Percy: I sleep with a gun underneath my pillow
Vax: I sleep with a knife
Scanlan: both of you are pathetic
Vax: oh yeah? What do you sleep with?
Scanlan: Pike

~~~~~

Percy: I'm so tough, I'm on alert even when there's no danger!
Vex: that's called PTSD, darling

(Also anxiety)
(Bad enough anxiety can do that to you)

~~~~~

Vax: Vex, can you get some wine for me?
Vex: no
Later
Vex: brother dear, can you get me a drink?
Vax: no, get it yourself
Vex, whining: why?
Vax: did you help me when I asked?
Vex, guiltless: no...but you still need to get it for me!
Vax: why?
Vex: because I'm your baby sister and you said that you'd do anything for me :)
Vax, sighing: fine...

~~~~~

Texting
Keyleth: where are you?
Percy: turn around
Percy: no, the other way
Percy: wrong way again
Keyleth: Percy, where exactly are you?
Percy: at home, but the thought of you spinning around in circles aimlessly is amusing to me

~~~~~

Scanlan: I don't do relationships
Pike: *exists*
Scanlan:
Scanlan: goddammit

~~~~~

Me, gesturing at Scanlan post ep. 85: dead girl media where their absence shapes the whole goddamn thing!!!!! The hole they left inhabits the narrative more than their presence ever would have!!!!!

~~~~~

Every member of Vox Machina: I'm perfectly fine except for all the problems

~~~~~

Keyleth: why aren't there any adult playgrounds? Where everything the same, just bigger
Percy: those are called theme parks
Keyleth: yeah, but you have to pay for those
Percy: that's the adult part

(On a similar note, why don't the adult liquid medicine or gummy vitamins taste as good as the kids one?)
(Like, my taste buds didn't all fall off once I turned 12)
(Like, my mom found a CBD store that sells sleep gummies that are in the shape of gummy bears, and taste pretty good for adult gummies)
(I understand the whole "not wanting kids to mistake medicine for candy" thing, but I wanna have fun and not gag when taking medicine, dammit!)
(I fight taking liquid medicine harder than the 6yo, but tbf, her medicine tastes like bubblegum and mine tastes like shitty garbage water that thought really hard about rotten cherry juice)

~~~~~

Vex, to Percy: there's something so specifically wrong with you, it's alluring

~~~~~

Scanlan: I just wanna be friends
Scanlan: plus a little extra
Scanlan: also, I love you
Pike:

(I love that this is TECHNICALLY a canon scene in the campaign)
(Like, bro just proposed to her bc why the fuck not)
(Then she's like "fuck, I think i actually have feelings for him, this sucks")
(And then he's like "actually, Nvm, I don't wanna marry you, I just think you're super cool and hot and I wanna start to actually be your friend :)")
(ALL IN ONE EPISODE)
(I ducking love Scanlan)

~~~~~

Scanlan: everyone is addicted to my fun and flirty personality
Scanlan: lives have been destroyed

~~~~~

Percy: Vax, you don't need to put a tracker on Grog. How are you even gonna get it on—
Vax: oi, big man, I'll give you a hundred gold if you eat this copper
Grog: *swallows without hesitation* pay up, bitch
Percy:

~~~~~

Keyleth: You know that scene in Ratatouille where Linguini brings Remy back to his apartment and gets all embarrassed and is like "It's not much" to a rat? Yeah, that's my level of insecurity.

~~~~~

Vex: craft stores are just like "can I interest you in some...objects? Some items? Would you like some things?" And every time I'm like Ooh, I love objects and items and things!

(Me every time I walk into a store with a bunch of plushes and figurines)
(I have no self control)
(If I see a cute plush or figurine, and I can afford it, I get it)
(My room would be COVERED in plushes and funko pops if money wasn't an issue)

~~~~~

Keyleth, to the tune of "the final countdown": It's A Mental Breakdown!
Scanlan: *plays the kazoo badly in the background*

~~~~~

Percy, walking in with pizza to see the room on fire:
Pike: *attempting to ease the situation*
Keyleth: *crying in a corner*
Vex and Scanlan: *casually watching while eating popcorn*
Grog: *beating the fuck out of Vax*
Vax, slowly putting his thumb up: worth...it...

~~~~~

Keyleth: I really hope it gets easier soon, because im losing my fucking mind

~~~~~

Percy: life is so brutal to guys who just want to sleep

~~~~~

Keyleth: I'm gonna remove my entire nervous system so I won't get nervous anymore. This is such a good idea, why did no-one think of this?

~~~~~

Vex: I would've made such a good fucking car, life's so unfair

(Girl, SAME)

~~~~~

Grog and Scanlan: we have a problem
Pike: no, you guys have a problem. I have two idiots that keeps getting into one.

(I love their dynamic sm)
(I like that the cartoon gives us more Pike, Scanlan, and Grog interaction, because we were ROBBED in the campaign)
(I know Ashley couldn't help it, and I'm not blaming her, it just sucks bc their dynamic is so good)

~~~~~

Pike: I'm trying to be positive in general, but man

~~~~~

Keyleth: if I fall down the stairs, I'm just gonna lay down and accept my fate

~~~~~

Grog: we fucked up
Pike: we?
Scanlan: as in all three of us
Pike: not the correction I was looking for, but okay

~~~~~

Grog: what is love?
Keyleth: an emotional minefield
Percy: a neuro-chemical reaction
Scanlan: baby don't hurt me

~~~~~

Vax, laying in bed: Get out of my room.
Vex, standing just outside of the door frame: I'm not in your room.

~~~~~

Percy: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Grog: We could attack them with hummus.
Percy: I stand corrected.
Grog: Just keeping things in perspective.

~~~~~

Tary: Dads will see their kids and be like "is anyone gonna emotionally damage that?" and not wait for an answer
Scanlan: Dads see their kids?

~~~~~

The Twins: Bitches be like "I'm baby" but have childhood trauma and neglect like what the fuck do you know about being baby you were forced to grow up from an early age anyways I'm bitches.

~~~~~

Scanlan: you'd be amazed at how many times I've fucked around without finding a single thing out