The blaring of my alarm woke me slowly. I could tell I hadn't got much sleep last night since I usually wake up in a heartbeat. I rubbed my eyes, letting them adjust to the pitch black room as I sat up. I noticed an empty glass to my left and an empty bed to my right. The memories of last night washed over me, leaving me with one too many questions. In all honesty though, I wasn't too sure if I wanted to face Michael. Well not necessarily him, but rather what he had to say. A million things ran through my head of what he could say, but I didn't know what he will say.

I pushed it all aside and carefully walked towards the door and opened it gently. I looked around, making sure he wasn't in sight and entered the bathroom. I flicked on the switch and was stunned by the sudden brightness. My eyes squinted at my messy appearance which I quickly fixed as I noticed I had to be at work in half an hour which was something I was not looking forward to. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job, but not at 7am.

I took a breath and tip toed downstairs, hoping not to come in any contact with Michael. I peered around the kitchen and living room and didn't spot him so I guess he had left, maybe to pick up groceries again. I smoothed out my clothes and snatched a banana before heading out. I stepped out of the door backwards, silently shutting it and grabbing the key from over the door frame and locking it. I spun around and the sight of Michael staring over his shoulder at me came into sight.

He was leaned over the wooden railing that was neatly painted white. His forearms rested on the surface and he had his weight shifted into one leg while the other was bent. He turned back around to face the open view in front of the house, letting the smoke from his nearly gone cigarette blow over his shoulder.

"I thought you meant it when you said were done with that." I said, finally breaking the tension. He flicked the ashes of the end and looked down, casually shaking his head,

"I don't mean a lot of things." He sighed. I couldn't quite grasp what he was saying so I glanced down at my feet awkwardly without giving a reply. "So, uh," He shuffled his feet to where he was now propped up by his elbows and was sort of sunken down. "I want to talk about last night..." He trailed off, taking a quick drag before putting it out.

"It was a mistake." I answered for him as we finally caught each others eyes. He looked away quickly and back down to the ground. "I get it." I said sheepishly.

I felt more embarrassed at the fact that I had thought this would've worked out more than anything. I knew I should've just taken him straight home with no word. Now it seemed so difficult to talk to him, to even look at him. He knew everything that happened the night before. He knew what he said, what I said. As much as I didn't want to believe it, I had to. I had to let this be the final straw.

He scratched his nose once before glimpsing back up at me. His mouth opened to say something, but nothing came out. I shook my head reluctantly and crossed my arms over my chest. He appeared emotionless in the way he looked at me. His gaze was heavy which was something he only did when he wanted to do when he wanted to talk.

"Yeah. A mistake." His voice was hoarse and quiet which broke me. I could tell he had something else on his mind, whether it was about the situation or another one, but I hated seeing him like this. I could tell her was bothered, but as of now I didn't care what he was bothered about anymore.

"I should probably get going." I whispered as I subtly nodded towards my car.

"Yeah." He stammered quietly. We exchanged eye contact once more before I hesitantly stepped down the stairs. I walked quickly towards my car, wanting to leave his presence as soon as possible.

I felt dumb. Out of all the anger and sadness that I used to feel, now I just feel dumb. The whole ride to my work was silent. No radio, no texts or phone calls, just my mind swarming with the idea of how stupid I felt. I was embarrassed and upset and I honestly didn't think I'd be able to face Michael again. It sounded over dramatic, but there was nothing worse than loving someone who didn't love you back.

-

I was peeling the posters off my wall with the help of Julia. We ran into each other as I was just leaving my shift, she came to surprise me but hadn't know I had a shift change. Luckily we caught each other just before I drove off. We were silent, something unusual between us. I understood though, I didn't really want to talk about me leaving all of this is a matter of two weeks.

We unstuck the tape from the wall carefully, not wanting to rip of the paint I had on my walls. I folded them neatly and set them in a stack on my bed. I had a box labeled just for the decorations on my wall, and since those were the easiest to remove we decided to start there. I scanned my nearly naked walls, half smiling once and one of my unpainted walls.

"I wish I would've finished painting that wall when I could." I snickered. I walked to the opposite side of my room and started taking down the pictures that were pinned to my walls. "It's been at least 3 years. I painted them the summer into 10th grade I believe." I shuffled through the glossy pictures, giggling at the ones from my homecoming dance of all of us from freshman year. Julia shuffled towards me, looking over my shoulder at the items in my hand.

"Those are horrendous." She admitted through a stifled laugh, grabbing one from my hand. "Blonde was definitely not my color...neither was yours." She raised her eyes brows and she looked from the photo to me. Our laughter filled the room as I plucked a few more off the wall. One particularly caught my eye, one of Michael and I. It was from Ashton's party he took me to the weekend after I met him. Julia had actually taken it herself, she loved taking candid pictures of people. Definitely one who stuck to "picture perfect memories."

