A week later, Vanessa laid in bed, listening to the sounds of her infant daughter crying a few feet away in her bassinet.  Instead of instantly getting up, she curled up, putting her hands over her face.  Why was she crying so much?  As Emilia continued to scream, Vanessa began to softly sob.  She couldn't take it anymore.  She had no desire to get out of her bed and face the day.

After a good five minutes of screaming, Lin pushed the bedroom door open and walked in, confused.  He knew his wife was still in bed and she knew he was taking care of the boys in the kitchen.  Lin observed that his wife was distraught, crying and curled up.  He walked over to the bassinet and scooped his tiny daughter up.  It was amazing how something so small could scream so loudly and for long.  He pulled out the changing pad and set Emilia down.  Lin quickly changed her diaper and buttoned up her onesie.  He guessed she was also hungry, so he carried her to the kitchen where he found some breast milk in the fridge.  He heated it up and then cradled her in one arm while he guided the bottle into her mouth.  Emilia immediately began suckling hard, obviously hungry.

Lin looked over at the boys, and they were happily snacking on cereal and watching Daniel Tiger.  He walked back to the bedroom and sat on his side of the bed.  Vanessa was still curled up, crying softly.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked softly.

"I can't..." she began.

"Can't what?"

"I can't do this anymore.  I can't take care of her.  She's driving me crazy."

Lin looked down at his little daughter feeding and wondered how such an adorable little baby could cause her mother so much grief.  He suspected Vanessa was suffering from post-partum depression.  It hadn't happened after the first two pregnancies, but they had learned early on this pregnancy was different.

"V, you've been locked up in this apartment for days," he pointed out.  "You need to get out and get some fresh air."

She was on maternity leave for several months, so she didn't have that time away from home like she usually did.  Vanessa loved being a mother, but she also valued her time away from the kids.  It helped her reset and be a better mother.

"I don't want to go anywhere," she told her husband.

"V, do you think we should maybe make you a doctor's appointment?" He asked carefully.  "You'll been really depressed lately."

"What reason do I have to be depressed?" She posed, feeling guilty.  "I have five healthy children and a wonderful husband.  What's wrong with me, Lin?"

"Nothing's wrong with you," he said.  "Your hormones are probably all over the place.  We need to do something to snap you out of this."

Vanessa seemed unconvinced.  She thought the problem was all with her.  She just needed to get herself together and quit being such a whiner.

"I'm going to make you an appointment," Lin decided as Emilia neared the bottom of her bottle.

"Lin-" she began to protest.

"No, this has gone on long enough," he said.  "There's no shame in asking for help.  We need to get you on some medication."

Emilia finished so Lin stood up, placing the bottle on the bedside table.  He repositioned his daughter so he could burp her.

"How about you hop in the shower?  That'll feel good," he said.  "I've got the kids under control."

She finally sat up, nodding.  Her hair was disheveled and there were bags under her eyes.  Lin walked back to the living room to be with the boys while Vanessa got in a nice, hot shower.

___

Later that day, Emma took the subway to her treatment center.  Today was her first one-on-one session with her counselor.  She wasn't sure how she felt about this, having all the attention on her.  With the group sessions, she could at least sit back and let others do the talking.

A middle-aged woman called her back to the office – there was a nice big couch and bright paintings on the wall.  There were essential oils filling the room in a steady steam from the diffuser.  Emma inhaled in deeply – lavender – and felt herself relax.

"Hi, Emma my name is Dr. Meager," she introduced herself.  "How are you this afternoon?"

"Fine," she said, tucking her hands inside her legs.

"Good," she said, pulling a clipboard onto her lap.  "You've been to a couple of our group sessions, right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"How have those been going?"

"Okay I guess," Emma answered.  "It makes me feel like I have less recovery than some of the others.  There are some kids addicted to hard core drugs."

"Do you think Adderall is less harmful to your body that street drugs like meth?"

"Yes," she said.  "It's just an upper."

"So, while you were on Adderall, what benefits were you experiencing?"

"I had endless energy and my focus was better.  I could get my school work done and done well."

"And how about negative effects?"

"I guess I was tired when I wasn't on it and I lost weight."

"Am I correct in saying that your parents made you come here?"

"Yes," she said.  "They found out and tried to get me to quit by myself."

"Do you think they're right in making you seek treatment?"

