*Alice was pretty upset with Dreda last chapter. Upset or not though, Dreda controls Mary for the time being. Let's see how that played out...

——

My weeks of separation from Mary were agony. In my dreams each night I saw the young children we'd carried to the cages. I saw visions of their cherubic faces contorted in fear and pain, their blood pouring from slit throats as their cries of agony rang out, their little bodies roasting on a spit. I woke from these nightmares screaming my child's name, quickly muffling my tears least others report me for the disturbance of their own slumber.

    In my waking hours, my thoughts were feverishly turned to Mary. Would Dreda make her suffer to spite me and my disgust with her role in helping supply our Master's gruesome trade? Mary as just a baby. Not even one year of age. Dulane favored her already. He wanted her to grow, another copy of his beloved Mariana. Surely Dreda did not have the power to override the orders of our Master? And yet, I couldn't help but be struck by Garen's attentiveness to Dreda's suggestions. Her trust of the older human. Dreda had even been able to influence my own overseer and Madam was not one to listen to humans. I was terrified to imagine the ramifications of having acquired such a deadly enemy.
   
It was nearly a month before I was allowed to go to my child, and even then, only for a short visit during the middle of the day. Dreda did not come to greet me when the visitation was finally permitted. After having been declared "free of illness" by a doctor who visited the estate periodically check on members of the flock, it was Clara who lead me to Dreda's room. When I was told that the nursery head was busy with other chores and could not be present I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. I had no words for the woman who had taken my daughter from me. Who had put my very life at risk in raising questions about my health. But my thoughts of anger, resentment, and anxiety were wiped from my mind the moment I took the child in my arms.
   
Already so much bigger than when I'd last held her, Mary was every bit as beautiful as I remembered. The delicate features, the small fingers that reached out to me, claiming me as her own mother, her lips smiling wide as babbles escaped them.

    "She has begun to take some solid foods," Clara informed me. "Miss Dreada said she will still suckle though. After that, we can try to give her some porridge."

    I nodded as I sat in the rocker and offered Mary my nipple. Relief filled me as I felt her mouth latch to my breast, all the tension and worry of our separation melting from my body, as her lips moved against my skin.
   
Cradling her form in my arms I marveled at the girl's perfection, grateful that I had been reunited with my child before any ill could befall her, determined to never allow her to be taken from me again. If Dreda had started Mary on solid foods, there was a chance I could take her from the nursery sooner than I'd hoped. Already I could see that she was sitting up with greater ease, her little hands grasping at my clothes with determination. I wondered what I might do to speed her growth so she might be returned to me. I was at least grateful she was getting proper sustenance though she was feeding on less milk without my frequent visits.
   
My trips to the nursery continued at midday every day from that point on and, after the same excuse for Dreda's absence was given continually for two weeks in a row, I understood that the woman has no interest in speaking with me. I could only assume my assessment had been right. She knew I held nothing but disdain for her actions. I was not sorry for it.

    Dreda had given me a precious gift in granting me access to my daughter and then ripped it away. She'd forced me to be party to the acts of a greyskin and taint myself in a way I'd never agreed to. Though my baby girl seemed unharmed and well cared for, my resentment of the woman was no lessened. But what I hated most was my helplessness. As long as Mary was too young for the main dorms, she was at the mercy of the nursery head. I could not afford to offend Dreda nor take any action against her. But in avoidance of her presence, there was little risk of that and I was grateful she had at least granted me space.
----------------
   
As time passed, my new routine became more tolerable. After morning chores I would be granted my rations and given leave to go to my daughter for two hours, leaving me only one full hour with my child before I would be forced to hurry back towards the kitchens. I dared not complain nor ask for more. I could do nothing but pray the time would pass quickly. Mary was developing well and with each visit, I was relieved to see the care she was clearly being given. As she learned to sit up on her own and even utter recognizable sounds that threatened to become words, I worked to keep up my spirits. Once my girl was grown enough to live in the main dorms she would be mine forever and I could leave the world of doomed children and forget Dreda altogether.
   
