There's nothing like sitting on the water, especially on an abnormally warm day in early June. Nothing like feeling the lull of the ocean beneath you as you sway to the calm of its magnificent power. It's freeing.

When I first moved back to California, the lure of the ocean was one of the first things that crossed my mind, had my heart beating again. Growing up, surfing was a big part of our family. It was something my dad taught us to do, something that brought us together no matter the circumstances. It's what kept me close to my brothers and always gave us something in common no matter how our lives drifted with age.

Even without the companionship of my family, it's still been a place for me to escape, to clear my head. It's something I missed while in New York, something I never really realized I needed. Especially when things got dark.

Today is different though. Surfing has always been a part of me, even when it lingered in my past. Today though, today it's a part of my present. Today I'm not out here alone. My eyes dance over to the very handsomely sexy man at my side. Seeing Tommy casually sitting with the board between his legs, his wetsuit clinging to his clearly defined muscles, the very muscles tattooed in my memory, all while soaking wet, yeah this is a whole new level of surfing.

"I can see you drooling, you know?" he smirks, those blue eyes of his glowing against the backdrop of the sea.

"I'm not trying to hide it," I smile back. "You look pretty freaking hot on that board."

His smile widens as he turns to give me a better look at those eyes I love. "I still can't believe you've gotten me out here, more than once."

"I can't believe you've made it off the white water back at shore," I play back.

He dips his hand into the water, splashing me with it as a let out a small scream. "Give me a break, this shit is not as easy as it looks. And I've gotten better."

He has, but it's more than that. It's the fact that he was willing to try. To get out on the water simply because it's something I love. "Thank you."

His eyebrows pull together, the question already forming across his face before he even has to ask it.

"For trying this. For going outside your comfort zone to do something that I love. You didn't have to do that."

His smile grows again as he nods. "Amber, why wouldn't I try something you love? I love you, all of you. That means making a damn fool of myself in the water with your dad and brother in attendance."

I can't help but laugh. Maybe having my family here the second time we came out wasn't the best idea, but I honestly thought they'd help. I mean, my dad taught me, and Tommy and Trevor are friends. I was wrong. Trevor just used the whole experience as ammo for later and my dad had quite a look of sympathy over the whole ordeal. But he has gotten better. The fact that he's out past the white water suggests just that.

"Besides," he continues. "It's only fair. You did come out to the shooting range, even though you didn't want to."

He's right about that too. We made a little deal. Decided to try something we both love to do at least once. Thing is, it hasn't just been once for either of us. Guns have never been something I felt comfortable around. But I figured if it's something he has a passion for, that could quite literally save his life on the job, then I owed it to him to experience that joy.

Thing is, I actually loved it. I hated to admit that little fact but it was so freaking freeing and empowering all at the same time. I was completely horrible at it, but that's besides the point. It was actually fun. Something that I have continued to do a few times. And just like him, I am getting better. Kind of.

"I did," I smile, looking back out at the water. It's calm today, calmer than normal. It's nice though. Allows the two of us to just be present. Between law school and planning a wedding, time alone has been limited. We still find ways to make moments for each other. Something that we both prioritize. And more than that, we also make time with Mia, both individually and together. Something else I admire about the man beside me.

"Can you believe it?" he asks, breaking my thoughts as I look over at him. His eyes are trained in front of us and he tips his chin at the sand. "In just under a month, we'll be getting hitched right over there on that beach."

I can't help but smile as heat floods my cheeks. "Between the pictures both Lacy and Sadie have been sending me over the last few months, yes I can believe it."

He laughs, shaking his head before looking over at me.

"Sorry about that. You know my sisters, they can be a little...overly enthusiastic."

I honestly don't mind it one bit. It's something I've never had before, a sense of sisterhood, of an extended family that is so involved. "It's because they love you," I reply.

His eyes stay locked on mine as he smiles, "They love you."

Sometimes I think the life I'm living isn't even real. After the dips I've taken in my past, I just never thought I'd ever find this level of happiness again. That I'd find a man that not only loves me but loves Mia just as much. And after everything she's experienced, I'm so freaking lucky to have a man that has so wholeheartedly accepted us both.

As Mia now dances along my mind, my next to do item for said wedding flashes in front of me. "I still have to get Mia's shoes for the wedding. Technically her and June should match, but given their tastes in fashion, I'm thinking it's best to let them pick their own."

"I can do that," Tommy speaks up without hesitation. "She and I are experts at wedding shoes, you know."

I can't help but roll my eyes as I look over at him. "Should I be expecting snowflakes again?"

