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WALKING IN THE WIND
ii. HEAD IN THE CLOUDS

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  IN EDMUND PEVENSIE'S OPINION, life was unbearably unappealing. It was boring, redundant, and trivial, not to mention unfair, unnecessarily complicated, and boring. Did he already say it was boring? Because it was. Life was so very boring and filled with endless disappointments.

  Well, this life was, at least.

  Wait, was that not obvious already?

  You'll have to forgive Edmund. He had a habit of always assuming everyone was on the same page as him when in reality, there were plenty of people who found it laborious and even vexatious to keep up with the Just King.

  Now, that was something Edmund hadn't been called in ages. The Just King. The name stirred something deep within him, though he struggled to articulate what that feeling was. Nostalgic, longing, perhaps even bittersweet. Oh, how he missed the days where he reigned as Narnia's Just King. For 15 years, Edmund ruled and guided Narnia from the comfort of Cair Paravel alongside his siblings, and it was nothing short of paradise.

  Yes, you read that correctly. The Pevensies were the Kings and Queens of Narnia for 15 golden years. Alongside his siblings, Edmund lived out his teenage years and blossomed into adulthood in Narnia. He should have been a full-fledged adult and ruler of Narnia today, but instead, he was living in Finchley, England (again) as a teenager (again).

  Yeah, it's a long story.

  Once upon a time, the Pevensies were sent away to live in the English countryside with a man called Professor Kirke while their father was drafted to the ongoing war. They were to live with Professor Kirke until it was safe to return home to their mother again. In the months they lived there, Edmund's youngest sister, Lucy stumbled upon a wooden wardrobe in the spare room that magically transported her to a land called Narnia. Eventually, Lucy managed to drag all of her siblings with her to Narnia, where they ended the 100-year winter by defeating Jadis the White Witch and going to war. They were crowned as the four Kings and Queens of Narnia, and they were the ones responsible for restoring Narnia to its former glory alongside a whimsical lion deity named Aslan.

  Some time into their rule, Edmund was persuaded into an arranged marriage to a princess of a dying kingdom called Wysteria. Marriage was the last thing on his mind as a teenager, but as a king, he recognized that it was the right thing to do. His future queen was Princess Odette Dunbar, who was fussy, melodramatic, but kind-hearted nonetheless. She was the daughter of King David and Queen Lydia, and her lady-in-waiting was a timid handmaid named Hope Edwards.

  Spoiler alert, Edmund accidentally fell for the handmaid instead of the princess somewhere between the moment they met and the royal wedding, which certainly wasn't in his plans. Then again, when did anything ever go according to plan anyway?

  Despite falling for and accidentally marrying Hope (which was an even longer story that can be summarized into three words: Never trust fairies), Edmund still planned on marrying Princess Odette. It frustrated him to no end, but he was expected to be a just and responsible king. Besides, he didn't wish to see a kingdom that could be valuable to Narnia be lost forever.

  Edmund was only married to Hope for a few days (by the way, this happened only a week before his actual wedding) when things went terribly wrong. Or... technically, worse.

  Mere days before the royal wedding, Princess Odette and Lady Hope went missing.

  It was like they vanished out of thin air. Gone without a trace. No note, no last-minute goodbye, nothing. Like they never existed in the first place, other than in the memories of the people they once knew. Edmund remembered asking the servants if they knew what happened and if they had seen either girl as they left, but all they could report was that the last time they saw Hope, she was being chased across the castle by guards. This, naturally, led Edmund to ask why she, of all people, was being chased, which was explained by King David and Queen Lydia declaring she was being sentenced to death for committing treason against Wysteria and Narnia's royal families.

  Apparently, King David discovered Edmund and Hope's affair through a letter from the Fairy Queen, Titania. It led to a long, exhausting month of searching for Odette and Hope, explaining himself and apologizing to his people and his siblings (who were all furious about what happened. Well, Lucy wasn't too angry, but Susan and Peter were), and begging the fairies and Wysterians for forgiveness. It was a horrible month for Edmund — though it didn't quite compare to the pain of his first betrayal, in which he blindly made the White Witch his acquaintance many, many years ago.

  But eventually, Edmund's siblings accepted that what happened was a genuine accident and the Wysterians returned to their kingdom after calling off their alliance with Narnia. King David and Queen Lydia would have stayed to continue searching for their daughter and "the traitor" (as they put it), but they had a kingdom to take care of. It was an odd excuse, in Edmund's opinion, but he was just relieved he didn't have to see them anymore.

  The Pevensies searched far and wide for the missing Wysterians, even requesting their people and allies in neighboring kingdoms to keep a watchful eye out for them. The search for the princess and her lady never ceased, but alas, life demanded to go on.

  Although Odette and Hope were never found, life eventually went back to normal. Edmund and his siblings lived a long life in Narnia, leading wars and bringing prosperous fortune to their kingdom. They served as Narnia's noble Kings and Queens for 15 years before an incident occurred that sent them back home to England.

