Soundtrack: 'Your body is a blade' - Japanese Breakfast

{Kadee}

When Kadee got home from school, she found her mother in their spotless kitchen, making tiny slivers of carrot and cucumber, a stack of paper-thin sushi wrappers next to her on the counter. "Kamiko, welcome home. Come help me roll the sushi."

Reluctantly, she joined her mother in the kitchen, washing her hands. This had been a favourite pastime as a child, but it had been years since they had done it together. She wasn't sure she still knew how.

Her mother asked her something about school, and she frowned at her hands under the running water. "Mom, use English. I don't know half the words anymore."

"You have spent so much time away with your friends you do not speak the language of our family anymore." Her mother said in gentle rebuke, her English accented but perfectly understandable.

"We are a family that lives in Canada now," Kadee said. "I have to speak English for school and for when I get a job."

Her mother was quiet a moment, and Kadee wondered if she had hurt her, so she tried again. "Your English is as good as mine, mom. My Japanese is not as good is yours. I want to...understand you." She quickly dried her hands. "What kind of sushi are we making?"

Her mother smiled a small smile, just a crinkle of her almond eyes at her. "What kind would you like? I have everything here."

A giggle bubbled up and surprised Kadee. She'd had a very shitty day at school, apart from her conversation with Cary over lunch, but she was already feeling better. "Every kind. It's Friday; I don't have anywhere I need to be."

Her mother began to scoop the rice onto the board, rolling and shaping it with her small, neat hands. "No youth group tonight?"

Kadee hesitated. "My friends aren't going," she said, hoping her mother would let her leave it at that.

"It is not only about the friends, Kamiko," her mother said.

"It's just a games night," Kadee said. This was probably true. She usually spent youth group Fridays enthroned on a comfortable chair in the youth room, surrounded by the other senior highs while the younger kids made fools of themselves in the church gymnasium. Someone else would have her chair tonight. If she were lucky, they wouldn't all be talking about her.

Her mother let it go with a quiet smile. "We are the fortunate ones then, to have you home tonight."

Kadee was pretty sure she still didn't know about the picture that had splashed all over her social media. The traffic on that post had slowed and she was hoping...begging, really, if prayer was real like Cary said, that it would slide out of people's memories soon.

The sushi feast with her parents was diverting, and her sister called as they were cleaning up. Her mother went into the other room to talk with her, and Kadee went restlessly from the dining room to the entryway to her bedroom. Normally she would be getting ready for youth group by now, choosing an outfit and styling her hair. She definitely didn't want to be with those people tonight, but she didn't want to be home alone either.

She threw herself on her bed and opened her phone screen. <hey you there?>

A couple of minutes later a response popped onto her screen. <yuh what>

A smile tugged at her lips. <plans tonight?>

There was another couple-minute lag. Damn, he was a slow texter.

Finally, his response came: <home babysitting>

She sat up, swinging a leg off her bed. Babysitting was something she knew about. <I'll come help>

She didn't expect an answer back. When <k thanks> appeared on her screen, she felt a warm glow in her stomach. He wanted her to come!

She changed twice before putting her school clothes back on. She didn't want him to think she'd tried too hard to get ready for him.

Her mother was still on the phone, looking up with concern when Kadee appeared with her bag slung over her shoulder. "You are going out?"

"To Pastor Pete's," Kadee said, the one answer guaranteed to get a favourable response. Her mother gave her a little wave and she bounced out of the house.

Jon's sister Tabitha answered their door, her face brightening when she saw Kadee. "Are you our real babysitter?"

Kadee patted her tote bag, stepping inside. "I'm here to help Cary. Games, stories and crafts right here."

Tabitha led her down the hall. "Kadee's here," she announced.

Cary was slouched on the couch of the family room with Bea propped against his arm, watching a kids' show. The floor was littered with toys, and through the doorway she could make out the remains of their supper on the kitchen table and a sink piled high with dishes.

"Rough night?" Kadee asked.

Cary struggled to his feet, Bea protesting as he left. He was in soft drawstring pants and bare feet, and Kadee couldn't help imagining how good he would feel to snuggle with. "A little," Cary said, ducking his face aside and bending to toss toys back into the bin.

