{Kadee}

Kadee bit her lip, realizing a second too late that her question had given Jon the opening to cut Cary down. Her family still lived by a code of shame and honour, so she was acutely aware of how much Cary had just lost in front of her. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched him get up and go up the stairs without another word.

Jon's mouth twisted as he punched the buttons on the controller. He didn't look to see whether Cary was gone. "I seriously don't know what my parents are going to do with that guy. It's not like there's anyone else that would take him."

Kadee tossed her controller away, a bitter taste in her mouth. She was starting to think every guy she knew was an asshole once you scratched the surface. A couple weeks ago, she would have deflected him with a bag of chips or a back rub, but she was done with making it easy for guys to be jerks. "You've changed," she said shortly.

He darted a sideways glance at her. "What? What do you mean?"

"That was really mean—what you just said there."

Jon shrugged, the twist still in his mouth. "It's all true. That's not even the worst of it."

Kadee paused, taken aback. There was a juicy piece of Cary gossip behind those words, and she guessed that in this mood, Jon would be only too willing to dish. "I don't want to know the worst of it," she said with some difficulty. "You used to be friends. How come you're treating Cary like shit now?"

He tossed his controller on the floor, sitting back in the couch with his arms crossed. "If you don't want to hear the worst of it, then I can't answer your question."

Her eyebrows drew together, trying to read what he wasn't saying in his face. Jon looked back at her, his neck flushed and his eyes dark and angry. When she didn't stop him, he went on.

"Cary's done some serious shit, Kadee. He's not a good person. He killed his sister with his own hands—his baby sister. And he lied about that to me, to my parents. Everybody. So that's the kind of person we have living with us now, 'cause Social Services doesn't have anyplace else to put him. So maybe you can see why I'm a little pissed about that."

That took the air right out of her chest. She turned away from Jon, looking blindly at the screen, seeing the muscles in Cary's arms under his T-shirt—the way he rolled his shoulders forward so he looked smaller than he really was. "That's actually terrifying."

"Yeah," Jon said shortly.

She wrapped the end of her braid around her finger, pulling it tight to feel the pressure against her scalp. She was never telling this to anyone—she promised herself that. She was digging this out of Jon and then burying it again. "Like, recently? Did he...go to juvie for that?"

There was a pause. "No, not recently," Jon said. "He was a kid. He was six. That's why his dad beat the shit out of him so many times."

Kadee winced. Cary seemed so tough and invulnerable. She'd never thought of him as a child. It had not occurred to her that the abuse her parents talked about had happened to someone small and helpless instead of the nearly full-grown person he was now.

"Pretty fucked up, huh?" Jon got up, stretching carefully. "So, you want a break? Want to watch something instead?"

She drew her knees up to her chest, feeling small and shaky. "Yeah, maybe."

Kadee didn't stay long after that. She wanted the comfort of her fuzzy blanket and her flat screen, and her mom to make her a snack and fuss over her.

Sunlight hit her face when she left Jon's house, and she took a breath. The basement had felt dark and cold, and she was glad to be out.

Cary had his heel up on the step and was folded over his leg as he stretched his hamstring. His T-shirt was dark with sweat.

Kadee glanced up the street, standing up on her toes like she might run right down the sidewalk to her car.

He straightened and flicked her a look, then backed off, wiping sweat off his face with his arm. "Heading out?"

"Yeah, think I am." She forced down her fear, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. "Um. I'm really sorry, Cary—about the way Jon was to you. I knew you're not friends anymore, and I still...I feel like I made it worse, being here. Like he thought he needed to show off for me."

He lifted his shoulders, his mouth pulling down. "Wasn't about you. I did all the things he said."

"He doesn't have to be such an asshole about it." Kadee folded her arms over her chest. Maybe she was wrong, and Jon had always been this way. God knew what a good judge of guys she had been up to now. "Does he seem different to you?" she asked in a small voice.

Cary shut his eyes, an expression rippling over his face like koi fish coming up to the surface of the water. "Yeah. I fucked it up."

She swallowed, tucking in her chin. "He told me—why you're not friends anymore. It's true?" He looked at her from the corner of his eye. He was still breathing hard, his pulse beating in his throat. "You killed a—a child? Your sister?"

His mouth twisted, and his face broke right along that fault line. "Jesus—fuck," he said softly, turning aside. He clasped his hands behind his head and drew his elbows forward to cover his face.

She took an unsteady breath, feeling the heat of his shame. "I'm not exactly perfect, either. And I'm not going to tell anyone. If that's what you're worried about."

He dropped his arms, crossing them over his chest. "Fucking tell the world. I don't care," he said roughly. "I don't have secrets no more."

He still didn't face her, and she looked aside, trying to give him the dignity of privacy. "It's not a reason for Jon to be an asshole to you," she said quietly. "And I told him that." She hesitated. "Did you try saying sorry? Is that a thing you could say?"

It was quiet, and she lifted her eyes. His shoulders were curled and he looked half his size. "Yeah." He finally answered. "I said it. I should have told him before I moved in here." He lifted his shirt to wipe his face on the hem; his voice was muffled. "I can't fucking say it enough." His breath caught and he held still, like he'd been impaled and was afraid to move and disturb the point of entry.

She hadn't noticed his scars when he'd had his shirt off on the roof. Now, with his shirt pulled up on his lower back, she could see two of them crossing the pale skin above his hip, vivid and ugly. She followed them like lines on a map, trying to figure out where they went.

When he turned back, she lifted her chin to look in his face. With the steps underneath her, she was as tall as he was and close enough to see his lashes were thick with tears. She was feeling something in her stomach, but it wasn't fear. She couldn't feel afraid of Cary anymore. "The Jon I knew would forgive you and still be your friend."

When Cary looked up the afternoon light made red-gold and chocolate-brown appear in the dark colour of his irises. She folded her fingers into the corners of her elbows, fighting the urge to take out her phone and try to capture a picture of his eyes in this light. "Does doing drugs change someone? Can it change what they're like? Make them...more mean?"

His throat moved and he frowned. "Yes."

"Is it—permanent? If he stops, will the old Jon come back? The one we like?"

He turned his face aside, the angle of light making his eyes go flat and dark again. "If it's the drugs...he'll get worse before he gets better. If he stops."

"I want Jon back."

He ducked his head. "Me too." He went past her and climbed the stairs stiffly.

"Can I see you again?"

He paused, looking back at her. His face was heavy. "Why?"

She shrugged, trying to make her mouth smile. She was short on friends right now, and in a weird way, Cary was feeling like the truest person she'd met in a while.

It was like he saw that thought go right over her face. He ducked his head. "If you want," he said, soft and rough, and went into the house. 

*What do you think about the way Jon is treating Cary right now? Why do you suppose he's making such a big deal of Cary's past?

Do you think Cary should trust Kadee? Do you want to see more of her?*