THOUGHTS?
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for over a year, i've had this book plot in my mind. it's incredibly detailed (i've planned out three books for it please send help) but i've had a lot of trouble connecting it to paper. so, it's stayed in my mind; it's the plot that i see when i listen to music or when i'm daydreaming in class.

but three or so nights ago, i had a dream. and it fit perfectly into my plot.

since then, i've been writing the book constantly. and now, i wanted to share some slivers of it and get your opinion on it.

it's a darker story, but one that's grown to be very important to me. it's a fantasy world (meaning it's different than the one we live in) but they still have technology. i won't say much about the plot; i want your first impression on it. it won't start from the beginning; it's actually starting somewhere in the second book.

so, here it is. please tell me what you think (don't hesitate to comment)

here are some reference points to help minimize confusion:

Oath: a promise that any person can make to another person that will be enforced until it has been fulfilled. they vary on levels of severity and duration

Gift: a "superpower" (for lack of better term) that one can be born with. no person has the same gift, and not everyone has a gift

———

"It's been years since you've been here, hasn't it, Charlotta?" Quintus asked me, almost conversationally.

I didn't respond. Each step was agony as my recently healed back screamed in protest with every movement. Quintus didn't care; he pulled me behind him, the shackle around my left wrist grinding into my bones.

But it was nothing. I had been through worse. And worse was yet to come. As long as I was here, it meant that Ajax was save. As long as I was here, Ajax would live. And that was enough for me.

"Lucas came here a few months ago," Quintus continued, ignoring the hisses of pain that I released with every step. "Did I tell you about that? It was after I rescued you from him."

My skin recoiled darkly at the memory. I fought down the wave of nausea that crept up my throat as Lucas's leering smile burned against my eyelids.

"When he does it, I need rescuing. But when you do it, it's fine," I growled at Quintus, a malicious glare accompanying my words.

A sharp pain pulsed in my wrist, and the familiar feeling of blood ran down my arm. The shackle had sprouted spikes that pierced my skin.

"Careful," he said, a dangerous glint in his metallic gray eyes. "You're a traitor, Charlotta." My stomach knotted at the word. "I won't forget that. I own you. Now more than ever."

The rest of our journey was in silence, tainted by my silent, dark memories. There was no part of me that was untouched by Quintus, no part of me he didn't own. I was nothing. I was a traitor.

It wasn't until we reached the metal warehouse that Quintus spoke. "He's been different since Lucas left him," he whispered, a triumphant smirk on his face. "Almost as if Lucas changed him."

I said nothing, and allowed Quintus to shove me through the iron door. An impenetrable darkness greeted me, and my stomach turned at the sight of it. Too many memories here. Too much of my dark past stained these hidden walls like blood.

I remained silent as Quintus slid a key across the floor, a foot emerging from the shadows to catch it from its gliding path. The owner of the foot stepped forwards. My breathing halted as the figure stepped into the muted light.

"Have her as long as you want, Piano Master," Quintus said with a dark grin. "My gift to you."

He shoved me forwards, the gesture a goodbye in itself, and I stumbled over darkness. A phantom hand caught me. The creaking of a shutting door filled the tense silence as my eyes searched for him in the dark.

"Hello, Charlotta," Augustus Shriver, who was better known as "Piano Master", purred, his voice as slick as liquid silver. A match flickered into existence and lit a small lantern. The light cast a golden glow over the room, and I found Piano Master staring at me with his too-wide amber eyes.

I shivered as his gaze refused to leave mine. He was scanning me, searching for something. I prayed that he wouldn't find it. Piano Master was much different than I, different than even Lucas. He had never made an Oath to Quintus, but was instead held captive by him. And, he had a gift that was both terrifying and alluring.

"It's been too long since you've visited me," Piano Master continued after a long pause. "I'm starving."

I took an involuntary step backwards. "Don't touch me," I hissed, my back still aching from the whipping that Quintus had given me not even a full hour ago. Fear ran through my veins like blood.

Piano Master released a dark laugh, his eyes pinning me down. "I'm not like Quintus, Charlotta. Nor am I Lucas."

I eyed him warily. His figure was skeleton thin, his dark clothes hanging off his frame. He had starving eyes and black hair that graced the tops of his shoulders. Piano Master had never appeared threatening, but his gift was too powerful for me to let down my guard for even a second.

"It's been so long since I've had anyone," Piano Master continued, his eyes running over my body. But it wasn't in the possessive way Quintus did; it was as if he had been starving and I was hiding food from him. "Lucas was sent here by Quintus weeks ago. But he was too dark, his mind filled with his own poison. Nothing to satisfy."

My breathing was short and ragged; I couldn't imagine looking through the polluted and disgusting landscape that was Lucas's mind. And Piano Master having just witnessed it...

I hated myself for the question I was about to ask. "What did you see?"

"I saw you." His smile was a crescent moon in the dimly-lit room. "I could show you, if you like."

I hesitated. "Did Quintus tell you what Lucas did to be sent here?"

"Yes."

My throat dried instantly, my mouth a desert. "And you saw it all? In his mind?"

"Yes," Piano Master said again. "But there was more, of course. But he showed it to me in great detail."

My skin crawled. "Is that supposed to reassure me?"

"No," he responded simply. "It only means I know what they've done to you. I know the scars that you conceal, Charlotta."

Silence.

There was nothing to say to that. It was terrifying to stand in front of a person who knew everything about you, who had seen every part of your soul, no matter how dark it was. What could you say to them to defend yourself? To redeem yourself?

