"You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

Chris Omar Vaughn

"Thanks for coming to visit, bro." I dapped up Jabari.

He walked tall beside me along the sidewalk shortly after arriving.

"No doubt, I never been to New York. You like it here, huh?"

I swung my lanyard as we ducked under some tree branches.

"It's cool."

"See, I couldn't live here." He paused to think.

"Well, I never thought I'd be in Colorado, either, so." He corrected himself.

"This is it." I alluded to the door on our left.

Cleo had been badgering me to come to this brunch spot, claiming it's the best in the city. I'd be the judge of that.

Since all Jabari knows is how to eat, I figured we could reconnect over a meal. I was just happy to have him around, not realizing how much I missed him.

The hostess greeted us with a broad smile and high-pitched "Welcome in!"

"Just two?" She squeaked, looking between JB and myself.

"Unless you wanna join us?" Jabari flirted. I shook my head at him and his constant flirting.

The hostess laughed. "Too bad I'm on the clock. Right this way, guys!"

She grabbed two menus and then led the way to a table in the back.

Jabari nudged me and rolled his eyes when he was disappointed at the hostess's flat back.

I chuckled and just kept thinking he better stop, Jasmine can sense when he's being a creep. He left her back home - mostly because she can't stand my ass now and didn't want to see me- but she'd come running if he so much as thought about cheating.
I missed Jasmine even though her sass rubbed off on Morgan, and even though she (they both) hate me right now.

Jabari didn't crack jokes with the hostess anymore, just read over the menu and rushed her away once we both put in for a couple glasses of water.

Once she walked away, Jabari curled his lip like he was disgusted.

"I can't stand a bitch with a flat ass." He scowled, his animated facial expressions being the best part.

"I can't stand you." I joked with him, shaking my head. Sometimes all you can do is laugh and shake your head at JB.

"How you hear about this spot?" He asked me, looking around.

Candor was a brunch spot on Main Street. It didn't look different than any of the other restaurants, nothing special. Same modern look, that "hipster" feel. Each of these places wanted a "vibe" so bad but they're actually missing the ambiance. You can only have but so many string lights and hanging plants, you know?

"Cleo told me about it." I said casually, scratching my ear.

"Who the fuck is Cleo?"

"I didn't tell you about her? Uh, we work together. She's cool."

When I recognized the look he was giving me I quickly shut it down. "No. She's gay."

He looked relieved. "I was about to say. Damn, so you haven't gotten any yet?"

I did the opposite of a nod and he dapped me up for being abstinent.

"This whole two months?!" He sounded shock.

I shook my head again to say no.

Jabari lost his mind, flailing his arms about and staring at me like I was turning green.

"Wow. I'm almost proud but now I'm wondering why not, what's wrong with you?"

I dropped my neck and laughed through my nose. "What's wrong with me? Nothing."

"You don't like New Yorkers, their accents too strong, huh?"

"It's not that," I laughed. "I'm just not interested."

"If Morgan can move on, why can't you? Way I see it-"

"What?"

Jabari kept talking like he didn't hear me or see the absolute floored expression on my face.

"Yeah, bitches always moving on and expect you to be down bad. Nah-"

"Shut the fuck up," I roared with annoyance. "what did you just say about her moving on?"

"Oh," he said, slowing down his jaw. "Yeah, she with Malcolm now. Or, again."

Every muscle and cell in my body simultaneously failed to work. I froze. I don't even think I was breathing for a good three seconds, trying to process that.

"You didn't know?" Jabari asked me. Clearly not so I didn't respond or react.

He vibrated his lips. "Well that's alright, she bad an all but you don't need her. Yo, let me tell you 'bout Izzy and Lee! These fools some real freaks. Jas and I went on a double date with them the other night, right? Why he start fingering her at the table, bruh? The appetizers ain't even come out yet. I was like-"

My face was stuck with my eyebrows furrowed, I looked permanently confused.

"How do you know?" I wondered.

