S a m

" 'Cause up 'til now, I've walked the line. Nothing lost but something missing." - If Only, Dove Cameron

I'll never forget.

I'll never forget the day you held my hand for the very first time.

I'll never forget the day we had our very first kiss.

I'll never forget the day you first said "I love you".

I'll never forget us.

I'll never forget you.

*

I scurry away from her as fast as my legs could take me without running, the cold wind blowing hard against my being, almost as if it were trying to force me to turn around and go back to Louisa. Or maybe it's punishing me for what I did.

What are you referring to, Sam?

This conversation? Or the 'accident'?

I couldn't even look her in the eye when I told her what I did, only because I don't want him to lure Louisa into a trap. She deserves much more than that. She deserves much more than getting her heart broken.

Coward.

But then again, who am I to tell her? I'm nobody to her. I have no say in their relationship — I don't even know where they stand with each other.

Why am I feeling so defensive over a girl I've just met?

You know why.

I left her standing there, all alone, on the dark beach, stunned and probably hating me, when all I wanted was to have a simple conversation with her and ask her how her day was. I honestly don't know what got into me. I just wanted to say hello but, seeing her with that guy — whatever his name is — made me feel protective over her. But who am I to tell her what to do?

I chew on my bottom lip, furious at myself for what I had said to her. She deserves to be treated better than with this selfish confrontation. Anyone does.

When are you ever going to learn to shut your mouth around her?

I climb up the stairs leading out of the beach, pulling pull the hood over my head and zipping my jacket up, stuffing my freezing hands into its pockets in an attempt to warm up.

And I walk, with only a vague idea of where I am going, eyes on the ground. I walk straight and, instead of turning right at the junction that leads back home, I take a left.

The flat grey cement pavement soon melts into a red rocky pathway, leading up the hill, to the left of the small town of Westfields, one that I used to climb all the time growing up. It's been a while since I've hiked up this path.

You've just been running away from your mistakes.

By the time I reach the top of the hill, a sheen of sweat has formed on my forehead. I wipe it away with the back of my hand before heading towards the edge and taking a seat, my legs dangling in mid air. I take a deep breath, savouring the fresh air, staring at our quiet little town.

I feel the emptiness starting to creep in on me, the feeling of loneliness and loss, and I try to bury it back deep within me, but to no avail. I can't stop myself from feeling, not this time.

Stop running away.

"I'm so sorry, Lily," I mutter, clenching my fists, feeling the wind against my bare skin.

You should be.

After what you've done.

The town is lit up, brightly, like a field of lights underneath the twinkling stars, everyone at home and spending their time with their loved ones, enjoying life, something that I have longed to do for years but keep failing time and time again.

From up here, you can really see how small this town is, something many of us tend to forget. And I can imagine only how tiny and insignificant it is on a map, in comparison to the rest of the world, places like London and New York City.

But even then, how is it that such a tiny town has managed to make such a huge impact on my life, and such a huge hole in my heart.

"I miss you," I whisper, a tear sliding down my cheek, letting the wind carry my words away, hopefully to the person they're meant for.

*

"Sam, Sam, hurry up! You're so slow!" she said, giggling.

"Alright, Lily. I'm coming. Can't you be more patient? You're like a grumpy old grandma," I teased.

I reached the top of the hill and joined Lily under the tree, just after the trail ends. Her dark hair was tied up in a high ponytail and she donned a white halter neck with black shorts and navy sneakers. She's smiling, glowing with happiness and positivity, the Lily I've come to know over the years, the girl I've come to love.

The wind was strong, playing with our hair and blowing hard against our bodies.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Why would I be?" she replied nonchalantly.

I shrugged dramatically. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because of the strong wind in the middle of winter."

She laughed, turning to look at me, punching my arm playfully. "Are you trying to tell me that you're cold?"

I grinned, pulling her close to me. "Nope, I just want an excuse to hug you."

She laid on my lap, her legs stretched out in front of her. "You don't need any excuse to do that," she answered, gazing into my eyes.

My heart skipped a beat. Just staring into her eyes, just being with her, made it seem like, perhaps, the world wasn't such a bad place after all. Maybe there's a hope that we can find when we are with the ones we love.

She's so at peace, looking almost as if she was in love with life itself. It warmed my heart to see her so bright and excited all the time. It made me wonder what was going on inside her head.

And now that she's just staring at the clouds and the sky above, maybe it's time. It's time for me to do it.

It's now or never.

I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. She returned the kiss, running her fingers through my hair. I moved my hands to the small of her back, the sweet smell of her perfume wafted into my nose. I could feel her smiling through the kiss and I do the same, closing my eyes and savouring every moment.

"I love you, Lily," I whispered gently between kisses.

Her lips were so soft, like her, soft and sweet. My heartbeat accelerated, beating faster, faster with every passing moment. The kiss was nothing short of passion and so full of love. It's the kind of kiss you'd only read about in fiction. There weren't any fireworks, but it didn't matter. It was a slow, burning fire in our hearts, like a fireplace, warming us. It was magical. I didn't need any fireworks or sparks to know that it's right.

Almost like this was the something I didn't know I was waiting for.

She pulled away, resting her forehead against mine, gasping for air. "I love you too."

I paused. "I can't believe it took us this long to realise."

