(Yoongi's POV)

I've spent all of the love I saved.
We were always a losing game.
Small-town boy in a big arcade.
I got addicted to a losing game.

All my life I never lied to Jin but all my life I lied to him.

I don't know why I still keep holding onto memories that have no end, that have no possibilities..

I am cracked, I'm broken.
I have been used and played.
Someone was right when they said I was worthless.
I am worthless. I am useless.

I question my body.
I question my mind.

I am insecure. I never wanted to be in it. I am stuck in an unfateful destiny.

I closed my eyes, sitting by the Han river.

The sound of the water rushing by and the wind rustling was somehow satisfying and at the same time mocking me for my helplessness.

That man has started the process. I am afraid to lose them all...

"Aahhh!",I cried out, my tears flowing uncontrollably.

"It's all for that letter! Why me?!"

"Yoongi....",said that heavy voice I am used to hearing but today, fear the most.

I remained quiet because I knew I had no path to escape.

"Yoongi... Answer me!",he said again.
"I have nothing to answer Hyung. I wanted to stay alo-"
"You know we're not here to know why you're alone..",said Y/n, her voice stern.
"Yoongi look at me..", ordered Jin.
"Please let me go. I can't do this anymore..."
"I don't want you to do anything anymore. Just tell me what you know..."

I remained silent. The tall and broad figure came beside me and rest his hand on my weak shoulder.

"Yoongi... Face me!",said Jin, turning my face towards him.

"What did you do of yourself...!",said Jin, hugging me.

My eyes were red. My pale face was puffed up. My lips were sore.

I hated myself to be seen like this, to be seen as vulnerable, to be seen as broken, shattered with pain.

"You crying Yoongi?"

I replied with a no but I know Jin knew what was going on with me. I'm sure Hobi told them everything.

Jin Hyung pulled me close to his chest.

"Why did you never say me that? Huh? Tell me.. Did I ever hide anything from you?",he said patting my back.

I remained silent because I had no answer. Jin never lied to me but you know what, Love is scarring. Love is painful because love brings growth. Love demands, transforms and is painful because love gives you a new birth. Love brings your heart into relationship and when the heart is in relationship there is always pain. 

I believe it's better to be pained than causing pain.

"Don't remain silent Yoongi, don't. I didn't know you were hiding so much inside that little heart of yours...",said Jin, his voice heavy with fear.

I know he's afraid of losing me but you know what, I already lost myself.

If you think love happens only between a man and a woman, you're wrong. Any relationship is like this.

Be you be friends, spouse, siblings, cousins,parent-child, significant other or whatever; Love is something you can't deny, you can't forget even years later. You can't stop even after knowing the consequences. Love blinds us.

Like a blind person, like a person with no eyes, no vision, I was walking on a path, unknown to me.

I was obliged, I was scarred over and over on the same place. I tore myself to numb the pain of my pre-existing scars only to develop new scars.

"Yoongi..."
"You don't know what's going on in me, Hyung...",I said, my voice hoarse with a burden of pressure.
"Do you know what's going on inside you?",he asked me, making me straight, facing him.

I didn't have the courage to face him.

"Look at me Yoongi, don't put your head down. You know what's going on inside you? What's happening within you? Don't you trust me? Why'd you hide all that hurts you from your Hyung? You know you are my most trusted confident. You know you're the reason I couldn't give up on myself. Am I not strong enough to pick you up and carry you just the way you did for me?",said Jin, holding up my chin."Yoongi? Tell me..."

"It's not like that Hyung...."
"Then what is it like? Tell me. Let me know the right answer."
"Hyung....."
"Yes..."
"You wouldn't understand what's happening in me. I don't know what's happening...",I said.
"I will understand you. Look, you and I suffered as much as we could have been. You suffered emotionally, physically. I suffered mentally and emotionally..."
"I'm...."
"Ya...",he said, shaking his head in an encouraging manner.
"I'm stuck..."
"Stuck where?"
"Stuck in a position I am unable to leave..."
"You can't be stuck, can you? You always have a way to get out...."
"I don't. I step ahead, I fall off the cliff. I step back, I be the reason to others fall off the cliff..."
"It isn't possible, is it? You'll get out the way you got stuck their, right? Impossible that you got their without causing either problem. And I see no trouble and that means you reached there without any initial trouble...."
"What do you wanna say?"
"Let's take that you are standing on one pillar, behind you there's a landmine button. In front, you have a cliff. You can't move either way and that means you never took either of the ways to get on the pillar, right? You get what I'm trying to say?"

I nodded with no answers again.