"How can I help?" Kadee asked.

Tabitha frowned at her sister, sagging sleepily on the couch. "It's Bea's bedtime."

Bea put her arms up to Cary. "Carry me to bed."

He picked her up easily and her arms clasped around his neck. "You still need to brush your teeth, Honey Bee," he said softly.

"Be my pony and carry me to the bathroom."

His soft laugh made Kadee's heart flip-flop helplessly. Something was definitely up with Cary and she hoped he was feeling it too. She started collecting the Barbies on the floor and arranging them in the dollhouse.

"When's your bedtime?" she asked Tabitha, who had flopped on the couch in their place and was rummaging for the controller.

Tabitha gave her a sideways look. "Ten," she said, in a shifty way that made Kadee pretty sure she was lying. She let it go, tucking the last Barbie into bed and sitting down next to her.

"How was your first week of school?" She noticed Jon's sister was wearing her hair differently, not up in pigtails anymore, but parted at the side so a curtain of blond bangs covered one of her eyes. She longed to tidy up the part on the top of her head and sit her down with her wide-barrelled curling iron and hair products to help her get the look she was going for.

"Okay. I like being with my friends. The boys in our class are lame."

"Tell me about it," Kadee said.

Tabitha glanced into the hall. "Do you and Cary like each other?" she asked bluntly.

Kadee's eyebrows lifted and a little warmth came into her cheeks. "What makes you ask that?"

Tabitha shrugged. "You always have a boyfriend at church. Usually it's someone nice, though."

"You don't think Cary is someone nice?" Kadee asked lightly.

Tabitha was quiet, the one side of her face Kadee could see guarded now. She lifted her shoulders.

Kadee leaned closer. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Tabitha's eyes widened and she turned her face towards Kadee, tucking her bang behind her ears.

"I think Cary is one of those people you can't judge by the cover. And I do kinda like him. A little...Maybe a lot." Her stomach went all butterflies saying that.

"It's your funeral," Tabitha deadpanned, and Kadee couldn't help laughing.

Cary came to the doorway, his eyebrows lifting to see them together. "Tabitha—time for bed," he said.

"It's Friday night. I'm staying up."

Cary shifted his feet. "Your mom puts you to bed at this time."

"You're not my mom, are you," she flashed. "I'm finishing this show."

Kadee took the remote beside her and the TV went blank.

"Hey!" Tabitha said.

"Would your mom let you watch a show with your toys all over the floor like that?" she asked in her nicest, most reasonable voice.

"She wouldn't care," Tabitha grumbled, but she got off the couch and started chucking dolls into the bin. "Half these toys are Bea's—why do I have to clean up her mess?"

"I'll help," Kadee said, getting off the couch.

"I want Kadee to do my bedtime." Tabitha glared at Cary.

Cary held up his hands and backed away, out of the room.

When she had negotiated Tabitha into her pyjamas and then bed, she found Cary working at the kitchen sink, like he hadn't spent most of his life in a family wealthy enough to hire staff to do the dishes for them. Kadee joined him, clearing the rest of the dishes off the table and stacking them. Her senses were prickling, suddenly aware of how quiet the house was with the two girls in bed, and the size and warmth of the guy next to her in the kitchen.

He glanced at her under his eyebrows. "You don't need to stay," he said.

"I don't mind." She put the heels of her hands on the counter and jumped lightly to sit next to him at the sink. "Do they leave you with the girls often?"

He shook his head, avoiding her eyes as he set another cup on the drying rack. "They needed some time away. To talk about Jon. And just...have a date, I guess."

Her mouth quirked. Her parents never went on dates. "Think they went up to the legislature grounds to park, or what?"

He looked blankly at her.

"You know, the place where all the kids go to make out—it was a joke, Cary."

"Oh." The tips of his ears were red.

"I guess you never..." she looked at him sideways, watching the faint flush spread over his cheeks.

"I'm not much for jokes," he said stiffly.