  Toward the end of the Pevensies' reign in Narnia, rumors spread regarding a magical creature being spotted in the woods near Cair Paravel. This creature was the White Stag, a magical beast that could grant anyone's greatest wishes as long as they could capture it. Edmund had been the one to suggest they went after it, intrigued to discover if the rumors were true. Maybe he could ask the White Stag to reveal whatever happened to the princess and her lady.

  Edmund remembered the day they set off on their journey to seize the White Stag very clearly. For hours, they hunted that beast down, and in the end, they never found it. Looking back, he had a gut feeling the White Stag didn't exist. Why? Because when the Pevensies were very stubborn. When they put their minds to something, they always succeeded, and if they couldn't capture the White Stag, then it must be a work of fiction!

  That was what he said to make himself feel better about what happened at the end of that fateful day, at least.

  In the end, the Pevensies never found the White Stag, nor did they get close. They searched for it for hours, and all they found was a familiar nook in the woods where a lamppost stood firmly in the ground, surrounded by giant trees. It was an odd thing, nothing like the inventions of Narnia, at least. However, the lamppost and its dim orange light felt familiar. Maybe it was from a dream. Or even, a dream of a dream.

  Upon further investigation of the lamppost, the Pevensies found themselves squeezing past the trees and eventually crash-landing onto the ground of the spare room in Professor Kirke's mansion, several years younger than they were used to. They were teenagers again! And the strangest part was that almost no time had passed since they last entered the whimsical wardrobe — like time froze to accommodate for their adventures in Narnia. It was as if they never left, and Narnia was nothing but a strange fever dream.

  Now, instead of being all grown up, the Pevensies were teenagers again who lived under a roof with a leak in it that should've been fixed ages ago. They attended school instead of parleys, and they did homework and chores instead of fighting in wars and going on adventures. Their bones felt too small for their bodies, and the memories of the last 15 years felt like a strange, recurring dream. But that's the thing. Narnia wasn't a dream! They all remembered it like it was yesterday. Besides, Edmund had the scars to prove it.

  It'd been one year since the Pevensies left Narnia, though it felt like it'd been longer. Edmund missed Narnia, and he knew his siblings did, too. They missed their people and their home. Edmund's mind strayed to Narnia more often than not, but if there was one thing he thought about more than anything else, it was Lady Hope Edwards.

  He missed her. He missed someone he felt like he'd known his whole life despite only knowing her for three months. He missed someone who made him question the wonders of the world and made him smile when he felt like the world was about to end. He missed someone who made him feel like hope wasn't as overrated as he once thought.

  Sometimes, Edmund felt silly dwelling on a girl he knew a lifetime ago, a girl who couldn't even say goodbye to him before she disappeared, a girl he was supposed to meet with that night to finally end things (because that was what she wanted, and her desires were important to him). Perhaps that was the universe's way of saying they shouldn't end things. Lion's Mane, he sounded more and more like her as the days went on.

  He often thought about Odette, too, even though he sometimes felt disdainful toward her. He never wanted to marry her or anyone for that matter, but he had to get stuck with someone he'd rather have as a friend than a political commitment.

  At least Odette wasn't too bad. She was the kind of girl who surprised you every time she opened her mouth. She had everyone thinking she was a self-absorbed princess who didn't care about anything other than appearances, but that changed once Edmund heard her passionately discuss politics, her people, and Wysteria. But that's the thing that surprised him most. Odette cared about materialistic things and looking pretty, but she also cared about important matters, like her people and her kingdom. There was more to her than meets the eye. She never limited herself to a stupid stereotype. She was kind, intelligent, loyal, driven, and so sacrificing that you would never notice unless you paid attention. Although Odette sometimes slipped from his mind, Edmund knew without a doubt that she was one of the most extraordinary people he'd ever known.

  There were a lot of things Edmund could do, like leading armies and playing a damn good game of chess, but the one thing he couldn't do was forget about Hope. Maybe it was because she was the embodiment of all things good. Meanwhile, he was the embodiment of being a pain in the ass. Maybe that was why they ended up being such a great pair. Opposites attract.

  He especially thought about Hope on gloomy days like today, for example.

  Edmund sat on a rusting bench near the London train station, his luggage resting on the concrete beside him, a dark cap sitting comfortably on his head (which was concealing the fact that he slept in and didn't brush his hair). Honking cars blared in the roads as storm clouds gathered overhead. They were dull and gray, wrath whirling within them.

  How fitting for the end of summer, Edmund thought. He noticed how the clouds grew larger and larger by the minute, preparing to burst. The clouds reminded him of himself.

  He had been wasting time before he and his siblings headed off to boarding school for the year: St. Finbar's for his sisters and Hendon House for him and Peter. This might've been one of the last moments he had to himself before school commenced again for the year (not like he had many private moments with three nosy siblings in his life), so he figured he should use this time wisely.

  Days like these often reminded him of memories he didn't know he had. Isn't that an odd thought to have? To have memories that you can't remember until something familiar provokes it? He thought so.