She shrugged.  "I guess, but I don't think it's as bad as they're making it out to be.  Adderall isn't dangerous. My little sister takes it."

"Tell me about what it's like at home," Dr. Meager asked.

"Well, my parents died in a car accident a year and a half ago.  My sister and I were in the car and we got pretty bad injuries.  In their will, they said we should go with the Mirandas, so we moved to the city.  They already had two kids – a baby and a toddler.  But Vanessa just had another baby, so now there's five kids."

"Do you like living with the Mirandas?"

"Most of the time.  I mean, I'd rather be living with my parents, but they're pretty good parents as far as parents go.  I'm staying with my grandparents for a few weeks though."

"Why's that?"

"Because my parents don't know what to do with me and they're overwhelmed with three kids under the age of five."

"Do you have a good relationship with your parents now?  What do you call them?"

"I just call them Lin and Vanessa," she said.  "Our relationship is pretty good I think, but right now they don't trust me."

"Because of the drugs?"

"Yeah," she said.  "Plus, they told me to quit a couple months ago and then I went behind their backs and hid the pills in Lexi's room."

"How do you think you'll earn their trust back?"

"I guess by doing this and being extra responsible."

She nodded in agreement.  "I have in my notes here you do ballet.  Are you still doing that?"

"My dad made me quit for a while so I could come here," she said, obviously disappointed.  "I miss it like crazy."

"Do you still dance by yourself?"

"Not really," she said.

"So, when do you get to go back to ballet?"

"I guess when I get through this," she said, but wasn't sure.

"So, Emma, how do you think you'll feel when you get yourself completely off the medication?"

She was slowly being weaned off, like she was supposed to be doing all along.  She was down to half a pill a day.

"I guess I'll just feel normal," she said.

"And do you think you'll be okay with that?"

"I don't know," she said.  "I guess I lasted 17 years without it."

"You'll be going to college in a year and a half," she pointed out.  "You'll be living by yourself and have to make decisions for yourself.  Do you think you'll be tempted to use Adderall again?"

Emma twisted her lips to the side in thought.  If her parents hadn't intervened, she would probably have stayed on Adderall indefinitely.  "I might be."

"And do you think that would be a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Both I guess," she admitted.  "I'd be able to do more, but I know it's not good to take pills without a prescription."

"I think you show a mature understanding of the situation," she commented.

They continued to talk for the rest of the hour, covering topics like the feelings she was experiencing before she started Adderall, how she was feeling now that she was weaning off them, and how she would earn back her parents' trust.

When the hour was up, Emma had to admit she felt better.  It hadn't felt awkward or like she was being grilled.  It was just a conversation with an adult who didn't judge her.  Emma decided she was looking forward to the next session.

Emma walked out to the waiting room where Abuelo was waiting for her.  He smiled and gave her a supportive squeeze on the shoulder.  Luis told his granddaughter they were going to head over to her parents' for the evening.  Emma was excited to see her newborn sister, but hoped she wasn't in the mood to scream.

When they arrived, Emma excitedly pushed the door open.  Abuela was already there, helping with the boys.  She had Emilia in her arms.  Luz smiled as her oldest grandchild entered, knowing she wanted to hold Emilia.  Emma clapped her hands together as she approached and Luz passed her over.

"Hi, sweet girl," she cooed at the tiny child.  She instinctively swayed her back and forth.  Emilia had her eyes closed but was yawning.  Emma tucked her pointer finger into her palm.  "Wake up, Emilia.  Show me those pretty eyes."

Lexi heard her sister's voice and came out excitedly.  Lin and Vanessa didn't think they'd ever seen Lexi so excited to see her older sister.  It was sweet to see them hugging and chatting to each other.  Emilia started crying a few minutes later, so Emma handed her off to Lin.  Sebastian and Francisco were immediately all over her, wanting to play.  It felt good to feel so loved.

The family had a nice dinner together, then it was time to put the kids down.  When they were all in bed, everyone else sat around the living room to talk.

"How's rehab going?" Lexi asked her older sister.

"Fine I guess," she said.  The whole family knew her business so she had no reason to feel embarrassed.  "I'm down to one pill a day.  For real," she caught Lin's eye.

"How much longer do you have to be there?" Lexi followed up.

"I'm not sure," she admitted.  "When they think I'm healthy again?"

"They'll do a re-evaluation at the end of a month," Lin told everyone.  "Then it goes week by week."

