S a m

"Don't get too close. It's dark inside. It's where my demons hide." - Demons, Imagine Dragons

Everybody's got their demons.

It doesn't matter who you are.

It's just a matter of whether you let them in.

So, please, darling,

Don't come close.

Don't come in.

I don't want my demons to scare you away.

*

I wonder what ran through Louisa's mind last night. She seemed so distant, so faraway. Like, one minute she's there and the next, she isn't. It feels like I'm treading water with her. I never know quite what to say. I'm not even sure who she is.

She's so closed off, like she's spent years building walls that are miles thick. I wonder what it'd take to be let in.

"Hey, Sam! The usual?"

I flash a smile are Grace, the barista of the most popular coffee shop in Westfields, and take a seat by the window.

I'm not sure what I'll do today. I'd love to hang out with Fran but it's a little weird because Tony's not here. It's weird because they broke up. But I was friends with the both of them before they even got together so I guess it's fine to continue befriending her.

But, I guess, I was never really close to any of them in the first place.

I was only ever close to you, Lily, and now, you're gone.

Why do you talk about her like she's the one who walked out on you?

I want to— I don't know. I want to be happy, I guess. But does that sound a little too cliche? I'm just a boy from a small town in the middle of nowhere with a past I'd rather forget. It's almost like I'm a character in some teen fiction book.

"Here you go, Sam. One ice cold caramel latte," Grace says, placing the cup in front of me.

"Thank you. I'll pay you on the way out."

She shakes her head. "It's on the house today."

"Are you sure? I really don't mind paying for it."

"You look like you could use some caffeine," she replies, giving me a sad smile and sitting across from me. "Did anything happen?"

I shrug. "Fran's back in town. It's a little weird. I haven't seen her since..." I trail off, not feeling like finishing the sentence.

Grace gives a reassuring nod. "It's ok, Sam. You don't have to say anything. I understand. You're welcomed to stay in the shop for however long you wish."

"Thank you, Grace."

"Anytime. But I've got to go now. Someone needs to man the cashier."

"Yeah, sure. Go ahead."

She gets up, walking back to the counter, just as another customer enters the shop.

"Hi. How may I help you?" I hear her ask, before tuning it all out.

I put on my earbuds and press play, the beginning riffs of a song blasting into my ears.

If only I could tune out my worries as easily as that.

Am I weird for feeling this much? I mean, from what society understands, we, as males, don't talk as much, don't feel as much. Am I the odd one out?

I don't exactly have anyone to talk to anymore.

That's your own fault.

Don't blame anyone else for that.

I take a sip of my drink, the taste of the cold, sweet coffee flooding my mouth, staring out the window.

Outside, everyone is just going about minding their own business, occasionally mingling with others, presumably their neighbours or friends. You know, just another normal day.

Everyday is just another normal day I have to survive.

When will life stop being about survival and start being about having fun?

In your dreams.

Someone takes a seat opposite me. Startled, I nearly jump in my seat. I remove my earbuds and look up, straight into her eyes.

"Hi, Sam."

"Oh, hi, Lou," I reply, feeling my heartbeat accelerate.

She's here.

"How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

"As good as I'll ever be."

"Here you go, Miss. Your iced coffee," Grace says, putting the glass in front of Lou.

Lou smiles at Grace, muttering a soft 'thank you' just as she walks away.

"So, what are you up to today?" I ask, not wanting to leave any room for awkward silences.

She shrugs. "I've nothing planned."

"Want to head to the beach after this?" I blurt out, realising in shock the implications of my question.

Why did I say that?

What did you say about keeping your mouth shut around Lou?

When will you learn, Sam?

I don't know why I keep blurting out things when I'm around Louisa. It's almost as if I've gone back to that thirteen year old teenager around his biggest crush, unable to stop yourself from saying foolish things.

"Sure, I guess," she says softly.

"Great."

There's just something about her that seems so fragile, almost like a frosted window. She knows how to let people in just enough to make them feel like they mean something but not enough for them to discover who she really is. Her walls are so intricately woven and she never seems to let her guard down.

But I may have perceived her wrongly. Maybe she's a really open person. Maybe she is really friendly and she doesn't fear letting people in. After all, she does seem like a very contented and strong person. I don't know her well enough to make any correct assumptions.

"Shall we go?" she asks.

"Sure. Let me just finish off my drink first," I reply, taking huge gulps of my coffee.

I feel my tongue going numb from the cold, along with a light pounding in my head. I've forgotten how much brain freezes can hurt. At least it's not as bad as a migraine.

"I'm ready," I say, standing up.

She gets up from her seat and we both head towards the exit. I push open the door and gesture for her to exit. She takes a step outside and I follow suit, letting the door swing to a close behind me.