  This memory, in particular, was awfully clear in his brain, almost like a film that was privately playing for him. He could see Hope sitting beside him. It was about a month into their friendship, just days before they traveled to Narnia with the royal family. The day was cloudy and gloomy, but Hope was radiant. Her hair lit up the dreary kingdom, and her bright green eyes putting the trees and grass to shame. There was a friendly smile on her face that made him feel warm inside despite usually feeling cold.

  "Why are you sitting here by yourself?"

  "Can't a man sit alone without it being weird?"

  "No one should be alone on a day like this," she insisted, looking up at the skies. "You know, when I was a kid, I used to think clouds were the saddest creatures alive. Mhm, all that water they hold is their tears. I think that's why clouds travel in groups."

  Edmund remembered looking back at her, somewhat puzzled, somewhat amused. He couldn't tell if she was being serious. "Dove, clouds don't have feelings."

  Hope was quick to argue, "Well, if trees can have feelings in your land, then why can't clouds? I think it makes perfect sense."

  To which he eventually replied, "You know what? You might be right... for once."

  Her laugh was comforting. "I'll have you know I'm always right. My judgment is unmatched!" she joked. "I think they should've called me the Just instead of you!"

  "Yeah, right!"

  Edmund hummed at the memory. He often thought that Hope wouldn't last a second in the real world. She was far too nice and pure for her own good. But then again, Hope was so likable that maybe she'd manage to befriend even the meanest people and convert them to good. Now that he was thinking about it, that sounded more likely than he originally thought.

  Perhaps Hope was the first person in history to embrace the cold that was Edmund Pevensie without uncertainty. She didn't fear the cold, only grabbing a jacket before running into the snow.

  It pained Edmund to think they could've been happy together. They could've made it work. Somehow, someway. But the past was in the past, set in stone forever, and all that was left was to anticipate the future. Still, even if they never met again, he would never forget her sugar-spun words, her bright mind, and her kind touch.

  Edmund peered up at the darkened skies again, wondering if perhaps he should have brought an umbrella along with him before leaving as his mother had suggested.

  Edmund missed Hope. He missed Odette. He missed Narnia overall, but he doubted they'd return anytime soon.

  Leaving affected the Pevensies differently. Peter's temper worsened. He got in many fights, whether it was with his siblings, Mum, or random strangers in the streets. Sometimes, Edmund found himself jumping into said fights because Aslan knows his brother had a habit of biting off more than he could chew.

  Lucy talked about Narnia all the time, which she got away with for a while because she was just a young girl. However, it got to the point where she spoke of Narnia to the point of driving away all of her friends and irritating the people around her who didn't know Narnia was real. Edmund noticed his little sister tended to live as much in the past as she did in the present. She probably worried him the most out of his siblings.

  Meanwhile, Susan refused to speak of Narnia unless she had to. Her way of coping included locking all of her feelings into a metaphorical box and throwing away the key. She forced herself to find an interest in things other girls were interested in, like boys and lipstick, because she feared being excluded. But despite this, Edmund knew she missed the feeling of her bow in her hands and being called the Gentle Queen.

  As for Edmund, he kept his feelings to himself during the day, but by nightfall, his overwhelming thoughts refused to let him rest. He was burdened with the weight of his past mistakes — the ones everyone forgave him for, except himself. He never forgot about how he betrayed his family for the White Witch all those years ago, and he never forgot about how he betrayed Wysteria and poor Princess Odette. He never forgot about how he singlehandedly ruined Hope Edwards' life either.

  The past haunted him so much that it felt like the past was his future, eagerly waiting for him to screw up again. His anxiety paralyzed him at times, and because of it, the future terrified him more than he could admit. Maybe everyone else might've forgiven him, but that didn't mean he could forgive himself. Hell, maybe he never will. Maybe that was something he needed to accept.

  Edmund continued to stare up at the skies, unknowingly waiting for the train that would take him and his siblings to another not-so-far-away land. He could've sworn he heard a familiar, yet strange horn blow in the distance, but he shook it off. It was probably another car that nearly ran someone over again.

  And as he peered up at the clouds, Edmund wondered if somehow, somewhere, Hope was thinking of him, too.

  Little did he know, she was closer than he thought.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This chapter sorta just acts to serve as a recap of everything that's happened thus far + give an idea of what the Pevensies have been up to since we last saw them! I feel like a lot of people either overlook or forget how the first movie/book ended (with the Pevensies having their 15-year Golden Age in Narnia and eventually going back through the wardrobe), so I just thought I'd remind everyone about it! I feel like people don't ever talk about it in fanfics when it's actually super important to the story, you know? I hope it wasn't too confusing/boring to read! <3

Anyway, apparently, today's the 15-year anniversary of the first Narnia movie, so happy birthday! That movie is older than some of my readers, which makes me feel like a HAG! But it's also kinda funny, so I guess it's fine LMAO