"Do I get to start ballet as soon as I'm out?" She asked like it was prison.  Lin nodded.  He knew taking away her ballet was one of the best ways to motivate her.  "I can feel myself losing muscle tone."

The subject moved on to other things, and Emma got up to get herself a drink from the fridge.  Lin followed her so they could chat for a few moments.

"So, do you feel like this program is helping you?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said honestly.  "I really liked my individual therapy today."

"Good," he said.  "We've missed you."

"You're the one who sent me away," she pointed out.

"And I think it was the right thing to do.  I don't feel like I hate you now."

She laughed at that.  "Wow, thanks Lin."

He smiled widely and pulled her into a hug.  "You know I'm teasing," he told her.  "I could never hate you.  Get annoyed by you, yes, but never hate you."

Lin pulled away and kissed her forehead.  "We have some pie in the pantry.  Why don't you start cutting it up and we'll serve it."

Emma found the pie and started cutting it up and dishing it out.  Lin got out forks and started taking them over to his family.  When Emma left with her grandparents at the end of the night, she was feeling lighter and happy.

___

A couple days later, Vanessa reluctantly sat in her doctor's office waiting room.  Lin had made her an appointment due to her tearful emotions as of late.  She filled out a questionnaire about her thoughts and feelings.  When she was towards the end, the nurse called her back.  They stopped at the scales on the way back to the room.  She had lost almost ten pounds.  Vanessa felt physically disgusting.  Her stomach was lumpy from pregnancy.  Because of her pregnancy and surgery, she definitely wasn't in physical shape to be intimate but Lin, but even if she was she felt self-conscious and disgusting.  How could he ever be attracted to her when her body had changed like it had?

The nurse asked a couple routine questions then left.  The doctor arrived a few minutes later.

"So, Vanessa, how can I help you today?" The doctor began.

Vanessa breathed out.  "I gave birth to my third child a few weeks ago and I guess I've been kind of depressed and down.  My husband thought it was getting a bit extreme."

"Did this happen with your other pregnancies?"

"No."

"Can you describe some of your feelings?"

"Just being completely overwhelmed and like I'm a failure.  My daughter has colic and I just can't seem to comfort her.  She screams constantly.  I don't want to get out of bed.  I just want to curl up in a ball."

"So it's interfering with your daily life?"

"Yes," she said.  "Plus I'm not working so I don't have that outlet.  My belly's doing better now, but I'm still recovering from the C-Section."

"Did you have a C-Section with your other children?"

"No."

"That can definitely contribute to difficult feelings after birth.  Having a C-Section is physically and emotionally demanding."

Vanessa nodded and felt herself tear up. Somehow saying it out loud made it more real.  She was really struggling and she didn't know why.  This hadn't happened with Sebastian and Francisco.  She was already a mother of two.  Why was she having so much trouble this time?

The doctor handed Vanessa a couple tissues.

"Vanessa, it sounds like you have post-partum depression, which is very common," she explained.  "And it's totally treatable.  You took the right step by coming to see me.  I'll get you set up on some medication to get your mood balanced.  Your hormones post-pregnancy can get off-kilter."

She typed up a couple things on her computer as Vanessa dabbed at her eyes.  "Vanessa, have you thought about going to therapy short term?"

Vanessa shook her head. 

"That could help," she said.  "Sometimes talking with someone who isn't family helps.  They're impartial and can give you some important tools.  Would you be interested in trying that?"

"Sure," Vanessa said, willing to try anything.

"I have a few therapists I recommend who specialize in post-partum depression.  I'll print you out a contact sheet."

"Thank you," Vanessa said.

They talked for a few more minutes about some other minor issues, then Vanessa was told she was all done.  She checked out and then decided to go to a coffee shop for a while.  It felt nice to be out of the house.  Luz had assured her she had all three kids under control and that she could take some time to herself.

When she returned a couple hours with her new medication she was feeling better.  As she walked in, Francisco and Sebastian both ran up to her to greet her.  That felt good.  Emilia was calm, sleeping in her grandmother's arms.  Though she was frustrated, Vanessa of course loved Emilia dearly.  She missed her.  She gently took her from Luz's arms and was able to enjoy just holding her sleeping daughter.  Vanessa sat on the couch as the boys played and Luz began making dinner.

Lin arrived home a half hour or so later and wanted to know how her appointment had gone.  He caught her in the kitchen while everyone else sat in the living room.