I tried to make the best of my situation. By now, all expected my presence in the nursery daily and I knew my way to Dreda's quarters. I could come and go in my allotted time with no escort and had no intention of dallying elsewhere in the facility. Even Clara knew my routine and made an effort to offer me privacy, leaving me alone to I feed and play with my little girl undisturbed. Still, even as Mary's first birthday approached the wait felt endless.

    "You will be with me soon, Mary," I promised every day when I handed her back to Clara at the end of my visits. "Just a bit longer, my love and then no one will be able to part us again."
   
It was five months later during one of these visits that I was surprised by the sound of the door creaking open as I sat on the floor, Mary on my lap, happily giggling as I bounced her up and down.

    "Your daughter is doing well."
   
At the sound of the familiar deep voice, my entire body tensed. I did not respond to Dreda's comment, grabbing up Mary tightly in my arms as if, in doing so, I could protect her. I stood quickly as my daughter squirmed, no doubt surprised by the tightness of grasp. I did not release my hold, backing away from Dreda as if she was a deadly snake.
   
The woman took no note of my silence or reaction, continuing about her space, pouring herself a cup of tea from the electric kettle and walking through the bassinets of the other young in her care to ensure all were sleeping comfortably.

    "I know you resent my actions, Alice," she said as she went about the task, "but I have been hoping for some time we might talk. That I could explain myself. I have granted you space, but now seems as good a time as any."
   
Explain herself
   
It was all I could do not to laugh aloud. There was no explanation for being a "greyskin" that was acceptable.

    "I did what I did for your own good," she continued. "For you and Mary."

    The rage that had been building inside me threatened to erupt, replacing my fears and caution with fury. I bit the inside of my cheek to hold my tongue and focused my gaze on the child in my arms, hoping to hide my reaction to her words. How dare she claim she'd done what she had for my benefit? As if she were some garden angel? She'd taken Mary to prove she could. Out of petty revenge for my refusal to condone her betrayal of those children. What she did to so many young humans who believed her to be their caretaker!

    "Do you know how many have tried to take my place in the years since I began serving as head nursery slave?" Dreda asked casually as she finished her rounds and took a seat, perching on the edge of her bed.

    I didn't answer. I imagined many must have sought to steal the woman's role in the nursery. Afterall, she was perhaps the longest-lived of any human that had ever been in Dulane's care. Well past breeding age the woman continued on. I also imagined that many had fallen in their attempts.

    "My role on this estate is not for the weak of heart," the woman continued, ignoring my lack of response. "I work among those who are condemned. Innocent children. My own were among them once."

    I looked up as she stoped, watching her expression growing distant for a moment before she seemed to return to herself, siping from the cracked mug in her hand

    "I will not ask you to forgive my actions. They are, after all, unforgivable to any human I'd imagine. But I still hold faith that the God above will forgive me. That he will see the children I cared for and ushered to his embrace and take pity on my sinful soul that could do no more for them in this life."

    I felt nothing but disdain for her invocation of the divine. What God might take pity on us in the next life if he'd abandoned us in this world? To me, it seemed ludicrous to use an imaginary being as justification for horrific acts, hoping for pardon after death. Then again, perhaps the God of the sibla would indeed forgive such a loyal grey skin.

    "So many have sought to overthrow me," Dreda mused, "not one of them was fit for the position. You believe me cruel in my role? I wonder what you think what might happen were another to take up the mantle. The children I care for would still be caged for slaughter, no less victims of sibla hunger. Under my watch, I can ensure their living days are as pleasant as possible. That the time they do have is not marred with pain."

    "I wonder what has happened to those who attempted to try to step in to care for the young as you claim to?" I answered, letting resentment take my tongue. "It seems unlikely that you "protected them from pain" as well."
   
For a moment I felt my heartbeat quicken as her gaze met mine, fearing how she might respond, but the woman seemed entirely unphased by my not so veiled accusation.