"Then how'd you get on the pillar?",said Jin
"How?",I asked back.
"Either someone dropped you on the pillar through air ways or you aren't even on the pillar. If you're not on the pillar, trust me, your Jin Hyung won't ever let you get on that pillar. And if someone dropped you through air ways, lemme have the pleasure of picking you from there..."
"But I'm in a losing game. No matter what I do, I have to lose someone, maybe all of you. I've already lost myself..."
"Then let me get you back yourself just the way you got me myself."
"How will you? He's not like those villains from action movies. He's someone purely evil. He can do anything. Didn't you see how he poisoned the innocent Alpine and Jungkook? What did they do? He doesn't kill for just money. He kills because he likes...."
"Then I save because I like. But as I told you, I'm useless without you. Yes I am. Even today, I'm useless without you. You have to give me that letter. I have to know about that..."
"That's your father. That's Tae's father..."
"You knew about me and Tae being brothers?"
"Ummhuh!",I hummed while nodding in no.
"Then why'd you say so?"
"My appa had a diary. He wrote that my mum died delivering me. She was incapable of having a child yet she wanted a little family: she, her husband and her baby. But I was always unfortunate. I never even saw her...."

Jin Hyung was the silent one now. Now that I have already started, I can't stop. I can't hold back. I can't take it anymore. I couldn't care no less.

"My appa and Kim Taejin, used to be friends, closer than anyone else. Both weren't well off. Both had no food. My appa joined as the chief bodyguard of Y/n, the richest man of Korea's little daughter. Kim Taejin was then having a family with one son. My appa also had me, no wife..."

"My appa always knew his friend was no good of a character but they were still friends. My appa had never seen his friend's sons. Two years since I was born. Y/n, same age as me, met an abandoned boy, Seokjin and adopted him. I grew close to the Hyung, I grew close to you..."

"By then Appa's friend had contacted him and wrote to him that one of his sons, 5 years of age, is lost whereas his wife is pregnant with another baby. He was going to North Korea for war. Wanted to meet dad once before they may die."

"Appa went to the northern border camp. That's when he was informed that the princess of the house was kidnapped by someone named Taejin who sent a threat note. Appa knew Taejin, he recognised Taejin in the big crowd of young soldiers. Taejin had picked Y/n up and already started crossing the border. Appa followed him. He lost his life to the world but remained alive, in the hands of his friend. Y/n got lost. Commando Daniel Throndsen saved all the women and children who were being trafficked to China all the South Korean,North Korean,Nepali, Japanese women and children, everyone; and sent them all back to where they belong but one kid, very small, forgot herself: he adopted her."

"That child was Y/n. You lost Y/n that day, I lost appa. Even I thought they died untill 5 years past now. I recieved a mail. And that's the thing, I never wanted you to know because that would hurt you...."

"You knew all such things yet you..."
"I hid it. I hid it from you. The year
Y/n was saved from trafficking, Taejin drowned his wife and 1 year old baby. Taejin's wife, although didn't know swimming, did her best to take her baby as close possible to the shore. He told me, if I ever want my father back, I should forget you because he would kill the now richest man, Seokjin. He would kill his older son. He always knew where you were because it was all planned. I want appa but I also want you. All the time appa wasn't there, you did all that you could for me. I never felt I was born poor because you never made me feel that. I couldn't throw that in the trash...."

Jin hugged me tighter than before. That was enough for the nonchalant me to stop being cold and cry out.

"I don't want either of you to die..."
"Don't say me anything... I.. I... You had more scars than me. You knew everything, every truth and kept hiding it because you wanted me to live. Yoongi as your Hyung, I take a pledge, I'll get your father back at any cost..."
"I'm in a losing game...."
"We all are in a losing game...",said
Y/n after remaining quite for an eternity...

I looked at her. I could see her eyes glitter even through my blurry vision. They were moist.

"We all are stuck in this game of no ends.....",said Y/n
"Actually, it's a game of dead ends...",said Namjoon.

They all had come to see me, even the unfit Alpine and Jungkook.

"Namjoon? Aries? You guys?",said Y/n.
"Yeah, me.. us..",said Aries.
"It's a game of dead ends that we have entered. He won't let any of us be in peace if we don't break through to make new paths...",said Namjoon.
"And for that we need you.",said Jimin.
"Hyung, he killed my mother. He wanted me to die. He tried harming Polo that day, he tried harming my best friend. How much? How much more do we wait? How long do we?",said Taehyung, holding back his tears.

Well we all indeed are in this losing game. We all are suffering. I took time to understand that but I am wrong, I'm not the only one Waiting Alone.

"Tell us Hyung...",said Jungkook with that pure adoration in his eyes...
"Don't tell, give them the letter Hyung...",said Hoseok.

I want another to say thing but that makes me afraid, of rejection. I'm a lot insecure.

I turned around to see him. Jin Hyung let go me as I spoke to Hoseok.

"Hoseok-ah...."
"Give them that Hyung. You can't always hide. Just like love blinds us, it binds us..."
"Hoseok...."
"Shs...!",he said as two pairs of bloomed lips crushed on my dried lips.

____________________________

Hey guys

Yes I know I'm ages late but you know what, I had forgotten the story...

But
I'm back again

Next chapter is very interesting...
Stay tuned..

And oh!
I'll be on a little hiatus right now because
I have been procrastinating a lot and so am lagging behind with my studies.

I have notes to be made from History, Geography, Politics, Economics.

I never started Bengali
I never did Maths..

So I'll be gone for a week or two but will be back with two interesting chapters....

ByeBye....