(feel free to ignore this depressing rant)

there's this habit all of my friends have gotten into lately. they'll do something that hurts me, that would obviously hurt me, and as their sole form of apology, they say "i didn't mean to hurt you." and that's most likely true; they didn't go out of their way to maliciously put me through pain.

but here's the thing: just because you tell someone you didn't mean to hurt them doesn't negate the fact that they got hurt. they're hurt because of something YOU did, and hiding behind the excuse of "oh, i didn't mean to" doesn't make what you did any less cruel. ill-intentions are only half of the crime. so sure, maybe you didn't mean to make me upset or hurt me, but you also didn't try not to. you did what you did. there's no going back or changing it, so maybe all you can do is say "i didn't mean to hurt you."

but maybe, you could try apologizing. not "i didn't mean to hurt you," but "i'm sorry that i hurt you. i'm sorry what i did hurt you. i'm sorry." that's all i ever wanted from you. that's all i wanted. but it's so much easier on your conscience to just shy away from the blame, to just tell yourself "i didn't mean to!"

you feel better about yourself, don't you? but did you ever take into account my feelings? no. but that's okay. i'll leave you and all your never friends and your satisfied conscience at peace. because that's all you ever wanted from me, isn't it? for me to fade away?

it's happening.