"Uh, we was at the table with them, bro-"

I closed my eyes for a second to stop myself from telling him to shut up again. I didn't care about what the fuck Izzy and Lee did and where or why. I cared about Morgan and needed to know what the hell she was doing with him.

"Morgan. How do you know she's with him?"

"Oh," Jabari spoke, leaning back in the chair. "everyone knows. I mean, she basically his shadow. I thought ya mom told you? The grand opening, no?"

I kept my stressed facial expression and asked, "What grand opening?"

"Of The Q?" Jabari said it slowly, trying to get me to remember on my own.

Ohhh. I did remember.

"Shit." I cursed, mad at myself for having missed that moment. It completely slipped.

"It's nice, I haven't tried the food yet, though."

"Speaking of," Jabari talked again, rubbing his hands together as the waitress approached us. "I'm ready to order."

~~~

"-why the fuck wouldn't you tell me that?" I yelled at my mother over the phone.

"I didn't know what to say, or what you'd do!" She cried. She's always crying whenever I'm not on her side.

I angrily paced in my bedroom as I racked my brain, trying to figure why anyone would keep that piece of information from me.

"You said you were mad at her, and you're single-"

"You don't think that's something I'd like to know?! What the fuck." I sat down and almost threw my phone but quickly thought of the consequences.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale- fuck it.

"I'm sorry, honey. I-I didn't want to get involved in your relationship," so she claimed.

"Carter," she called for my father in the background.

"It's Chris, he's upset we didn't tell him about Morgan and Malcolm."

"Leave me out of it." Dad replied from a distance. Probably the smartest move he's made thus far, but still, he should've told me too.

They sat right in my face and tried to get me to go out and grilled the shit out of Cleo like she was my girl, or something.

I'm so mad.

I want to hit something. Someone.

I didn't hang up just because I knew it would break my mother's delicate little heart but I really didn't want to talk to her anymore - not about this.

Time passed and she stayed silent on the line. I kept my head hung as I sat on the edge of the bed, asking myself how anyone let this happen. How I let this happen.

"Chris?" She called out my name.

"Chris!" She squeaked again.

"What?!" I finally roared into the speaker. "Goddamn."

"I'm curious..." she began. "of all the girls you've had relations with, why her? Why Morgan? You've never been this upset with me before about anything."

"What do you mean?" All life and emotion left my voice, I didn't care to argue or yell anymore.

"I mean you were with a lot of girls, even made a lot of them go crazy. Why did you choose to love Morgan unlike the rest of them?"

"Cause I love her?" Duh.

She continued to pry. "But why?" Her voice softened.

I tossed my head back and thought of an answer, saying whatever came to mind. "It's obvious, she's different. There's something there, I almost can't explain it. She's a fuckin' good person and I need that in my life. We just clicked, Mom. I feel like I became whole when we got together a-and every time we have - what'd you call it, relations- aheh, there's these fireworks that they talk about in the movies and them freaky books you read."

You couldn't have waterboarded that information out from me if this were a year ago. I don't know, ever since I met Ann it's like, shit's been fucking rainbows and butterflies in my life. Even when it wasn't so good, it still wasn't bad. Like, it's corny, right but she improved the overall quality of my life, and I think that's crazy. I've had more fun since meeting her, been less judgmental, more easy-going and generally a better version of myself. Probably the best version of myself.

I didn't have to be able to see my mother's face to know there was a smile on it.

"That was a trap, wasn't it?" I asked her, having to laugh myself, feeling all mushy and sensitive.

Mom said, "Mhm. Notice how everything you said was present-tense as in you still feel that way."

"Of course I do..." I mumbled, my voice trailing off.

Pause. I stopped with a thought. If Morgan is with Malcolm, I highly doubt it's because she wants to be. I'm not sure how he got her back or why, but I just know it wasn't her choice. And if it was, I hate thinking that I pushed her to that point.

"Mom?" I called out her name this time.

"Yes, hun?"

"I'll be home soon."