"She prescribed me some meds," she told him.  "And she recommended I talk to a therapist."

Lin nodded and squeezed his wife's hand.  "I think that's a good idea.  It's helping Em a lot.  And it will get you away from these nutbags."

She nodded, but didn't seem very happy.  Lin pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek.  "It's gonna be alright.  You're just going through a rough period."

"So is Emilia, it seems."

"Yeah.  I have a feeling she's going to be a drama queen," Lin commented.  Vanessa smiled.  "Get an early night tonight."

___

Over the next week, Vanessa was improving slightly.  She'd been to one session with a therapist, where they talked a lot about stress and the demands of motherhood.  Her medication was starting to build up in her body, but it usually took a couple weeks for it to start working.  It felt like an eternity away.

Emma herself was doing much better.  In fact, she was doing so well that Lin wondered if she was really progressing or just faking it.  He didn't want to believe she would continue to be deceptive, but since she'd broken his trust his mind automatically went there.  Her therapist called him and Vanessa in for a debrief about her progress.  Vanessa chose to stay home to rest.

"Thanks for coming today," she told Lin.

"Absolutely," Lin said, sitting down in the chair.

"As you know, Emma's been coming to us for about a month," she began.  "She's made remarkable progress.  In our sessions she's really shown a great maturity about the situation.  She realizes what she was doing was unhealthy and that she'll face the temptation again in the future."

Lin swallowed, thinking about how she'd be going away to college soon.  He'd like to think her parents and he and Vanessa had raised her well enough to resist certain pressures at college.  He and Vanessa wouldn't be there to make sure she didn't get into Adderall again, or worse.

"So is she on the road to recovery?" Lin asked.

"I think so," she said.  "I think we should release from the daily therapy sessions and continue with a weekly check in.  Now, she's been living with your parents, correct?"

"Yes," she said.

"Would that continue for a while, or will she be coming back home?"

"I think I'll leave that decision to her," Lin said.  "I think she'll want to come home though."

"And ballet?"

"She can go back on Monday," he said.

"I think that might help her stay focused and away from temptation," she said.  However, Lin knew his daughter well.  That had been part of the whole issue.

"I'm not totally sure about that," he said.  "Part of the issue she ran into was time management.  She's at a high level in ballet so she practices 3 or 4 hours a day four days a week.  She's in two AP classes at school.  She was also doing student government and had a part-time job, but I pulled her out of those when we first found out what she was doing."

"Is there a way to get back into ballet part-time instead of full time?" She suggested.

Lin rubbed a hand over his goatee, knowing that Emma really wouldn't like that.  However, it might be best to ease back into it.

"That might be an idea," he admitted.  "She'll have to prove she can manage her time before she goes back full time."

They talked a bit more about her progress and signs to look for at home.  Lin thanked her and shook her hand before heading home.  Emma and his parents were there, and she knew that he'd just come from the meeting with her therapist.

"So?" She looked at him expectantly, standing up from her chair.

"You got a good report," he said.  "They're very pleased with your progress."

"So I don't have to go back?"

"No, you're going back once a week for a while," he told her.  "Come back to your room and we can chat."

Emma followed him eagerly, and he closed the door behind him.  They both sat down on her bed.

"I wanted to talk to you in private," he began.  "I want to give you the choice as to whether you stay with Abuela and Abuelo for a bit longer or if you want to come back home."

"I want to come home," she said immediately.  She loved her grandparents, but she missed everyone.  She wanted to spend time with Emilia.  Lin smiled, thinking that would be her choice.

"Alright," he said.  "Let's get you home tomorrow then."

She bounced up and down a little in excitement.  She'd been gone for a whole month.  "And so I get to go back to ballet too?"

Lin paused, hoping she wouldn't freak.  "Well, I want to talk to you about that as well."

Emma's heart sank.  "Lin, you promised."

"I know, hear me out," he said.  "I'm thinking it might be wise to ease back in a little.  You got into this problem because you didn't have enough time to get everything done.  Maybe going to ballet twice a week to start with would be best."

"Lin, no!" she immediately protested.  "They're starting to get ready to audition for The Nutcracker.  I have to get myself back in shape."

"Shouldn't you ease back in since you've been away?"

"No," she said.  "I need to get my ass in gear."

"Em, I know you're not gonna like this, but I'm gonna have you start back two days a week at ABT."

