's hard. I get that what I did was wrong but I don't deserve for you to hurt me like that over it! If that's the case, then don't touch me at all. Maybe we should just be friends, and if you can't do that, then fuck it, fine, we can hate each other. I don't care, but I'm not doing this. And no, it's not just about the sex."

I was completely dumbfounded. "Morgan, what the fuck are you talking about? Who hurt you?"

"You did!" She yelled.

"Aye!" Teddy hollered to make sure we — well, his precious Morgan— was alright.

"You hurt me last night," she said, staring directly into my eyes.

My face curled in confusion. "Because I was rough, I thought you liked that?"

"Don't play dumb, Chris. I know it was hard for you, you didn't want to fuck me, you're still mad because Malcolm — And then you didn't stop when I asked you to," her voice cracked and I watched a tear run down her cheek. "You never came back, didn't hold me until I fell asleep..."

So that was the truth, and it felt shitty to hear out loud.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't think I had a choice. I'm sorry. Do you need me to yell it from the rooftop? I'm sorry. But I can't take it back. And you shouldn't have taken me back if you weren't ready. I can't spend another second trying to make up for it or feel like there's something wrong with me because you can't look at me the same, o-or touch me, or simply fucking respect me."

"Morgan I do respect you, more than anything. I didn't want this, I'm trying. No, I wasn't ready to have sex again but I saw how you looked at me when I tried to stop. What was I supposed to do, you're mad either way?"

"You're right, so this is just pointless. We can't go on like this. I like you... a lot. But this is so risky and frankly there's a lot more cons than pros in this relationship— or, sorry, not a relationship. Whatever the fuck we are, is done," she said, walking over to Teddy.

He grabbed the backpack off of her back and tossed it into the backseat.

I lunged around my truck to catch up to Morgan to try and talk some sense into her.

"I think she's had enough, Chris," Teddy talked, pushing me away with his forearm. "Maybe this thing should end. Soon. It's for the better. I mean, are you really going to tell Malcolm?"

It's not even about Malcolm right now. I mean, fuck, it is, but it's about the fact that he touched her in only ways I should've been. I know she hates him, I know it, but his lips were still there, and it's driving me actually insane.

I angrily ripped Teddy's arm from my body and walked around him.

Morgan was in the passenger seat and I flung the door open to talk to her.

"I'm going to tell him," I vowed, grabbing Morgan's bags from behind her seat.

Her mystical eyes locked with mine.

But she shook her head.

"Can't you stay out of it? I told you, I don't want you getting hurt-" she tried to say.

"I'm not worried about him hurting me, trust me, I can handle him," I made clear, lugging her bags back to my truck.

I was letting adrenaline and my feelings fuel me, not thinking about consequences or what would actually happen once we got to Malcolm's.

"Chris, stop," Morgan squeaked, chasing after me. "Wait!"

I stopped for a moment to look at her, reading her face.

"Do you want to be with me?" I questioned boldly, dropping her bags onto the ground.

Morgan's lips parted. She blinked in thought. "Y-yeah, of course."

"So let's be done with this. What's the worst he's going to do, Morgan?"

***

Teddy followed Morgan and I up the mountain to Malcolm's residence where I witnessed him mentally and emotionally abuse girl after girl. It stopped with this one.

Morgan chewed her lip, grip tight on the seatbelt as she shook anxiously in the passenger seat of my truck.

"It's fine," I assured her, my hand on thigh for comfort.

She smiled, it was forced, but then brought our lips together.

"Chris, before we do this, I have to say something," she drawled.

I braced myself.

"I want to know that we really do like each other, and that this isn't just lust or whatever clouding things. I want to get away from Malcolm, definitely, but we only got so close, doing all of this sneaking around. I don't want to escape with you right now just for you to get bored of me and realize you were doing this out of spite," she sobbed.

I dropped my head, having taken in every word she said. I understood, but it was crazy talk. The way I felt about her, it wasn't going away anytime soon and it wasn't just because of our situation- her being with my "uncle."

So I took her hands in mine. I inhaled deeply before speaking.
"I can say this: that dream I had, I want it to come true."

There was a spike in her breathing but she just continued to stare at me.

"Chris," she replied with a heavy tone. "I need to know that if this happens, you and I will be good. I mean, nothing will happen to you, and then we can really give us a try."

"Yeah," I said with no hesitation. "Of course."

She walked into my chest and I threw my arms around her small body and squeezed.

