L o u i s a

"Do you even notice me at all? It's like I'm invisible." - Invisible, Jason Chen

I am standing in the middle of a crowded room.

Looking at all the people rushing around me.

Pushing me around like I'm nobody.

Does anyone even see me or notice I am here?

Standing right in the middle.

It's like I'm invisible.

Fading into nothing.

*

I wake up that day with a jump; my phone ringing loud and clear, the shrill beeping sound causing me to have a headache. I've seriously got to remember to change my ringtone.

My hand reaches out to grab my phone off the bedside table, not bothering to look for the exact location of my phone. I bring it right in front of my eyes and check for notifications.

1 unread email

I groan in frustration. I had to be woken up in the morning by possibly the worse way known to mankind all because of an email. I unlock my phone and scan through the email.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: HIYA

Hey there, my dear friend. I just wanted to ask how you are doing all the way in Westfields? Is it nice there? I heard the beaches are amazing. Have you even been out of the house?

I really hope you're doing fine, Lou. I haven't heard from you in a week and you haven't exactly been returning my calls and I'm getting kind of worried. I probably sound like some old grandmother right? Oops.

Anyway, I've got to get going now. I'll see you soon, girl.

I sigh dramatically, laughing at Ria's message. I exit my email and send a quick text to her.

I'm doing well. Well enough anyway. Also, who even still uses email? You could've just dropped me a text you know. You can use your phone for more than calling nowadays (I thought you'd have figured it out by now). - Lou

The reply comes almost immediately. Of course. What else would I have expected from her with her eyes glued to her phone screen all the time, except when she has people to talk to face-to-face.

I thought it'd seem cool. You don't have to follow the rules all the time, Lou. - Ria

I chuckle at her reply but decide to reply to it a little later. I get off the bed and decide to get ready, since I'm up already. I head towards the bathroom and brush my teeth and wash my face, just the sane plain old morning routine.

I grab my bag on the foot of my bed and stuff my phone in it and decide to head out.

"Aunt Annabelle, I'll be going out for a while," I tell her when I enter the kitchen.

"What about breakfast?" she asks, looking up from the paper she's reading. "You can have a quick breakfast first."

I shake my head. "It's fine, Aunt Annabelle. I'm not hungry."

"Well, okay then. Be safe," she says kindly, smiling.

I return her smile. "I will," I reply before exiting the house.

A cool breeze hits me as I walk out, the smell of salt lingering in the air. I instinctively look to the ground when I walk, not wanting to make any awkward eye contact. I search my bag for my iPod and earphones and plug it in, blasting music into my ears, turning up the volume and shutting out the world.

A much needed escape, what with not being able to find alone time for the past few days.

It's very important to me; if not, I'll get too drained and exhausted, not that many people will understand.

And now, I just put one foot in front of the other, hoping the walk and cool air can clear my head. Not that my thoughts will ever be completely doused, can it?

I take in a shaky breath of air, tears pooling in my eyes and I blink my eyes quickly in hopes the water will dissipate.

I don't even know how I became what I am today. I remember being happy all the time and just grateful for life itself and, before I knew it, I was already consumed by the darkness. I don't even know what light is anymore at this point.

I remember smiling and laughing but I don't remember what it feels like to be happy, and not just plastering a smile on your face or faking it. At this point, I don't even know what it feels like to enjoy life and not just power through day to day, just barely surviving.

I remember going to bed with a warm heart but I don't remember how that warmth felt like. And now, I cry myself to sleep every other night and when I'm not crying, I'm just tossing and turning, feeling empty, feeling broken, feeling my whole world fall into pieces over and over again.

Everything around me seems so surreal and make belief, almost like I am perpetually suspended in a dream that I will never wake up from. What happened to my fairytale happy ending? Why am I only left in the dark with no one to guide?

The sound of footsteps on wood reaches my ears and I stop. Wood? I thought I'm on a concrete pavement.

My eyes scan my surroundings and I realise I am by the boardwalk, the one Basil brought me to only yesterday.

The one with the antique shop Sam works at.

I freeze as I look at the shop. The sign by the door says 'open' and it seems so tempting and welcoming that I nearly walk over to the shop and go in. But what reason do I have to go there? I'm not going to buy anything and while I am fascinated by antiques, I am definitely not enchanted enough by them to want to spend hours browsing the shelves.

How can Sam stand working at a shop like that with nothing to do and, most likely, not too many customers?

I find myself outside the shop and I stop in my tracks. I don't need to go in. I can't. Instead, I turn on my heel and walk off the boardwalk and onto the road, headed all the way straight. To the beach.

I walk down the stairs and onto the soft sand, where I can feel myself sinking. I remove my sandals and hold them in my hand as I walk with no particular destination in mind. I just want to feel the wind blow, the warm sand beneath my feet and listen to the calming sound of the ocean.