We each and an arm around the other's waist, gripping tightly. I had my heels in my hand and was looking away and laughing at some ridiculous joke I was guessing. Michael was staring down at me and smiling his normal wide smile while holding a plastic red cup in his hand. I thought I looked absolutely horrendous in this picture, but Michael practically begged me to keep it since I 'look so cute'. I distinctly remember Julia showing my mom the photo's on her camera and the first thing she said was 'There better be no alcohol in that cup!' At the time, I obviously defended him, saying it was just ice water and then laughing on about it with Annabel and Lue who were also with us.

I shuffled the photo to the bottom, not exactly wanting to keep it or throw it away. I wanted it out of my sight since I couldn't bare the though of what we'd become, but I was still in love with the idea of what we were. I fell in love with the memories we shared and I wasn't too sure if I was loving our memories or Michael more.

"You can still paint it." Julia stated breaking the silence. I tilted my head at her, not getting what she meant. She point at the white wall that contrasted with my green ones. "Your wall. Paint it."

"Why? There's no point now." I questioned, wrapping up picture frames in the already crinkled paper.

"There's always a point." She matter-of-factly said. "Like, what if the people that move in here have a little girl and she likes your green walls but she see's the empty wall and is like 'Oh shit, what now? I'll have to paint over it since I can't find the right green.'" I scoffed at her thought.

"I don't think little girls are going to be saying 'Oh shit.' But I guess I could, if you're willing to help of course." I stopped my actions and folded my arms over my chest as I watched her organize the large stack of posters. She glanced up once at me and placed the paper in the box, focusing on not creasing the corners.

"What's in it for me?" She joked, letting her voice get high pitched on the last word.

"I'll buy you donuts." I plainly said.

"Deal." She shot back. We erupted into a small fit of laughter once again and headed out to find the paint cans hidden in my basement.

-

I don't really know how I ended up here, but it was 11 o'clock at night and Julia, her mom, and I were all baking different kinds of desserts for a bake sale that her mom was attending. My family were always the ones to just grab a cake from the local grocery store and call it a day, but Julia's family was a bit old fashioned. They lived just a few miles away from me and had a small two story house on a few acres of land. Her home was one of those you saw in the magazines, I was completely in love with it.

There was flour just about everywhere. And frosting. And chocolate chips. Really everything we used was scattered along the tiled counter tops. Julia was a rather messy person and I liked to keep things neat, but I didn't mind the mess. I never did. I believe that's why we get along so well. We never fought about anything, we just dealt with things and let them be.

"Alright girls," Julia;s mom began. "You made the mess, so I'll let you guys clean it up." She bumped into our hips with her own as we groaned from the task. "Goodnight girls!" She called out, heading upstairs to her bedroom. I trudged towards the sink and began rinsing the dirty dishes. I notice Julia poke her head around the door then lingered for a few seconds.

"What's up?" I asked suspiciously. She scurried towards me with a finger held up to her lips.

"Guess what Lue just texted me." She whispered with a hint of excitement, scrolling through her messages. I look down at her screen then back up to her, signaling her to continue. "She lost her virginity to Calum tonight." I was slightly taken back by this, knowing that Lue usually wasn't the one to move that fast in a relationship.

"Did she really?" I raised an eye brow at her as she handed me her phone so I could read through the texts. I skimmed over the few that asked what happened, but stopped before things got too into detail. I slid it back over to her and finished up with the items in the sink.

"Two of my friends have turned into sluts, what am I supposed to do?" She jokingly said, nudging at my arm with her elbow. I had been completely clueless that she was referring to me as one of her other friends since I didn't know that she thought I actually had sex with Michael.

"Wait," I paused, turning to Julia. "Who did Annabel do it with?" She stared back with a confused expression. "Oh God, please tell me it wasn't Luke."

"Annabel isn't a virgin either? When did this happen?" She asked. I furrowed my eyebrows at her, completely unaware of Julia's hint she left me. I waited for her to clarify her words when it then clicked in my head. I laughed rather loudly, to which I responded to myself by throwing a hand over my mouth. Julia shoved my shoulder once and giggled. "You never told me any details!"

Julia and I were the only non-virgins in our group of friends, well and now Lue. We were comfortable talking to each other about anything, these things included. Our first times were the same, not really caring about who we lost at to. We just wanted to get it over with, which we both agreed was a huge mistake. I regretted it since I know wish I lost it to someone special, but at the same time it was just a made up social idea. It didn't really exist.

"Julia!" I squealed. "I never had sex with Michael!" I whisper-shouted at her while trying to contain my laughs. The idea of it wasn't funny itself, but rather the fact that Julia assumed we did.

"Oh my God." A voice mumbled. Out heads shot towards the voice, which was Julia's 14 year old brother standing in front of the pantry. "I could've gone my whole life with out hearing that." He said as he backed out with a bag of chips in hand. I threw a dishtowel at him, which he immediately threw back.

"Christian, I swear if you tell mom-"

"Jeez, I won't." He put his hands up in defense as he cut her off. "That would be way too awkward for the two-three of us." He darted his eyes back to me.

