"We live as we dream — alone."
— Joseph Conrad

Taehyung POV

It was like a song of dance against the pane, the clearness of glass displaying the dark clouds and falling rain to come hit the window in an almost aggressive manner; as if the heavens opened up with heavy tears to cry with me.

I must have stared out the window for hours, watching the raindrops splatter against the glass and drip down so slowly, but it was only a few minutes.

It's been raining for three days straight, but that never discouraged me from going to see him again and again. Every time only finding an unlocked door and empty apartment, still messy from previous despair.

Every time I walked into his home it felt like pain rung through the air, laced with sadness and heartache, but it could have just been my own. For all I knew he could be happy right now, off somewhere else having a good time knowing I'm not there to ruin it.

I just wanted to apologize. I wasn't going to beg for anything more.

That's what pulled my out of my trance and away from the window, just to grab a hoodie and tug it on other a bare chest. Maybe he'd be home today. It's been four days anyways.

I decided to walk, not feeling the need to drive and maybe the cold air would help me think properly. There hasn't been much on my mind except him. Not even Jimin was amongst my worries, knowing Yoongi had returned and almost banned be from their apartment when he found Jimin crying. He must have called his best friend a hundred times before Yoongi grabbed him in a hug and held him until they both fell asleep.

The lady at the front desk of the lobby smiled when I walked in, it seemed like pity. Eventually I stopped smiling in return after showing up and feeling more pathetic, instead tucking my hoodie down further and continuing to walk on towards the stairs. She just returned to her job each time.

I've stopped staying to see if he returns, and each time I feel less and less willing to open his door and check. It used to be a habit, just entering his apartment and seeing him there watching cartoons or eating some snack, waiting for him to notice me and smile.

Now I only felt more unwelcomed. So my hand hovered on the door knob, hesitating, just enough to consider it before I simply knocked against the wood.

There was no answer. Not a surprise.

But my forehead touched the smooth surface, eyes closed and palm resting against the frame, "Jungkook, I'm sorry." it was a mere whisper.

Was I insane? Following after this guy who very clearly has now shown no interest in wanting anything more with me? Perhaps.

I may have thought about this for a moment, but it clearly had no effect as I left the warm lobby to immerse myself in the cold Seoul air, gray clouds matching my mood as I walked off towards the next best guess.

The studio was close, not too far from Jungkook's apartment, which is nice knowing he always walks everywhere.

I barely made it to the front doors when they pushed open from the inside, a startled looking guy with widened eyes once he noticed me, "Taehyung, right?"

He was familiar, the guy that worked with Jungkook and seemed to like him quite a bit. "Yeah, and you're Kino."

The before mentioned nodded, his hand still on the doorknob as one arm was still out of his coat when I stopped him halfway through putting it on. "Jungkook's in the middle of a class." Kino said.

I ignored the little jump of my heart every time someone said his name still.

"He's been signing up for less and less classes, I'm surprised he actually showed up today." the other continued, obviously noticing my lack of speech.

Kino opened his mouth to continue on, but I honestly heard enough of him already, "Why has he been showing up less?" I asked.

The rain had slowed and only dark clouds slid across the sky, slower than the time that passed as I waited to somewhat politely leave this conversation and continue looking for the ravenette.

"He's been hanging out with this old friend," Kino trailed off, "He's from the other side of the city, bad news I'd say."

My eyebrows furrowed and interest peaked, any kind of old news must be bad considering the small bits of his past I knew about. "Do you know his name-"

Words cut as a door got shoved open, my heart stopping and veins going colder than the air when I saw him looking innocently down at his phone. Jungkook stepped out of the door and nearly stumbled into Kino's back as he barely looked where he was going. "I'm sorry," he apologized with a small smile looking at his friend, those lips falling back down when his eyes met mine.

I was frozen on the spot, the nights of practicing what'd I say was for nothing as I stood there in front of him with a blank mind and sweating palms. "Taehyung?" he whispered first, I barely heard it.

Kino must have been the most confused, not knowing why we just stood there standing at us. Me confused as to why Jungkook didn't seem angry or upset with me, and he only confused as to why I was outside looking like a damp mess.

"Kino, can you give us a minute." Jungkook asked, the first to speak, surprisingly at that.

After he walked off down the sidewalk I finally gathered enough courage to look the ravenette in the eyes for more than five seconds, "Jungkook, I think we need to talk" I started, "Or at least let me talk and you listen, if that's okay with you, I mean we could also-"

"Hey," he gently stopped me from becoming a rambling mess, "I think that's a good idea."

Relief wouldn't be suitable enough for the situation, my arms ached to reach out and hug his body close, but I stopped myself. He was smiling softly, more reassuringly, but there was something else there. The bags under his eyes were subtle but still visible under the makeup, he had taken on a paler appearance than usual.

"I thought you'd be more upset." I whispered, my teeth sunk into my bottom lip as it wanted to shake, especially when Jungkook noticed and gently reached out to wrap his arms around my shoulders.

"I'm still upset," he mumbled into my hair, "But I'm not dumb. I'll listen to you."

It was a short hug, the younger letting go and stepping back to create more distance between us. I nodded, "Okay."

He was about to speak, but another voice came out interrupting anything else. It was a shout for his name and if his face could become any more pale I'm sure it would have.

Jungkook's shoulders visibly tensed and he adjusted the bag on his shoulder, it was a different one than the backpack he always carries with him.

I glanced over my shoulder at the newcomer who shouted his name, a man not that much older than myself had driven up the the curve with sunglasses and a dark beanie on his head. Jungkook chewed on the bottom of his lip and I went to speak, only to see him shake his head.

"Call me please." he mumbled when he brushed past me and walked towards the car.

The stranger had walked around the front of his car and yanked open the passenger door, not forgetting to grab Jungkook's backpack off his shoulder before he got in, "Who's that." the guy had asked, a hand stopping the youngest from getting in the vehicle.

Jungkook glanced back at me before looking at the guy, "Nobody."

The guy nodded and let him sit down finally before slamming the door shut and walking back around with the bag in his hand, shoving it through the back window before getting in himself. I stood there watching Jungkook as he stared ahead without moving, disappearing seconds later as they sped off in the other direction of his apartment.

It's a hard thing. To think seeing someone would be what makes you feel better, only to have them leave moments later and leave you worse off than you were before.

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