    "I would imagine the same that has happened to your rivals Alice," Dreda answered easily. "Not all will survive to old age here, that is no secret. I have earned my place. You must earn yours too. Did you really think none fell for you to rise? If you did not eliminate your competion personally over the years there is no question Mariana and Lexia did so."

    My body tensed in anger. How dare she compare!

    "I have never sent another to the butcher," I shot back. "I have never been complicit in the death of our own." Dreda only laughed and shook her head, sending a flush of rage to my cheeks.

    "Your ignorance astounds me, Alice," she answered, not hiding the scorn in her tone. "I would have thought you less naive by now. You, the head house slave. Daughter to a woman who served well enough to practically claim the title of overseer herself. The girl who embraced her sibla overseer as a true friend. Your hands are not clean of human blood, Alice, nor were your mother's. None of us with any power here can claim such purity. But, like you, I have tried to use my position as best I can, not just for my comfort but to help alleviate the suffering of others. If you can not see that, I will not try to convince you. I have no need of others approval for my actions. I made peace with my role here long ago. Perhaps you too will manage it one day."
   
I was glad the child remained in my arms. Had I not been holding her I wasn't certain I could have contained my rage. Perhaps the woman had known it, waiting for the perfect moment to put her accusations to me while I couldn't retaliate.

    "I have no need of friends," Dreda said as she finished her drink and stood, cleaning the cup before replacing it on the counter. "I have survived long enough without them. But for the love I held for your mother and for the same love I hold for you, in spite of this unearned contempt, I will care for your child as well as ever. I will return her to you as soon as she can be trained from her diapers and Mary will live by your side. I wished to reaffirm my vow of service to you and your daughter, nothing more. I only hope one day you might find yourself forced to make morally questionable decisions and think of this moment. That you will see what it truly means to be a human with power in this world and understand what sacrifices must be made. If you cannot do that, I fear your time here will indeed end sooner than either of us might wish."

    "Is that a threat?" I asked in accusation. "It seems strange one would claim to be an ally while simultaneously spreading rumors of another's ill health or provoking actions that might land them a trip to the butchers."

    Dreda chuckled softly as she shook her head. "So young still," she said. "You can't determine friend from foe. I removed you from the nursery because it was clear you could not stomach the realities of my world. You need to survive for Mary's sake. If Garen had caught sight of your ambivalence to the work we do here, it would have brought true danger on both you and your child. I gave you time to come back to senses and focus on what truly matters. Your daughter."

    "I could have handled myself!" I shot back, no longer able to contain my rage. She was treating me as a child, so scornful, so demeaning. Feigning friendship when her actions spoke of one who manipulated others with every act. Agitated by my raised voice, Mary began to cry, woken from the half sleep she'd fallen to in my arms. I bounced her gently in an attempt to soothe her, still so angry I could barely manage the "shss shss" sound to calm her wailing. Dreda only watched, waiting until the child grew quiet again.

    "It's time for you to return to the kitchen," she said, ignoring my outburst and that of my daughter.

    I couldn't protest. She was correct. I would be late if I did not leave soon. And yet, some part of me wanted to throw a fit of my own. To cry as Mary had cried. To scream at the injustice of it all. Instead, I took Mary to her bassinet though she continued to fuss, tucking her in gently for her nap and bending down to place a kiss on her forehead.

    "I will be back soon," I promised her. "Your Mama loves you, Mary. She will be with you again as soon as she can."

    "She is safe with me, Alice," Dreda said as I stood straight again. "You need never doubt that. My word is bond."

    "You promised protection to Agnes and Gretta too," I answered coldly.

    "For as long as I could maintain it," Dreda replied. "I did that."

    "And I will only trust in Mary's safety when she is returned to me," I said. " I would hate to test the limitations of your pledges again."

    Dreda didn't answer but I could see the hurt on her face. Her brow furrowing, lips pursed as if working to hold back further comment. I left before she had the chance