The dream was empty when I stepped in. I wandered aimlessly, tried to imagine what it would have been like for me. Trapped. Helpless in a dream I couldn't even morph into something else. The window was immovable, wide and open to remind me of the fire that killed my friends and family.

I settled in Evensen's winged chair. Then I scoffed. This wasn't his. This was mine. So was everything in this room. I woke up in that bed the morning of the fire, done so for years before that. That was my washbasin. I dressed behind that dressing screen, warmed myself by the fireplace. I've thrown things carelessly in that closet. Everything here was mine, and yet I couldn't feel I owned them. Someone else had shared this space with me for two bloody centuries and I had let him willingly... or not.

Suddenly, I froze. Eyes flying to my closet. With heart pounding in my chest, I pulled the doors open and let out a shaky laugh at the sight of my repertory. "Oh, Aster, you moron," I said in disbelief, grinning at my reflection. The shelf emerged in front of me and I frantically searched inside. I found the dream version of my crux and everything else. "Please give me something else," I murmured, blindly searching the bottom with my hand. Frustrated, I stepped back. Swallowed as I carefully searched the top shelf.

And there it was.

A notebook.

I never used it. I scribbled all my notes in the past on whatever piece of paper I could find. But I just knew at that moment that being trapped in this place for two centuries must have nearly driven me to madness. There must be something to keep me sane.

I reached for the notebook and opened on the first page. Tears welled my eyes when I read my handwriting.

No good news. Evensen thinks he knows everything. Well, he doesn't.

I realized I wasn't a proficient diary writer. I didn't write daily, nor did I write in detail. Two months passed before the second entry.

Well, I knew they'd fail. I told them it would happen.

Three months.

Slapped him. Tried to kill him, too. How could he do that? Why would he even do that?

"What's that?"

I jumped at Evensen's voice behind me and looked over my shoulder at him in panic. Reminding myself that he could not see the shelf, I dropped the diary inside my repertory. "I don't look a day older, don't I?" I asked instead of answering his question.

He didn't answer and droned, "I know about your repertory, Aster."

I pivoted on my heels in surprise.

"But I'll never ask what you keep there," he said, taking off his coat.

"You're not even interested?"

"No."

"You were never curious?"

He sat in his—my—winged chair. "This place was suffocating enough for you. You needed something that was entirely your own."

I scoffed. "That's very considerate of you."

He crossed his leg over the other, eyes uninterested. "Where's Katz?"

"I'll have to find him."

"We," he corrected. "I'm coming with you."

"There's no need—"

"I'm coming," he said with finality.

***

We stepped out of the blue door and found Tiff sitting around a long table with more than a dozen people. Her family. She was laughing over a feast of food foreign to me. They were a boisterous bunch, I noticed.

"Wrong door," I murmured to Evensen, and we stepped out the door again, stumbling into a very dark one. I frowned.

"Who is that?"

"Either Azziz or Vivec," I whispered. "Mertha's apostle."

"And the dog?"

"Akira's familiar," I replied with curiosity. Why would Mertha's apostle dream of Akira's dog?

"Where's Katz?"

I gave him a look, and he held up a hand, stepping aside to let me pass through the door. We walked in on Corey's dream next, much to my frustration. Where in the bloody hell was Katz?

As I turned around to get out again, Evensen stopped me, brow furrowed. "Is that you?"

"Yes," I replied wryly, staring at Corey's dream. Rain outside the window, Corey with a version of me. Only this time we were in bed naked, the sounds of our lovemaking echoing around the room.

Evensen's gaze jumped to me. He looked both surprised and furious. "He dreams about you," he noted under his breath.

"I know," I replied as I reached for the door.

He said nothing further as we walked into the next dream, although I could sense his thoughts were still in the previous one.

"I think this is it." I eyed the mirrored bricks. As I searched the premises, Evensen asked, "Is the fever back?"

"Yes."

"Headaches?"

"Yes."

"You need to feed."

I stopped and faced him with a scowl. "That will never happen."

"You can't rely on the pills for too long."

"Then I'd rather die."

"You won't die if you don't feed. You'll turn feral and kill anyone you encounter."

"I don't want to talk about this now."

He sighed beside me. We stood there in silence for a while, waiting.

Felix Katz slowly materialized. He was holding a tab, scrolling down, unaware of our presence at first. Then I willed his tab to dissolve in his hand and he looked up, confused. His eyes eventually landed on me, then on Evensen.

He broke into a grin. "So this is what it feels like," he said, looking around. "To have your dream invaded. Feels weird."

"Let's get to work," Evensen said, walking past me and toward Katz. "How long do you think she'll learn the border?"

"I still have to assess the one in Exodus," Katz replied as I followed Evensen.

"It's going to be more vulnerable than the one in Genesis?"

"Yes. Most definitely."

"That's perfect then. Just show her how to survive your border and—"

"Upgraded or not, she'll need at least a week," Katz interjected.

"She knows elemental magic. She can do it in three."

"He incorporated light magic," I told him. "It's my weakness."

"I thought you said you didn't have one?"

I rolled my eyes. "When did I say that?"

"Almost every bloody time."

I scoffed and stared at Katz in disbelief. "Tell him how complicated light magic is."

Katz turned to Evensen. "Terribly complicated."

Evensen's jaw twitched. "Fine. One week."

Katz walked up to me with a small smile. "If you can give me back my tab, I'd like to show you the list of spells on each segment of the wall—" He looked down and his tab was there in his hand. "Thank you. Here. I originally created eighteen. The upgraded version has twenty. Look through it."

I was immediately immersed, quite amazed by the intricate spells he created. The grass on my feet grew higher and morphed into a chair where I sat, reading and scrolling down the tab.

