Me, huggin and protecting her: "LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN!"

"F*CK YALL, F*CK YALL, F*CK YALL-"

"GET OUT!"

(Another one)

*ahem*

Me, with a metal pipe: "ATTENTION, EVERYONE. WHOEVER DECIDED TO LAY HANDS ON MY FRIEND PLEASE COME OUTSIDE SO I MAY PEACEFULLY BREAK YOUR NECK-"