CHAPTER 2

WHEN KADE WOKE up, he was still on the sofa in the guest room. The difference was he now had a quilt covering his body and a pillow underneath his head. He knew without thinking that it was Xanthie and he also knew that Xanthie was probably already on his way home to Montréal.

Pushing himself up, he threw the quilt and the pillow onto the bed, then left the guest room. He hadn't eaten since yesterday, so he dragged himself toward the kitchen to prepare himself a simple breakfast before he started painting.

However, when he got there and was opening the fridge to see if he had any decent ingredients left, he saw a note stuck to the refrigerator's door with Xanthie's handwriting on it.

'Food in the fridge. Just reheat it.'

Kade plucked away the note and sighed while reading Xanthie's handwriting a few times.

"What am I going to do when you're like this..." Kade muttered under his breath before he pocketed Xanthie's note and followed his instructions.

There were some pancakes and a few strips of bacon in the fridge, and he reheated them.

That's how his day started.

Breakfast. Medicine. Studio. Paint. Lunch. Paint. Order takeout at dinner. Medicine again. Then his endless struggle to sleep. And then repeat. It became a cycle until Andrew Daniel, his agent, visited.

"You look like shit." Those were Andrew's words the moment he saw Kade. "Have you even taken a bath?" 

"... I'm not feeling it," Kade replied with his focus on the canvas in front of him. "What are you doing here? I told you I'll call once I'm done."

Andrew leaned against the side of the door. He was only two years older than Kade, but Kade looking like shit made Andrew look younger. "I'm here to do a wellness check. You're welcome."

Kade's brush stroke continued. His movement was elegant and refined. As if he was not painting a grotesque bloody hand. "What wellness check?"

"Xanthie Lorenz sent me." Andrew said, and Kade's hand holding the brush stopped. "He called and asked me to check-up on you from time to time. So as your amazing, very dedicated and loving agent, here I am. In the flesh."

Kade's hand went back to the painting. "I'm fine."

Andrew sighed and became serious. "Kade, you need rest. As your agent, I'm happy with your paintings, but as a friend, your art exhibit can wait. Just get some sleep and have some fun. Go fuck around or something. You look like shit. Really."

"I will rest when I want to."

Andrew clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Always stubborn."

"I want my exhibit to happen before Xanthie's wedding. I'll rest after that."

Andrew decided to let Kade be until he heard Kade's next words, which made him freeze.

"Can you find me a lawyer? I want to write a will."

Lots of questions entered Andrew's mind, but he calmed his thoughts and stared at Kade before replying as his agent. The bastard won't listen to him, anyway. "Sure. When do you want to meet a lawyer?"

"After the exhibit."

"Okay."

"Look for a buyer for this house as well. I'm selling it."

Andrew couldn't stop himself anymore. "Sell it? Where are you gonna live?"

"Doesn't matter." Kade responded as if it was only a minor decision. "After the exhibit, I plan to rest until Xanthie's wedding. I don't know when I will paint again, so can you find me a storage unit where I can store my art tools?"

Andrew was confused. "Storage unit and not an art studio?"

"Yeah."

Andrew looked at Kade incredulously. He couldn't understand Kade's decision, but he was sure of one thing—Kade seemed like he was preparing for something.

"Okay. Leave it to me," was all Andrew could say. He was Kade's agent, and it was part of his responsibility to do what Kade requested.

However, as a friend who was concerned, he knew he had to contact Xanthie.

"Anyway," Andrew straightened his body and put his hands in his pockets. "My wellness check is done. Call me if you need anything."

Andrew was about to leave when he heard Kade speak again.

"Don't tell Xanthie."

Andrew only stilled for a split second, then he casually nodded and replied. "Sure thing. I'll keep my mouth shut."

Kade grunted and continued painting. Concurrently, Andrew left Kade's house and went straight to his car. Before he turned on his car's engine, he called Xanthie, who picked up after a few rings.

Andrew didn't let Xanthie speak. "Kade wants to write a will and sell his house. He also wants me to find a storage unit for his art tools—"

"Not a studio?"

Andrew sighed heavily. "Yes. Not a studio. I feel like he's readying for something." He clicked his tongue. "He will never listen to me as a friend, so I will stick to my job as his agent. You do the friend stuff, but mention nothing about the will and his house. He'll immediately know that I told you. I'm pretty sure he'll cut me off if he found out that I tattled after he clearly warned me not to tell you."

Xanthie's lips thinned. "He told you not to tell me?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

"Sure."

The call ended and on the other end, Xanthie was massaging the bridge of his nose while seated in front of a piano.

"Does your head hurt?"

Xanthie glanced at the woman placing a cup of coffee on the table next to the piano where his laptop was. "Thanks for the coffee, Fey."

Fey smiled and glanced at his phone that was facing down on the table. "Did something happen? You look stressed."

"It's nothing."

"Is it Kade again?"

That startled Xanthie. "What?"

"You only make that face when Kade is doing something behind your back." Fey observed and smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Just like when he left Montréal and settled in Toronto without telling you."

Xanthie's face darkened. "Fey—"

"What?" Fey's smile became innocent. "Anyway, your agent, Emmett, came over just a few minutes ago. He didn't want to disturb you when I told him you're in the studio and just told me to tell you that the project you have to work on in Toronto next week has been moved to the first week of fall."

"Noted. Thanks."