She laughed softly. "Not jokes, silly. This." With a swoop of her stomach she leaned forward and kissed his mouth. Her lips landed on the corner, but she tasted the salt on his skin and felt his intake of breath. She drew back a little to check his face, heart pounding. His eyes were wide on hers and his Adam's apple moved as he swallowed. She smiled, biting her lip.

"You're a really beautiful person, Cary Douglas—you know that? I think I'm kind of...falling for you. Is that crazy?"

He shook his head without taking his eyes off her face, up to his elbows in suds. She carefully bent her face to his again—their noses bumped and she tipped her head so their lips lined up, that perfect connection that made her warm from her throat to her toes. She felt his lips open and his breath in her mouth and then he pulled away, hands dripping in the air between them.

"Kadee." He was short of breath. "Shit." He turned to check if anyone had seen them, wiping his hands across his shirt. "What are you doing?"

She gripped the counter tightly beside her legs, watching him through her lashes. "If it's not obvious—I'm doing it wrong."

He made a dry noise, putting the back of his hand to his mouth. "You're not."

"Did you like it?" she asked lightly, like that didn't mean everything right now.

His ears were brick red as he started furiously wiping crumbs from the table. "You should go—Pete and Mel will be home soon."

"Sure." She dropped off the counter onto her bare feet, trying to play this cool. "Do you mind if I come by tomorrow?"

He went still, his arms braced on the table. "Why?"

She waited until he looked back. His eyes were dark with what might have been fear—that wasn't the response she was used to. "Because I like you."

He straightened, wrapping his arms across his chest. He was shaking his head, but his face wasn't flat like it usually was. She thought her first impression was correct—he was afraid. "You can't." His face twisted and he turned it away. "Don't be stupid. This would never work."

"Why not?" Butterflies jumped in her stomach. She moved to the side a little to try and get in his line of sight. "Tell me you didn't like that," she coaxed.

His eyebrows were drawn in a fierce frown, his cheeks still pink. His nostrils flared white, and he didn't say anything.

She lifted her chin. That silence was something. "I think we could work," she said. "I think you should have something good happen to you for once. And...I want to be with you."

"I thought you were done with guys." His voice was soft and tight.

Kadee let out her breath, tucking her hair behind her ear. She didn't know what to be except completely honest. "You changed my mind." She stepped back, unconsciously folding in a bow of polite apology. "I'm sorry if I...went over the line." Her face blazed. God, like she didn't know how shitty it felt to have someone push and take something you weren't ready to give. "We can just forget it if you want."

He was looking at her now. "You didn't. Go over the line." He put his fingers over his mouth. "I just never—with someone like you."

Relief made her dizzy—she hadn't wrecked it. She crinkled her eyes at him, fishing for the compliment that seemed to be under his words. "With someone like me...what?"

The colour in his face deepened, and his dark eyes flashed with something like anger. "With someone who knows my name," he said roughly.

She blinked, tilting her head as she looked at him. He could still surprise her with how deeply messed up his life had been before this. "If you're trying to scare me off..." she said slowly. "It isn't working." It kind of was—she felt too sad to kiss him now. She just wanted to snuggle next to him on a couch and watch nature documentaries and eat junk food like they could be kids again. "I've done stuff I regret too. We could just...go slow. If you wanted."

He was biting the corner of his mouth and his eyes hadn't left her face.

She sighed softly, touching her fingertips to the bare skin of his arm, corded tensely and crossed over his front. "Just think about it—okay? 'Cause you're kind of...all I can think about right now."

He lidded his eyes, his lashes dark against his warm cheeks.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Kadee said.

*Here's another behind the scenes peek: when I started writing WAKE I had no plans to write a romantic story line. And then they turned 16 and it was like...all the teenage relationship angst. Seriously. It turns out my characters had their own thoughts about that, and Kadee's personality was a welcome relief from the scenes about Jon bottoming out. A good chunk of Kadee's attraction to Cary starts off as plain old lust, but it seems to be developing into something deeper. What do you think?

On a scale of 1-10, one being cold and slimy as a fish, seven watching fireworks while being being hugged by Molly Weasley, and ten actually being a firework exploding in the sky, how would you rate that first kiss?*