In the life of a spoonie
There are a lot of different elements
One of them is
Guilt

Not from anyone else
But from within
Because something can be done
But isn't because it's not time

When on the road to recovery
And able to do a lot
Not having full mental capacity
Is a struggle

Can't work
Yet
Can't go back to school
Yet
It's not time
Yet

Not won't
Not lazy
Can't
Memory loss
Brain fog

Like mental quicksand
Swallowing thoughts
Into oblivion

The constant wait
In suspended animation
For years
Either this or that

How much more?
Want to fully rejoin the
Land of the living

Recovery from something
So catastrophic takes time
But the constant inescapable
Guilt
Blasts forth

When parent who should be retired
Has to work because
It's not time
Not ready

Guilt overwhelms
Stronger each day
As time passes from
That day
When everything changed

People say
"Don't worry"
"You'll get there"
"Takes time"
"The neurological recovery
Is the longest out of all"

But that nagging voice inside
Wants to cleanse away the
Gnawing self guilt
Of how it should be
Instead of how it is

Only time can heal
And with time comes
Self understanding
Hopefully