Every step away from her felt like a blister on his soul. Yet Nakul trudged forward numbly. He could feel the eyes of every dasi on himself as he walked. Part of him wanted to snap at them- don't look at me like I committed a crime- but he only felt bone deep weariness. Even a gruelling day in the combat barracks didn't leave him this tired-raw-aching.

He quickly entered Anvi's room, away from prying eyes. The room as always was embellished in a plethora of various flowers. Everyday his daughter would ask for different flowers to be put in the crystal vases, none too strongly scented. He could remember the day he asked her why she avoided flowers like tuberose, jasmine. She had frowned disapprovingly for not knowing such an important thing, almost a mirrior of his wife and told him how her mother wasn't fond of them. His heart had warmed at the observation and empathy his daughter possessed at such a tender age.

Gods, when was the last time he had kept foot in his daughter's room? Nakul tried to scramble up the information from his brain but came up with a blank. The last time he spent an afternoon with Anvi was perhaps a week or more ago. He was teaching her cartography that day. His daughter had been keen eyed- intelligent- so eager to learn just like Mohini and-

Nakul palmed his chest. Why did he hurt so much when all he had done was defend himself? He swiped at his eyes to remove the bluriness. Trapped in his tired physique was his restless soul that craved for something he was in denial of.

"Bhrata, you never grew out of your tendency to immerse yourself in emotions," he could heard Deva saying to him. "Guru Dronacharya always warned you about it. You learned to keep a straight head in battle but you still fail to do so in the battles of your life."

His eyes fell on the swing. He sat down on it, traced the chain with his fingers. It was her idea. His wife always wanted a swing in her room as a child so Anvi should have one now. He had immediately wanted to get another put in Abhijishya's room but she had disagreed, joked that she would trip over it in the dark too many times. Nakul hadn't argued. He didn't when he saw a strange look his wife's eyes- the one that came over whenever she spoke about her Before. Her Before was before she arrived in Aryavarta, away from everything she knew. That look always was mixed in nostalgia, reminiscence and so much sadness that Nakul never had enough courage to ask of her more than she was willing to divulge. Some phantom pains always remained afterall. He knew of those.

He rested his feet on the marble as he swang gently on the swing. The rhythmic sound of the metal clasp catching on the hook served as an anchor as Abhijishya's face kept coming up in his mind. He could see her features darken with fury while her eyes held oceans of hurt because of him. Everything could be avoided if she would just once listen to him without question. Why couldn't she trust him? He sighed, his ire blooming once again.

"Pitashree? Is something the matter?" Nakul blinked up to find Anvi standing before him. She had changed her previous clothes to lotus pink garments which went beautifully with the pearls she adorned. Only her hair was dripping wet. He got up immediately, took the towel from her hands with which she was inefficiently patting her hair.

"Well I thought you might like some company while you bargained for more coconut laddoos from the chef so here I am," Nakul answered humourously even though his tone felt a little flat to himself. Anvi gave him a scrutinising glance to which he gave his best innocent look.

"Maa sent you away, didn't she?" She demanded and his shoulders drooped a bit.

"She did," Nakul admitted knowing there was no use lying to his daughter. Anvi sniffled a little, disappointment colouring her features which caused his insides to ache. He held her small hand in his and gently guided her towards the seetee.

"Sit down and let me dry your hair. Or else you'll catch a cold," Nakul said softly. Unknown to Anvi, he searched for some articulated meaningful words to wipe away that expression from his daughter's face.

Anvi did as instructed, unusually quiet for her chatty nature. Nakul took this time to wrap the towel around her hair and twist it to squeeze away the excess water. He carefully rubbed her head, undoing tangles whenever he felt one. He was so absorbed in the intricacy of this simple task that he almost missed Anvi's words.

Confused, he kept the towel aside and nudged her to face him. "Parden me, but I couldn't hear what you were saying earlier. Could you please repeat?"

Anvi twiddled her thumbs, uncertainty clear in her face before she balled her fists and took a deep breath. Defiance in her eyes and determination set in her jaw, he saw Abhijishya in his daughter. He saw Abhijishya in how Anvi straightened her shoulders to hide the small tremor of fear-insecurity-uncertainty. Nakul's chest tightened and he had to stop himself from crying then. How blind he was to not see that Abhijishya in her anger was made part from fear?

"Do you truly wish Maa was more like Jyesth Mata?" came her words and Anvi resolutely looked into his eyes. Nakul felt ashamed of himself. He could see Abhijishya, her chest heaving as she tried not to sob hard. She had appeared defeated then. And now all Nakul wanted was to hide away from those innocent doe eyes. But he prevailed. He had hurt the other half of his soul but he wouldn't do the same to the one who resided in his heart.

"No," there was no hesitance. "No, in a million years no. If she were anything less than who she is, I wouldn't have loved her like I do," Nakul replied, his eyes misty and his lips carrying a helpless smile.

"Then why?" Anvi asked torn between imploring and demanding.

That was the question, wasn't it?

Why did he say so when in his heart he knew he wanted his Mohini just like she is?

Why did he hurt her so terribly?

Why is he hurting in turn?

"I- I," Nakul stuttered.

"This is a serious situation, my friend. Rajkumari shouldn't be involved in this after all that happened..." Nakul had stared astonished at his friend before disagreeing.

"If Abhijishya looks out for me, I can be reassured that I won't have to worry on this front," he had replied.

Atulya had grimaced. "That is the problem. Rajkumari is too good. She would bear all the ire of our enemies who are behind opium smuggling and who knows what more crimes if she remains at the helm of reconstruction and investigation."

"Bhratashree?" Nakul had looked at Bheem for guidance who returned a solemn smile. "My little sister is very brave, intelligent and fiercely independent. She would want to do it her way. The last time..."

Everyone knew what happened last time.

Vasudha, that viper in the skin of a woman had come to get revenge.

All Nakul could see the spoon hovering with poisoned kheer a millimetre away from Abhijishya's lips.

"You are right. I'll find a way that she stays out of this," his throat had been dry.

Why did he feel angry then?

"What?" Nakul had thundered on the shocked captain. "And you left her there!"

The Captain of the cavalry had bowed his head, "You precisely ordered us to priortise the capture of any suspicious person. We were chasing Ahim-"

"And he still escaped," Nakul had pinched the bridge of his nose. "You are demoted from your rank till you write down the rulebook of our army three times. Rule 6 dictates soldiers are to protect the civilians. Rule 9 dictates evacuation of any hostage takes priority. Rule 12 dictates aid to an injured civilian or make sure they have been sent to a safe place where they can recieve aid. Now dismissed.

"You cannot go," Sahadev had said, apologetically. "We need you to handle this."

"I know. I have this under control," Nakul had said resolutely.

He didn't.

Why then...

Abhijishya's defiance fanned the flames of his self blame and his failure.

"Do you think Rajkumar Arjun would have done better?" Nakul walked like he didn't see the expectations of every man under his command.

"Bhrata, what would you have done?" Nakul had asked to the great expanse of stars. 'When will you return? Haven't we waited enough?'

Abhijishya with her strength to hold up the sky and determination to shoulder the entire world made his knees buckle. She didn't trust him to be able to deal with this matter alone. It grated on his self confidence.

Why didn't she trust him?

"Why did you say it then, Pitashree?" Anvi gripped his arm, distress ringing in her tone. Nakul drew his daughter towards his chest reflexively. Caressing her head, both comforting himself and her, he said for a lack of better reply, "I did not mean anything by them."

And his daughter, Anvi possessed kindness so massive that Ksheer Sagar would fall short in holding all of it. She hugged him back tightly, "Sometimes we say things we do not truly mean in anger but once we are able to think clearly, we must accept our mistake and apologise. Jyesth Tatashree says so."

Nakul bent to kiss his daughter's hair. "Yes," he let out a choked laugh, his eyes shiny and chest expanded twice from pride. "Yes, you and Jyesth are absolutely right."

Anvi pulled away a little to look up at her father's face. "Can we have food in Maa's room then?"

Nakul smiled and nodded. But how would he apologise?

Anvi, so young, held onto his hand and interlaced their fingers. She guided him like he once guided her to stand, take step after step.

"Come fast Pitashree. I am rather hungry. I bet Maa is too," she tugged him, smiling widely and Nakul let out a breathless laugh.

"Yes, my Rajkumari," he grinned. Asking a maid to bring them some snacks to Abhijishya's room, both father and daughter walked towards their destination.

The doors were parted slightly. Nakul took a deep breath feeling nervous. Anvi quirked her eyebrow then yanked him inside.

There sat Abhijishya on her bed sewing something. Her eyes were trained on the garment as her skilled fingers swiftly made patterns on the cotton cloth.

"Maa," Anvi then nudged him. They approached Abhijishya who glanced up from her work and greeted them with a smile. He could see how warmly she looked at their daughter before her expression frosted over when she glanced at him.

Nakul faltered. The explanations he had organised in his mind seemed ineffecient and worthless. But Anvi held on firmly and he stayed.

"Didn't I tell you to get some snacks from the kitchen?" Abhijishya chided. "Staying on a empty stomach for so long is not good for your health."

Anvi smiled sheepishly, "But I wanted us to eat together, Maa. Don't you want to as well?" She pouted.

