Soundtrack: 'Little lion man' - Mumford and sons.

{Jon}

In the following days, the fog of opioid desire lifted, and Jon felt like he could think clearly for the first time in weeks. He became aware of Cary's watchful presence, keeping him in sight at all times. The weight of his friend's care steadied him, and he left his cuts alone. It helped that almost every hour of daylight was spent sweating in Tru's garden or banging together a new fence.

He couldn't completely avoid the sharp edge of the unfinished business between him and Kurtis Klassen. Since Cary had picked him up and told him he'd been in a fight, Jon had been picking at what he didn't know—picking at the thought that Kurt had been the one to tell his father and the youth group that he was in treatment. He'd tried to forget it, to leave it, to beat the feeling back by telling himself he wouldn't like what he learned, but eventually he was going to need to settle it.

By Thursday afternoon, the fence was complete. Jon's back was damp with sweat, and there was a splinter jammed into his palm as he walked back to the house with Cary. The couple of days left here before he returned to Eastglen school felt alarmingly short, and he couldn't live with not knowing any longer.

"Cary?"

Cary glanced sideways at him, a foot on the step of Tru's sagging front porch.

"Can I borrow your phone?"

"What for?"

"I just want to call home."

Cary drew his phone out of his pocket without any questions, like Jon had thought he would. He poked the screen to open it and handed it to Jon, checking his face with a flick of his dark eyes.

Jon turned aside and thumbed in the number.

"Kurtis Klassen." The greeting was brisk, sounding like the grown up he almost was. Jon realized this number would have come up as an unknown caller. There was music and laughter in the background.

"It's me—Jon," he said. He sank onto the last step, his heart beating in his throat.

"Hey." It was a different voice—quiet, more uncertain. There was an abrupt rustling and the sound of a door opening and closing. The background noise was gone. "White—what's up? Treatment going okay? I've been trying to reach your phone."

Jon drew his knees up and closed his eyes, picturing Kurt leaning against the siding exterior of his garage, his hair flopping over his forehead, pressing the phone to his ear with his long fingers. "Sorry—I left it behind when I checked out. I'm with Cary for the week."

There was an abrupt silence. "So what's up with you and that Douglas guy?" Kurtis' voice was careful. "Should I be jealous?"

Jon's nose stung and he rubbed his fingers against it. It was a joke. The only safe thing was to assume it was a joke. It wasn't the first time Kurtis had teased him like they were—more than friends. When no one was listening. He wished he could tease him back and keep this light, like they had before. Not knowing was hurting too much. "Did you tell other people I was in treatment?" His voice cracked. "At the church?"

Kurtis' voice sharpened. "At the church. No. I don't trust people there; you know that."

Jon clenched his hand against his shivering stomach. "How did your brother know then? And your dad? My dad is in trouble because someone told the Elders board."

"The way I hear it, your dad is in trouble for a whole lot of reasons."

The deflection stung sharply. Jon's voice roughened with anger. "Kurt. Don't give me the garbage your dad is saying. Fucking tell me the truth. I just need to know who it was."

There was a silence and then a long exhale. "My dad was on a tear." Kurtis's voice was low. "He and Todd...shit, Jon, I thought they were going to kill each other. I needed to give him something else to rage about." There was a small, helpless noise. "I gave him you. When it blew up Sunday morning—and your dad got fired—I felt so bad. I'm so sorry."

Jon's breath punched out of his chest. Fired.

"Say something, White." Kurtis was trying hard to sound like he was still cool but his voice was unsteady. "You still there?"

"Yeah." The word cracked like ice.

"For real—are you okay? You getting clean? It'll be good to have you back. It's just our dads. We're still good, right?"

Jon felt like a bomb had gone off in his chest, and the edges of the crater flinched and shivered. He hung up.

When he unfolded, Cary was waiting at the top of the steps, his arms crossed and his eyebrows drawn down low.

"Pete's fired," Jon said. "It's my fault." He handed him the phone and went inside without another word.

{Cary}

The phone rang in Cary's hand almost immediately. He glared at the number on the screen, then picked up. It was a familiar voice with an unfamiliar edge of desperation.

"White—don't leave me hanging. I need to hear you say you're okay."

Cary's eyebrows shot up. Kurtis fucking Klassen. He hadn't wanted to believe it. "Get off my phone," he said, quiet and dangerous.

Kurtis took a sharp breath. "What the hell, Douglas—where did you take him? He's trying to get clean. If you mess him up again, I swear to god—"

"Wrong number, asshole." Cary hung up. He stared sightlessly over the empty yard, then swiped through his screen to find another contact, his fingers shaking with adrenaline.

"Hey—Cary?" Kadee's voice was soft and vibrated brightly with hope.