A minute later, the both of us braced ourselves for what was about to happen. I expected the worst, of course, it's Malcolm.

"Stay here," I told Morgan, my mind having changed that fast.

"What? No. For what?"

I clenched my jaw, letting go of her hand. "I just don't want it to get messy."

She stepped back and gasped with large eyes like an Anime character.

"I got your back," Teddy said, patting mine. "Let's go."

He made sure the gun was on his hip and trailed me inside of the mansion.

I swallowed, pushing the door open.

"Where's Sage?" I asked Teddy lowly as we stalked through the foyer.

Teddy just shrugged and stayed in my shadow as I neared Malcolm's study where I thought he'd be.

I knocked first, just being polite, not that he deserved good manners.

No answer. I showed myself inside, telling Teddy to wait there until I needed him, if at all.

First I popped my head inside of the lair. Upon seeing there was no sign of Sage, I let my guard down — only slightly— and entered fully.

Ah, there he was, in his villainous velvet throne, facing the window. The curtains weren't drawn so he wasn't looking out at anything but the fabric, surrounded by darkness as only one lamp was on in the far corner and there was only that (one) large Palladian window on the back wall.

A candle on the desk had long since burned down until it was nearly nothing left.

He didn't move, didn't speak.

I gulped. It was probably loud as hell.

"Malcolm, we need to talk," I stated clearly.

My fists were balled but I relaxed them and slid the sweaty palms down my sides.

His head dropped, that's all, still refusing to acknowledge me.

Alright, I mouthed, swinging my fist in my other hand.

Fuck it, I just had to say it.

"I cant take it anymore, seeing you with Morgan. You gave me a lot, but I have to be selfish. Man to man, I'm telling you, I want her. She's leaving you, Malcolm. For me. You can do what you gotta do, call all the guys, do your worst, but it won't change the way we feel about each other. If you're my uncle, you love me, just let it go," I talked.

I was encouraged by his silence to keep going, confident in my words and truth.

Shit, if he was going to say anything against this, I knew he would've objected right now but it meant something that he let me go on.

"I got a new job, I won't be working for you. You have AJ, anyway, Rodney, and all those guys, you don't need me. As for Morgan, don't put this on her. I mean, don't act like you actually cared about her. I know you, this is a pretty shitty thing for me to do, and I'm not sorry about it, but we don't have to have anything to do with each other again."

The chair slowly turned but only slightly.

"Look, man, if you're gonna say something, fuckin' say it, stop sitting there looking stupid-"

I swallowed my words upon seeing his body drop to the black tiled floor onto his stomach.

"What was that?!" Asked Teddy, storming in with his gun out and ready to shoot.

I stared down at an unconscious Malcolm.

Foam filled the corners of his purple mouth. His skin was blue, fingers as well.

"Oh, shit!" Teddy narrated.

He lowered his weight to the floor to check his boss's pulse.

Teddy looked up at me and shook his head. There was a pulse. He wasn't dead.

I didn't know what to do, or say, or feel. I couldn't move, my feet were cemented to the floor on the opposite side of the desk.

I think I even stopped breathing for a second — a few seconds.

That's when Sage barreled into the room. I hate Sage.

"Hey, boss-" he talked, unaware.

When his eyes fell on me, Sage put his hand on his gun.

"Where's Malcolm?" He asked, puffing his chest.

My eyes gestured to his master passed out on the floor.

Sage ran over and turned Malcolm's body over.

"Boss," he repeated, trying to wake him.

There was vomit from his neck, all down his shirt.

This was an overdose, I knew it for sure, just had never witnessed one before.

"OD?" Asked Teddy aloud, reading my mind.

Sage searched the desk's drawers for the pills he suspected Malcolm had taken to reach this fate.

Sage nodded, confirming.

I didn't know what drugs Malcolm was doing, I don't think I cared that he did them. Just, how did he get here?

"This bottle was full this morning," Sage sputtered, seeing that it was now empty.

I wondered if he could've mistaken it with another prescription but Teddy revealed the whole drawer and each bottle was empty, all spilled over and compromised.

"Fuck!" Teddy barked, beginning to pace.

"What's this?" Asked Sage, seeing a note taped to the bottom of the drawer.

His eyes burned into me and I stared back with curiosity.