Abhijishya spared him a brief glance then chuckled. "Ofcourse dear. Did you ask for anyone to bring something to eat or should I ask Reva?"

"Pitashree did," with that Anvi pushed him to sit down infront of her mother, her eyes twinkling with mischief. Then she gasped loudly, "I forgot to ask for some coconut laddoos. I must go, Maa or else Tatshree Bheem will eat them."

Nakul watched unimpressed as Anvi ran away after making a flimsy excuse.

"Don't run down the stairs," Abhijishya yelled then shook her head muttering, "This girl... she thinks she is too smart and I won't know what she is upto."

As soon as Anvi was out of sight, Nakul itched to call her back. He saw Abhijishya go back to sewing, her movements stiff and he floundered to find something to say.

"I didn't expect you to fall so low as bringing Anvi into this. Isn't it enough that she had to overhear our argument?" Abhijishya hissed, her fingers gripping the needle hard.

"I didn't bring her into anything," Nakul frowned before sighing. "Look, I know you are angry and I know I said some things but-"

Snap. The thread broke at Abhijishya's jerky movement and Nakul clamped his mouth shut. She was furious.

"Are you listening to youself?" Abhijishya kept her voice level. "Do not patronize me. If you feel like you have something to apologise for then do so when or if you feel any repentance. You do not need to appease me such. Despite my personal feelings, I am capable of being civil. So don't- don't patronize me if you have a spec of respect for me."

"I apologise," Nakul let out a shaky sigh. "I have been saying things the wrong way which I know is not an excuse. I do have utmost respect for you and I hope you believe me when I say so."

"It does not seem like you do," Abhijishya mumbled glancing down at the now unfinished embroidery and broken thread.

Nakul rubbed his face feeling feeble all of a sudden. The couple draped themselves in silence individually- Nakul not wanting to make things worse and Abhijishya taking Nakul's silence as his affirmation that she was right.

Anvi came in, balancing a big plate ladened with sweets, dates, various nuts and dried fruits. "Maa, look I brought your favourite spongy roshogolla and Pitashree, I brought cashew nuts and dates for you."

"Anvi," Nakul, silently grateful for her arrival, got up and took the plate from her, not before giving her a look of exasperation. "Why didn't you ask someone to help you bring this plate? It is quite heavy."

"I am not a small girl, Pitashree," Anvi rolled her eyes and Abhijishya couldn't help the amused smile from gracing her lips. Some of her mannerisms were a mirror of her husband's. It never ceased to evoke fondness from her heart.

"You are still tiny," Nakul wrapped his left arm around Anvi's waist and hefted her up while balancing the plate on his right hand. Anvi shrieked, giggled and flayed her limbs around in the air.

"Noooo, Pitashree. Put me down," Anvi protested while grinning.

"You seem to be enjoying this too much for someone who wants to be put down," Abhijishya added, unconsciously coming closer to the pair, taking the plate from Nakul and placing it down on the table.

Nakul laughed. "Admit it, Anvi. You are still your Pita's little Rajkumari or I won't put you down."

"I am not," Anvi stuck out her tongue while putting her arms around Nakul's neck and hooking her feet together around his waist.

"Says the limpet clinging to her father like a small moneky," Abhijishya teased.

Anvi gasped. "Pitashree! Maa called your Rajkumari a monkey."

"Did she now? What punishment does she deserve?" Nakul poked his daughter's nose.

Anvi scrunched her nose and pretended to think. "She is never allowed to be upset with you."

"Anvi..." Abhijishya whispered feeling helpless. Anvi slowly came down from Nakul's hold and then glared at Nakul, "And you are not allowed to make her upset."

"Daughter..." Nakul's heart twisted painfully.

"No," Anvi stepped back then said harshly, "I again heard the servants and maids talking in the kitchen. Everyone says you don't love Maa anymore. They are saying-" her breath hitched as tears poured down her eyes. "They are saying Maa is now an old article for you. You have lost interest."

"Never," Nakul gasped out. "No," he pulled Anvi towards him and uncaring of Abhijishya's reaction drew her into his embrace too. He felt her vaguely stiffen but then hold him and Anvi back with equal vigour. "I swear to you, Anvi. I swear to you that I love you and your mother more than my own life, more than anything in this creation." He pulled away a little, needing to look at both his precious people, "Your mother is the air I breathe, Anvi and you are the lungs through which I breathe. Without you both, my existence is nothing."

Anvi broke into sobs clinging to her father and mother. "I heard-" she stuttered. "I heard- you both fighting- I was afraid- you leave us."

"Shh," Abhijishya rubbed Anvi's back. "Shhh, we are alright, Anvi. You don't have to be afraid about anything.

