One of my closest friend's brother died earlier today. He had a seizure yesterday, and was rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately, they couldn't save him.

He was in seventh grade, the same grade as my little sister, and all I can think about is what if it was her. It could have been her. He was completely healthy; it just happened. It could have been her.

I didn't know him very well, but their family is very close. The entire family is always so happy and kind and compassionate. But now...I don't know. I just don't know what's going to happen.

And my friend...she's the happiest person I know. She never gets upset. She always laughs and smiles and jokes around. I always know that she'll be in a good mood because that's just who she is. And her brother is dead.

How did this happen? Why did this happen?

I know death is inevitable, but why this seventh grade boy? Why from this family?

I'm afraid it's going to hurt her. I don't even think she knows how much I care about her. I don't think anyone knows how much I care. Because I hide it all with sarcastic, caustic comments. I've learned to hide everything behind that mask because I've been hurt so many times I know what will happen when I let people close. When they get inside your walls, when you let them in, they know how to hurt you.

God, when I was in seventh grade, I was a mess. I was depressed. I was in love. I was abandoned. Twice. I was bullied. I thought I was worthless. And this boy died at that age.

I don't even know what this is about. I'm just...lost. Confused. Upset. Worried.