Emma could barely contain her excitement when her plane landed in San Francisco.  She collected her baggage and got an Uber to her apartment.  It was already furnished, and some of her stuff was being shipped.  She was thrilled to see her boxes had already arrived.

Her roommate, Claudia hugged her when she arrived.  They sat down on the couch and relaxed for a while as Emma had a snack and a drink.  They talked about the studio and about San Francisco.  Emma was anxious to get out and explore.  After lunch, they took a walk around the neighborhood and Claudia took her by the studio.  It was a Saturday, so classes weren't in session, but Emma got to see inside the studio.  It was beautiful.  Emma couldn't wait until Monday.

In the evening, they went out to dinner was a few other members of the company and they all seemed super nice.  They offered to help Emma with whatever she needed, knowing she was only 17 and without her family for the first time.

On Sunday, they laid low and did a bus tour.  They relaxed in the evening so they'd be ready to go on Monday.  Class started at 8:30 a.m.  Emma set out her clothes and bag the night before like a little kid before her first day of kindergarten.

When Emma walked into the studio on the first day of class, to say she was intimidated was putting it mildly.  There were tons of experienced dancers who'd been perfecting their craft for years longer that she had.  Who were stronger and more toned and more confident.  Emma knew she was the youngest there and was at the bottom of the chain.

"Stay cool," Claudia whispered to her, and motioned for her to follow.  They went off to the corner of the room so they'd be out of the spotlight and so Emma could watch the other dancers more.  The instructor began class.  They were responsible for stretching themselves before class began.

The warm up was nothing Emma couldn't handle.  The company got right into it, practicing leaps and jetes.  The height some of the dancers were getting was incredible.  Emma found herself just stopping and watching the other dancers in awe.  At ABT, she was a big fish in a little pond, and here she was a minnow in the ocean.

Emma wasn't used to practicing all day long, so by the time 5:00 rolled around, she was exhausted and discouraged.  She didn't feel she'd proven herself very well today.  Emma felt all eyes were on her - what was the new girl like?  Was she a threat?  Most of them had probably written her off.

When they got home, Claudia and Emma immediately iced their feet.  It was kind of funny to compare their nasty feet.  They understood each other's pain.  The heated up some frozen, store-bought lasagna for dinner and paired it up with a salad.  Emma knew she should do some of her online schoolwork, but she was just too exhausted.  She went to bed around 8:00 and fell asleep immediately.

The next day was just as hard as the first.  The instructors expected way more from them and didn't let them slack at all.  At ABT, she was just a kid.  The instructors were a little more forgiving and let them take more breaks.  Here, she was a professional and she was expected to tough it out.

By mid-afternoon her feet were absolutely killing her, but she couldn't show any weakness.  She put every effort into her dancing.  So far, the instructors hadn't picked on her, letting her ease into it a bit.  Emma had a feeling her grace period would be ending soon.

She'd been texting with Lin, Vanessa, and Lexi throughout the week but they hadn't called or FaceTimed.  By Thursday, she was feeling disheartened.  After dinner, she laid on her bed and FaceTimed Lin.  He answered with a big smile on his face.

"Hey, sweetheart!" he greeted her.  "How's San Fran?"

"It's good," she said, glad to see his familiar face.  "I'm exhausted though."

"I'll bet," he said.  "How has class been?"

"Insane," she said.  "The other dancers are, like, really good and I don't stand up next to them."

"Well, you're the youngest one," he reminded her.  "They've had a lot more experience.  You'll catch up."

"Yea, I hope so," she said.  "What's been going on there?"

"Well, we've been trying to potty train Cisco, but it's not going well," he said.  "He's not interested."

Emma chuckled a little, glad she was missing that. 

"Otherwise, same old same old," he said.  "Busy wrangling the little kids."

"I miss them," Emma said.

"They miss you too," Lin told her.  Sebastian especially was missing his oldest sister.  He was having a hard time understanding why she was gone.  "I guess I miss you too."

Emma laughed.  "Of course you do," she said.

"How's rooming with Claudia going?" he asked.

"Good," she said.  "She's pretty low-key.  We take turns making dinner.  I've made Mac & Cheese and spaghetti."

"That's about as far as your repertoire goes, isn't it?"

"I can make cereal," she said.  Lin grinned.