Sage crumbled it up and threw it at me which I caught to read and it said:

I hope you find this, darling. I hope you find me like this with this letter and see what I've done at your expense. I hope you feel bad that you led me to this. I have everything a man could ask for yet that simply isn't enough for you. If it were, then you would've been here when I arrived as I told you, ready to cater to me as a partner should. If this doesn't kill me... you better hope it does

I couldn't even process the words he wrote down by the time Morgan came sprinting in. Not wanting her to see the note, I hid it in my pocket.

She impatiently lunged towards us and had bags in her arms, not the same ones from vacation, it was more luggage like she had been upstairs packing.

"What's taking so long, did you tell him?! Please say yes. I'm sorry, I couldn't wait another second in that truck-" she went on, oblivious.

I stopped her from getting closer and seeing him like that.

She dropped her eyes, anyway, to where Sage and Teddy were trying to wake Malcolm.

"Is he dead?" she asked.

***

"Doctors say he paralyzed," Teddy let us know.

My lips vibrated as I took that in.

I didn't want this to happen. I can't stand Malcolm since everything but this was a level I didn't want things to get to, and now we're in the hospital with news that he can't walk.

"—Say he was like that too long before we found him," Teddy added for context.

I stopped listening.

"What were you two doing there, anyway?" Asked Sage.

I lifted my head as the rest of my body was sunken in the chair, confused as to why he thought he could question me.

"Excuse me," I grumbled, rising to sit up in the seat.

"Seems kind of funny you popped up with them all of a sudden. You went away around the same time as Morgan went to visit her parents," he claimed.

I can't tell you who stood first but the both of us tried to step in each other's faces. He was lucky Teddy stepped in the middle of us.

"What I find funny is you're up his ass every other time but when he TRIES TO KILL HIMSELF you're nowhere to be found!" I barked, talking with my hands.

"Gentleman!" The nurse hollered. "This is a hospital; I suggest you take that somewhere else or I will call security."

Sage walked off, disappearing down a long corridor, probably to sit and wait outside of Malcolm's room like a sad puppy. Teddy went with him, I'm sure just to keep up the act that he actually gave a shit about the man who pays them.

"Chris, Chris! Are you okay?" My father came in on a hundred, followed by Callie and some man. I think he worked at the hardware store downtown - Jesse.

I assured him I was fine, he was overreacting. He texted me, just wanting to go spend time together at a bar since Mom was busy watching Quinn while Callie was clearly preoccupied. At least she came to Morgan's aide.

I had told Dad I was at the hospital and gave too much away about Malcolm so of course hearing that, he came running.

"—I'm fine," I gritted again, pushing his callused hands from my face.

"Morgan!" I heard Callie gasp.

"What's wrong, are you alright? I came as soon as I got your text," the older sister fretted.

Morgan blinked, she had no emotion, nothing to say. She was just... there. Albeit, not really all the way mentally.

It was late, we were all ready to go.

"Malcolm overdosed but he'll be fine," I explained to the collective.

Dad looked relieved but at the same time disappointed.

"Come on, let's get you out of here," Callie exhaled, helping Morgan out of her frozen position.

She stopped under my body and handed over the jacket I let her wear.

I felt her place something in my hand and I felt bad when I realized what it was: the note.

She was never supposed to see that, I didn't want her to. Malcolm nearly (tried to/threatened) killed himself "because of her." No one should have to have that over their heads.

"I'll walk you out," I offered lowly so we could go outside and talk.

Once under the night sky, I gathered my thoughts.

"I read it," she stated.

"I wish you didn't. I'm sorry. But this isn't your fault-"

"I'm sorry, but the hell it is," Dad stepped in.

"Dude," I barked, my hand to his chest.

"This has gone on long enough. I don't like Malcolm as much as the next guy, but this," he waved the crumbled paper about and went on. "no one should be driven to this. Now I'm sorry, Morgan, but this is clearly all because of you. You read the letter, says you better hope he doesn't survive. Well he did, now what do you think he's going to do once he's out? I have to protect my son. You're grown and think you love each other but is a life worth it?"

"No, you're right," she said, shocking me.

Dad jerked his neck. "I am? I mean, I am. Well, I didn't expect that from you. That's, uh, that's very mature, Morgan. I'll leave you two to it, then."

He walked away. If he hadn't, I would've put his ass in the hospital next. The fuck does he get off, talking to her like that, speaking on our relationship?

"Don't listen to that, I'll handle him later," I told Morgan once it was just her and I by my truck.