"Would you like to see what Lucas showed me?" Piano Master asked, his eyes so captivating and alluring.

"Yes."

Piano Master slinked over to me, and I didn't find myself afraid of him. He already knew everything about me; what was the harm in finding Lucas saw of me in his mind?

"It's better if you lay down," he whispered to me, his hand reaching out tentatively towards me.

I laid down on the cold floor, the chill seeping into my clothes. Piano Master gently rested a hand on my temple, and I closed my eyes.

Then, the darkness behind my closed eyelids was flooded with broken memories.

I saw Lucas, somewhere around twelve years old. He was watching me train with Quintus through a closed window while he stood outside, no doubt completing training of his own. The younger version of myself was holding a sword that was longer than my arm, and it wavered unsteadily in my hand. There was something like hunger glinting in Lucas's young eyes.

Then, Lucas was a few years older. I was laying at his feet, curled in the fetal position with my hands covering my eyes. Lucas had a malicious mask on his face as an emerald green-colored gas filled the air. It fell on top of me like a phantom blanket, and my younger self screamed in agony.

The scene changed, and I was there again, appearing the same as I do now. I was chained onto the ground, completely naked. My skin was clawed and bleeding, and all my scars were visible. They slithered up and down my limbs, each one uglier than the last. Lucas was standing over me, a crazed grin on his face, as my hands reached up to my face. I was screaming as my fingernails gouged into my own eyes.

It changed again. Paintings of Sam and Saryn and Ryder and Evelyn decorated the wall. I was on the floor, Lucas on top of me.

"Get off me!" I screamed as he tore off my clothes. But it did nothing to stop him from entering my body.

The scene faded quickly, evaporating before my eyes. A rush of memories flooded over me, too fast to discern from each other. All I could see was Lucas standing over my fallen, bleeding body. My own broken screams pierced my mind, a brutal cacophony.

And then, it was gone.

I opened my eyes, and found my face to be wet. I reached a hesitant hand to my eyes, and there were escaping tears.

"I stopped it before it got bad," Piano Master whispered. "I'm sorry."

"That didn't happen," I gasped out, my breathing ragged and uneven. "With me chained on the ground? That...that never happened. He never did that to me. Never."

"I know," Piano Master whispered, his voice almost pitying me. "That was his dream. You are in a lot of his dreams. He dreams about hurting you, Charlotta. It's all Lucas dreams about."

I shivered involuntarily. Lucas was messed up in the head, but this was worse, somehow.

"It's all I can feel," Piano Master continued. "Lucas was the last one here, you know. It's the only feeling I know. When you walked in here. . .I wanted to hurt you. Because of Lucas. I hate feeling this way because of him. Because you've always been my favorite, Charlotta. You're the only one here who feels so deeply. You hate Quintus, don't you?"

"Yes," I breathed.

A sad smile sprawled across his face. "After you left the last time, that was the only emotion I felt. Your unceasingly passionate hatred for him suffocated me for months. I drowned in it. It was the strongest emotion I had ever felt from anyone."

That was his gift. A powerful sense of empathy, transferred through memories that Piano Master could rifle through at a whim. The name "Piano Master" was derived from the only memory that Augustus Shriver himself owned; a scene of him playing the piano over the lifeless bodies of his parents. He did not know what happened before that, but he said that the song he played was enough to drive even the most stoic person to tears.

"Did you hate Quintus?" I found myself asking.

Piano Master nodded. "Yes. For months. I dreamed about your hate-filled memories of him until I hated him myself. I had never felt so deeply before. It was delicious."

His amber eyes latched onto mine, and I was unable to look away. It was like staring down death; breathtakingly terrifying.

"I still hate him," I admitted, tears still escaping from my eyes. "More now than ever."

"Even after all these years? I'm surprised he's still sending you down here. I'm surprised he hasn't married you yet."

I inhaled sharply, my hand flying to the brand on my hip. Piano Master glanced at me, his face splitting into a knowing grin.

"I would rather die," I spat out, my voice thick with malice. "I would kill myself before I let that happen."

"But you're still here, aren't you? You're still chained to his side."

I shut my eyes, but the image of Quintus standing over me, metal whip in hand, as I surrendered to him. Forever.

"It's been so long," Piano Master said sadly.

I said nothing. The eternal span of my chained future yawned before me, threatening to swallow me. I would be here forever to ensure Ajax's safety. That was enough for me, that had to be enough. Ajax was safe, and would never be harmed by Quintus again.

"And you're a traitor now," Piano Master continued softly.

My eyes flew open at the blunt words. Piano Master was staring at me with his too-wide, innocent eyes.

"You still think about him."

My breathing caught. Him. Somehow, Piano Master knew. He knew of the person that I willingly damned myself for.

It wasn't a question, but I still answered, "I do."

"What is it like? To feel something like that?"

"It's damning. It's more than you can imagine."

His smile was starved. "Let me offer you a deal, Charlotta. Show me your memories of the one you betrayed Quintus for, and I'll let you leave. I know you hate it here. I won't harm you. Let me feel something more than the hatred Lucas gave me. Please."

I hesitated, but the answer was already made. Already, I was forgetting the exact color of Ajax's eyes. Piano Master would show himself my memories, and I'd be able to see.

"Alright," I whispered.

———

well? what did you think? after pasting it here, i realized that it's close to 2300 words (which is much more than i expected it to be). you don't know who charlotta or quintus or lucas or piano master or ajax are, but trust me, there's a lot of history there. this excerpt is from the dream i had; before the dream, piano master didn't even exist.

please tell me what you think!