"I'll have to send you a cookbook," he said.  "How's online school?"

Emma sighed.  "Honestly, I haven't even done anything yet this week.  I've been too exhausted in the evenings.  I'll have to have a homework day on Saturday to catch up."

Hopefully it was just a first week thing that she wasn't able to keep up.  Obviously, school had to come first.  Lin knew Emma wouldn't let her school work slip if she could help it.

"Sounds fun," he told her.  "Don't forget to have some down time."

"I'll try," she said.  "Most evenings, I go to bed by 8:00."

"Can you rub that off on Lexi please?" he asked.  "She keeps wanting to stay up until 10."

"Yikes," she said. "Is she doing okay?"

"Yeah," he said.  "In fact she just walked in.  Lex!"

Lexi walked over to the couch, propping her head on Lin's shoulder from behind.  "Hey, sis!"  she waved.

"What's up?" Emma asked.

Lexi shrugged.  "Just living the dream," she said.  "School.  Volleyball.  Laziness."

"Laziness is her specialty," Lin joked and she shoved him playfully.  They looked so cozy together, dressed in their sweats and hoodies.  Emma felt a pang of homesickness.  If she was there, she'd probably be curled up on her bed with her laptop, doing homework in her PJs.

"When are you coming back?" Lexi asked.

"Probably summer," she said.

"That's a long time," Lexi said.

"I know," Emma said.  "I miss you guys."

"You miss Emilia's stinky diapers," Lexi joked, causing Emma to laugh.  "I'll mail you one."

Lin scrunched up his face in disgust.  "Alright, now we're crossing a line.  No mailing shit."

"Lin!!" Lexi admonished her father.  "I'm telling Vanessa."

"No you're not," he said.  "If you do, I'm changing the WiFi password and not telling you."

"Not fair!"

They bantered back and forth for a few more minutes.  Lin walked the phone back to Vanessa, who was reading in her room.  They had a nice conversation for ten minutes or so before they hung up.  She called Lin back to say goodbye, and they all kissed the screen.  They hung up and suddenly Emma was all by herself, a thousand miles away from anyone who loved her.

She sighed and stared up at the ceiling for a moment, then curled onto her side.  She laid there quietly for a few minutes before the tears came.  This was harder than she thought it would be.  Work was hard.  She was lonely and had zero friends and family nearby.

The next day it was Friday, which gave Emma a glimmer of hope.  She could sleep in and rest up over the next two days and get caught up on homework.  She was actually kind of looking forward to doing homework.  It was like her last connection to childhood.  It would be nice sitting in her sweats working, not having to exert physical energy.

After work, she and Claudia picked up Chinese take-out on the way home.  They changed into their PJs and holed up on the couch to watch movies and pig out.  After a day of dancing, they were ravenous.

"So what do you think after your first week?" Claudia asked her roommate as the credits rolled after the first movie.  They were both in food comas from the Chinese.

"It's great," she said and Claudia gave her a suspicious look.  Emma laughed.

"Okay, it's really intense," she admitted.  "I've never worked so hard."

"It can be a gruesome pace," Claudia admitted.  "Going from practicing a few hours a day to eight hours is a big adjustment."

"I'll say," Emma said.  "My whole body hurts."

"You'll get used to it," she said.  "By the end of next week your body will be more used to it."

"Were you still in school when you joined?"

"No," Claudia said.  "And I'm glad I wasn't.  That sounds insane trying to finish high school and work full time."

"It is insane," Emma admitted.  "I've been too tired to do any work this whole week.  I'm gonna have to work my butt off tomorrow."

"Have fun with that," Claudia said, getting up to go grab a drink.  Emma took the opportunity to run to the restroom, then they both sat down on the couch for movie number two.  They both ended up falling asleep on the couch.  When Emma awoke around 11:30, she realized no one was around to carry her to bed.  She kind of wished Lin was here to carry her, but then admonished herself for being so childish.  She sighed and then stood up, stretching, before heading to bed.

Emma slept in, waking up around 10:00.  She had a lazy breakfast before pulling up her laptop and logging into her school website.  The deadline to submit assignments for the week was midnight on Saturday.  She had fifteen assignments to complete.  Emma sighed and pulled up her math assignments, wanting to get the worst out of the way.  She put on some background music and started to work.

