In which there are Rage Quittings

Wind was blowing into Eren's face as he nervously looked around. Gunther, Petra, Oluo and Eld were to the left and right of him while Levi brought up the front. A few times Titans came pretty close, but for whatever reason they chose to ignore the six.

"Don't worry about 'em", Gunther spoke up from the rear, "Our squad's known for making the most kills, but Truth is, those idiots keep ignoring us most of the time."

"Why?" Eren asked.

"No idea", Oluo replied, "But that's making our job easier. I kinda suspect it's the captain who's keeping them aw-ouch!" His words drowned pretty quickly in a flood of mumbled curses as he, once again, bit on his own tongue.

"That's our favourite hypothesis", Eld joked, "You know, the Titans are so scared of Captain Levi that they, if they come closer, they recognize him and turn back around."

"Titans are idiots", Petra spoke up, "And some Deviants still attack us. I rather guess they find something better to do other than eat five meagre people."

"We're getting company", the Captain's low voice suddenly spoke up. Everybody turned to see Erwin and his group coming closer.

"Have you seen Zoro?" Mike asked as they joined the other group.

"The green-haired Pirate Dude?" Eren wondered, "No, can't say I have."

"Strange, because this is the only way any scout would have gone."

"A scout, maybe", Levi replied, "But that guy's an idiot."

With 'aaahs' and 'oohs', the group declared this the correct answer. A few moments later, they reached the Forest of Giant Trees, where they slowed down somewhat. Titans usually didn't go inside the greens, so they were pretty safe here.

"Okay, we reached the forest. You satisfied, Commander?" Eren mumbled.

"Satisfaction is not my nature", the short Captain replied, "Things going smooth means that things are going downhill. I learned that the hard way."

Suddenly the earth shook. Like a demon sent from hell, a fourteen-meter Titan charged through the trees, running right towards them.

"Get ready!" Erwin growled, "Don't let it take Eren!"

"I can fight too!" the Titan Shifter snapped, "Let me fight her, it is no use wasting your people like that!"

"Wait a moment", Mike suddenly spoke up, "Someone's coming..."

"HEYYYYYYYYYYYY! I FOUND YOU AGAIN!"

TWACK

The Female Titan stumbled to the side as it was hit by a powerful impact. The Scouts looked back, noticing the Strawhat Captain hanging from its neck, laughing merrily.

Armin, Ness and Siss came from the undergrowth, grinning awkwardly.

"What's the meaning of this?" Erwin questioned.

"We have no idea, sir", Armin answered, "This deviant just appeared out of nowhere and Luffy suddenly got it in his head to ask her whether she wanted to become his Nakama."

"Why should a Titan want to become a Nakama of some Pirate Captain?" Gunther wanted to know.

"I have a vague idea", the blonde boy explained, "You see, I guess Luffy's thinking the same as I did- he thinks this Titan is no real Titan, but a Shifter like Eren. And that means there is a person inside."

"What?" The group glanced back to the Titan. It was struggling with the Captain who was still tightly wrapped around its neck. This struggle had slowed it down, so the distance had increased somewhat. They could still see the Pirate clearly, though.

The Female Class finally managed to grasp the young man and pull him off, stretching his limbs in the process to unnatural length.

"What is up with that guy?! Why don't his arms tear off?!" Petra gasped in shock.

Ness and Siss looked at each other before answering. "That's because he's made of rubber or something. We didn't really understand how that was possible, but it is a fact he is."

A frustrated roar behind them drew their attention again as the Titan threw the Pirate away like a toy as it sped up to try to catch up to the group.

Laughter reached their ears when seconds later the pirate's hand suddenly latched onto Erwin's horse. With an elastic 'snap', the boy came shooting back towards them, nearly knocking Erwin and Levi off their steeds as he landed.

"Shishishi. I like her already", the kid grinned

"That wench just tried to kill you", Levi growled as he struggled to keep his horse under control.

"Don't worry, punches won't do any good. And all of my Nakama first didn't like me", Luffy explained beaming. "Ah, I wanted to ask you something" he went on. "Why don't you go and fight her? You are pretty powerful, aren't you?"

"I can not fight a Titan directly." The Captain growled. "Nobody can. Face-to-face and we'll lose."

Luffy blinked. "Really? I am pretty sure you are at least as strong as Shanks or Old man Whitebeard. You know, Whitebeard could split the sky!"

"There is no way I will ever be as powerful as them. I can not split the sky. Killing a few dozen retards is one thing, but not...splitting the sky, you say?"

"But I thought-"

"I am only human, not a monster"

"Hm. If you say so..."

"... Idiot..."

"Hey! Don't call our captain that! He's still our SUPER Captain!" a new voice yelled. More scouts arrived from another side. The Cyborg Franky was with them.

"Hey Franky!" Luffy grinned, "Look, I found us a new Nakama!"

"The giant Lady? Mhm She's just as perverted as I am, I like her!"