"And Dr. Stan called this morning to relay a message. Your grandfather wants to see you."

Xanthie just nodded, and Fey excused herself.

Alone in his own studio, Xanthie leaned back in his seat and continued massaging the bridge of his nose. He didn't have the drive to finish the song he was composing after he heard about his grandfather.

What is it this time? He was truly exhausted, but it was his grandfather, who had raised him well since his parents abandoned him. If there was one person he didn't want to disappoint, it was his grandfather, who was terminally ill.

Exhaling a loud breath, he looked at the sheet music he was making on his laptop, then at the piano in front of him. He had been trying to finish this song for a movie, but he couldn't seem to feel the desperation, emptiness, and death in his lyrics and melody.

The movie was about a singer-songwriter who was suffering from depression. And the song he had to compose was the singer-songwriter's last song for his wife, who had died of an illness before he let himself succumb to death.

He knew the premise of the movie. He had also asked to read the script, and the director sent it to him so he could feel the character's emotions, but he couldn't fully grasp them. 

Desperation. The constant but silent scream for help. Emptiness. Then the pledge of devotion and love in the midst of death.

Xanthie sighed before his fingers pressed the piano keys again and went back to creating the melody that would coincide with the singer-songwriter's thoughts and emotions. From there, he slowly drafted the lyrics.

Time seemed to speed up as Xanthie wrote the song for the movie. When his eyes landed on his wristwatch, it was already past dinner time.

Stretching his back and arms, he let his fingers and brain rest. In the meantime, he left his studio and went to the kitchen. Fey had already made dinner and his portion was in the refrigerator according to the note left on the table.

Xanthie reheated his dinner. While waiting, he leaned against the kitchen counter and opened his social media without even thinking about it. The first thing he saw was Hale's post.

It was a picture of Hale and Kade in the bar. Both were holding a drink. It was posted an hour ago. Kade looked fine, but there were dark shadows under his eyes.

"Did he not sleep again and just keep painting?" Xanthie mumbled to himself before he closed his social media and sent a message to Kade with a screen shot of Hale's post.

Xanthie: You look like shit.

Xanthie was about to close his messaging app when he saw the typing indicator bubble.

He's replying? Xanthie was surprised. These past few months, Kade seldom replied to his messages.

Kade: I think you'll look way better naked.

Drunk texting? Xanthie's eyes narrowed as he replied: I suggest you turn your phone off. You'll regret it.

Kade: Regret wanting to see you naked?

Xanthie let out a sigh and called Hale, who answered immediately. "What's up?"

"How many glasses has Kade had since you posted that photo?"

Kade had been drinking since this afternoon. Of course he's drunk, but Hale covered for Kade  since it's Xanthie on the other end. Kade wanted to be as well behaved as possible when it came to Xanthie. So Hale lied and answered, "Just three."

Xanthie's eyebrows furrowed. "Then why did he send me a message saying I'll look better naked if he's not drunk texting?"

You dumbass! Hale shouted in her mind before calmly responding. "Oh. Probably mis-sent." Without hesitation, Hale instantly saved Kade's ass while storming toward the bar where Kade was. "He's not drunk."

"... Is he dating again?"

Hale noticed the brief pause, but did not dwell on it. "What dating? You know Kade. Sleeping around is his middle name. He's probably flirting with someone again."

"Oh. That's good. At least he won't get bored."

Hale quickly grabbed the phone in Kade's hand when she neared him and then hid it under the bar.

"What are you doing?" Kade asked Hale with a frown.

'Shut up!' Hale mouthed to Kade and continued speaking to Xanthie on the other end. "Yeah. At least he's not bored—"

"Is that Kade? Can I talk to him?"

Hale gave Kade a warning glare and covered her mobile phone's mouthpiece to talk to Kade. "It's Xanthie. Behave for your own good." Then she handed her phone to Kade.

Xanthie was taking out his dinner from the microwave when he heard Kade's voice.

"Xanthie..."

Xanthie placed his dinner on the kitchen counter and closed the microwave. "Drunk?"

As sober as he could, Kade replied. "No."

"That's good. By the way, can I stay at your place next week? I have a project in Toronto."

It took Kade a few seconds to answer. "... how long will you be staying?"

"Probably two weeks. Max."

Kade wanted to say 'no', but he had no reason to since he was always alone in his big house. "Sure. Just come over."

"Great. Thanks."

"Yeah." Kade was ready to say goodbye, but Xanthie however still wanted to talk while casually eating dinner.

"Should I bring you some bagels?"

Kade's head was spinning, and he was gripping the edge of the bar, trying to sound sober. "Sure. Whatever you want."

"How about Fey's homemade jam?"

That actually sobered up Kade a little. "Nah. I'm cool. I don't really like jam that much."

Xanthie's lips curved up. "Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Just the bagels then."

"Hmm. Gotta go now. Hale wants her phone back." In actuality, Hale was busy mixing drinks, and she raised her eyebrow when she heard what Kade said. "Bye."

"Sure. Bye."

The call ended and Kade let out a loud breath and ordered another glass of whiskey, which made Hale shake her head.

"I'm not giving you your phone back," Hale said when she got hers back from Kade and put a glass of whiskey on the bar in front of him. "For safety purposes."

Kade just grunted and went back to drinking. Hoping that after drowning himself with liquor, he'll be able to fall asleep and be at peace even for a little while.

CECELIB | C.C.