He laughs. "Those were actually a hit. And who knows, the choice is hers," he pauses before looking over at me. "I think. Unless you have something in mind."

I honestly can't stop myself from laughing at how that whole day played out. How angry I was with those snowflake shoes when in all reality it wasn't the shoes at all. It's actually nice to laugh about it now. "Honestly," I begin. "It really doesn't matter what she wears."

"I sure hope you mean that because if I give her free range, she's probably going to show up in combat boots."

The thought of her walking down the aisle in a dress with boots actually has a huge smile falling across my face. "That sounds like Mia."

He laughs, nodding back. "It does. So we're good with boots? Because if that's the path she goes, I'm all for it."

Is it possible to keep falling in love with someone? The way he so completely embraces Mia as his own, the way he always looks at me like I'm the only one in his view is something I can't seem to stop falling in love with.

"Yes. If combat boots are her shoe of choice, then I'm all for it too. And speaking of Mia, I should probably start heading in to get her from school."

He nods, checking his watch. "Yeah, I got to go into work for a few hours and finish some reports. Should be back by dinner though."

I nod in return, looking back at the small wave finally picking up behind us. I lay down on my stomach, looking back before offering Tommy a sly smile. "Last one back does dishes," I shout as I begin to paddle.

I can already see him lying flat, beginning to paddle, but I know he doesn't stand a chance.

~~~

"How was school?" I ask Mia, shifting my eyes to the rear view mirror before focusing back on the road.

"Good," she responds quietly, her eyes still trained out the window.

One short answer tells me there's a whole lot more to today than just good. Mia isn't one to shy away from telling me all about her day. When she limits her answers to one word, I know there's more to it. I also know she'll tell me when she's ready.

"School's almost out. Just a few more days until summer is officially here," I try to lighten the mood. Shift subjects a bit. "Also the first summer you'll be playing softball instead of doing Junior Guards. You still excited about the change?"

"Yeah," she nods, flashing her eyes to my reflection this time. Progress. At least I'm getting some acknowledgement versus the blank stare out the window.

"I'm pretty excited too. You seem to really love it out on the field, huh?"

She nods again. "I do. It's a lot of fun."

More than one word. Now we're really getting somewhere.

By the time we pull up to the house, I've managed to get more and more out of her. Mostly about what's coming this summer and how she's excited another friend from school will be on the summer team. I'm actually happy she spoke up about it. By no surprise, Tommy was the one to do the research. He found a summer league that travels somewhat close to home for Mia's age bracket. If she really continues to find a passion in it, then we're looking at a future of traveling across states to go to various tournaments. Something both Tommy and I are on board for if it comes to it.

Mia throws her backpack on the chair as I make my way into the kitchen. "Do you want something to eat?" I ask, opening the fridge and glancing over my shoulder. She's still lingering by her bag, her fingers playing with the zipper.

"I'm okay," she shakes her head, her eyes still on her backpack.

I slowly close the fridge, turning to face her and hoping she'll open up about what's really going on. I stay quiet this time, not attempting to change the subject or ask more questions.

She pulls the zipper open, her eyes lingering inside before she slowly glances up at me. "We made Father's Day cards today in class," she says quietly as her hand reaches into her bag.

The one word answers and solemn demeanor begins to make a lot more sense. The first Father's Day we spent without Vince was the hardest. It was so soon after everything that happened that night that we all just tiptoed over the day. Mia didn't want to do anything and I was too much of a coward to make a point about it. I was still angry, and maybe that anger rubbed off on her, but I just wasn't ready to acknowledge him as a father. Not at that time.

The following year his trial was approaching. He was out on bail and Mia sent him a card. She didn't want to see him, and he didn't push.

But this year is different. He has sent letters from prison, calls when he can. Mia has written back a couple of times, but I can't deny the hesitation she has when she sits down with a piece of paper. Not to mention the silence that falls over her when another letter comes in.

Though she hasn't actually seen him for the last few Father's Days, I know this one is hitting her differently. But when she pulls out the card she made, a paper folded to look like a shirt and tie, I think maybe I've been wrong. Maybe she has enjoyed sending him letters. Maybe I should be offering to help her send more.

"I made one for Dad," she says quietly, dropping the card on the table.

I smile, stepping forward and resting my fingers along the blue and green tie she colored. "It's amazing, Mia. Did you make this yourself?"

She nods, a small smile finding her. "Yeah. I messed up a couple times," she says, pointing to some creases along the sides.

"It looks amazing. Your dad will love this."

Her smile fades again, the concern I felt just moments ago resurfacing.