She stopped for lunch around 1:30 and had gotten through all her math.  It was a relief to get that out of the way.  She put on some flip flops and took a stroll around the block for a stretch.  Online school was a bit more challenging than she thought.  It wasn't always easy to get help if you didn't understand something.

Emma worked all afternoon and started getting stressed around 11:00 when she still had three assignments left to do.  She had never turned in a late assignment before, without some excuse from a parent about extenuating circumstances.  There were none.  She just hadn't gotten to them during the week.  When midnight rolled around, she had two assignments she hadn't gotten to.  They were marked as zeroes.  Emma was incredibly frustrated.

She slammed her laptop closed and collapsed onto her bed, putting her arm over her eyes.  She let herself cry a little bit.  This was going to be hard.

In the morning she woke around 10:00 again.  After breakfast, she FaceTimed Lin again.  This time, the picture was moving around considerably, so she knew either Sebastian or Cisco had it.  It was Sebastian.

"Emma!!" he screeched, and he was finally able to hold the phone so she could see his face.  She almost started crying at the sight of him.  Emma missed him so much.

"Sebby!!" she smiled widely.  "How are you doing bud?"

"Uh...okay.  When are you coming back?"

"Not for a while.  I'm busy dancing.  What have you been doing this week?"

Sebastian started a monologue of things he'd done during the week, including events at preschool, going to the park, starting karate, and how many times he'd pooped in the toilet.  Emma gladly listened.  She asked him to show him Cisco and Emilia, so he walked through the apartment and basically stuck the phone in their faces.

"Be gentle, Sebastian," Emma reminded him gently.  Soon, he passed the phone to Lin.

"Has your ear been talked off?" he asked her, smiling.

"Just about," she said.  "I'll mail you my ear Van Gogh style."

Lin laughed.  "How's your weekend been?"

She breathed out through her mouth.  "It hasn't been much of a weekend.  I literally spent all day yesterday doing homework.  I didn't get two assignments done on time."

That was highly unusual for Emma.  She must be really busy.

"Wow," he said.  "Do you think it'll be easier to organize your time next week?"

"Hopefully," she said.  "Claudia said after the second week your body gets more used to the pace.  My body is still aching."

"Have you taken some nice hot baths?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said.  "Every night.  It helps.  I wish Vanessa was here to give me a massage."

"Well, you make your own money now," he pointed out.  "You could go get a professional massage."

"True," she said, and she looked down and got quiet.  Lin could tell she wanted to ask him something.

"What is it sweetheart?"

"Umm...I know I've only been out here for a week, but..." she paused.  "Could you or Vanessa come visit me soon?"

Lin chuckled.  "Are you already getting lonely?"

"I'm a little homesick," she admitted.

"I thought you might," he said.  "It's hard for us to get away with four kids."

"But you can ask Abuelo and Abuela to come help.  They love to help."

"Yes, they'd help, I know," he said.  "Do you think it might be a good idea to tough it out for a month or so?  To get used to your independence?"

"No," she said.  "I need a visitor."

Lin sighed a little.  "V and I will take a look at our schedules and see what we can do," he said.  Emma smiled at the prospect of having Lin or Vanessa with her for a while.  It would be nice to be taken care of a little bit.  That was the thing about being grown up - you had to do everything for yourself.  Needed clean clothes?  You had to wash them yourself.  Wanted to eat?  You had to make yourself something.  Emma realized how much she took for granted, being a kid.  Lin and Vanessa were always there to do things for her.

___

On Monday, the honeymoon period was apparently over.  The instructors were all over her about her form.  If she wasn't perfect, they made her do it over.  Emma felt humiliated as she kept getting singled out again and again.  It seemed like she could do nothing right.  When they broke for lunch, Emma went to the bathroom and closed herself up in a stall and cried.  Had this been a huge mistake?  What would happen if she just decided to move back home?

She was by herself for quite a while, but then the door swung open and someone else walked in.  Emma forced herself to stop crying. She waited until the other person had left, then blew her nose with some toilet paper.  She splashed some water over her face and gently patted it dry.  Emma studied herself in the mirror.  She looked stressed.  Tense.  She wondered what the afternoon might bring.  Would the teachers single her out again?