"Any news?" I heard Evensen ask Katz, and they walked off out of earshot.

I stole them a glance, gritted my teeth when I couldn't hear a word. I should with my vampire ears, but Evensen was deliberately making sure I couldn't. My thoughts slowly wandered away from Katz's list of spells and to the diary in my dream. Never in my life had I considered taking down notes of my day. Or feelings. But being trapped in that dream for too long...

I must have gone through every process of solitary confinement. And in a sense, Evensen became my captor. He was the only one I had contact with and I believed him when he told me it was dangerous to wake up. I believed him when he said the Saints took my body. Everything I knew was from him.

The realization crept slowly, made me a little lightheaded. There he was, standing merely a few feet away, talking silently with someone who was supposed to help me escape. A man under his pay.

He could have manipulated me. Fed me with lies.

I blinked, hands suddenly tight around Katz's tab.

Evensen knew about the black doors. He knew about my doors. Why did I tell him? What could I have been thinking?

I had the urge to go back to my dream. Read everything I wrote. There must be something there—a moment of doubt that could give me a clue that Evensen was nothing but a manipulator.

But I couldn't do that with him always around my dream. I had to do it when he was awake.

Forcing myself to focus on the spells, I studied them. Most were unfamiliar, but in time I knew I'd learn them. But why was I even doing this? Why was I trying to get through this bloody border?

Brie.

Evensen knew my true weakness. And even if he was manipulating me now, I'd still go along with his plans, whatever they may be, because there was the slightest possibility of being with Brie again.

***

I opened my eyes to the brief silence before everyone else woke up on the train. When that happened, my senses were suddenly attacked by sounds of yawning and groaning, body against sheets, mattresses groaning. Feet padding across the floors.

Bellatrix gracefully climbed onto my bed and licked my face. I sat up and popped a pill, swallowing it dry down my throat, and waited until the noise became tolerable.

After two days of travel, the train finally slowed as we entered Exodus. The obvious contrast to Genesis City passed through the small window of my cabin. The buildings were older, their facade a lot less fancy. However, there were signs of progress in each block we passed. Fresh signs with neon lights, towers being built, shiny vehicles zooming in the air.

"Akira's dog is missing."

I jumped in surprise. Tiff and Lexie stood in the doorway, eyes wide and wary. "What?"

"It's missing!" Tiff said, hugging her cat closer to her chest. Curly locks poked out of her head wrap, as if she had donned it haphazardly. "Someone's taking all the familiars in the train."

"We're the only ones with familiars on the train, Tiff," Lexie said before fixing her eyes on me. "The dog's missing and we think it's one of the other apostles."

"Have you searched everywhere?"

"No, but—"

"Then search everywhere. I'll go change." I looked down at Bellatrix. "Go with them."

My fox stretched and whined before it lazily walked out with Tiff and Lexie. Minutes later, I was walking down the long corridor in search of a dog when Katz came up from behind me. "Where are you going?" he asked. "Breakfast is on the other side."

"I'm searching for something."

"We're almost at the station. They'll take us to a hotel where lunch is waiting. Then they'll take you to the governor." He looked over my head to check if anyone was nearby. "That will take a few hours. But once you're done, meet me in the lobby. I'll take you to the border so you can recreate it in your dream."

"Fine," was all I said.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "Do you have headaches and fever—"

"I'm fine. Just busy." I pushed past him toward the dining coach. "I'll see you later."

The last thing I wanted was to spend more time with the man. My head was still in chaos. I didn't know if I could trust him and Evensen. All they cared about was me learning the spells.

Mertha appeared in front of me in her flowy white dress. "Aster, there you are. Where have you been?"

"Why?"

"Everyone's waiting for you in the dining coach. Corey wants to discuss today's agenda."

I gritted my teeth. Behind her, at the end of the corridor, Akira and Tiff were in a heated argument as they poked their heads into the doors of the cabins. With a sigh, I walked with Mertha to breakfast.

"I heard a pet has gone missing," she noted.

"Yes."

She was quiet for a few steps, brow furrowed as if the idea of a pet was too unfathomable for her great Astral mind. "I suggest you keep your pets on leash. It's not common to have pets nowadays."

"Surely."

"Especially for a new Astral who is yet to prove her worth."

I looked at her, and she looked back, eyes filled with meaning. If I wanted to feed and leave someone dry and dying, Mertha would be the first. This mind game she was playing with me was not only making my head hurt, it made me edgy. I had enough trouble to deal with, and dealing with a fragile female ego was not one of them.

"Good morning, ladies," Corey's voice greeted from behind a table filled with fancy breakfast.

As I sat down for breakfast, I thought about Akira's dog and where it could be. I thought about the hotel and the meeting with the governor. I thought of Katz and the border; of the parcel Evensen wanted me to deliver to the other side.

And I thought of what could be waiting for me in Old London.

I thought about me, Aster Byrne, and what I wanted. Where I wanted to be.

The answer was clear. It was not where, but when.

I just wanted to go back home to when I was with things familiar and mine. Where my memory was filled with things and mistakes I did on my own. When I was young and foolish and proud. When I was so certain of who I loved and despised.

Yet I could not turn back time. I was stuck in a future with people I didn't know.

All I had was myself and the truths of the woman I forgot.

I stared at Cedric Corey, at Mertha Krall, and our apostles filing into the dining coach. Tiff threw me a helpless look before she stood in a line with Lexie and Akira. Across from them were Mertha's three apostles who were looking a little too satisfied for a bunch of kids who had not yet broken fast.

I sipped my bitter coffee and squared my shoulders. Vampire, witch, or whatever, I had to play this game well.

One week. I'd study the border, I'd do my mission. Everyone had to think I was doing what I should be doing.

One week. Then I'd make my choice.

Stay or nay.