He rubbed his fist against his sternum, trying not to sound like he was about to punch someone. "Hey—Jon talked to Kurtis and he said Pete is fired. That true?"

There was a short pause. "He resigned, my dad said. I've been trying to call. Did you—get my texts?"

Cary bit the side of his mouth, glancing back at the house. "We've been busy."

"Oh—of course." It sounded like she was trying really hard to stay positive. If he'd had room for one more feeling, he would have felt something about her persistence when he was such a shitty friend right now—but he didn't. "How's it going there?" Kadee asked "Did you find the person you were looking for?"

Cary tried to piece together a good answer while his mind whirred over the conversation he'd just overheard. "Yeah. My mom's sister, Tru. It's going okay."

"How's Jon? My mom told me he's with you."

News travelled disturbingly fast in Jon's church. "Yeah, he's with me. He's staying clean." Cary didn't say how close the ledge Jon was living—he didn't want it to get back to Pete and Mel. He squeezed the tension at the back of his neck with his hand, frowning at the treeline on the horizon. "Kadee, do you know...was there something going on between Jon and Kurtis this summer?"

There was a surprised silence. "Like—what do you mean, going on?" Her voice was quieter and had an edge.

Belatedly, he remembered he was asking about her ex-boyfriend—maybe she still had feelings for him. Who the hell knew what anyone saw in Kurtis Klassen, but he seemed to be a thing. He fumbled awkwardly to answer the question. "Like—were they getting together, or—?"

"Cary, do you know what you're asking?" Her whisper hissed out of the phone.

He shoved his hand through his hair, the tips of his ears burning. "Uh—yeah? I think I do." It wasn't like he knew the exact ins and outs of how it worked with two guys, but he figured he knew enough.

"Okay—listen to me." Her voice was still an urgent whisper. "Jon's a pastor's kid. Kurt's dad is an Elder. You can't go around asking questions like that. They can't be gay—it's not a thing with us."

His ears rang—he wasn't sure he had heard her right. "What?"

"I'm not saying it doesn't make sense. God, it makes all kinds of sense. But you need to understand that it's not allowed."

He blinked, trying to absorb this. "Well—what the hell is he supposed to do to change it if he is?" He'd been thinking Jon was stressing about getting into a relationship with someone whose dad had the power to fire his dad. He hadn't guessed at any of this other shit.

It was silent, then she spoke in a low voice. "You didn't grow up in it; you don't know." She let out a breath slowly. "My brother, Dai, waited until he was 21 to come out. You wouldn't believe the things people at the church said to him, and to Mom and Dad, right to their faces. He moved away so he wouldn't shame our parents if someone saw him holding hands with his boyfriend in the grocery store."

She cut off for a moment, and Cary pressed the phone to his ear until it hurt. "Oh my god." Her laugh was humorless. "When we were dating, Kurtis told me all about his dad going off on Dai—calling him 'an abomination' and ranting about 'the disgusting homosexual agenda' at the dinner table after. At the time I was like, 'TMI—that's my brother, hello,' but now I'm wondering if he just needed someone to share his trauma."

Anger stirred hot in Cary's stomach as he thought about some kid sitting, silent and secret, at the dinner table while his father used a name like that for him—even an asshole like Kurtis. "Jon White's not a—that word," he said roughly. "He's a person." He saw the cuts on Jon's stomach and swivelled to look at the frayed screen door like he could check where his friend was through the wall. Had someone said something like that to Jon already? Was that why he thought Jesus couldn't stand to be with him?

"Of course he's a person." Her sigh gusted out of the phone. "I'm just saying...maybe there's churches where it would be safe for Jon to be out at fifteen—but you need to know this isn't one of them. You can't just go asking around if he's seeing another guy."

He rubbed the side of his face. Who'd have thought he would ever get a lecture about keeping his mouth shut from Kadee? "I get it. Jesus." Would Pete ever say something like that to his kid? His throat tightened and he bit the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry that happened to your brother."

She tried to laugh it off. "He got pretty close with his therapist. He says he helped her pay her mortgage. He's married now. We have Christmas at their place so Alex can feel part of our family. Honestly, Dai's the most grounded person I know. Everything he went through made him pretty unshakeable. And he got his happy ending. I should be so lucky."

He heard the yearning in her voice, but he needed to know where Jon was right now. "Kadee, I need to go."

"Sure, I get it." The words were light. "It's really good to hear from you. Call me again tomorrow, okay?"

He couldn't make her any promises. "I'll try." He hung up.

*Oop there it is. What do you think, lovelies? Was it a surprise to any of you, or with the other stuff floating around my profile did you already know Jon was gay?*