I turn to look out into the blue ocean, the waves washing up to shore. I spot the buoys that signal the end of the area that we're allowed to swim in as well as a couple of boats and yachts even further with an island to my left.

On the surface, everything seems so tranquil and peaceful but there's so much life in the ocean itself. The corals, the fishes, the dolphins. It's amazing, really, how self sustaining the ocean is.

Something I will never be.

"Lou! Louisa!"

My ears perk up at the sound of my name being called. "Yes?" I reply instinctively, trying to find that person.

"Nice to see you here," he says, walking from the shore towards me.

"And we meet again, Basil," I reply, plastering a smile on my face.

He cannot see my vulnerability ever again.

"What are you doing here?" he asks as he reaches me.

I shrug nonchalantly. "Just going for a walk. I needed to clear my head," I blurt.

Why did I say that? I hope he doesn't ask any questions. That's the last thing I need right now.

He nods. "Coming to the beach? Great choice, my dear friend," he answers, chuckling.

I laugh too but don't reply. Instead, I shuffle my feet awkwardly, trying to think of something to say but come up with nothing. Thankfully, Basil is good at keeping a conversation flowing.

"Do you like it here?"

"I guess," I say, trying not to sound uncertain.

"What? You find it boring?"

I chuckle. "Maybe just a tad bit."

"It's only boring if you don't know what to do. There is actually plenty of things to do here, even if Westfields is just a small town." He pauses. "Are you free tomorrow?"

Caught off guard by the question, I stammer," Yes, I-I-I guess?"

"Keep it that way. I'll take you somewhere and prove to you it really isn't boring," he says, smirking.

A shiver goes down my spine. For what reason, I don't exactly know either. Perhaps it's simply because I am not used to people inviting me out. I have always been that girl in class who sits alone in the corner of the room and who never gets invited to parties and outings.

I don't matter enough to be invited out by people.

Ria doesn't count. She's labelled as my 'best friend' and she's obligated to go out with me. I'm sure if she has the opportunity, she will leave me. After all, I'm a horrible friend. A horrible person to be around. I just drag everyone around me down with me. And that's why I try not to become too close to anyone.

I don't want anyone getting hurt by me. No one deserves that.

I'm worthless and I don't matter.

I'm just an extra burden to the people around me.

Basil doesn't know what he's getting himself into.

"I've got to get back to work,"he says, snapping me back into reality.

"Sure." I pause. "Wait. Work?"

He nods. "I have an internship with a marine laboratory. I'm studying the ecosystems in this part of the ocean. Or, at least, this general part."

"Impressive. I never saw you as a marine..." I pause, searching for the right word. "...guy."

"The word you're looking for is biologist," he adds, chuckling. "I'll just get back to it now. Great to see you."

"You too," I reply.

He walks back towards the shore and I head straight, instinctively towards the end of the beach. I climb up the rocks, right to the top, before climbing back down on the other side, and right into a cave.

The cave.

"And I see we're back to where we started."

I turn to look at him, avoiding his eyes. "I don't think we've progressed much in the first place."

"True. But I'd think we'd be more than mere passersby. But I don't even know your name."

"Lou," I say. "It's Louisa."

"Louisa." He says my name almost like it's magic. "Lou."

"How often do you come here?" I ask, not wanting the conversation to die down.

I can feel my heart beating wildly in my chest. I wonder if he feels the same.

It's probably just me. Being nervous. That must be it. My social anxiety must be kicking in, making my heart beat faster, making me feel nervous and tongue tied. That must be it. There is no other explanation.

"Nearly every other day." He pauses, deep in thought. "It used to be our place."

He seems like he is in another world. I remain quiet, not wanting to say the wrong thing. He seems so fragile, so broken and bruised and yet, he hides it so well that it's really easy to miss. But I know how it looks. I should know. I recognise the sight of a person with an ever growing emptiness in their heart.

"It's very calming. I come here whenever I feel overwhelmed by the world and just need a place to escape. This is my secret place. But, I guess, you found it too."

I shrug.

"Do you like it here?" he asks.

"I do. Like you said, it's very calming and peaceful out here. Almost as if the world and their troubles melt away and it's just you and the ocean."

He nods. "I agree."

I watch as he glance at his watch. He crawls up to the exit of the cave and turns around to look at me.

"So, I'll see you around?"

"Likely," I reply, trying to suppress the smile on my face.

He climbs up, disappearing from my view, and I'm left alone once again.

Just me and the ocean.

All alone.

As it always has been.

And always will be.

[A/N: I know this is slightly boring but it's an important chapter because I need you to know the basis of Sam and Lou's relationship and I feel that simple conversation between them started it more than the one at the shop did. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it C: til next Wednesday guys!]