{Kadee}

Kadee was back in front of Cary's shabby brown duplex before the day had really started, freshly showered and made up to cover how little sleep she'd had the night before. She'd stayed up for hours reading dozens of articles about PTSD, triggers and abuse trauma, curled around her body pillow for comfort as she connected the clinical words on her phone screen to an actual living, breathing person she cared about—a lot.

At her text, Cary came out of the house and down the walk. She drank him in, knowing he couldn't see her looking—he was wearing the dark sweater and dress shirt he'd had on for dinner with his mother, and she could see the shape of the man he would be in the spread of his chest and the size of his hands.

"Morning, handsome," she said when he dropped into her passenger seat. She pursed her lips. "What did you do to your hair?"

It was slicked back from his forehead, the natural waves smoothed against his skull. He looked at her from the corner of his eye. "Brushed it." He messed it up with his hand, the thicket of bangs she recognized falling back into his eyes. "Better?"

She smiled as she pulled away from the curb. "Much. You don't look like you with it combed down so hard."

"Some people might prefer that," he said drily.

She made a face. "Introduce me to these people so I can set them straight. I like the messy you."

He made a dry noise. "Guess I have a hope in hell."

The streets were quiet, sparkling clean after the night's rain. She was driving with one hand, leaving her right open on the console between them. He didn't say anything, looking out the passenger window, but his hand found hers, cupping it gently. Her lips curled in a slow smile, her eyes on the road.

"Want to go for breakfast?" she asked.

"Do we have time?"

"I don't want to be early," she said lightly.

He turned his head to study the side of her face, his eyebrows drawing together. "I don't know if I can be late. I don't want to make any trouble for Pete."

"We can just do drive-through and park somewhere. I'll get us there on time," she said confidently. "Just—all the people from school will be hanging around the foyer until service starts."

"You could go in separately," he said in an even voice. "You don't have to be seen with me."

She shot him an incredulous look. "I picked you up because I want to go to church together—of course I can be seen with you. I just don't want to see them."

She felt the pad of his thumb touch her knuckles, one by one. "I'm probably not going to help your reputation any."

"Someone I respect told me it's overrated." She crinkled her eyes at him, hoping she could get him to smile back. "I'm not worried. My parents know already—" he looked sharply at her. "And they're fine with it."

"With me." The words were flat with disbelief.

"Yes, with you. With us—spending time together. I'll introduce you today—you'll see." Partly, mostly true...she was sure they would come around.

He let go of her hand to wipe his palm against his knees.

"Relax," she said. "You're nicer than you think you are."

He let his breath out slow, pressing his hand over his stomach. "Kadee, what are we..." he swallowed, the word undoing his face a little as he looked at her. "What do you want from me?"

She kept her eyes on the road, closing her empty hand. She wasn't sure she was ready to have this conversation yet—she wanted to be truthful, but in a way that didn't scare him off. "We're friends. I want to be your friend." They slid up to a stop and she glanced at him under her eyelashes. She saw him relax a little and was relieved she had chosen the right thing to say.

"Beyond that..." she put her eyes back on the road, her cheeks heating. "It's kind of up to you." She was holding her breath, with her hand cupped open between them. "What do you want? What would make you happy, Cary?"

He blinked, turning to look at the road. "I don't know. No one asks me that."

She clicked her tongue softly, her eyebrows coming together. "What do you mean no one asks you that?"

With his face turned to the window, all she could see was the angle of his jaw and the unhappy line of his mouth. "It's always been what she wanted. And making her happy." His throat moved as he swallowed. "My mother. I don't know for me."

She brushed her fingers over the smooth loops of braid circling her head. "God, that's sad."

"Sounds stupid," There was a soft growl in his voice. "When I put it like that."

She shrugged, sighing. "Sounds like you loved her. She was your mom."

"Was," he repeated quietly, agreeing.

She took his hand, folding his larger fingers inside her smaller ones. "This?" she asked, giving him a half smile.

There was colour in his cheeks. "If you want."

She laughed, but there was a catch in it. "I know what I want. I'm asking what you want."

He rearranged their hands so that he was cupping hers, lowering his eyes. "This."

///

They weren't as late for service as Kadee would have liked, but Cary had grown visibly more tense and stopped participating in conversation as the minutes ticked towards the start time. "You're taking this pastor's kid thing very seriously," Kadee remarked.

"Someone needs to," he said shortly, holding the door to the church building for her.

A handful of her old group of friends was lingering at the coffee tables while the sound of the band playing spilled from the sanctuary. She narrowed her eyes at them, then smiled up at Cary. "Want a coffee?"