They did.  There was a different instructor in the afternoon, but it was the same thing.  Tiny things she never would have thought about being wrong.  Emma felt on the verge of tears several times, but bit the inside of her cheek.  She couldn't cry in front of all these people.  They would never take her seriously.  She wondered if they'd all been initiated by fire like this.  Was this normal, or did she just suck?

When she was done for the day, she locked herself in her room and called Vanessa.  No FaceTime this time because Vanessa didn't need to see her bawling.

"Hi Emma," Vanessa answered in her kind voice.

"Vanessa!" she sobbed into the phone, glad she could finally let her emotions out.  Emma knew she could cry in front of Vanessa or Lin.  They were safe.

"Sweetheart, what's the matter?"

"I'm so bad!" she confessed.  "The instructors were all over me and they were calling me out for everything.  I was so humiliated.  Why did I ever think I could do this?!"

"Take some deep breaths first," she told her daughter calmly.  "Lay down and grab something to hug.  Just breathe."

Emma struggled to get herself together.  After a minute or so, she was semi-composed. "Emma, you need to remember you are 17 years old and you are the youngest person there.  They have been professionals for years and this is your second week.  Of course you're gonna have a lot of work to do."

"But why do they have to keep picking on me?" she cried a little.

"Well, they have a reputation to uphold.  They need their dancers to be top notch.  This is a professional company so they have very high standards."

"And I'm not cutting it right now," she said tearfully.

"Right now," Vanessa pointed out.  "Quit being so hard on yourself.  Give yourself some time. You'll start to pick things up."

Vanessa continued to talk to her and reassure her.  She had such high standards for herself and couldn't stand to be less than the best.  In a company of professionals, she was likely the least skilled.  Emma needed to realize that was okay.  She had time to build up her skills.  No one expected her to be principal ballerina in the first year she was there.

Emma tried to toughen up.  Vanessa was right - did she think she'd be perfect the first couple weeks there?  These were experienced professionals.  She was just a kid thrown into the world of professional ballet.  Emma tried to cut herself a little slack, but not too much.  The instructors certainly weren't.

She was able to get a little school work done during the week.  One assignment a night made Saturday a little easier.  She finished around 8:00 on Saturday night and was able to relax and watch a movie.

___

Somehow, Emma made it through a whole month at SFB.  By the time it rolled around, her body was feeling better.  Stronger.  It had become used to the daily battering it got at the studio.  She was able to get a couple homework assignments done a night, so her Saturday were starting to become more relaxing.

One Thursday evening, Claudia came out of her room squealing with her phone in her hand.

"What is it?!" Emma asked excitedly.  They'd become friends in the last month.  At least, she thought they were.  Claudia was kind of like a big sister.

"I got a spot at the Boston Ballet!" she said excitedly, jumping up and down.  Emma's mouth gaped.  That was one of the top companies in the country.  She hadn't even known Claudia had been auditioning.

"That's great!" she said, though her voice betrayed her.  What was going to happen to her now?  Her roommate was moving out?  She'd be all alone.  "When do you leave?"

"Next week," she said, her thumbs flying on her phone.

"Wow," Emma said.  "That's fast."

"Kind of, but I'm flexible," she said.  "It's not like I own a house or have kids or anything.  Oh my gosh, I can't believe this is happening!"

Emma tried to act happy about it, but she was scared.  The only way she'd stayed sane was having Claudia at home with her.  Now she'd be coming home to an empty apartment.  It had already been an adjustment just having Claudia as a roommate.  She was used to a boisterous household with four siblings.  The silence was painful.

Claudia disappeared into her room to call her family and friends, so Emma turned on the TV, thinking about what she was going to do.  If Claudia was leaving, that would mean the company would have another opening.  Maybe the new person would want a roommate too.  But who knew what she'd be like?  Emma felt she'd lucked out with Claudia.  Ballerinas had a reputation for being prima donnas and somewhat self-centered.  Did she want to chance that?

Emma tried to focus on her homework.  Besides her two zeroes the first week of school, she was pulling straight A's, just like usual.  At least that was the same.  She had a glimmer of hope the next day.  Lin would visit her in two weeks.  He would stay for a whole week.  His parents were going to stay with Vanessa and the other kids to help out.

Emma used his visit as something to look forward to.  She helped Claudia move out the following weekend.  They hugged and promised to stay in touch on Twitter.  Once she had left, Emma plopped down on the couch and felt more alone than she ever had before.