She signaled Callie and her date, Jesse, away, and they obliged.

"Your father doesn't like me very much," Morgan laughed, looking down at our shoes.

"He doesn't have a say. Malcolm can't walk, you can leave him now, we can-"

"I've always trusted my gut," she said, finally looking up at me. "every time we try, there's something that stops us. It's a sign. Maybe I'm not meant to run off into the sunset with you, I don't know."

"Morgan-"

"Listen," she swallowed. "I'm not saying I don't want this, but your father is right. A life isn't worth it. Malcolm threatened to do that before, but he's serious. Look where we are. He tried to— I came here strictly to take his money."

"Don't say that-"

"No but I did, there's no other way to put it. I know what I was doing. And now this. I'm not saying his drug use or mental fucking issues are my fault, but all of this has happened because of me. And it's just not worth it. I wish I could be like everyone else in this town and say let him rot, but... I just can't. Chris, if we were meant to be, it wouldn't be this hard. Your initial judgment was right: I'm all of those horrible things you called me. Aheh. It's just funny, I was supposed to be his then I cheated with you and we made him the bad guy."

"Morgan, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, Chris, a life isn't worth it. Not even his. I want to let everything calm down, Sage is onto us, and there's no telling what he'll tell Malcolm and what'll happen when he gets out. Besides, I don't even have Carter's blessing," she tried to laugh again but started to cry.

I reached for her but she shook her head and stepped back.

"I'm not saying bye, things have just gotten messy and we need to reorganize before, you know..."

This was a breakup if I ever seen one. Why the hell did it hurt so much?

I didn't try this hard for her— for us— to let it end like this.

Most of all, I hated that she made sense even though I tried hard to object.
She did come here for Malcolm and I selfishly moved in on her, and when she returned my affection, we branded him the monster. He's horrible for other reasons, but before, he did try with her - wanted something real with this one. Still, I couldn't just give up or act like I didn't want her, too.
If he wasn't rich, wasn't my uncle, and wasn't forcing himself on her, I knew we'd easily be together like a normal couple.

This is fucked.

I hated her for her big heart, her optimism, and sensitivity. Why she wanted to help him, I don't know? Why she couldn't just say fuck it and leave, I'm not sure, either?

No one wants to live with the fact that someone killed themselves because of them, but it's not her fault.
Well...

I tried stressing that but her mind was made up; that we should just lay off and figure out something else that won't result in suicide attempts, a huge brawl, or any henchmen and overly concerned parents getting involved.

But I wasn't going to stop trying.

***

The next month, I heard Morgan spent it nursing Malcolm back to health. When she wasn't wheeling him around, she was helping with the new restaurant. I was a little late to the news but The Black Elk Lodge was expanding, they had raised money and the town's support to convert the downtown space into a restaurant which my parents were invested in. My parents and The Jonses made great business partners, in another month, I knew their business would quickly be a hit.

I hadn't seen her much, but she kept in touch with my mother, Sherry, and Kailyn.
Mom didn't mention her much because she said it visibly depresses me when she does. That, and she hates the way Carter treated her.
Yeah, he was back to first name basis. I hated how he disapproved of us. I could see if we were dangerous for each other on our own but apart from the Malcolm shit, I think we're okay. Only, he hates Malcolm so much and can't stand that she's with him. That's his beef, I didn't see why he had to take that out on her - on us.

"Ooo, Dad loves the new menu, should we get him something?" Mom squealed with excitement at the food options.

I just glared at him plainly.

"Still not talking to your father, hm?" Mom asked me over breakfast at the café where I hoped to see Morgan.

No answer because she already knew I wasn't. It's been weeks.

"She's not here, she's at the airport," My mother let me know, guessing who I was searching for. Who else?

I was still trying to process everything on top of figuring out a plan for us - how I was going to get her out of the hands of the boogeyman. I think I like calling him that because he's a parasite, a monster, an evil entity, if you will. That OD didn't take him out, I don't know what will besides a bullet between the eyes. And even that made me shudder at the thought. My dilemma: despising him for what he's done to Morgan and wanting him out of the picture so her and I can go on about our lives. The counter to that: I really didn't want to see a man die, and it definitely wasn't going to be from me. I'm no killer, nor can I ask someone to do that. Though there are plenty Penshaw residents who wouldn't mind seeing him six feet under after all the drugs he's polluted the streets and kids with, no one would actually go through with it.
Besides, how do you kill a dead man?