She chuckled. "You'd think we'd have figured it out by now."

I tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear, smiling. "Better late than never, right?"

She went back to lying on my lap, and the both of us stared out onto our town, the endless night sky like a blanket over the town, full of brilliance. Twinkling stars filled the vast sky, the crescent moon looking down on us in all its wonder, it's soft rays casting shadows on the ground.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Lily commented, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah," I replied. "But hardly as beautiful as you."

She laughed. "Remember the time Mum and Dad forced us to climb the Grand Canyon-"

"Before dawn on New Year's, no less. That was a crazy experience."

"We kept getting lost because it was so dark. Remember how your parents were going crazy with Lacey?"

I chucked, remembering the trip. "Yeah. She was way too energetic and kept wanting to run ahead because she claimed we were too slow."

"And poor Sander! He wanted to go but alas, he was too young."

"Yeah. I remember," I said, a smile tugging on my lips.

"It was so rewarding, though, getting to watch the sunrise from on top of the mountain. It was breathtaking. Moments like these, when you're one with nature, surrounded by the people you love, that you realise how important it is to appreciate everything in life."

My heart skipped a beat.

The people she loved?

I nodded. "Yeah. It is."

Silence started to settle between the two of us, but it was the comfortable kind, both of us simply enjoying the other's company.

I reached for her hand and our fingers intertwined. Like with the kiss, everything felt so right. It's an indescribable feeling. It's almost like there's magic lingering n the air. It's so calming and peaceful and it feels like time was frozen still. Like there's nothing in this world that mattered as long as I had her.

I couldn't believe such a simple thing could change so many things between us. After spending years crushing on her but not making a move for fear of ruining our friendship, who knew a simple kiss would change everything.

I didn't even know when or how it started, when anything started between us, actually. One day I woke up and I knew I was in love but I didn't know if she felt the same way. I lived life as if things weren't any different, being her best friend, as always, hoping the feeling would go away. But it stuck. Until today.

And I didn't know what it was that propelled me to kiss her tonight, whether it was the view, or the wine, or having too much to eat, or that it's Christmas and the festivities have finally gotten to me. It was a spur of the moment decision, but it was the best spur of the moment decision I had ever made.

"So, what are we now?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Do we even have to define what we are? Labels are so boring and overrated. Everything has to be labelled. Friendships, stereotypes, our age, our education, our personalities."

"It just makes life a little clearer, I guess."

"In what way does labels clear things up? With labels come discrimination and bullying. Wouldn't life be all the better if we didn't go around adding a label to every single thing."

"But then we'd get confused. Just like how I wouldn't know if it were alright to do this," I replied, pecking her on the lips.

She chuckled. "It's definitely alright to do that."

"But if you were to put a label on us, what would it be?"

She paused, deliberating her options. "My best friend. My boyfriend. My brother. My lover. Does it really matter?" she whispered. "You will always be someone I love, now until forevermore, with all my heart. Always have, always will."

*

I take a shaky breath of air, willing myself to stop crying. I wipe away the tears with the back of my hand, chewing on my bottom lip. My eyes scan the surroundings and I spot the very tree we sat under all those years ago. I make my way towards it and sit down, leaning against the trunk of the tree, staring out past the hilltop.

I remember it all, Lily. I promise. I'll never forget.

But you've already forgotten.

I'll never forget you, Lily. I wish I could turn back the clock to save you, to stop myself from making such a foolish mistake. I wish you were here, by my side, just like all those years ago.

It's your mistake, Sam. You have to pay the price.

I miss you so much.

That's a lie.

I look up, towards the sky. Large shadowed clouds loom on the horizon, covering the stars and the moon. It's getting colder. There's probably going to be a storm tonight and it's almost like Mother Nature knows what I am thinking. How fitting.

I run my fingers through my hair, pulling my knees to my chest. I can feel the ever growing emptiness gnawing in my heart, wanting to be filled. But with what?

Regret and loss.

I don't want to live my life in the past, but, I can't. I can't keep up the charades, the facade. I can't keep pushing people away. I can feel it starting to take a toll on me, making me miserable all the time. I can start to feel myself slip up.

That's what you deserve.

I don't know what to do, Lily. And that's why I have come up here, to our spot. I know I'm alone this time, but maybe that's exactly what I need: to be alone, to think.

You will always be alone.

I have been trying so hard to pretend that everything is alright, so much so that I am almost convinced myself. But ever since Louisa came into my life, despite our infrequent meetings, there's just something about her that has made such an impact on my life. It's like she has opened up a part of me that I've been trying to shut out since you left, Lily.

Are you sure you're not just lying to yourself again?

I know, I know you wouldn't want me to dwell over this, Lily. But I can't help myself. I'm trying so hard.

You deserve to be miserable.

But, I guess, I'm ready to try. And that's why I'm here today, Lily, at our place. It's time for me to learn to let go and to live the life you would've wanted me to.

"Lily..." I mutter, pained. "I love you so much. I'll love you now until forevermore, with all my heart. I always have. And I always will."

[A/N: I hope you guys have a better idea on who Lily is now. c: What do you think happened to her? Anyone care to guess? I'll give you a hint. It's not something as small as them breaking up XP Please vote and comment if you enjoyed reading this!]