She searched his face, looking for answers.  Why would he do this to her?

"We had a deal," she reminded him.  "I would get myself together and I'd get to go back to ballet."

"Sweetheart, we don't want to throw your progress away by getting back into things full blast," he said.  "I really think this is the best plan."

"Well I think it's a stupid plan," she said honestly.

"That's fine," he said.  "But that's what's happening."

"What if I pay with my own money?  Then you'd have to let me."

Lin closed his eyes in frustration.  "No, Emma.  I know you really want to get back into this full time, but I don't think it's a good choice."

"Then I'll stay with Abuelo and Abuela longer," she decided.  "They'll let me."

"Emma, if you're going to be uncooperative, you're not going back at all.  Do you understand me?"

Emma crossed her arms and looked away.  She was seventeen.  Practically an adult.  This time next year there was nothing he'd be able to do to keep her from doing what she wanted.  Lin stood up.

"Pick two days a week you'd like to go and I'll call ABT," he said.  "If I hear any more arguments from you, you're not going back for another month."

Emma let out a frustrated growl as Lin opened the door and left.  Lin breathed out and headed back to the kitchen where Vanessa was getting a glass of water.

"What was that noise?" She asked, having heard Emma's protest.

"I told her she was going to start back two days a week at ballet," he said.  "She didn't agree."

"Well I think it's a good idea," she said.  "I'll back you up."

"Thanks," he said, giving her a quick kiss.  "I think she decided to come back to live with us, but after that she may have changed her mind."

That reminded him.  "Hey, Mom?  Dad?" he called.

"Yeah, son?" Luis answered.

"If Emma tries to convince you to let her do ballet full time, the answer is no.  And tell me if she asks, please."

"You've got it," he answered as he played Legos with Sebastian.

Emma eventually came out, wanting to spend time with the family, but you could tell she was disappointed.  She supposed two days of ballet was better than zero.  Knowing Lin, he wouldn't hesitate to follow through with his threat of keeping her out for another month.  She knew she needed to keep her mouth shut, but that didn't mean she was happy about it.

Luz, Luis and Emma left for the last time.  Emma hugged everyone goodbye except for Lin.  He brushed it off.

___

The next Monday, Emma happily broke out her tights and leo as she headed to the ABT studio.  Her classmates warmly greeted her back.  As they began warm ups, Emma became painfully aware that she'd been away for a month.  Everything hurt.  Still, she powered through and didn't complain.

By the end of the three hour practice, she was exhausted and her feet were killing her.  She was pretty sure she'd have plenty of fresh blisters.  Emma put on her sweats and caught the subway home.  Home.  As soon as she got in, she prepared a tub of ice water, plopped down on the couch, and let her feet soak.  Sebastian was playing nearby and took a peek in the tub.

"Ewwwww," he said.  Emma responded by pulling her foot out and poking him in the chest.  He giggled and fell over, glad to have his big sister back.

"Emma, when you're done could you set the table?" Vanessa asked from the kitchen.

"Sure," she said.  Lin had spoken to her and Alexis about Vanessa's condition.  They knew she had post-partum depression and it wasn't something to be ashamed about.  Lin told them to be extra patient and helpful to her.  Emma gladly took on baby duties, even changing diapers.  Her favorite thing to do was bath time.  Emilia seemed to love the water, and splashed and laughed whenever she was put in the tub.

While Emilia was in the tub, Vanessa came in to check on their progress.

"She's always happy in the tub," Vanessa observed, watching her youngest child.  "Maybe I should just keep her there so she never cries."

Emma chuckled as she squeezed a sponge over Emilia's belly.  "She's definitely a water baby."

"Thanks for all your help, Emma," she said.  "I've missed having you around."

"I love helping," Emma told her.

"Did Lin tell you about my little diagnosis?"

"Yeah," Emma looked at her.  "Sorry you're having such a hard time."

"Thanks," she said.  "I'm starting to feel a bit better, but having help is definitely a good thing."

"I'll feed her a bottle and then put her to bed," Emma volunteered.

"Thank you so much, Em," Vanessa told her, then reached down to kiss the top of her head.  Emma was a life saver.  It was nice to feel so appreciated.

Soon, Emma was tucking her younger sister into her bassinet in her parents' room.  She gurgled a bit but didn't cry.  Emma took the baby monitor with her out to the living room.  Lin was working on his laptop, so she set the monitor on the coffee table.  They now had three separate baby cameras that connected to their monitor.  It cycled through each of the three targets.  Lin watched as it showed Emilia squirming away, Sebastian picking his nose, and Francisco sucking on a foot.  He snorted a little and shook his head.

"Lin, how long do I have to go to ballet only twice a week?" Emma asked.

"Let's see how you do after two weeks," he said, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Then can I go back full time?"

"Let's see how you feel," he said.

Emma decided she'd take that answer.  Of course she'd be fine by then.  She pulled her right foot up to cross over her left knee, examining her battle wounds for the day.  It would be worst at first, getting her feet used to the beating they had to take every day.  She grabbed a box of band-aids from the kitchen and got to work covering her blisters up.

"Time for battered feet again?" Lin asked her.

"Yep," she said.  "No pain no gain."

Lin looked at his watch.  It was about 8 p.m.  "How's the homework?"

"Fine.  I've just got some math left."

"Don't ask me for help," he told her.  "One of my few C's in school."

She fake gasped.  "Lin-Manuel Miranda got a C?!"

"I did," he nodded.

Just then, Lexi wandered out in her pajamas, looking exhausted.  She plopped down next to his chair and rested her head on the chair arm.  Lin reached over and gently stroked her hair.

"What's up, smelly?"

She lifted her head to glare at him.  "I'm so tired."

He furrowed his eyebrows at him.  "Then go to bed, goober."

"Will you tuck me in?"

Lin chuckled and mussed up her hair a bit.  She'd been a bit needy lately.  With her three younger siblings her parents had had less time for her lately.  Lin set his laptop aside and stood up.  Lexi smiled and walked to her room, Lin following closely behind.

When they got to her room, Lin pulled back the covers so she could climb in.  She smiled as she climbed in and he pulled up the covers, the sat on the edge.

"Is that to your liking?" He asked as she snuggled in.

"Yes.  Thank you," she said.

"Would you like a bedtime story?"

She giggled a little.

"Do you want to do something with me this weekend?" He offered.  She nodded eagerly.  Lin loved that she still wanted to spend time with him.  As she became a teenager, he assumed that would lessen.  She still thought the world of him.

"Okay," he said.  "Think about what you want to do.  But it cannot involve me and a skateboard."

She laughed and beamed up at him.  Lin leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Good night, kiddo," he said softly.  "I love you."

"Love you too," she told him as he stood and walked to the door.  He turned off the light and closed the door gently behind him.  Lin decided to go back to the bedroom to check on his wife.  She was laying in bed reading as their infant daughter slept soundly nearby.  He stopped by the bassinet to watch Emilia for a minute before climbing in bed next to his wife.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, running a hand over her tummy.  She squirmed underneath him, uncomfortable with what she perceived was her less-than-perfect body.  Lin moved his hand to her arm instead.

"Okay," she said.

"Really?" He asked, because he knew she wasn't one to complain.

"Emilia only screamed for an hour today, so it was a good day," she said, turning the page.  Lin smirked a little.

"I'm gonna take Lexi out Saturday for some daddy daughter time," he told her.  "Do you want my mom to come over to help with the kids?"

Vanessa sighed and thought for a moment.  "Yeah, that would be nice.  If she's willing."

"She's always willing," Lin reminded her.  "I'll call tomorrow."

It was decided, so they both got ready for bed and got under the covers.  Lin again reached for his wife, unconsciously reaching for his belly, his favorite place to rub.  Again, she flinched.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked, looking into her eyes.

"I just...I don't like how I look right now?" She admitted.

"Why not?  You're beautiful."

Vanessa gave him a look. "My stomach is disgusting right now."

"It's fine," he said.  "You just had a baby."

"Exactly," she said.  "It's all squishy."

"You don't need to be self-conscious about it," he said.  "I think you're gorgeous."

"I'll feel better in a few months," she told him.

"Does it bother you if I touch you?" He asked.

"Just my stomach," she said.  "And don't mess with my boobs.  They hurt."

"Well damn," he joked.  "What does that leave me with?"

"My ass, I guess," she said.  Lin pulled her towards him a little more and let his hand wander to her rear end.

"I can make do with your ass," he said.  Vanessa laughed as he kissed her slowly and gently.  She knew she shouldn't worry about Lin not being attracted to her.  He'd seen her at her best and her worst, and he loved her unconditionally.  With her husband by her side, she'd get through this.