i am simply going to SCREAM if i cannot tell the truth. no one in my life can listen because everything will fall to pieces if they do. and i have no one left to tell. so, internet; faceless persons who are fortunate enough not to know the real me, allow me to tell you a story:

once, there was a girl.

she wasn't exceptional in any way. she was once told that she was gifted as a child, but that intelligence seemed to fade as she went into middle and then high school. she wasn't beautiful; she was barely pretty. she couldn't draw, couldn't sing, couldn't dance. all she could do was write, and even that wasn't good enough.

once, there was a girl. and this girl fell in love many times. once when she was thirteen (only to have her heart shattered in the most brutal way), and many times with her friends. she was cursed with unyielding loyalty, and would rather die than to betray her friend.

unfortunately, no one felt the same way about her.

when she was eleven, she made a best friend. they loved, and then the best friend moved away.

when she was twelve, she made a best friend who lasted until she was thirteen. they loved, and then this best friend told her no one loved her and no one would notice if she killed herself. this best friend didn't notice when the girl began to cut herself, or when the girl tried to kill herself.

when she was thirteen, she made a best friend who suffered from anxiety. she left class to help her best friend, sacrificing her time to be there for her. she would text her best friend or beg her parents to drive her to her best friend's house if it seemed like her best friend was having a bad day. they loved, and then this best friend told the girl that the girl was never there for her, and that the girl was never enough.

when she was fourteen, she made two best friends. they lasted for what seemed like forever. they had unyielding loyalty. one of the best friend's little brother died; the girl was there for her at the funeral and everywhere in between. the other best friend was raped and tried to kill herself; the girl did everything she could to help. they loved and grew, and even though the girl noticed that the two best friends preferred each other's company over the girl's, she didn't say anything because this was the unyielding loyalty that she had spent her whole life searching for. time passed, and they grew older. and, the girl realized something: she had fallen in love. she didn't know when it had happened, only that she was too far deep. she loved her best friend in the way friends aren't supposed to love each other. she loved a girl in a way she never had before. it was startling, but the girl was too far in love. this best friend could be found in the lines of the girl's poems, immortalized there. they loved, and it was beautiful and infinite, and then it ended. because, in reality, there had never been unyielding loyalty, only an hourglass who's sand had just run out. and the two best friends left the girl, hurting her in a way she had never before thought was possible. and when she told them she was hurt, they told her she ignored them and was emotionally exhausting to be friends with and she was emotionally abusive. and it hurt and it hurt as the girl she loved told her all those things. but the girl still loved her. even when this best friend stopped talking to her. even when this best friend forgot her birthday. even when it's been over a month, and this best friend hasn't so much as looked at the girl. they loved, and the two best friends left, for in the end, they had only ever loved each other.

once, there was a girl. and she was left alone with nothing but her broken unyielding loyalty and the remnants of the love for this best friend. the only time the girl ever saw this best friend was in her dreams and poetry.

once, there was a girl. a broken, unexceptional, not-pretty girl who had given anything and everything, and had lost it all.