"DON'T SAY SUCH THINGS ABOUT BEAUTIFUL LADIES, YOU SCREWHEAD!" Sanji's loud voice shouted. The cook and his group joined the Scouts next, followed by Brook and the others. Sanji growled lowly when he lit another cigarette. "Ladies aren't perverted, only you meatheads are."

"I wonder if that new Nakama is going to show me her panties", Brook wondered.

"I doubt it", Franky claimed, "She ain't wearing anything."

"She ain't..."

"...wearing anything?!"

Both perverts snapped their heads around immediately, settling their eyes on the Female Titan that was still chasing after them.

After realizing that she was, indeed, stark naked, both simply erupted into a massive nosebleed that easily catapulted both off their horses and onto the ground several yards away.

Just where Chopper had dug his pitfalls earlier.

The loud rumble that echoed through the forest from the two idiots tumbling into the pits made everybody, Scouts and Titan included, stop dead in their tracks as they watched the cook and the skeleton disappear into the ground.

"Wahooo! We caught one!" Hanji's excited voice shouted as she leapt from her hiding spot and ran towards the trap. She stopped in an instant as she recognized the two inside the hole.

"What the hell? What are you two idiots doing down there?"

"Idiots?" Chopper asked when he came up next to Hanji, looking down as well. His eyes widened. "Oh no! Sanji and Brook! And there is so much blood! AHHH! SOMEONE CALL A DOCTOR!" He started running circles before realizing that he was the only Doctor around. Luffy and Franky were laughing, while the scouts just sat there and stared.

"...What the actual fuck is wrong with you people?"

They blinked and turned towards the voice. It was way too deep and raspy to be from anyone else but the...Female Titan?

The massive creature stood there, arms crossed over its chest and one foot tapping on the forest floor.

"Did you...just talk?" Mikasa asked finally.

The Titan threw her a deadpan look. "Of course I did. Why shouldn't I be able-" Her eyes widened in realization. "Sonofabitch"

"Ahahaha!" Luffy cheered as he latched onto her face again, sending the Female Type stumbling back. "You really aren't as stupid as the others! Hey? Wanna be my Nakama? Franky could build you an extra ship to come with us!"

"That's true!" Franky added, "You could come with us, sis!"

"I don't want to become your goddamn Nakama!" The Titan shouted, trying to pry the Pirate off her face, "I'm just trying to finish my mission!"

"Is it an important mission?"

"Of course it is you numbskull!" She growled as she finally got the Strawhat off. "It is very important for me and-" She paused before throwing her arms up. "You know what?! Just... Just forget it!"

With a resigned gesture she turned on her heel and marched off. "I'm not going to deal with this kind of bullshit." She glanced back at Eren. "You. Yeager. You go and capture yourself, will you? I'm through with that kind of nonsense!"

"But you can't go!" Luffy wailed, "You are my Nakama now!"

"And I want to study youuuuuuuu!" Hanji wept.

"Go screw yourselves!" The Titan shouted as she proceeded to angrily stomp away from them, kicking an unfortunate smaller Deviant Titan that thought it could sneak up on them.

"Well... that certainly was something..." Reiner deadpanned.

"Wow. She was really pissed", Ymir added.

"LUFFY! WHY DID THE LADY RUN OFF?! HAVE YOU DONE SOMETHING TO HER?!" Sanji shouted with cotton stuffed up his nose.

"She just yelled at me and then walked away", the Pirate Captain answered, "But don't worry, Sanji. We'll see her again."

"I'll hope this for your sake, Luffy", the cook seethed, "Or else I will stop feeding you meat."

The Pirate Captain gasped loudly as he reeled back, staring at the Blonde.

"Where have you guys been?!" another voice yelled loudly. When they turned, they saw Zoro behind Hanji's group. Apparently, he just came from the other side of the forest, having slaughtered a whole lot of Titans, if the shaking legs of his horse were any indication. "You got lost, didn't you?" He added with an arched eyebrow.

"We didn't get lost!" Erwin gave back, "You just disappeared!"

"What? You suddenly vanished, I just kept on riding!" Zoro grumbled.

"Eyebrows is right, Marimo", Sanji threw in, "You got lost again."

"I don't get lost, swirly-brow", the Swordsmen growled as he got off the horse to face Sanji.

"Of course you did. Your orientation is that of a blind mule!"

"SAY THAT AGAIN, IF YOU WANT TO DIE SO BADLY, ERO-COOK!"

"GLADLY! WITH OUR PISS-POOR AIMING SKILLS YOU WON'T EVEN HIT ME!"

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!"

"TRY ME, IDIOT-SWORDSMAN!"

Levi only sighed in resignation as the shouts and sound of fighting became louder. He unscrewed the flask and was about to drain it when Zoro's Horse suddenly snatched it and emptied it itself.

The image of Humanity's Strongest, of the feared Captain Levi, fighting with a horse over a stolen bottle of scotch would remain forever burnt into the scout's minds.