"One of the best protections
against disappointment is to
have a lot going on."
— Alain de Bottom

Jungkook POV

For a moment I thought I was back in the club. Sweat dripped down my temples and stuck my hair to my face. I kept rubbing at my forehead to push my bangs back and out of my eyes, only for the strands to fall back into place.

Maybe I'll get a haircut later also. Yeah that's what I'll do, I've got the time.

The soles of my sneakers hit the floor hard with each step and movement, sharp and hard as I felt my muscles move easily with the routine. Jimin was sweating also, but the small smile on his face as he danced showed no signs of fatigue or will to stop anytime soon.

I knew I would have to stop soon. My legs were shaking and I didn't eat breakfast. There was no time to stop and grab something this morning as I left as quickly as possible, ignoring the soft snores coming from the living room and the ache in my tummy.

The music kept playing and Jimin kept spinning, legs strong and arms graceful, while I flopped on the ground next to my backpack and leaned against the mirror.

The dance studio was empty today, only a few classes held this morning and later tonight that already had scheduled instructors. But Jimin has a cute face so the owner couldn't say no to letting us practice for a few hours which almost turned into a whole day.

"Kookie!" Jimin shouted over the music, for some reason he was still going over the same five steps to nail them perfectly. He already had in my opinion. "Do you want to go shopping with me later?" he asked while continuing to dance.

I chuckled quietly and sipped the water bottle in my hand. Jimin was an entire contradiction. You see this small boy on the street dressed in skinny jeans and hoodies, beanies and expensive sunglasses, boots and sneakers. So attractive it's intimidating but all you have to do is smile his way and he's already your friend. But in reality he's the softest boy who likes to go to the mall and try on clothes and hold hands with his friends and give hugs to everyone. "Sure, can we get something eat?"

Jimin nodded and stopped in his place, middle of the dance floor with shoulders heaving trying to catch his breath, "Do you want to go straight to my place and leave from there?"

I shuffled through my backpack and found my other bottle of water, pulling it out and tossing it over to my friend. "Yeah sure, can I take a shower you think?"

Jimin nodded and gulped down that water almost entirely, practically inhaling it. I stood up feeling wobbling on my legs, there was already a mental string of curses and internal lecture I was giving myself.

"You good?" Jimin hit my arm with the back of his hand lightly, mild worry in his eyes as he bent to pick up his own things.

I nodded and slipped on my backpack, the black straps snug on my shoulders, "Yeah, just tired."

We walked out of the studio and the usual questions came, ones I was prepared to answer after multiple times of having them thrown in my face by the same caring and pushy boy. "Do you have your medication?" Jimin asked. He flicked his wrist up to check his watch and simultaneously pulled out his car keys, "It's almost 6 pm, that's when you're suppose to take them again today."

Pulling the passenger car door open the metal handle was cold against my palm, smoothing to say the least as I slipped onto the leather seat with a soft sigh, "Why do you know more about when I take my medication than I do?" I said after he got in as well, starting the car quickly before looking over with a grin that turned his eyes to crescents.

"Because the ones you take at 6 are the little pink ones that look cute."

I laughed again and Jimin's softer one followed, more of a giggle if anything. Then we were on the road making the short trip to his shared apartment. Hobi hyung lived with Jimin after he begged the older to come dance with us at our studio after hearing of how Hobi was a well known street dancer. I've only met him a few times outside of the dance room and he was a bit too friendly. But he made Jimin laugh, so I liked him for that.

That's exactly what happened when Jimin opened the door to his apartment. There was a loud shriek and then a smiling Hoseok that came running from the living room like a puppy greeting his owner. "Jiminie!" he yelled at his roommate, pulling him into a big hug as the smaller boy laughed and returned the tight embrace. I waved at Hoseok and he gasped, "You brought Jungkookie, hello."

I smiled and nodded, "Hello hyung." before poking Jimin's shoulder, "I'm going to shower real quick."

My friend nodded and I walked past the living room to the hallway, there were three doors that led to two bedrooms and a guest bathroom. Picking the right one I locked it behind myself, pulling off my sweaty clothes and stepping under the cold water. Goosebumps rose on my arms and I closed my eyes letting the chill set in my bones and wash away the dirt on my skin from hours of dance.

There was a knock on the door at some point followed by Jimin's muffled voice. I turned off the water for a moment, "What? I couldn't hear you Jimin."

"It's okay never mind! I was just checking to see if you were okay." he shouted through the door and I figured it was time to get out. I must have stood there longer than I thought with just my eyes closed and water pouring down around me.

The towel hung over my shoulders as I dug through my backpack for the change of clothes I kept just in case. It was a simple black pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, I threw on my oversized red hoodie as well and ran my fingers through my damp hair to fix it a bit.

The mirror wasn't fogged over and I checked myself for a mere second, realizing I didn't actually care, and then opened the door. Only to be met with a sweetly smiling Jimin with a glass of water clutched in his small hands. "Here you go." he said, somewhat cheerfully.

I glanced down the hall as voices could be heard, Jimin reading my mind and pushing the glass into my hands, "I made sure they're in the living room, no ones looking I pinky promise."

The water was cold, making the glass cool against my palm as I took it even though I didn't need it. Jimin was standing there with a sweet smile on his face and I wasn't about to not drink it. "Thanks." I mumbled, setting it carefully down on the bathroom countertop to grab the small bottle from my bag, shaking out a single pink pill and tossing it back into my throat easily. Jimin was the only one that knew about my medication, and the reasons why I had so many. He also let me keep it a secret, once people know you're on medications and taking so many pills just to stay sane, they treat you differently.

Of course they won't admit it, but they'll always be more careful around you and maybe not show pity to your face but it's there. Jimin does this perfectly. I love him to pieces and he's the closest friend I have, and now he checks on me in the shower to make sure I haven't drowned myself and brings me water to make sure I've taken the right amount of pills and not a handful too many.

"Drink the rest of that, we danced a lot today." he said nodding his chin over to the glass. I obliged and gulped down the rest, pulling my backpack over my shoulder and following him out and down the fall.

The voices became more clear and soon I realized there was more than just Hoseok hyung talking to himself again. The boy I was purposely avoiding today with countless distractions sat lounging on the couch in a pair of sweatpants and white t-shirt that was way too see-through for me right now.

If I had eaten anything today I might have thrown it up all over Jimin's carpet once I made eye contact with Taehyung. I felt a little better when he seemed just as shocked and stopped talking mid sentence.

I looked away first, settling with slipping on a pair of thin glasses and then pretending to clean the lenses as Jimin started talking, "Taehyung, do you want to go shopping with us? There was a store with these cute shorts on sale and I want to try them on."

It was unintentional but my shoulders tensed at the invitation, every part of me screaming to leave and not hear what he had to say. I snuck a glance though, only to see Taehyung with a small frown and shake of his head. "Sorry Chim, I can't go try on clothes with you."

"Why not?" I didn't need to look to know there was a pout on Jimin's face.

"I've got this thing." Taehyung continued. By now I was a bit curious and turned to watch. Jimin was standing behind the couch where
Hobi was sitting, small hands playing with the hair at the back of our hyungs head while Taehyung sat across on an accent chair. He had an incredulous look on his face as if he found it unbelievable that two guys would invite him to the mall to try on clothes. To be fair, Jimin once dragged me to a spa day and I think that if he offered the same thing to Taehyung he would just pass out.

"What thing could you possibly have?" Jimin scoffed, hand on his hip with all that sass pouring out of his small frame.

Taehyung leaned back in the chair, "A penis." and it was my turn to scoff.

I felt his eyes burning into the side of my face but I already looked away, feeling my chest burn with frustration and I took it out on my backpack, gripping the strap ridiculously tight as I swung it over my shoulder and walked to the door, "I'll be outside, Jimin."

And then I closed the door, a single piece of wood between me and that jerk who likes to do shit with me, another guy, and then try to act all macho and fucking fake the next day.

"A fucking penis." I mumbled to myself letting out a dry laugh. That wasn't even funny.

The tightening of my chest with anger was soon replaced with the hint of something else. That dumb feeling that likes to mess with me all day and those dumb pills were suppose to be warding away. Sadness was embarrassing, especially over someone who only though that was a mistake that happened between us. I don't even know why I care so much, he's a stranger and it's not like I haven't had one night things before.

But I knew why I cared. It was sitting there patiently in my mind waiting to be acknowledged. The small truth knowing exactly what Taehyung was going through. Hiding inside myself the way he hid himself, not acknowledging the truth because he was afraid of it. No one knows that better than me.

• ♡ •
this one is longer because
I couldn't cut it up or it'd be weird
it's getting better just wait
everything will make sense