Captain Prik and Spork have been captured and assimilated by the Rodent Empire. For the moment, they are being held in a cell for close observation until they are assigned to work as drones for the Squirrels. The crew of the B.S.S.S Venture can only wait in the docking bay of the Mother Ship until word comes from their captain. Prik and Spork are just beginning to wake up from a deep sleep only to find themselves as squirrels...

"I'm a squirrel!" shrieks Prik as he looks at himself in the mirror. He gingerly touches the spot between his ears where his beautifully kept hair should be.

"So we are," says Spork as he too looks at himself. "Fascinating."

"Fascinating?! How can you say 'fascinating' at a time like this?!"

"Quite easily, Captain," Squirrel-Spork responds. "I just open my mouth and..."

"Spork!" squeaks Prik.

"Yes, Captain?"

There is a lengthy pause. "I have a tail."

"So I see."

Captain Prik stares at his First Officer with beady black eyes, suddenly hit with one of his rare thoughts. "Spork, those furry squirrel ears do not become you." Spork doesn't acknowledge the comment. "However, the teeth give you character." Spork's tail twitches. "And the brown fur brings out the color of your eyes."

The squirrel serum must have altered Spork in some way, for he is unable to contain his anger. He throws himself on his captain. Prik does a pointless shoulder role—something he finds more difficult than expected to do in an anatomically correct squirrel suit—and finds himself face-to-face with an enraged Spork. "Spork! It's the squirrel serum... that's what's doing this to you. Anger is the only thing that can clear your mind. I once saw somewhere that getting people mad makes mind-controlling stuff wear off! Fight the voices of the squirrels, Spork! It is the only way!"

Spork collapses onto the ground, breathing heavily. "You didn't mean all those things you said, did you, Captain? That the teeth give me character?"

"Vulcan ears are enough to give anyone character, but I couldn't say the same about these the squirrel ears," Prik replies as he helps Spork to his feet. "But, Spork, I didn't think you cared."

"Why, Captain, I do have a human side."

"That you do, Spork. That you do."

There is as long, awkward silence. "Why don't we attempt an escape now, Captain, while we have the chance. Our minds might yet become tainted by the voices of the Squirrel Collective again."

"Quite right. But what do we do?"

Spork thinks for a moment, knowing that such meaningful neural processes were well beyond Prik's capacity. "Well, Captain, from what I've seen, these squirrel people seem to run more off of instinct than reasoning ability, like rodents versus primates. However, they do seem to have some logical ability. Perhaps this can be used to our advantage."

"Logic! I should have known." Prik pauses. "But how, Spork? There are so many of them, and so few of us!"

"We can start by testing my theory on our guards." Spork gets as close to the force field barrier keeping them in their cell as he can without touching it. "Excuse me! Guards!" he yells. "Would you mind coming over here for a moment?"

The guards make no move.

"Here, let me try, Spork." Captain Prik takes over. "Yo! Guards! I've got some intel for you that your Queen might be, let us say, happy to hear. If you'd just step over here for a moment, I... might be able to give you a message to take to Her Royal 'Hi'-ness," Prik says with an Italian thug accent, and a smirk at the "hi"-ness remark that is only noticeable in its written form, though this doesn't occur to him, as usual.

"Captain, where did you learn to speak like that?" Spork asks with interest.

"I saw it in an old movie from Earth. The 'Grandmother' or something along those lines. You like?"

"Yes, Captain, very effective. They're coming over." Spork points at the two guards. "Now I will try my part." He looks intently at the guards as soon as they are stopped in front of the cell. "Now listen carefully," he says. "Everything I tell you is a lie. I am lying."

The guards look very confused. "But if you're lying, then that means you're telling the truth, but everything you say is a lie, but..." Smoke comes out their ears and they fall to the ground. A scent of singed fur wafts toward the imprisoned Star Society officers.

"Brilliant, Spork! Brilliant!" Prik exclaims. "Now, how do we get out of this cell?"

There is another lengthy pause. "I'm a Science Officer, not an Engineer!"

"You've been hanging around Malloy for too long."

------------------------------------------------

Captain's Log: 7.20.2401

Well, we've disabled our guards, but we still don't know how to get out of our cell. It seems that we will have to disable the force field from the inside—something that may prove very difficult. But with Spork's expertise in all areas, and with my overbearing ego making him uncomfortable, I'm sure we'll get out somehow. I hope that the crew is still okay without my unneeded leadership. They never really have been left to their own devices with the ability to do constructive work for this long before. I really hope that they aren't improving productivity again... Anyway, Spork and I are still trapped. I miss my hair. I'm overdue for my twice-weekly facial. But that doesn't seem like it will be that big of an issue given my newly acquired fur. I'm actually getting rather used to it. Spork, on the other hand, is having trouble grasping our meager tools for disabling the force field with his paws. It's actually really funny to watch... I've never seen a Vulgar frustrated before. His pointy ears would probably be red by this point. Why didn't I bring my camera? This is such a Pixel-Perfect moment...