"You know," she starts up again. "Leo in my class... well, his parents aren't together. His mom is married to someone else and he asked the teacher for a second paper for his stepdad."

Her eyes fall to her bag before meeting mine again. She stays quiet, her fingers beginning to play with her bag like they did earlier. The pieces begin to fall into place. Her hesitance, her nervousness. I understand what she's trying to say.

"Mia," I take a step closer. "Did you ask the teacher for another paper, too?"

She nods before sliding her hand into her bag and pulling out another card. This one is different though. It's still a shirt, but instead of a tie, there's a badge on the chest. My heart is already pounding in my chest when I see the worry fall across her face.

"I made one for Tommy. Is that okay?"

I take one more step forward, pulling her into me. "Yes, baby girl. Of course that's okay. I'm sure he's going to love it."

I can feel her smile against me before she pulls back. "I thought I could give it to him, you know... for Father's Day? Just like Leo will be giving both of his dads cards."

I nod, taking a deep and steady breath. "Mia, I think that's really sweet. But I just want to make sure you understand that giving him a card on Father's Day, are you saying-"

"I want him to be my dad," she cuts me off. "I mean, I know I have a dad, but why can't I have two? And you guys are getting married. And we do everything together like a family. And he loves me and I love him."

I swallow the tears that want so desperately to fall. She doesn't need to see me turning into an emotional mess. "Yeah, Mia. You're right about all of those things. So, what I'm hearing is that you want Tommy to be your dad too?"

"Yes," she nods. "I think maybe I want to call him that sometimes. If he's okay with it."

There's a smile now stretching across my face. One I didn't even realize found its way there. "I'm sure he would be really happy to hear that, Mia. Maybe when you give him the card, you can ask him how he feels about it? Unless you prefer I talk to him?"

She looks down at the card before looking back at me. "I think I want to ask him."

I nod, knowing my independent girl would want to do it herself. "Of course. Just let me know if you need anything, okay?"

She nods again as I reach for Vince's card.

"Mom," she stops me. "Do I need... the card for Dad, do I have to..."

Her words continue to cut off as I step back toward her. "Do you have to what?"

She takes a deep breath. "Nothing."

"Mia," I drop a hand to her shoulder. "Do you not want to send this?"

She's quiet again before she slowly shakes her head.

My heart drops in my chest. I can't say I blame her, but I hoped this day would never come. I hoped she'd be able to still see the father who loved her. The one that she laughed with, who took her to the park and who was actually there... in the beginning.

"You don't have to send anything you don't want to," I let her know. "But I think you should still write to him. Let him know whatever it is that you think you might want to share. Get it all out. And then we'll save them. Tuck them away in a safe place until you're ready for him to see them. Same goes for his letters. If you're not ready to read them, you don't have to. But we'll keep them safe for the day you do feel ready."

"That would really be okay?"

"Of course."

She nods quietly as her eyes fall to the card she made, the one she's not ready to give. "Where are we going to keep them?" She asks quietly, her eyes slowly rolling back up to mine.

I glance around the dining room, searching for an answer I don't quite have yet. When my eyes fall on an empty shoe box, I make my way toward it. "What do you say we decorate this? Make it look real pretty. Then we can save everything. The ones you're ready to read and want to hold onto, the ones you're not quite in the right place to open, and the ones you want to write but not send. All of it will live safely in this box until you're ready for them to come out."

She takes a step forward, her hands falling on the empty box in my hand. She stays quiet, her fingers tracing the words along the orange cardboard top. I give her the moment, allow her to take all of the time she needs to reflect on this decision.

"I think I would really like that," she says, pulling the box to her chest. "Maybe we can make it blue?"

I smile, still fighting with all I have to keep my tears deeply buried, at least while she's watching. "I think blue would be really nice."

"I can add some of my stickers too. The ones we got for my skateboard. I think they'd look good on here."

My hand falls to her shoulder. "I think they'd look good on there too. Whatever you need, okay? We can even go pick out some other things to add to it if you want."

Her eyes fall to the box again before she looks up at me. "And a picture. I think I'd like to add a picture of me and Dad. A good memory. One from before."

"I think that's a really good idea."

She smiles up at me now, turning back to the table before opening the box and placing the card she made safely inside.

There's so much good in our lives now. So much to look forward to and be happy about. Sometimes all of that good clouds the dark of our past. But it's never gone. The pain, the disappointment, and the let down. I know it cuts deeper for Mia. I know even though she doesn't always voice it, she's still hurting, still holding on to what she saw, what she lost that day.

I just hope it doesn't haunt her forever. I hope my past mistakes, my errors in judgment as a wife, as a mother, don't hinder her future, her ability to love others and allow others to love her.