Percy: *fully immersed in a new book, listening to classical music, very focused*
Keyleth: *hanging upside down on the couch* do you think ducks have feelings?

~~~~~

Scanlan: I had a dream that you were my therapist but all you did was call me a bitch.
Grog: bitch
Scanlan: *gasps* dreams do come true

~~~~~

Percy: I'm asking your permission to date your sister
Vax: what is this, the dark ages? You know what, since you asked me, no, you can't. Beat me in a duel first, bitch

(I lowkey love the fact that Percy—despite probably being raised to act all chivalrous—wasn't the one to do the whole "ask for the parent's—or, in this case, siblings—permission to date/marry someone")
(Out of everyone, SCANLAN was the one to ask someone else's permission to date/marry someone—in this case, he asked Pike's great-grandfather for her hand in marriage, in which case Wilhand was very confused lol)
(Idk, I just really like that fact lol)

~~~~~

Vax: I swear you're a time traveler. You act like you're from the Victorian era every time you see a little bit of Percy's skin.
Vex: That isn't true-
Percy, walking past while rolling up his sleeves: God, it's fucking hot in here.
Vex: *stares dumbly*
Vax:
Vex: Shut up.

(I mean, the man wears like 20 layers, so it's genuinely a shocker when any skin shows)

~~~~~

TLOVM!Grog: how I beat my uncle with the Power of Love
TLOVM!Grog: Chapter 1–The Power of Love
TLOVM!Grog: Chapter 2–The Power of Incredible Violence

~~~~~

Person: How do you stay so positive?
Keyleth: delusion :D

~~~~~

Keyleth: So, Scanlan, when did you get your drivers license?
Scanlan: my what?
Pike, from the back seat: IS THAT WHY YOU KEEP CRASHING OUR CARS????
Percy, also from the back seat: I need to get out of this car

~~~~~

Percy: Well, that's all from me. I have to lock myself back in the workshop to finish this work. Food and water ran out three days ago. Oxygen runs out tomorrow. Don't send help. Bye

~~~~~

Pike: it's okay to ask for help
Keyleth: you're not a burden
Vex: your feelings matter
Grog, nodding sweetly: murder is okay

~~~~~

Scanlan, attempting to talk to Kaylie: Hello... bestie. Could- could you spill the tea on that reported dragon sighting? We have reason to believe it might be true - no, no cap.
Pike, mortified: Scanlan, do everyone a favor and never do that again
Kaylie: THANK YOU

~~~~~

Tary: I've got a weapon, and I'm... admittedly VERY afraid to use it!

~~~~~

Vax: You'd be shocked how often my reason for doing something is "cause itd be funny"
Vex: I have seen your life, that does not surprise me at all

(This is partially Vax the character, and partially Liam the actor)
(Like, Liam is such a shithead and I love him for that)

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

(Like, PLEASE watch this video)
(For context, Liam/Vax and Travis/Grog prank Sam/Scanlan with a love potion)
(No, you don't need to know a lot of context of the campaign before or after this moment)
(I mean, there is a strategizing scene at one point, but it's okay if you don't know that context)
(The only context that matters is who is pranking who and with what)
(I know it's a long video, but BOY is it worth it)
(Like, I both listened to the episode—via the podcast—and watched it—via this video—and I died laughing both times. Trust me, it's worth it.)

~~~~~

Scanlan, from the doorway: we make a pretty great team!
Percy: you were no help whatsoever

~~~~~

Earth-breaker Groon: Fighting's all about that feeling deep in your gut. What does your gut tell you?
Grog: that I'm hungry

~~~~~

Scanlan, at Pike: do I have a crush on you, or am I just lonely?

~~~~~

Pike, at Scanlan: "Do I Like You Back Or Am I Just Idealizing You For Giving Me Attention" a 300 page research paper by me

~~~~~

Percy: I think I need a hug...
Keyleth: good thing I'm hug shaped!
45 minutes later
Percy: you...you can let go now
Keyleth: no, I absolutely cannot

~~~~~

Pike: have you ever ate a date?
Scanlan: ate a date?
Pike: yeah
Scanlan: what?
Scanlan: like ate their ass?
Pike:
Pike: Scanlan, it's a fruit—

~~~~~

Scanlan: oh, just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Pike:
Pike: Scanlan, I swear, if I walk outside and I see all of our mugs on the front lawn...
Scanlan: who me? Doing that kind of thing? Never! Why, I'm offended you'd even assume such a thing!
Scanlan: *quietly sips coffee from a bowl*

~~~~~

Grog: I'm saving my brain for special occasions. If i use it every day it'll get dirty

~~~~~

Pike: this is a bad idea
Scanlan: then why are you coming along?
Pike: someone has to revive you

~~~~~

Grog: what could be giving you anxiety?
Keyleth: um, let's see...how about every aspect of my life?

(Same)

~~~~~

Tary: it's not gay if i wanna date Percy right? like, in a friend way? 'cause i like wanna hold his hand and make him laugh, because his laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world.
Keyleth: I'm no expert, but that sounds pretty gay
Vax: I am an expert. That's gay.
Pike: and also dangerous. Vex is very territorial.

~~~~~

Scanlan: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

~~~~~

Grog, holding Scanlan like Simba: he's baby
Scanlan: Grog, im older than you
Grog:
Grog, visibly excited: I'm baby!!!!!

~~~~~

Keyleth, during battle: I'm gonna go over there and punch you with friendship

~~~~~

Percy, about Cassandra: When she was a toddler, she pissed the bed so much that we had her sleep in a kiddie pool
Cassandra: *not-so-lightly punches Percy in the stomach* fucker

~~~~~

Percy: Guys, the coffee didn't help much, my brain is still fried. She told me thank you and I responded with hello.