~~~

Later that night I couldn't sleep. I tossed in bed with this nightmare I just couldn't get out of:

I returned to Penshaw and the town greeted me with open arms and wide, bright smiles. The weather was warming up, improving everyone's overall mood anyway.
It's good to be back.

After stopping by the cafe for some coffee, I went to visit The Q, apparently that's where everyone was these days. The original Black Elk Lodge was only just a pharmacy and gift shop now that had only a limited menu for food and drinks, light things like coffee, tea, water, fountain drinks, or chips, cookies, grilled cheese, and BLTs.

Not much had changed but everything seemed vastly different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

As I walked along the street, I noticed more and more children out of school.

"Playing hooky?" I asked one teen-looking kid at the 'STOP' sign.

He looked up at me with the face of an infant and tattooed body of an unhealthy (addict) man.

I was shocked, almost disturbed, and took a step back.

He had a bag of pills and offered them to me, when I just walked away with my jaw on the ground, he popped them into his mouth.

"What the fuck?" I murmured, stumbling into someone.

"Hey, Chris. Remember me?" A small voice talked.

I tilted my head at the face of the girl I knew a long time ago.

"Maya?" I wondered if that was really her. Like the kid before, she had a baby face with an adult body. This body was one of a mature woman in lingerie and the skin had been punctured as if she shoots up crack.

Maya was a little girl, I couldn't remember how I knew her, a friend from high school's little sister, or something. Yeah.

"What are you doing? Stop." I tried taking her away but she pulled out a needle like a dagger and I jumped back.

With a grin on her face, Maya stabbed the needle into a vein between her toes and passed out.

What the actual fuck.

Where are all these kids getting drugs from?

That's when I heard a bell and the smell of steak and onions with peppers danced under my nose. The scent carried me to The Q.

Only, it wasn't what I envisioned- a modern sophisticated restaurant that was just an updated version of the café. No. This was a goddamn strip club of sorts.

I entered with caution, security was tight at the door but said, "We've been expecting you."

The lights were dark red, I could hardly make out any faces. I didn't know where to go.

I found myself at a velvet rope, some type of "VIP section," it said.

The booth was elevated so all the masked members were looking down on everyone like they were Gods. But far from it, like their masks insinuated, they were the opposite- demons.

The man in the middle lit a cigar and he was the one with the horns and a pitchfork. He started to cackle and thunder cracked. The floor beneath me split in half and I jumped to safety.

I ran into the bathroom where I thought I could have a second to myself to think.

Maybe if I click my heels together three times I'll wake up?

One, two, three!

I blinked my eyes open.

Suddenly I was tied to a bed, it was heart shaped and black.

My chest was cut open and I started freaking out, seeing my heart still beating.

"Shh," Sabrina appeared, bent over my body. "I like you better when you don't talk, Mr.Vaughn."

I looked around the room. My father was there with Mom. Morgan was there with Cleo and Callie and Quinn, too. Jabari and Jasmine, as well, everyone all dressed in white besides Sabrina and her father, my boss.

Sabrina started to laugh and ripped out my heart.

"Mom! Dad!" I screamed for them but they didn't have any eyes. None of them in all white did.

Shawn Bowie, my boss, stood over the bed and gave his daughter a confirming nod. Almost like one of approval.

"You've done enough, my child. Cleo, are you ready to make your family proud and become one of us?" He asked.

Cleo stepped forward and she shed her white dress, revealing her naked body underneath but everything was smooth like a Barbie doll - no crotch, no breasts, not even a crack in her ass.

I swallowed.

"Yes, father." Cleo accepted, taking my heart from my boss's reptilian hands.

"Cleo..." I warned, struggling to get out of the thrones handcuffs.

They all turned to Morgan who stepped forward.

"Would you like to do the honors?" Sabrina asked Morgan, bowing to her like everyone else in the room. "For without you forsaking Chris, we wouldn't have his heart - so black, so cold, so broken."