She falls behind me as we walk and every time I try to match my pace with hers, she'll move behind. I think she just prefers to follow a person instead of walking side by side. Not wanting to push her, I take the lead, and we walk in silence towards the beach.

I'm really not sure why I invited her out. We're not that close after all.

You know why, Sam.

You want to be close to her.

Just remember not to make the same mistake as you did with Lily.

We walk down the stairs and onto the sands. I notice Lou taking off her sandals and walking on the beach barefooted. I'd do the same, if only I wasn't wearing sneakers. I'd hate for sand to get in my socks.

"So, how do you find it here so far?" I ask.

"I quite like it," she replies, turning to look at me, our eyes meeting.

My heart skips a beat and it feels as though there are butterflies in my stomach. I can't go through this again. I just can't. Lou deserves someone much better than I do.

At least you can see that.

I have too many demons haunting me. I can't subject Louisa to that kind of suffering. It'll be unfair to her. I can't bring her down with me when I eventually fall.

"That's great."

"How long have you lived here?"

"All my life," I reply, stopping just a few feet from the ocean. "Want to sit?"

"Sure."

I sit crosslegged on the warm sand while Lou spreads her leg out, her feet nearly touching the waters.

"It's so peaceful out here," she comments. "I could spend all day by the beach. Why is there hardly anyone here though?"

"I guess it's because we don't get very many visitors. Those of us who live here have seen this beach all our lives. We tend to go to the beach to the west of here. It's much bigger and more vibrant."

"That's cool." She pauses, collecting her thoughts. "I wish I had a quiet place like this to escape to."

I nod in reply, not knowing what else to say.

I steal a glance at my companion. Her long, brown hair is blowing in the wind and she looks so lost in thought, so at peace. I close my eyes, savouring the moment.

"Do you think I'm worth it?" she blurts.

"Of course," I tell her.

"N-N-Never mind. Forget I ask," she replies, her cheeks flushing red. "Forget I asked that. A slip of the tongue."

I shake my head. "It's fine. Just know that, even though you may not be perfect, you're worth it. You're always worth it."

I turn towards the horizon, embarrassed to look at her. Why did I talk about her as if I really know her?

You know why.

Lily.

"Thanks," she whispers so quietly that I nearly missed it. "I needed to hear that."

I don't know what's running through her mind. I wonder if it's good or bad. Is she criticising herself or is she confident about herself? I won't know.

The calming sound of the waves reaches my ears, filling the silence between us.

I miss this. I miss being able to share moments like these with someone. I miss just being able to enjoy a moment, just fully immerse myself in a moment, with someone. It's nice being alone but, sometimes, I just need someone by my side.

Louisa is only a stranger to you, Sam.

Don't forget that.

But I want that to change.

"Hey, Lou, do you want to hang out again tomorrow?" I blurt out.

Blood rushes to my cheeks the moment the words come out of my mouth. Lou seems taken aback momentarily, before quickly collecting herself and giving me a small smile.

"Sure, I guess. What time?"

"Afternoon?"

She nods.

"I'll call you."

"Do you even have my number?"

I chuckle. "Point taken."

I reach into my pocket and take out my phone, unlocking it and passing it to her. I watch as she keys in her number, staring so intently at the screen.

She passes the phone back to me. "And now you have it."

"Yeah. I do," I reply.

"So, what do you have in mind?"

I shrug. "I was thinking of, maybe, I could bring you to one of my favourite spots in town. One not many people knows about."

She laughs, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "So, it's a date?" she asks playfully, smirking.

A date?

Don't flatter yourself, boy.

"You could call it that," I reply lightly.

"Cool."

I chew my bottom lips to stop myself from grinning like an idiot. Why do I feel so happy? I haven't felt this kind of emotion in a long time.

Since Lily.

Yes, since Lily.

There's just something about Louisa that gives me this sense of joy, like I've finally found a home. It's not quite that fluttery and giddy kind of feeling you'd get when you're around your middle school crush. It's a more secure kind of feeling.

And I like that.

As much as I try to deny it, I know I'm falling for Louisa.

You got that right.

But I'm not sure if I'm ready to let someone in like that again.

I'm not sure if I ever will be.

___

A/N: I want you to observe how Lou and Sam view each other, especially in recent chapters as well as the upcoming chapters. They think that the other has a better life than them and are actually happy and contented but we all know they're far from it. This is something that is very real and happening right now among the people around us.

So, if someone you care about - it doesn't have to be a lover. It can be a good friend or a family member - pushes you away, please don't go silent on them. Reach out to them and tell them you're there. You could make a world of difference if you do. I know it would've for me if someone did that when I was stuck in a rut.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Next one is coming out on Sunday. c: