You're at home now, dressed in your comfy, pink pajamas while making dinner for yourself.

You can't help but keep your blinds open tonight. The sky looks beautiful. The stars are out tonight and shining brighter than usual. The moon isn't a normal moon tonight, it's the rare pink moon that stands out in the sky.

It's like something out of a movie. Something that is nearly too pretty to be real.

You feel warmth in your body as the oven bakes your meal. You have a scrumptious lasagna baking in the oven. The smell of it only brings you more comfort combined with the feeling of the warm oven radiating onto your legs as you stare at the moon through your window. You run your tongue along your lips, your stomach practically begging for the food to be ready now. Placing a hand on your stomach, you attempt to silence the cries for food as you look up at the moon.

How often do you get to see a moon like this?

You bite onto your lower lip for a moment before your eyes shift to the sudden movement in the peripherals of your vision.

There's the back of Jimin's head, facing you while he sits on one of the chairs in his living room.

He's scrolling through his phone as The Notebook plays on the television. Thinking nothing of it, you try to pry your eyes away from the view of Jimin's new haircut.

Focus on the moon, not Jimin.

You bite onto your lower lip as you close your eyes for a moment, trying to think that you made the right decision when you ended things. You knew that if you had stayed in that relationship, you would feel suffocated and that Jimin would become more and more dependent on you and you would be his only source of happiness, and him yours.

You remember the Jungkook fight, the anxiety that coursed through your veins when you were at the surprise family dinner, the baby conversation, the feeling of being a disappointment when you didn't know it was an anniversary with Jimin, and lastly, the Sowon situation.

Nodding your head, you reopen your eyes and ignore his presence, looking at the moon.

I need to get better. I need to be healthy. I need to be happy on my own before I can make someone else happy.

You try to remind yourself of this. You hate thinking this way, but you know it's true. If Jimin had continued spoiling and rushing you the way he did, you would've hurt him even more.

What if Jimin randomly proposed? With the random ideas of speeding the relationship up with the baby conversation and the random first meeting with his parents, you wouldn't have been surprised if this had happened.

Would you have said yes? Possibly.

Would you have regretted it at some point? Yes, because you're not ready.

You're not the best version of yourself right now. The last thing you want is to give anyone, especially Jimin, less than your best. You don't want to give Jimin the shattered pieces of you. You don't want to give Jimin the jealousy, insecurity, and the other ugly sides that lie deep inside.

You know it's inevitable that he sees these things and that you can't be fully healed.

You just don't want to be in the mental state you're in right now. Jimin's not even your boyfriend and you're already questioning if he has a girlfriend and you're bitter about it.

That's not normal.

You're staring at the moon again, eyes watering. You didn't know you were getting this emotional while staring at something as simple as the moon.

Placing a gentle hand beneath your eye, you catch the tear that was on the verge of falling, whisking it away gently as you sigh.

I miss you.

You look towards Jimin's back. He's slouched over, elbows resting on his knees as he holds his phone in front of his face.

You wipe the remaining tears from your eyes as you try to clear your vision. With the tears gone, it's a little easier to see the screen.

It's the photo of you and Jimin during your first breakfast date.

Your breath catches in your throat as you watch his thumb reaching for the trash bin icon, indicating that he's going to delete it. His thumb pauses as he merely hovers it over the button, slightly waving his thumb up and down as he stares at the picture.

He shifts to the side a little, giving you a better view of his face as you see the emotion in his face.

The longing, the sadness, the void. You see it. All of it.

It hurts you seeing him hurt.

You continue to hold your breath, your heart ready to shatter to pieces as he contemplates removing one of your favorite memories with him from his phone.

If he deletes it, I can still relive that memory in my mind. It won't be totally gone.

You watch as he continues to hesitate for a few seconds longer before he shakes his head, reaching one hand up to comb his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends.

You watch as he mumbles something before exiting the Photos app, closing it.

You release the breath you were holding.

Almost as if it was fate, your oven timer goes off, causing you to turn your head towards the oven. Nodding your head slowly, you grab the oven mitts from the kitchen countertop, placing them on your hands as you start removing the delicious-smelling meal from the oven.

The heat radiates on your face now as you carefully slide the pan out of the oven before gently placing it on your stove, shutting the oven door with your foot. The metal pan makes a noise against your stovetop as you sigh softly, removing the gloves from your hands, wiping the few beads of sweat that formed on your forehead from feeling the heat so closely to your body.