Morgan took my heart and started to eat it.

"NOOOOO!" I yelled but my voice suddenly went mute.

When I opened my petrified eyes again, I was in an all white room. Rose pedals began to fall from out of nowhere as there was seemingly no sky or ceiling, I couldn't tell because of how blank everything was.

I was in an electric chair, strapped down so I couldn't escape it.

A piano started the tune "here comes the bride."

I snapped my neck to see who was walking down the aisle.

It was Morgan. By the time she got to the alter, the same man in the devil mask and pitchfork removed her vail.

"You may now kill the bride." My father announced, slamming the Bible shut. It went up in flames and he in his holy robe began to laugh maniacally.

The man in the devil uniform drove a knife right through Morgan's heart-

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

6:42am

I jolted out of bed and tripped on the floor.

"What. The. Fuck!" My voice thundered.

Footsteps grew heavy and suddenly JB busted into my room.

"You good, bro? What the fuck was that?!" He looked just as scared as I did, gun in his hand.

I locked my fingers on top of my head and caught my breath.

I relaxed my shoulders and looked at him by the bedroom door. "That's what I'm trying to figure out..."

~~~

"-So, Shawn is your father?" I had to make sure I got it right after Cleo explained it sixteen times.

"And that bitch Sabrina is yo sister?" JB interrogated her with me.

Cleo looked flustered, I know she was just mad that I found out.

"Cleo, why didn't you tell me?"

She sighed at her desk. "I didn't want you to associate me with her. We're nothing alike, and that man is barely my father."

"This is weird." Jabari expressed. He exited the conversation by popping some Skittles into his mouth after shaking them in his hand like dice.

I was disappointed and had to walk away from Cleo for a second to figure everything out.

"Chris, I'm sorry-" Cleo tried to say.

"Did you have anything to do with her coming onto me, or the raise?" I clenched my jaw, awaiting her response that didn't come fast enough.

She hung her head. "I might've mentioned the idea."

I flailed my arms and again tried getting away from her before I got mad.

"But it's not what you think! I didn't know Sabrina was going to act crazy. She said she genuinely wanted to get to know you! Why? I don't know. You're gifted, Chris, you deserved the raise. She didn't give two shits about your position and I don't have very much pull with my father."

"Your father." I repeated with a scoff.

"Honest," Cleo said, hand on her heart. I nodded to allow her to go on from the beginning. "some man named Malcolm Jameson is in good with my fathers and the elites. He pulled some strings to get you to work here. Sabrina and I read your file. I was going to use you for my own reasons - to see if you could get the scoop on whatever my father does up there, but Sabrina had other plans. At first she just wanted to sleep with you, then I think it became something different. Her and my father have something going on that they've left me out of for a year now - since her accident."

"What accident?"

"Yeah, what accident?" Jabari echoed.

Cleo looked around before saying anything too loud.

"Sabrina was taken. When she came back, she wasn't the same. Obviously. Ever since, she's been running through men and the ones she really likes, well, we usually don't see them again. And if we do, they're not the same either. Rich types, snotty, throw their money around and keep to themselves, only associating with other elites."

"And you say Malcolm got me this job?" I gulped, angrily changing my stance.

Cleo nodded solemnly. She looked like she wanted to cry but I couldn't care.

"Yes. You know him? He didn't say much, a pretty recommendation and a good donation."

"Of course." I grumbled, swinging my fist into my hand.

"What? What is it?" Cleo put her hand on my arm and I pushed her back slightly.

"What's this mean, bro?" Jabari followed me across the lobby.

I stopped and looked at Cleo. "Anyone asks, I'm sick. I got Covid or some shit and it's really bad - don't know when I'll be back, if at all. Alright?"

"Where are you going? What are you going to do?! Let me help-"

"You haven't seen me, alright?!" I had to yell.

As soon as she jumped out of her skin and started to nod, I shook my head and led Jabari out. We had a flight to catch.