"Get out!" I raised my voice slightly as I began shoo him out of the room. He was practically like the little brother I never had. I didn't mind him most of the times, yet I'm also glad he is the brother I don't have. "Anyways." I said after Christian ran back up the steps and slammed his door. I had a feeling he took me a bit too seriously. "No. I didn't."

"Are you sure? You guys spent a lot of night together...in the same bed." She squinted at me, growing suspicious. "All alone, might I add." I rolled my eyes as she pointed a finger at me. I pushed it away from me and began wiping down the counter.

"'Are you sure'," I mocked, putting air quotes around my words. "Yes I'm sure!" I defended. "Just because we slept in the same bed doesn't mean that we actually slept together."

"Then where were you last night?" She came up beside me and took a wet paper towel to the tile, just as I was. I hadn't told anyone about staying at Michael's and neither did he so I immediately tried to cover it up.

"I was, um, at my house." I stammered.

"No you weren't." She peeked over at me, as if she was trying to get a reaction from me. "You were driving a drunk certain someone home." I briefly stopped my actions and turned to face her.

"How did you know that?" I asked as my tone became serious.

"I was at Ashton's last night. I know everything." She sighed out.

"Why were you at Ashton's, like was it just you? And what do you mean by 'everything'?" I became suddenly confused and nervous, even though I wasn't hiding anything from her.

"He had the guys over and I was out and about and they asked me to bring them a few things, so I dropped them off, I didn't stay. But I got there when Ashton and Michael were fighting." My stomach dropped at the memory of last night, knowing that I was the one that basically caused this.

"So you know about...?" I asked, referring to Ashton kissing me.

"Yeah." She plainly said. I knew she had a thing for Ashton and it was obvious he had one for her, but they never really put it to good use.

"And I know what Michael did. It was a really dick move, but some of the things coming out of his mouth were similar to the things you hear people say at their weddings." I stayed quiet as I didn't know how to respond to the new information.

"He stormed out before I could ask what happened. It was obvious they'd all been drinking so I took his keys from him since he said he was going to look for you. It was actually kind of sweet, in a 'her hot teenage, slightly bad boy, not really her boyfriend, is looking for his girl' type of thing. Like when Danny Zuko chased after Sandy in 'Grease', but with more Jäger."

I responded with a smile, something that I had done too many times. I wasn't really in the mood to talk about this, but it would have to come out sometime. And that sometime was now.

"We said we loved each other." I choked out. "Last night, I mean." Julia opened her mouth to ask how it happened, but I answered before she could even ask. "I drove him home and I went to help out of the car and he pulled me back in and then...he told me he loved me." I said it as if it was nothing, which was the exact opposite of what I had felt. "And I said it back."

"Did you mean it?" I scoffed lightly at her question.

"Of course I meant it." I looked down at my hands and fumbled with my fingers before starting again. "Then we went inside, and may I point out I'm pretty sure he was still a bit too tipsy as this point, and we went upstairs to his room and he gave me some clothes to change into."

"Where was Mrs. Louis? She probably would've killed him if she saw him like that."

"She was on some sort vacation I think, but anyways, story short, I almost slept with him, but I stopped him then we went to sleep." I paused once more before continuing.

"And even after that he doesn't think it's a good idea to be with you?"

"Let me finish." I pointed my finger back at her. She nodded her letting me go on. "I woke up in his bed and he was gone so when I left for work I found him on the front porch and basically we decided that it was a mistake."

"What the hell? What did he say?" Her voice raised lightly then she toned down once she realized the time and looked around.

"Nothing really. Like literally, he said he wanted to talk about last night then I just clarified it for him that it was a mistake." My voice broke at my last word and I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

I hated crying over him, I hated crying over such stupid emotions. One day I we were emotional wrecks on my couch, wiping each others' eyes and now he's the reason for mine. I couldn't comprehend how he was okay with making me feel like this.

"Was it something you wanted?" Julia asked as she pulled me into a hug.

"Yeah."

"Then it wasn't a mistake." She pulled back and looked right into my teary eyes. "You two are meant for each other whether you like it or not and if it isn't fixed by the time you leave then I will personally ship him to your new place. Alright?" I let out a small laugh which she joined in with.

I was happy she was able to comfort me in the time of need, as with all the people around me. But what I really wanted was Michael to make me happy again.

-

The sun beamed through the curtains of Julia's living room where we had crashed last night at a ridiculous hour of the night. I patted the couch, searching for my phone on the cushions. The time was 12:30 and I groaned at the thought of wasting most of my day.

I went to ask Julia a question when I noticed she wasn't still snoozing on the couch opposite from me. It was then when I heard her muffled voice near the front door. I got up lazily and threw the knitted blanket over my shoulders.

"Julia?" I called out, heading towards the front door. I had expected her to be talking with the gardener since he comes every Saturday morning. I approached her as she looked over at me with a tense look. I had actually been over here enough times to actually know him just as well as her family. "What?" I yanked the door open while keeping my eyes on her. "It's just-" I glanced at the familiar face and stopped myself.

My eyes met with the green ones I'd looked into many times before, the ones I fell in love with. The ones of Michael Clifford himself.