🚫 Did I warn you guys on the other chapter? Oh yes. well, here it is again. 🚫

°˖✧*.☽ .*✧˖°

There has always been something special about you, Felix.

Because as we spent more time together, rebuilding memories, you were slowly teaching me how to feel again. You made me momentarily believe that our changes were for the best. That we could still keep our promise,

our promise to never part ways

Each day I realized, the Felix I treasured was still somewhere, still in you, beneath the boy you had grown up to be, your heart as pure as ever.
We gradually began hanging out at each other's place. It started with my awkward invitation, with a lame excuse. It wasn't my fault, Lix. Something about the way you looked that day made me flustered. Something about you set my heart on fire.
So I told you,

'Can you help me water the cat?'

It was stupid. But you laughed, the sound filling me with life, and you agreed without a second thought. Then I came over to your place. You would show me the dried wildflowers you had pressed in between those massive textbooks.

But it was unfortunate, Lix. Our little hang outs came to a dead end one Friday. You were ecstatic, as always, bouncing with energy and that irreplaceable smile of yours. You were going to start high school in three months. I used to dread that time, I used to count days. How many days until my Lix slips from my grasp?

BUT YOU CUT THOSE DAYS SHORT.

'Jeongin thinks lilac hair would suit me! How about you, Binnie?'

'Jeongin really likes my voice'

'Jeongin was here yesterday–'

JEONGIN THIS

JEONGIN THAT

JEONGIN, JEONGIN, JEONGIN

WHO THE FUCK WAS JEONGIN ?

°˖✧*.☽ .*✧˖°

I was upset.

I avoided you. Hearing you speak of your 'neighbour', with that voice he loved oh so much, stirred a storm inside me. The storm never died. It slowly grew, twirling into a tornado of feelings I had never felt.

Was I no longer your only one?

Three to four days passed. I stayed home, skipped school. Chan was at my doorstep, just to make sure I was alive. I missed you. I couldn't stay longer, after all, I've stayed long enough without you. I didn't need to, or want to go through that hell again.

I pushed my feelings aside. We met at the park, you were sad. You apologized. You asked me what was wrong. You didn't want me to be mad at you. You were really cute, Lix.

It didn't matter to me that you weren't that preciously tiny child with the squeaky voice anymore. You were still you, and that's what I forced myself to believe. I was deceiving myself. Deep inside, I begged you to not prove me wrong.

The was one big mistake.

°˖✧*.☽ .*✧˖°

Yang Jeongin wished for death.

The boy with pitch black hair. The moment he walked in front of me and blocked my way, a devilish smirk on his lips, I knew I wouldn't like him.

No, I HATED him.

'Hey Changbin. I've heard about you.'

Leave me alone

'You're the guy that abandoned Felix.'

Stop 

'I've been his friend for a while. And we're pretty close.'

Don't 

'The two of you are far too different.'

Enough

'I actually have feelings for him. So I just wanna say-'

Don't fucking say it

'I'll ask him to be my boyfriend pretty soon. Just don't get in our way, alright?'

Yang Jeongin.

'Oh, and I love his voice. Especially when he says my name. Can't wait to hear everything else heー'

YOU WILL DIE SOON.

°˖✧*.☽ .*✧˖°

I locked up my basement.

He wasn't dead, just beaten up and tied to a chair. Jeongin wasn't dead just yet.

The thoughts of killing someone made me gag. With each step I took, each heavy step that dragged my feet towards the park, I felt guilty, I felt disgusted, unable to swallow. I hadn't eaten anything, but something was muffled in my throat, repugnance filled me up, threatening to explode. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to dig my insides out, to free myself of the sickening feeling.

When I saw you by the tree, your red hair combed downwards, fluffy and bouncy, you melted into a relieved smile. You couldn't wait for me to walk closer, you were already skipping over to me, to wrap your small hands around my frame. In that moment, everything seemed to fall in place, everything felt right, everything felt worth it; the grief from losing loved ones, the abuse, the affliction I had fought through, the years of being away from you, the barely alive boy in my basement.

Everything was for you, Lix.

BUT YOU COULDN'T SEE IT.

'Jeongin hasn't visited recently'

Why

'Jeongin must be busy'

It's just the two of us, so why

'Do you think Jeongin is okay?'

Am I not enough

'I miss Jeonginnie.'

I will never be enough -

Your eyes lit up at my words, the words I couldn't control, the words that slipped on its own. The words that I wish I wouldn't have spoken. I told you that I knew where he was.

You bounced on your toes and clapped your hands together, a beautiful smile on your face. And a blush so light over your sun-kissed cheeks, so subtle, one would normally fail to notice, but I certainly did.

And when I offered you my hand, I wish you wouldn't have taken it. I wish you wouldn't have followed me that day. I wish you wouldn't have trusted me that day. I WISH WE DIDN'T MEET AT ALL THAT DAY.

But it was too late.

°˖✧*.☽ .*✧˖°

You didn't scream.

At first you panicked. You begged me to let him go. You were confused. You were crying. It was the first time I saw you cry.

I MADE YOU CRY.

I shoved you aside. You crawled back. With wide eyes, you watched in horror. Your hands were clawing at your hair. Even after Jeongin's bruised and lacerated body dropped to the floor and laid there like a slaughtered animal bathed in blood, you didn't speak a word. From the multiple stabs that each dug into his chest, blood had managed to splatter onto your face. You couldn't cry anymore. It was as if you had run out of tears. You stayed frozen.

FEAR.

There was fear in your eyes. Why were you scared, Lix? 

YOU WERE SCARED OF ME.

A sick sense of elation rose in me. IT WAS ALL FOR YOU, FELIX. I LOST MY MIND FOR YOU. I dropped to my knees. You shrunk away, your back hitting the wall. I grabbed your face, letting my bloody fingers caress your preciously soft cheeks, smearing blood stains onto the pale skin as red as your hair was.

'I hate your voice.'

I grinned. Your breathing was ragged and harsh. When my words sank in, tears arose. You were crying again. And so was I. You were sobbing uncontrollably, your shoulders trembling, gasping for air, but I just let the tears stream down. I felt numb.

Within fractions of seconds, my breathing quickened. I was fuming. A toxic, terrifying rage surfaced in me.

'I FUCKIN HATE YOUR VOICE!'

I growled in your face, every word of mine piercing right through your heart. I knew it hurt. I saw the hurt in your eyes. But it made me laugh, a chilling laughter I hadn't known I was capable of. And that's when I knew I was insane. A lost cause. Nothing mattered anymore.

'Maybe you should cut open your throat. You can lose that sickening voice of yours.'

Stop

'That disgusting voice that your little Jeonginnie loves so much.'

I want to stop

'Now get out of here Lee Felix.'

Don't go

I can't lose you

YOU LEFT.

I knew it could be dangerous. You could bring in the cops and that would be the end. But I knew you wouldn't. You were my treasure, after all. You were my Felix. YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOUR BINNIE.

After discarding the body by means I had learnt from watching my father, I lied on the icy basement floor. Too tired, I fell asleep that day, while unaware that a few blocks away,

YOU HELD THE COLD TIP OF A BLADE AGAINST YOUR THROAT. 

°˖✧*.☽ .*✧˖°