Chapter Eight

The Physics of Sound

Aaron dropped her off at home and went on to meet his band mates, no doubt to show them all the cool music he had found at the obscure music store. Sophie wasn’t really feeling like staying home, so she planned to send a message to Charlotte to meet her later and tell her all about what happened - though she should probably wear a helmet, because her friend would be furious to know she went to meet Adrian without her and, worst of all, had spent a delightful time with Mark.

First, she decided she should call Adrian and apologize for ignoring him for so long. She was nervous when she put her phone next to her ear and, once she heard his voice on the other side, she couldn’t really tell if she felt better or worse.

“Finally, Murphy.” She felt him smile and, immediately, she could see him in her mind, his attractive smile and light eyes… It was weird to finally be able to see him so clearly. “Busy morning, huh? I’ve been trying to talk to you for ages.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. It was chaotic.” He had no idea.

“Is everything alright, though? You sound... I don’t know, weird.”

“Everything is fine.”

“Hmm…” He didn’t believe her, but decided to change the subject, “by the way, we won the match today.”

“Great. Congratulations. I’m happy for you.” She tried to put as many excitement on her voice as she could, like it was news to her.

“You know, I was kinda hoping you would end up showing up there,” he said, “I really thought you would. I guess you’re still mad at me, huh?”

“No, I’m not mad at you,” she quickly answered. Then, after a quick internal battle, she decided to come clean with him. “I was there.”

Adrian was silent for a moment. “You were there?”

“Yes.”

“You actually, physically, went to the game?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You saw me?”

“Yes.”

“And… I didn’t see you because…?”

It was hard for her to tell if he was upset or not. She figured he probably was and she couldn’t blame him. Sophie took a deep breath.

“Because… I was a coward. Because… I’m stupid?”

Because you’re so ridiculously handsome. Because your girlfriend is so ridiculously beautiful?

“No shit.” Again, she couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

“Are you angry?”

“I think I should be a little, don’t you? I mean, I don’t see how this is fair.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“What the hell, Murphy?” He didn’t seem angry, he seemed more disappointed. “Why won’t you let me see you?” She wanted to tell him, but she honestly felt too embarrassed to do so. At the lack of her answer, he continued, after a big sigh, “What am I going to do with you?” He seemed more relaxed now. “You owe me!”

“I do.” She smiled.

“So, what do you think?” She could tell he was joking now. “Pretty damn hot, huh?”

Sophie blushed and laughed but at the back of her mind she couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty. After all, that was one of the stupid reasons that made her unwilling to go to him at first. He must’ve felt it, because he immediately asked again in a serious tone, “Why wouldn’t you come to meet me, Sophie?”

“I felt… embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed? Of what, me?”

“No! Of course not.”

He waited for her to continue but she didn’t want to, so she tried to change the subject. “You’re a great basketball player, by the way.”

“Embarrassed of what?” he insisted.

“And your mother is a beautiful woman.”

“I know. What I don’t know is, why wouldn’t you come to me at the end of the game?”

“And your brother is as cute as I imagined him to be. I just wanted to squeeze him.”

“Embarrassed of what?”

“And your school is so big and everyone looked so nice-“

“Sophie! Embarrassed of what? Just tell me. Jesus!”

She sighed. “Why are you making me say it?”

“I want to know.”

“Don’t you know already?”

“How am I supposed to know? If I did, I wouldn’t be asking.”

“Me, ok? I was embarrassed of myself,” she finally blurted out, “there. I saw you all awesome like and I just… Couldn’t face you.”

“So… what are you telling me exactly? Because that doesn’t make any sense and if it is what I’m thinking, it’s beyond ridiculous.”

“It is what you’re thinking and I do know it’s ridiculous, thank you.”

“So you thought you weren’t good enough for me? Is that it?”

“More or less…”

“Don’t you think I should be the judge of that?”

She didn’t answer, she felt stupider than ever.

“Because I think you’re more than good enough. And I think you should give me a chance to tell you that in person. Why do you keep underestimating me? I’m not that much of a jerk, you know? My name is not Mark.”

“I know you’re not a jerk and I know you’re right. And please, don’t bring Mark into this.”

“Believe me, if it was up to me, his name and his person would never be mentioned or thought of.”

“It is up to you though, you brought him up.”

“That’s because I strongly believe that you keep confusing me with him. Acting towards me like I’m the same kind of jackass.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! And stop calling him names.”

“Why are you even defending him?”

“Because he’s… he’s a friend, ok? So please, respect him. For me.”

Adrian scorned, “A friend? Since when?”

“Since this morning. And we were friends before we started dating, you know.” She tried to sound all matter-of-fact and hide the obvious discomfort she was feeling.

He waited a few seconds before saying, “Am I missing something?”

“Kinda…” she admitted.

“Care to elaborate?” He seemed to be getting upset again, more so than before, actually, but trying hard to hide it.

“I saw him at the mall today and we talked-“

“Ah, shit… Murphy!”

“He came to me! I didn’t budge, he did.”

“And that’s supposed to make it alright?”

“Yes, it is! He seemed sincerely sorry for what he did to me and-“ He interrupted her with a mocking laugh but Sophie ignored him and continued, “and he asked me to be friends with him again.”

“And you said ‘okie-dokie’,” he joked in a bitter tone.

“I agreed to try, yes.”

Adrian took a deep breath and she could picture him rubbing his eyes with his hand, like he did during his basketball game, every time he was frustrated about something.

“So now where does that leave you two?” He sighed, it was like he was very tired all of a sudden.

“I don’t know, we’re friends, I guess.” She shrugged.

“Wow. It was that easy, huh?”

“You know what, Adrian? You really shouldn’t feel the right to judge me.”

“I’m trying to help you. Without any success, it seems.”

“What is your problem? It’s not like I can just take people out of my life just like that. He was one of the most important people to me for a long time.” Why was he making it all so difficult?

“I just can’t understand… I really can’t.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”

“He’s going to hurt you again.”

“You could give me a little more credit.”

“So, what, you guys went on a date? He bought you flowers?” It was like he was making fun of her, but without any enjoyment on his part.

She rolled her eyes at his bitterness. He sounded like a child.

“It wasn’t a romantic date, ok? It was a friendly date. We went to a coffee shop and he bought me a hot chocolate.”

“At least he remembered you don’t drink coffee,” he mumbled. Sophie flinched a little at this but decided that it was best not to comment on Mark’s lapse. “Did something else happen?”

“No…”

“Nothing happened?”

“We talked, like friends do.”

“And what else?”

“He said he would call me later.”

He sighed. “And…?”

“That’s it.”

“Really?”

“Sure.”

“I can tell you’re hiding something.”

How?

“I’m not.” She did her best to sound convincing, but her trembling voice betrayed her.

“Murphy…”

“Well, maybe just a little something…” She really didn’t feel like telling him.

“Tell me.”

“It’s just a little detail.”

“Go ahead,” he insisted.

“He kind of … kissedmeintheend.”

“He kissed you?” he repeated, his tone one of surprise, “You kissed?”

“He kissed me, but it was nothing, really.”

“Oh, of course not. That’s why you didn’t want to tell me, because it was so meaningless.” The tone was of bitter sarcasm. “He’s got you already! I can’t believe it was so easy. Don’t you see? You’re dating again!” He sounded angrier than he had the right to be.

“Adrian…”

“How can you be so stupid?”

“Hey!” Now she was getting mad, as well. “It’s my decision to make, ok? If I want to date him, I will.”

“You’re right. You should bang your head on the wall as many times as you want.”

“Could you please stop talking to me like that?” It was saddening and frustrating, to hear that tone in his voice.

“’Just friends’, my ass... Why are you so pathetically afraid of being alone?”

“Adrian, I told you, you don’t get the right to be pissed off about this!”

“How can you be so frustrating?”

She could ask him the same thing.

“I knew I shouldn’t have told you. At least I told you!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He got the accusation on her voice immediately.

“At least I was honest with you. Can you even say the same?”

“Again, what are you talking about?”

“You weren’t completely truthful about your girlfriend, were you?”

He took a deep breath, as if to collect all his patience. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Don’t lie to me!” She was honestly surprised that he would keep denying it.

“I’m not lying. I don’t lie! I never lied to you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sophie, just cut the crap and tell me what in the world are you talking about?”

“Alright! You wanna know why I didn’t meet you at the end of the game? The real reason? I was coming for you, but your hot girlfriend got there first, ok? I saw her jumping into your arms and I saw the two of you kissing. Why would you tell me all you two had was a one night stand? Why would you lie? Unless that was another girl, in which case-“

“She is not my girlfriend,” he repeated, more vehemently.

“So you usually kiss your friends on the lips?”

“She kissed me, I pushed away. Maybe if you had stayed there instead of making stupid assumptions, you would’ve seen it.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“Why would she kiss you in the first place?”

“Because we spent a night together and I guess she couldn’t get enough of me.”

“Funny. That’s really funny.”

“Don’t want to believe me, then don’t.” He shrugged. “It’s the truth, though. I don’t lie. If she was my girlfriend, I would tell you with no problem. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

He ignored her last remark. “So you didn’t meet me because you were jealous?”

“I wasn’t jealous, I felt betrayed and humiliated.”

“In other words, you were jealous.”

Sophie took a deep breath. “You’re such a pain.”

Suddenly, someone knocked at the door of her bedroom. Immediately after, without even giving time for her to say ‘come in’ (why the hell she even gave herself the trouble to knock in the first place, was a mystery, both to her and Aaron), her mother was entering the room.

“Sophie, Mark is on the phone, he wants to talk to you. He said he tried to call you on your cell but it kept saying it was busy.”

Shit!

“You should get that. You don’t want to keep your boyfriend waiting,” Adrian said, again in a bitter tone.

“Tell him I’ll be right there, mom, please.”

Silvia nodded and left the room. Sophie returned her attention to Adrian.

“You’re really going to get it?” he asked her, with disbelief in his voice.

“Obviously, I’m not rude. Besides, I thought you wanted me to.”

He laughed, but there was no joy in his laughter. “So now you listen to what I tell you to do?”

“It’s just a phone call, what’s the big deal?”

“You know what? Forget it. If you want to be with him, be my guest.”

“Why are you acting like this?” She knew he wouldn’t like her forgiving Mark so easily, but she never thought he would take it that bad. It was like he was taking it personally.

“It’s amazing to me that you didn’t get it yet. I’m tired of telling you but I’m not like you, I have a shred of pride in me, so I’m just going to stop trying.” And his tone really illustrated his point, like he was giving up on something.

“Would you stop talking to me like that,” she almost pleaded.

“Forget it, Sophie. I’m tired of this conversation already. You shouldn’t keep your boyfriend waiting. I hope you don’t regret it, by the way.”

She’d never heard him sound so cold before.

“Adrian, just wait a few minutes, I’ll call you right back.”

“Just… You know what? Don’t bother.” And with that he hang up the phone.

Sophie was left starring at her cell with a mix of surprise, confusion, sadness and an overwhelming sense of inexplicable loss. Had she just lost Adrian? He sounded so angry, so final. Slowly, and with tears that she couldn’t explain threatening to fall, she went to the living room and, without really wanting to, she answered Mark’s call.

Hours passed since her argument with Adrian. She was now lying on Charlotte’s bed, her head on her friend’s lap as the red haired gently played with her hair. She told her everything and, to her surprise, instead of setting her on fire (like she thought she deserved), Charlotte had simply nodded, as if she was expecting it - it was like she knew Sophie was bound to screw up - given her a very light hug and was now silently soothing her.

Everything was such a mess. Mark called her to ask if she wanted to go out with him tonight - to which she answered, “Let me think about it.” She didn’t really feel the energy to think or worry about anything else but Adrian. She had tried to call him for an hour straight – he never took any of her calls. She left messages on his voicemail – he never answered. She sent him text messages – he ignored them. Feeling lost and abandoned, but also angrier by the minute, in a sudden fit of rage, she called Mark and accepted his invitation.

Like that would show Adrian.

It didn’t, she now realized, depressed. He probably couldn’t care less. He would never even know.

Damn.

She now let small tears abandon her eyes as she tried to make sense of it all. What the hell had happened with Adrian? What in the lord’s name was she getting herself into? A date with Mark? At night? She didn’t feel like going in any way, shape or form, but she couldn’t bring herself to call him and cancel it now.

“What the hell is happening, Charlotte?”

“I think you know.”

“No, no I don’t. I have no fucking clue!”

“You’ll know then, in due time.”

“That’s not helping me in the least,” Sophie whined.

Charlotte sighed. “Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, between you and Adrian. Not that it is meant to be with Mark, though.”

“I can’t understand any of them. What do they want from me? It seems that, whatever I do, I’m always screwing up.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

“And what the hell is wrong with Adrian, anyway? He’s acting like I insulted him or something. Won’t even return my calls… I didn’t do anything wrong to him.”

Charlotte looked at the ceiling of her bedroom with a serious, thoughtful expression, like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Sophie sat up, dried her stupid eyes and said with a rekindled determination, “You know what? I’m sick of this. Why should I go after him? He can be with whoever he wants and I can do the same. Why am I crying over this? For God’s sake, why am I such a loser?” She looked at Charlotte for reassurance, but her friend seemed to be even more interested in her ceiling now.

Sophie got up from the bed and made a decision. “I am going out with Mark tonight. I’m going to wear a dress and make-up and, Goddammit, I’m going to enjoy it.”

She kept her word. She wore a very simple, short, dark blue dress that she found in the forgotten confines of her wardrobe. She let her hair run freely but adventured herself a little more than usual with her make-up. She felt a little uncomfortable, but it was worth it, because Mark presented her with a wide smile when he saw her and told her she was ‘breathtakingly beautiful’. Sophie tried to believe it and ignored Aaron’s look of disapproval as she walked out of the door.

Mark took her to a fancy restaurant – or as fancy as his wallet allowed. They had a good time, but, much to her despair, Adrian kept lurking back into her mind the whole time. She just wanted to have a pleasant night with someone who wanted to be with her – was it such a crime? She half-heartedly heard as Mark commented that they should go to a small bar he knew that had live music playing at Saturdays. He knew she would love it. She knew she would too, because he had taken her there on their first ever date, but she decided to not tell him that. She did love JazzBell, after all. It would be fun and distracting.

They left the restaurant and were getting into his car when she received a text message. Her heart jumped a mile when she realized it was from Adrian: Hope you’re wearing something green. Have fun. Bye.

The passive-aggressive asshole!

She had a sudden will to cry and, at the same time, break everything in her way. Wishing more than anything to forget all about Adrian, she grabbed Mark’s collar and crushed her lips into his with a passion that she really wasn’t feeling towards him. He responded gratefully and with enthusiasm. Maybe too much enthusiasm, as, soon enough, his tongue was exploring every corner of her mouth and his hands were traveling through her body. She didn’t mind it, actually she reveled in it. She wanted to forget, she wanted to be with Mark, who quite obviously wanted her.

Mark reluctantly separated his lips from hers, giving her opportunity to breathe, and concentrated on her neck. His hand ventured from her knee to her upper thigh and she moaned, closing her eyes. As soon as his lips ravaged through hers again, the image of Adrian came to her mind. It was Adrian passionately kissing her. She immediately opened her eyes and pushed him away, looking at Mark like he was a ghost.

“Is something wrong? Are you alright?” he asked in between heavy breaths.

“Yes, forget it,” she answered before grabbing his jacket and locking her aching lips in his again. But once more, as soon as she closed her eyes, Adrian’s face with his lopsided grin came back to haunt her, his voice whispering in her ear, his hands were the ones touching her.

She couldn’t do it. She parted from Mark again, this time looking away from him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, I-I can’t do this,” she whispered, “it’s not fair.”

“What do you mean?” he asked. There was silence before his voice went from one of question to one of accusation. “It’s him, isn’t it?”

Sophie looked at him. “What?”

“It’s about him, isn’t it?” he repeated, getting angry. “That guy you talk to on the phone.”

“It’s not like that,” she answered, to which he bitterly smiled, looking through his window. “It’s not about him, it’s about me. I just… I don’t think we’re meant to be this way. We decided ‘friends’, ‘friends’ is what we should be.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Sophie!” he started, but she interrupted him.

“I’m sorry Mark, I really am. I shouldn’t have agreed to this. Just take me home, please.”

He looked at her and took a deep breath and, without saying a word and looking pissed off, he started his car and drove her home.

As soon as Sophie, feeling quite miserable, got near the door of her apartment, she knew that her night was not about to get any better - quite the opposite, actually. The high voices of both her parents, yelling at each other, could be heard without difficulty. She took a deep breath and opened the door, wishing more than anything to just disappear. Sophie walked into the house making an effort to escape to her bedroom unnoticed and as she walked she understood the argument’s theme. It wasn’t difficult, really. She could probably have guessed it, anyway, even without hearing it – it was always the same fucking reason: money.

Sophie noticed, on her way to her room, the light of the bathroom was on. Aaron was home. Feeling some of the weight on her chest lifting a little, she opened the door and stared at her brother. If she wasn’t feeling so depressed about Adrian, Mark and her parents, she would’ve laughed. Aaron was trying to cut his hair, but he really didn’t have a gift for it. His hair was completely uneven and she could see him struggling with the back of his head, both his arms raised and stretched, as if he was afraid it would fall off at any second.

Aaron looked at her and smiled goofily. He gestured with his chin towards the door and shrugged. She knew he was silently saying, “Whatever, what can we do.” Sophie returned his smile and closed the door behind her. She took the scissor out of his hand and started working on his hair herself – she was usually the one cutting his hair for him.

“You came back early,” he told her.

“It just didn’t feel right.”

“Thank God.” He laughed and she giggled too.

“What the hell was I thinking?” She sighed, thinking out loud.

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” He shrugged. “That’s just the way you are. You do crazy shit when you’re angry.”

“You’re going out?”

“Yep. Just for a little while.”

Her chest ached a little and she felt the sudden urge to cry. She wanted to ask Aaron to stay. She wished he wouldn’t leave and she could talk to him for hours. She hated when her parents fought, but she suffered like hell when they did it and Aaron wasn’t home. She wanted to hug him and cry and for him to tell her she was a dork for it. He seemed to have read her thoughts though, because he reassured her, “I’ll come back early, though. You can come with me if you want to.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” she said with the sort of courage she really wasn’t feeling.

“Just a little more on the left there,” he instructed, referring to his hair.

A few minutes later, she was finished and Aaron thanked her with a kiss on the forehead. “Are you sure you don’t want to come?” She nodded and soon enough she was laying on her bed, a big turtle on top of her head, to muffle the raised voices, and tears running through her cheeks. She wished Aaron was there. She wished she could call Adrian and tell him all about everything. She wished now, more than ever, that she didn’t have to hear anything.

Sophie remembered when they were younger, Aaron used to distract her and make her laugh whenever their parents got into a heated argument. She remembered he used to put loud music playing in his bedroom so they wouldn’t hear the yelling.

She stared at her cell, grabbed it and wrote a message to Adrian – Green is just for you. But she didn’t send it. It stayed in her cell just in case, just to give her the feeling she could talk to him. He wouldn’t pick up the phone if she called him and, even if she thought there was a chance he would, she wouldn’t try. She was too tired, too hurt.

How pathetic was she, if the peak of her days was listening to a voice over the phone?

Sophie went to Aaron’s room and found his old mp3 on his secretary. She turned it on, changed its volume to maximum and she put his headphones on her ears. The music was loud and unknown to her – but it didn’t matter. Only the noise mattered, she wanted to hear nothing more than music. Forget everything, think about nothing. Nothing more existed in the world at the moment, except for her, Aaron’s music and this room. She danced and jumped to the sound of music.

Sophie was immersed in music and, at the same time, completely sound proof.

Author's Notes - Oh my... *looks away and whistles*

Thank you SO much to everyone, for everything. Hope you liked this ;) Tell me what you think, you people made of epicness.