Grabbing a kitchen tool, you start cutting the lasagna into about six squares, scooping one square onto your plate as you dig a fork into the meal.

Your attention has fully drifted from Jimin.

His, however, is now drawn to you.

He's watching you without you knowing. He watches as you eat messily, the red sauce getting on the corner of your mouth, the flimsy bun sitting on top of your head flopping about as you chew, the way your mouth opens really wide while you eat.

He watches and he smiles.

You're still stuffing your face with food while Jimin merely laughs to himself as he stares over at you.

Feeling someone staring at you, you lift your head and turn your head towards Jimin's window, mouth still filled with lasagna as you widen your eyes. Your cheeks are puffed out, filled with the food as you turn to face his window.

No one's there.

You furrow your eyebrows before you shrug your shoulders.

Probably went to bed.

You continue eating and turn your attention to your television to watch the news.

________________________________________________________________________________

After finishing your meal, you're washing the dishes and are drawn to the moon again.

You're staring up at the moon.

Fuck it, I'm gonna paint.

You walk out of the kitchen and grab a paintbrush, a paint palette, and a mini canvas. Perching your stand in the living room, you start to set up the canvas onto the stand and stare out your window near the front door.

You're painting, occasionally glancing at the canvas as you match the color and shape of the moon while softly smiling to yourself. Your paintbrush seems to move on its own as you trace the bristles onto the canvas, biting onto your lower lip in total concentration.

A vision forms in your head and you start to paint a small figure staring up at the moon while sitting down on the grass. You don't know why you feel the inspiration to paint this, but you go with it, trusting your gut.

By the time you finish, the moon is large and bright on your canvas, matching the aura of it in real life. The body is small, illuminated by the light of the moon.

I was really inspired today, huh?

You sigh softly before wiping the sweat from your forehead momentarily before glancing over at Jimin's home.

He's still watching his television, his phone now set on the coffee table in front of him. His head is a little tilted to the side as he leans onto his own shoulder.

You softly smile to yourself.

He always sleeps like that.

You press your lips together momentarily while staring over at him.

I know you've moved on, but I'm still healing. I'll get better one day, I promise.

You watch as Jimin allows his body to fold up on his couch, legs perching themselves on the couch cushion. His lips have a small pout to them as his eyes remain closed. His hair is now messy and he's still in his work clothes which are bound to be wrinkled by the time he woke up.

Thank you for that.

You look nice today.

You shake your head as you turn away from the window, putting the canvas onto your dining table to dry.

Your phone beeps from the other side of the room, causing you to furrow your eyebrows. Sighing, you scoot the painting onto the center of the table to allow it to dry without being at risk of falling.

"Jimin?" your eyes widen as you see his name appearing on your phone screen.

Jimin: I miss you.

Your heart speeds up momentarily while you stare down at the text message.

Your eyes drift up and you look over at the couch, expecting to see Jimin's body lying on the couch or him standing at his window, staring at you.

You're, instead, greeted by an empty living room, the lights off, and no Jimin in sight.

The only thing you're able to see is the bottle of soju lying on his coffee table.

Your heart sinks to your stomach.

I miss you too. I'm trying to heal, but I'm still not fully done yet.

***********
Happy double update day! I decided to do an extra update today to celebrate 200k reads on this story!

I forgot to mention the situation going on with Yemen. I don't really know the details but I do know that conditions there right now are not the best. All that I've heard is that there's bombing of houses, schools, mosques and hospitals, there's famine, and the coronavirus isn't helping the conditions in Yemen. I know there's probably more things that I'm just not personally aware of, but these are a few things I've seen on social media. Not many news stations are reporting about this, which is sad, but not surprising. If anyone knows any more about the situation in Yemen and ways to help, please leave a comment here to inform everyone.

On lighter notes, Voyeurism is only about 2 weeks away from being finished! The bonus chapter will be posted on August 7. As I've mentioned, on the last week of updates (August 3-August 7) will be a daily update week! I'll be uploading one chapter during those 5 days consecutively!

I'm currently working on Chapter 33 of Chef's Kiss and I've been using all of your name suggestions in the chapters!

I understand my online class a little better. I think because my class is a night class and I'm a morning person, it makes it a little more difficult to understand the material some days. However, I recently got extra credit in that class and I'm currently over 100% in the class right now. (We'll see how long that lasts though bc my first exam is a week from today).

I love all of you. I hope this double update makes your days better.

Kim 💗💗💗