"The punishment of every disordered mind is it's own disorder."
— Augustine of Hippo

Taehyung POV

It only took a second after that door slammed for me to feel bad. The loud noise was like a slap to the face, the silent anger from Jungkook directed only at me and completely missed by Jimin and Hoseok as they continued to talk.

"Alright, I better go-" Jimin started and I easily cut him off as I stood up from the chair placed nicely in his living room, "I changed my mind, can I come?"

Jimin rose an eyebrow and crossed him arms over his chest. It may have looked intimidating if it wasn't for the pink fluffy ball hanging from his car keys that he held. "What changed?" There was a small change to his expression, the lift of his lips into a tiny knowing smile as his mind went off on impossible amounts of conclusions he can draw from barely knowing anything.

"I'm hungry, and you're paying because I left my wallet at home." I shot back quickly, smiling at the end to seem more polite as my friend only rolled his eyes.

He grumbled something and then said goodbye to Hoseok, me doing the same before we left the apartment and headed down to the parking garage to get Jimin's car.

There was no bright red hooded figure standing around as I subtlety looked for him. Jimin was talking and I wasn't paying attention as I was more focused on thinking about what I was going to say to Jungkook and wondering to what level he will be annoyed to see me walking up. I just figured if he wasn't answering my texts then my only chance to say anything would be in person.

But when the time came, and I saw him leaning against Jimin's car with those round glasses and black mask pulled over his mouth and nose, my throat was dry and mind blank.

"I picked up a stray." Jimin said.

Jungkook looked up from his phone and pulled out the headphones he had plugged into his ears, the calm and relaxed features of his face changed into slight crinkles at the corners of his gleaming eyes as they narrowed when he saw me approaching with a dumb grin on my face.

He scoffed once again and tugged down the mask aggressively, "Shot gun." and then another door slammed between us for the second time in mere minutes.

To say the car ride was awkward would be an understatement. Jimin sat oblivious in the drivers seat as he sang along to some girl group playlist he made while Jungkook would watch him with a smile and sometimes record the blonde haired boy. All while I sat in the backseat quietly and didn't know where to look, I felt like I was invading in their friend time. But at the same time, I could watch Jungkook freely act in a way I have yet to see.

The smile on his face was wide and genuine, teeth displayed brightly as lips parted for quiet giggles to escape when Jimin tried to hit a high note and would look incredibly surprised with himself when it didn't sound half bad.

I let out a light chuckle at one point, immediately silencing myself for not wanting to invade and seem like I was eavesdropping. Jimin smiled at me through the rear view mirror and said something, but I was focused on the side glance cast my way by the other boy. Jungkook's smile had faltered slightly and seemed to realize someone else was in the car. His phone was left in his lap and he messed with his fingers, but he looked back once again with a somewhat neutral face, there was no sarcastic scoff or cold glare. Baby steps to a better chance at speaking.

At this time of night the mall wasn't close to being busy. Stores would be starting to close in about two hours and everyone was either in the food court eating some version of dinner or just walking around casually until they had to leave. Jimin was once of those casual walkers and gasped at everything that sat on display in the windows. "Jungkook!" he breathed walking up to one of the boutiques, "There's that waist pack that comes with the pins and one of them is a koala!"

Jungkook nodded with a light laugh and nibbled on his bottom lip, "Why don't you buy it already, you always mention it when we're here and the pink would match your keychain." They must go shopping often.

The blonde boy became determined and continued to walk, me on his left while Jungkook followed on his right, "Because. We are on a mission tonight!"

This 'mission' brought us to one of the large department stores on one end of the mall. Everything was sectioned into categories of clothing from men's, to women's, to children, with a makeup selection in the center that we had to drag Jimin away from so he didn't waste his money on highlighter. I, however, didn't fail to notice Jungkook's slight interest in the products and many of the pink glittery things, picking up a lip balm at one point and talking to a woman about it.

His cheeks turned the same tint of pink as the makeup product in his hands when he looked up and met my eyes, the playful smile on my face grew as he set the lip balm down and walked past me mumbling a 'shut up.' It was insanely adorable to see this boy with muscles, tough exterior and sarcastic remarks shot left and right, to become so quiet and intrigued by little soft things like pink lip stick.

We were following Jimin as he shuffled through the pants hanging, all long and too big for him and with each rack he got more and more frustrated, "Okay not everyone is eighteen feet tall and have legs for days." he huffed and walked away in search of his desires with the little hope he had left.

Jungkook was over by the wall and looking through the shelves of shorts. I opened my mouth the speak but his voice cut me off too soon, "I don't want to hear anything about the makeup, I swear to-"

"You should have gotten it." I said, before he could finish. "It caught your attention, you seemed to like what you saw."

The younger boy sighed and pulled out a random pair of pants, there may not have been enough rips because he put them back, mumbling softly after, "So what if it did."

I shrugged, barely looking at the clothes that surrounded us because they were barely of any interest. The black haired boy next to me, with an ear full of piercings and a head full of stories begging to be told, seemed way more intriguing. "I'm a firm believer in following what you want, getting things that capture your attention, even small things like that." I said. Which was true, and possibly the main reason why I've been trying to get to him recently.

"Really?" Jungkook asked, there was so sarcastic undertone and for a moment I thought he was genuinely considering what I've said, for a moment. Then he abandoned the search for whatever he wanted and faced me, titling his head as his messy bangs that somehow still looked perfect fell over his dark eyes, "Are you sure? You wouldn't change you mind completely right after?"

I should have expected a snide comment like that, my chest tightened and stomach twisting with embarrassment when thinking back to what I said to him last night. If it wasn't for the small smile that he seemed to hold back, I may have given up completely and tossed myself down the malls elevator shaft.

Jungkook laughed and shook his head, bangs messily shifting somewhat perfectly. "I'm joking, I don't actually care anymore."

That caught me off guard for sure and the corners of my lips twitched down into a subtle frown. I mean it's cool that he isn't mad, but does he really not care at all? The narcissist side of me maybe wanted him to still feel bad or somewhat care a little about what happened. "You seem like you're in a better mood than you were earlier at Jimin's apartment." I mentioned, Jungkook giving a light shrug in response.

The blonde boy appeared at the sound of his name and tossed a pair of shorts over Jungkook's shoulder, "Try these on, they'll make your thighs look great."

That certainly peaked my interest.

Jungkook walked away to the fitting rooms and Jimin left the other way, clothes dangling from
his arm as he searched for more things.

It was obvious which way I went, the head of fluffy black hair bouncing with each step was a lot more intriguing to follow as it disappeared behind the door to the small changing room. There was a small sitting section that had a black couch and two matching chairs on either side. A short table with magazines stood in front of them for people to read as they waited. It was a relatively small fitting room area, the size sparking an idea in my head.

Seconds later my knuckles met the door that kept Jungkook hidden from me. The shuffling halted and the black haired boy sighed, "Jimin we're not doing this again, one piece of clothing at a time-" he stopped talking as he swung the door open and noticed it was me instead.  "What the-"

Cut off once again I stepped inside and ignored his obvious confusion and annoyance, "It was lonely out there." I said, sitting down on the small bench in the corner. The other corner had the full body mirror and Jungkook stood in the middle, knees almost touching mine due to the confined space. He was still wearing his hoodie and only pulled off his boots, each shoe kicked underneath the bench I had claimed.

"I really don't care if it was lonely, get out." he rolled his eyes and tossed the shorts beside me. They were a light blue color, jean material, obviously there were tears despite the shortness of them already. "No I'm okay, feel free to continue." there was a slight smirk on my lips as I said it, his flustered state amusing.

Jungkook could probably tell I was amused, his eyes narrowed and his cheeks puffed out a bit as I tested his patience. He mumbled something and I held back the laugh bubbling in my chest, "Fine." he huffed. Fingers gripped the edge of his red hoodie, the fabric ending mid thigh and he started to tug it over his head. The black t-shirt he wore rose and my teeth sunk into my bottom lip, tan skin revealed stretching over exposed hip bones all on display for my greedy eyes.

It was short lived and he continued to mutter, tossing the hoodie at me and t-shirt falling back into place. "Thanks for that." I said setting the hoodie beside me as he gave me a sarcastic smile. Jungkook went to say something but got interrupted by another voice and soft knock, "Hey Kookie, hows is going?"

I froze momentarily and Jungkook himself looked a little pale, "Uh, yeah it's good."

"Who are you talking to?" Jimin's voice was muffled through the door but what he said was clear enough to make me nervous, and most likely Jungkook also. The black haired boy glared at me and his lips were pulled into a tight line, "You suck for this." he harshly whispered and I held back the sexual jokes.

"No one Jimin, I'm talking to myself." he yelled back, grabbing the shorts and tossing it over his shoulder so he could tug down the jeans he was already wearing.

Jimin shouted back, "To yourself? Is that like a side effect to your med-"

"Shut up!" Jungkook raised his voice, my eyes widening slightly at the change in his tone and the angry nature laced within. His back was facing me now and Jimin mumbled a soft apology, the shorter boy's words making me curious as to what he was referring to. Something that obviously upset Jungkook so easily. His shoulders were tense and his fingers fumbled the button on his jeans, hands shaking as he avoided looking at me and struggled to undo the single button.

Jungkook shook his head and his teeth bit onto his bottom lip, his breathing was quicker and I leaned forward not knowing what else to do. The panic or whatever struggle going on inside his head was alarming and I was a little scared, the only thing I could think of doing was slowly placing my hands over his shaking ones.

The boy looked up at me finally, chest moving with each deep breath and he stopped trying to undo the button, eyes closing as he sighed. "Jungkook?" I whispered, "Are you okay?" There was genuine concern in my voice and eyes, whatever just happened that made him freak out had me worried, more worried than I thought I would be over him.

Jungkook nibbled on his lip, the pink flesh looking worn from his nervous habit and words that held no truth. "I'm fine."

But that wasn't fine. I kept my hands over his, soon the shaking stopped as I rubbed my thumb over the back of them for a few minutes. His hands were soft and cold, not what I expected, not knowing what I expected in the first place. Everything happened so quickly and there was something not right, Jimin's words and Jungkook's small freak out, I was left confused and he was certainly not fine.

• ♡ •
no ones reading this but
I'm gonna keep writing bc
I like this story oof