"Yes, dear. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise," Nakul said strongly while he wiped away his daughter's tears. "No matter what, no matter the differences, I will always find my way back to your mother." He gazed at Abhijishya.

His wife gazed back at him with something unreadable in her eyes but also reciprocating his resolution. "And I will too. No matter what, I will always find my way back to your father."

Anvi nodded, finally reassured feeling the echoing, ever encompassing protection-safety-love of her parents and smiled. "I will be there to always remind you both."

"I know," Nakul whisperer, caressing his daughter's head. "We know."

Anvi's stomach now made it's presence known having gone too long without a meal.

Abhijishya tsked and ushered her to sit down. "See, I told you to eat something but you didn't listen. Now you have awakened the demon of your tummy."

Anvi huffed. "I am not Vindu, Maa. I know that the sound is caused by the movement of digestive juices and air in my stomach."

"Will you look at that?" Nakul nudged Abhijishya then picked up a date from the plate. "Our daughter is so knowledgeable already."

"Yes, she is," Abhijishya kissed Anvi's cheek. Anvi grinned and accepted the date from her father. Chewing, she urged her parents to eat as well.

The three ate from the same plate, the food satisfying their stomach and the love satisfying their heart.

˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚˙༓࿇༓˙˚

Later that night after Anvi had gone to sleep, Nakul found Abhijishya lost in thought, sitting before a lit earthen lamp with the cloth she had been sewing in her lap.

Wordlessly, he sat down opposite to her and took the cloth in his hands.

"The embroidery is ruined," she commented flatly.

Nakul hummed. The thread was frayed at the edge where it was broken leaving an unfinished replica of horse on the cloth.

"No, not if I do this," he said softly. He tugged the thread backwards, undoing two stitches and carefully tied a knot. "There. Now the loose end has been tied up. You just have to thread a needle and continue your design."

"Is it so simple?" Abhijishya asked, her tone heated. "Is everything so simple to you? What about the knots at the back of the cloth? They might not be visible to the eyes but they are there. We both cannot ignore there existence."

Nakul sighed and closed his eyes. "No, we cannot. But we can acknowledge them and choose to move forward while continuing with the task. It is the finishing that matters."

Abhijishya huffed out a mirthless laugh. "To the eyes that look at it from the outside, it makes no difference. But the one wearing this cloth will always feel discomfort from it."

"The discomfort will fall short when the wearer feels the warmth of this cloth and after being habituated, the wearer won't even remember having ever felt discomfort," Nakul replied, tracing the stitches.

"Perhaps," she gave him a half smile begrudgingly. "I never knew you were skilled in this art." She chuckled much to Nakul's confusion.

"What is there to laugh at this?" Nakul rolled his eyes. "It is not like Guru Dronacharya would have asked his wife to sew our torn garments whenever we got in a scuffle in Gurukul. So, yes all of us brothers know how to sew."

"No, no, I am not laughing at you," Abhijishya shook her head. "It is just that you too are adept in this art which Jyesth Mata Gandhari had taught me years ago."

"Jyesth Mata Gandhari?" Nakul asked now curious. "You never told me this."

His wife only smiled mysteriously. "This is the art of the Palace women, Arya. You wouldn't know. Although..." she trailed off looking thoughtful and broke out into laughter. "On a second thought it is hilarious to imagine you all struggling to patch your dhotis for the first time."

Nakul snorted, nodding his head. "That it was. You should have seen us walking around with barely patched dhotis. Jyesth was surprisingly good at it and Guruji had to intervene because none of us would stop begging him to fix our clothes. Even Bhrata Suyodhana went to Jyesth, red faced asking him to show him how to stitch as he always got his threads tangled. It was so simple then." He sighed.

Abhijishya got up, placed aside the cloth and started putting out earthen lamps. Turning to him, she said rather kindly, "Come to sleep."

She didn't wait and laid down on the bed turning to the side, facing away from him.

Nakul rested his back on the bed soon after. He didn't complain at her action. Her ire was justified and deep in his heart, he too was raw from the happenings of the day.

Explanations, apologies and questions would have to wait. Afterall, it wasn't like they were going anywhere and even if they did, they would always find their way to each other.

A.N. - Couldn't leave you hanging with the previous chapter now, could I? 🙃

So lemme know what did you think of Nakul's thoughts and reasonings.

Plus I put in some fluff family moments. What do you think of those?

Vote if you liked this chapter.

Until the next time,

Byeee ;")

P.S. I think the music video I put in the media fits the initial part of this chapter. (I was listening to that while writing from Nakul p.o.v)

P.S.S. This chapter was 3500+ words. 🤯