"Sure," he said, scanning the foyer as he sloped along beside her.

"Hey, Madison," she said as they drew closer. "Hey, Sarah." Her former friends' eyes widened, looking from her to Cary. "So where are you having the season opener party this year?" Kadee asked innocently. It was usually poolside at her house and her mom made mountains of sushi.

She saw from their expressions they were wondering the same thing. "Too bad the Klassens don't have a pool—that's half the fun." She pouted thoughtfully. Cary handed her a paper cup of coffee, an amused quirk in the corner of his mouth.

Madison looked uncomfortable. "We talked about renting the school gym..."

"Oh my god, don't do that," Kadee said. "Use my place. I don't care. My mom loves it." She raised her cup to her lips, watching Madison struggle to accept that from her.

"That's super nice of you to offer," she managed to say. "I'll talk to the others."

Kadee shrugged a shoulder. "Sure, just let me know." She turned to Cary, unable to contain her mischievous smile. "I just need to use the ladies' room. Can I meet you in there? I'll find you."

She was washing her hands when Madison peeked in the door, then pushed inside. Her groomed eyebrows were practically lost in her hairline. "Kadee, oh my god, did you seriously come with him? Ciaran?"

She lowered her eyes to her hands, focusing on foaming each acrylic nail. "Yes." She had thought she would enjoy this more, the moment her friends realized they regretted cutting her out and came back.

In the mirror behind her, Madison was pursing her lips thoughtfully. "Well he cleans up super nice. Geez. I almost didn't recognize him from school."

Unexpectedly, Kadee felt the fire dragon wake and turn, heavy in her belly. She flicked her a flat look in the mirror. "I'm surprised you ever noticed him at school."

Madison's face wrinkled with disgust. "Of course I noticed him—I'm just glad he's wearing long sleeves. God."

For a second, scrubbing her hands dry with a paper towel, Kadee wanted to tear Madison's head off.

Madison's hungry curiosity was in her face. "So everyone is wondering...are you—with him? Like..."

Kadee bit her tongue on a sharp reply. She wasn't ready to start a war—she had just made the first moves toward peace on her terms. She gave her a bright smile. "They can wonder all they want. Cary is a super sweet person, and he was there for me when I needed a friend. He kinda knows what it's like to be judged before anyone bothers to get the whole story."

She left Madison speechless in the washroom and stormed across the foyer. She stopped in a doorway at the back of the church sanctuary to catch her breath. For sure Cary would notice if she was spilling anger everywhere. She smoothed her hair and touched the neckline of her blouse, scanning the backs of heads in the pews. She caught sight of her parents through a gap in the standing bodies, and then realized Cary was at the end of their pew—many arm lengths from her father, but still. He'd chosen the place she would have wanted to be. It was easier to set aside her anger at her shitty friends with someone like him in her life.

By the time the service had ended, she was relaxed and even amused by the drama her friends were trying to stir up around her. Didn't they have lives of their own? Didn't they have anything better to do with their time?

When the band finished their last song, her father closed the space between them. His smile made his eyes disappear in a fan of wrinkles.

"Kamiko, you brought a friend."

She heard Cary take a quick breath, and she reached behind her to catch the cuff of his shirt before he could escape. "Papa, I think you know Ciaran Douglas. He prefers to be called Cary."

"Hello, Cary." The space was too confined for her father to reach him to shake a hand, but he gave a slight bow of his head.

Cary bent at the waist in return, eyes lowered. "Sir," he said quietly.

"Kadee tells me you are at school together. How are your studies?"

Cary cleared his throat. Behind her back, his hand found hers and held on. "Just keeping up, sir. I'd rather be roofing."

She said, "Cary worked for Mr. Robertson all summer, Papa."

"Yes, I know this." Her father's brown eyes were deceptively soft; a sharp mind worked behind them. "Scott tells me you were a good worker—very reliable."

Cary bowed again. Kadee could practically feel him vibrating with his desire to escape her father's notice. "Thank you, sir."

"Will Cary be joining us for lunch?" Her mother spoke for the first time, her smile touching first Kadee, and then, more uncertainly, Cary.

Kadee glanced up and saw the terror in Cary's eyes. The corner of her mouth curled. "I might go to the Whites', actually—would that be all right?"

Both Cary and her mother looked relieved at this suggestion.

*Madison's response still makes me laugh and cringe. What do you think about Kadee's friend group's response to her showing up in church 'with' Cary?*